Life is funny! ! ! Be civilized! ! !

1. Four mice brag: A: I eat rat poison as candy every day; B: it itches if you don't step on a mouse for a day; C: Don't go to the streets several times a day. D: it's getting late. Let's go home and hug the cat.

2. The child stole the parrot kept in the brothel. As soon as he entered the door, the parrot called, Move! Seeing his mother, he shouted: The boss has changed, too! Seeing his sister, he shouted, Miss has changed! Seeing his father, he shouted, damn it, I'm still an old customer!

3. A puppy climbs up to your dining table and crawls to a roast chicken. You are furious and say, if you dare to do anything to that roast chicken, I will dare to do anything to you. The dog licked the chicken's ass and you fainted. The dog said, look who is cruel.

4. Zebra loves deer deeply, but it has been rejected several times. After the tenth failure, the zebra roared at the sky: Why? What's all this for? The deer said timidly, my mother said that tattooed people are hooligans! ! "

5. Wife: You used to send me roses. Why don't you send me some now? Honey, have you ever seen a fisherman feed him bait after catching a fish?

6. A beautiful girl proposed to an old man.

Old man: "Is it appropriate that we are so different in age?" Girl: "There is no age difference in the Marriage Law."

Old man: "What does that stipulate?" Girl: "A wife has the right to inherit her husband's inheritance!

7. Dream Girl: Walking on campus last night, I met a frog to enjoy the cool. Spit and spit, so I had to hit the tree with my head;

Man: Last night, the campus was very cool. I met a dinosaur and bumped into a tree. Terrible, poor little tree!

8. Poor mountainous areas are poor. Men all use woven bags of chemical fertilizer to make underwear. One day, the man took off his pants in the wedding night, and the bride fainted with a scream! I saw it in the middle of underwear: gross weight 30kg, net weight 25kg.

8. China's characteristic typos: check the banquet, put money, check the wine, clean up the house for nothing, be diligent and rich, choose the oil entrance fee, have both Qian Qian and, pamper yourself, eat and eat, attack the officials and ladies, promote prostitutes, have leadership characteristics, and be greedy for the people and corrupt the government. ...

9. When the warden asked questions, the prisoner said that there was such a bright ray of light at the foot of my bed. In the panic of having no money to suppress, he looked up at the bank and bowed his head into the cell. Warden: I was born decades ago, but I don't have any money in my pocket. I robbed a small bank and shut it down for several years.

10. The history teacher asked, "What horse did Dong Zhuo ride in the Romance of the Three Kingdoms?" The audience did not answer. The teacher also prompted: "Think again, this horse Lu Bu has also ridden."

Then someone answered, "The Story Of Diu Sim."

The teacher flew into a rage and said, "Bastard, I asked about riding a bike during the day!" " ! ! "

1 1. A college student was unfortunately caught by the enemy. The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, "Say, where are you from?" I'll electrocute you if you don't tell me! ! ! "College students replied to the enemy's words and were electrocuted. ...

He said, "I'm from TV University!"

12. Two frogs fell in love, got married and gave birth to a clam. When the male frog saw this, he was furious and said, bitch, what's the matter? Mother frog cried and said, Dad, I had plastic surgery before I met you.

Xiao Lv asked the old donkey, why do we eat hay every day and cows eat concentrated feed? The old donkey sighed, we can't compete with men. We eat by running errands, and others eat by breasts!

Ducks and crabs run to the finish line together, so it is difficult to tell the winner. The referee said, why don't you have scissors, stone and paper? Duck is furious: Shit, are you trying to lie to me? I always make cloth, and he always scissors.

The dog said to the bear, marry me and you will be happy. The bear said, I won't marry. If I marry you, I will only have a bear. If I marry a cat, I will have a panda. That would be noble!

The old turtle molested the mussel and was bitten. The old turtle dragged the mussels back and forth reluctantly. The frog saw it and said enviously, dear, Brother Tortoise has grown up and has a briefcase in and out.

Bees chase butterflies, but butterflies marry snails. The bee doesn't understand: where is he better than me? Butterfly replied: people at least have their own house, unlike you who live in a dormitory!

13. An American, a Japanese and an China were exploring the jungle, and they were all caught by a cannibal tribe. But the tribal leader said, "I'm in a good mood today. I won't eat you, but you all have to get a hundred boards, but before you get a board, you can have a wish come true." The American was the first person to be hit by a board. He said, "Put 10 cushions on my ass before being hit by a board." . The boards rained down. The previous 70 boards were not bad. After 70 boards, the cushion was smashed, and then there was blood on the board ... America always groped its ass. When the Japanese saw this, they asked for 10 mattress, and 1, 2, 3... 100 was over. It's okay for the Japanese to get up and pat their ass. Then he boasted about his imitation ability and re-creation ability with a smelly mouth, and wanted to sit in a Chinese drama. The China man fell down slowly and said unhurriedly, "Come, give me the Japanese mat." .