Best joke collection

My son failed in the middle school entrance examination and was scolded by his wife.

I went to comfort my son: "You must study hard and surpass your father in the future."

The son paused, and then said weakly, "I can't guarantee anything else." But I'm sure I'll find a better wife than you in the future. "

2. I'm a little excited to think about it.

My three-year-old son came back from kindergarten and said angrily to me, "Dad, the teacher is not good at all. He is always fierce and doesn't film me sleeping at noon. "

Me: "A teacher can't take care of so many people like a mother. You should be obedient. "

Son: "Let the teacher and mother change. My mother accompanies me in kindergarten every day, and the teacher sleeps with my father at home. "

I'm a little excited to think about it.

You are good at playing cards, too.

A: "Mobile phone landlords are constantly losing. What keeps you going? "

B: "Because my teammates always encourage me."

A: "How are you encouraged?"

B: "You are very good at playing cards!"

A: "..."

4. Is this a kiss?

Zhang San felt that he was not his own since he was a child.

Once he was playing outside and accidentally fell into a cesspit. Her mother saw it and said, "Let's not have this baby!" " ! Go back and eat another one. "

When she grew up, she had a high fever. Her mother touched his forehead with her hand and immediately retracted her hand and said, "It's so hot!" "

His father immediately opened his mouth and said, "Look at your mother!" "

Is this a kiss?

5. Fortunately, I threw it quickly.

I went to play hot water with my classmates at school, and the thermos squeaked on the way back to the dormitory.

I said, "It's not good to blow it up."

This guy whooshed the thermos out. Bang, it really blew up.

The buddy said with a lingering fear, "Fortunately, I threw it quickly and didn't blow me up."

6. We are impossible.

One day, when I was not very busy, a buddy asked me to write a wedding invitation for me. After writing for a long time, I feel a little wrong, but even if I look at it, I can't see anything wrong.

At this time, my brother's daughter-in-law came to have a look and said, "Can the groom's name be changed? We are impossible. "

I ...

7. It may have shrunk.

Recently my brother talked about a funny girlfriend. She is cute, but a little short. She went shopping with her yesterday.

She was very excited and said, "I have cramps in my hands and feet recently. Is it going to grow again? "

I said, "You won't grow now, but you may shrink." .

Do you know who Jia Cuihua is?

The teacher asked Xiaoming, "Do you know who the king of Spain is?"

Xiao Ming: "Well, I don't know."

Teacher: "Then you must spend more time on your study!" " "

Xiao Ming asked, "Teacher, do you know who Jia Cuihua is?"

Teacher: "Who is that? I have no idea. "

Xiaoming: "Then you must spend more time on your husband!" " "

9. dodged another bullet

Quarrel with my wife, my wife reached out and hit me in a rage, and I grabbed her hand.

The wife said angrily, "Why did you grab my hand? Let go! "

I had a brainwave: "Don't let go, hold your hand and grow old with your son."

After that, I held my wife in my arms.

I was so clever that I dodged another bullet.

10, one for each of us.

Take the subway, sitting next to a beautiful young mother holding a one-year-old shota.

After a while, I may be hungry and have been pestering for milk.

Mom said, "Are you still breastfeeding at your age?"

The child shouted and picked up his mother's neckline, and her mother was good at blocking her chest. Shota struggled for a long time, and there was nothing he could do.

Suddenly he shouted at me, "Uncle, help me take it off, one for each of us."

Do you think I should help him?

1 1, my kindergarten teacher, today I said that children should sit in small chairs. Or the wolf will eat you. All the children are seated. Only one child did not sit. I asked him why he didn't sit. He said: I was moved in an instant because I wanted to protect Mr. Wang.

12, pupils were late for school and stood at the door sobbing. The teacher asked angrily, "Why are you late?" Pupils sobbed: "I ... I ... my grandfather ..." The teacher was surprised! Poor boy, comfort him and say, don't be sad. Your grandfather doesn't want you to cry in heaven. Then the pupils continued to cry: "My grandfather fell asleep and didn't wake me up.

13, there is a best friend named Liu Chaxiang, and I didn't know her mother's last name until today. As soon as I heard his mother's surname, I smiled. Hehe, his father is quite humorous. ...

14, someone posted a question: Is there any good way to pursue a bank counter MM? Netizen reply: save money, then don't take the passbook, she will stop you ... bank sister: hey, your passbook! The blogger replied with a smile: it's your passbook! !

15, it thundered today, and the thunder was a little loud. My husband is not at home at work. I'm thinking about whether to text and pretend to be poor. As a result, my husband called, and I'm glad this product cares so much about me. As a result, he said: Unplug the electrical plug at home. I asked him if there was anything else. He said it was missing. I said, why don't you care about me? It thundered! ! ! Oh, he said, then be careful, don't be struck by lightning ... by lightning! ! ! I hate

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