Dirty jokes The dirtier the material, the better. 217(2)

The dirtiest connotation joke 1 A pregnant woman is about to give birth. When sleeping, the child is moving around in her stomach and can't sleep. Her husband asks her why you haven't slept yet. Wife: it's not your son moving around in it, husband: does he know that he is going to be born soon and is packing in it!

2. My mother is so beautiful that she always thinks I'm ugly. Say me again one day, and I finally can't help but refute: Who told you not to understand the regeneration! ? She said:? How many times have I told you, I picked you up! ? I said:? Then if you don't pick a good one, who will throw it? ? Ok! Mom, you won!

3. I met a beautiful woman with big breasts when I was running this morning. I asked with a smile, Beauty, is it uncomfortable to shake your chest when you are running? The beauty gave me a white look: are you men very comfortable when you jilt? I was silent and bowed my head and ran a few steps. Oh, I wish I had a fling.

4. My wife was lying in bed and asked me delicately? Honey, what am I to you? I'm playing games, and I didn't even think about it? You are my Youlemei! ? Then what game are you playing? Why don't you plug your pipe in! ?

5. The comparison between falling in love and getting married is who is shameless. At the beginning, those who had true love but didn't dare to express it ruined a batch. After they got together, because of opposition from the other family, it was difficult to leave a batch. When they got along, they were embarrassed to apologize and make peace with each other because of quarreling, and forced them to leave a batch. Those who were able to tie the knot in the end were the ultimate heroes who were bold and cautious.

6. Today, my wife just came home, and as soon as she entered the door, I suddenly hugged her. She shouted: rogue! I laughed: if you call me a rogue again, I'll kill you! It's been two hours now, and my wife used to keep shouting? Rogue, rogue, rogue. ?

7. The goddess who has been secretly in love for a long time has confessed; Goddess: I like being alone. ? Me:? Who? Goddess: I like being alone. ? Me:? Who is it? Goddess: I like being alone! ? Me:? Who the hell is it? Goddess: I like being single! ?

8. female: I already have a boyfriend. M: I don't mind. I still like you. Comments, what a spoony man. M: I already have a girlfriend. W: I don't mind. I still like you. Comment: Damn, shameless mistress.

9. The mother taught her daughter to say: Choosing a husband is a life-long event, how long it takes. Look at your dad, he can fix everything: the faucet of automobile appliances is fixed by himself, and even if the wardrobe is broken, he can fix his daughter himself. I see, okay? Mom:? Understand your sister, if you also find a husband like your father, you will never want to use anything new in your life. ?

1. When I was in junior high school, two classmates (deskmates) somehow scolded each other. One scolded the other and said: My deskmate is an idiot! ? The other person was in a hurry and scolded: Your deskmate is an idiot! ? A group of students next to me were stunned for a few seconds and then burst into laughter.

11. Xiao Ming's father had an idea when he saw Xiao Ming dripping a hardening agent on a caterpillar and then the caterpillar played with a stick. Say to Xiao Ming: This seems like fun. Let me borrow it from my father and buy you a bike tomorrow! ? The next day, Xiao Ming saw a bicycle and a BMW car in the yard. He was surprised and asked his father? Dad:? I bought that bike for you. As for BMW? Your mother insisted on buying it for me. ?

12. A student's parents visit the teacher. Parents:? What's the teacher's name? Teacher:? Oh, my name is Jinlian Wang. ? Parents: (holding the teacher's hand warmly)? Oh, Miss Pan! ?

13. Last night, my wife got into my bed, and I stroked her hair, then my hand went down from her until I touched her, and then we enjoyed sex for ten minutes. When I had an orgasm, I suddenly remembered something. I live alone and only have a dog.

14. There are three kinds of men in the world. The first kind is vain. You must find a big chest. The second kind is simple. You can have a big chest. The third kind is realistic. Just don't have other big breasts. . .

15. The township head received a bonus of 3 yuan and asked the secretary Xiao Wang to give it to his wife. Special instructions:? Go quietly, don't let my mother know. ? Xiao Wang hurried back to the dormitory and put on a pair of clean pants. When I got to the township head's house, I quietly went to the bedroom. The wife of the township head asked:? What brings you here? Xiao Wang is busy motioning with his hand. Keep your voice down. Is your mother-in-law here? She dropped by. ? That's good? . Xiao Wang said, while saving money. No, I forgot to take it out when I put on my pants, and it was still in my pocket, so I took off my belt. The wife of the township head blushed: What are you doing? I am not that kind of person! ? Don't shout, I'll give you money. ? Not even giving money. It's embarrassing. ? Said and ran to the yard. Xiao Wang chased his trousers to the yard: Don't run! It was the head of the township who called me! ?

16. College sister, studying educational psychology. late Walk into the classroom. Glanced sideways at the blackboard. The old professor was angry and asked the teacher elder sister to answer the questions on the blackboard. The senior sister faltered for a long time and said, "[Sexiness and Sex Theory], this is too difficult to talk about." The whole class went haywire. Note. Professor's original title: [on rationality and sensibility].

17. Master and apprentice discuss how to go to the Tang Priest in the Western Heaven: You should find a shortcut to learn from the scriptures this time! ? Wukong:? Flying is faster than riding! ? Bajie:? Shenzhou VI is faster! ? Friar Sand took out a gun: I heard that this thing was immediately sent to the West.

18. When I was in college, a teacher gave a lecture and talked about a new type of material. The sexual function of this material is incomparable with that of the old material? Oh, no, performance and function

19. A lady had a whim and wanted to surprise her husband. So I put on a wig, put on a brand-new suit and put on a different makeup than usual. Then go to Mr. Wang's office and say coquettish: Hi! Handsome boy, do you want to take a look at her with me, immediately interrupt her and say: No! I don't want anything. As soon as I see you, I think of my wife. ?

2. When two lovers meet each other fifty years later, they think of the past and are filled with emotion, so they want to make out again. Half an hour later, the old man sighed: One spring water has dried up, and two high mountains have become Pingchuan. The scenery in the past is no longer there, only two raisins are left. The old lady sighed: I rummaged everywhere in the hay pile, but I never saw guns and eggs. Time and tide wait for no man, only a dried radish.

daily connotation section

1. On the wedding night of a young couple, the woman said to the man: I want it. ? The man said:? I will give it to you. ? After a while, the woman said:? I want more. ? Male displeasure:? I'll give it to you. ? The next day, the woman said: I still want it. ? The man is angry:? Shit, if you want any more, it's urine. ?

2. When asked in a bar, a man angrily said to his drinking friends:? Unexpectedly, my wife will be unfaithful to me. ? What's the matter? She didn't come home last night and asked where she had gone. She told me that she was with her sister all night. ? Isn't it true? She's lying, because I was with her sister last night. ?

3. Daughter:? Dad, didn't you say your aunt was coming today? It's nine o'clock at night. Why haven't you seen my aunt's shadow? Dad:? Aunt won't come today. ? Daughter:? Why? Dad:? Isn't your damn mother back from a business trip tonight! ?

4. When I was at school, I was going to change my pants in the dormitory one day, and I just took off my belt. Unexpectedly, several female students came in, so I had to carry my pants to the dormitory next door. I unbuttoned my button and was about to take it off. Unexpectedly, several female students came in. I had no choice but to come to the door of the next dormitory with my pants. Because I was in a hurry with my pants in my hands, I had to kick open the dormitory door and shout: Are there any women in it? Is there a woman? I saw a lot of girls sitting in the room, looking at me in horror?

5. M: What would you do if I hugged you? Woman: resist! Man: What would you do if I kissed you? Woman: Resist. M: What if I? Woman: It's over! Women's strength is limited after all!

6. After the wedding, the groom said to the bride. I will go out to play cards and drink with my friends at any time, whether you agree or not! ? After listening to this, the bride replied tepidly:? I have sex at nine o'clock every night on time, whether you are at home or not.

7. There is a couple who love each other very much. They spend almost 3 days a month having sex. One day, my wife suddenly felt unwell. As a result, the doctor said after examination: You are too much sex who caused menstrual pain. You must stop having sex for three months, or your life may be in danger. After returning, the wife told her husband about it, so they had to put up with it for three months and slept in separate rooms. However, just a week later, the husband couldn't help but go to his wife's room that night, just to see her leaving the room. The wife was surprised to see him and asked, What's the matter? The gentleman said seriously, "I'm here to kill you. What about you?" The wife replied shyly, "I'm here to commit suicide."

8. A beautiful colleague brought her five-year-old son to play at work. That boy talks a lot and keeps calling; ? Beauty, beauty? I asked him: Which beauty are you calling? Calling me mom? Is your mother beautiful? I miss Doby. ? My mother is a beauty, a white and beautiful beauty. Especially mom's thighs are white! ? Me:? I don't believe it? He turned his head and shouted: Mom, take off your pants and show it to your uncle. He doesn't believe me! ? I was moved by tears.

　9. ? Xiaoxin: Dad, why are there three golds in my name? Dad: You are short of gold in your life, so you are named Xin, just like some people are short of water, so they are named Miao, and some people are short of wood, so they are called Sen. Xiaoxin: Dad, what do you think is missing from Sister Guo Jingjing's life?

1. Husband and wife stay in the hotel. Miss calls. Do you want to play? Don't! Husband hangs up; Miss calls again: Why do you feel wronged when you are away from home? Husband: I brought my wife! The young lady laughed: Mr. Wang is so wicked. There are fast food restaurants everywhere, so why bring instant noodles? In other words, a pair of naked statues have stood face to face in the park for decades. One day, Cupid, the god of love, descended from the sky, came to them and said, Surely it must be very depressing for you two to look at each other every day but can't do it? Ok, today I will let you become human beings and do what you want! But only fifteen minutes. ? After that, the two statues became people, and the two men immediately jumped into the grass. The haystack makes a rustling sound. After ten minutes, they jumped out of the grass. Cupid said to them, Alas, there are still five minutes, so hurry up and enjoy it again. ? They looked at each other, smiled and jumped into the grass.

12. I vaguely heard the female statue say to the male statue:? I'll hold this pigeon down and you shit on his head. ?

13. One unfortunate complaint: He proposed to his girlfriend, which was very romantic. He moved his girlfriend to tears, and then hugged her tightly. Finally, his girlfriend refused because she was not satisfied once and wanted to be moved again.

14. A woman wanted to have a sex-change operation, but the doctor refused, saying that at present, she can only turn a man into a woman, and a woman cannot become a man. The woman asked why. The doctor smiled and answered: It is easier to dig a hole than to plant a tree. It's even harder to live if you plant it!

15. The two officers are older than each other on the wine table, and they are at loggerheads. They each take out their military officer's cards and let a beautiful woman in their seats judge them. When the beauty saw it, there was only the date of birth on the military officer's card, and they were the same. Jiao Chen said, You are all dead, so I don't know who is older and who is younger!

16. wife: let's have three children in the future. Husband: Well, two is enough. Wife: Three! Husband: No, two! Wife: I said three, just three! Husband: I'll have a vasectomy after giving birth to the second one! Wife: Well, I hope you love your third child as well.

17. A girlfriend lives with her best friend and keeps a pet dog. Every time after having sex with her girlfriend, when her best friend comes home, the pet dog will face the doll, have sex and go up and down. This is embarrassing.

18. The wife asked her husband: Do you love me? Husband answers:? Of course I do. ? The wife asked again:? Love others, too The man replied:? Also love. ? The wife is frightened:? Didn't you say I was everything to you? ! ? Husband answers:? Yes, you are my concubine. ?

19. On a rainy day, a girl and a small umbrella. If there are three boys: the first one holds an umbrella with the girl. If more rain falls on me, less will fall on her. ? The boy thought to himself. Second, give the umbrella to the girl and get caught in the rain. Love her is to take care of her. I don't care, okay? . The third, without thinking, dropped his umbrella and took the girl by the hand and rushed into the rain. If you were that girl, who would you choose?

2. Several monks are responsible for cleaning the clothes of the whole Shaolin Temple. The abbot often says to them: As long as you are willing to work hard, laundry can also be overhauled. ? Other monks are getting tired gradually, only the young monk Ming Feng always remembers the abbot's teachings and washes every piece of clothing carefully. Finally, one day, everything comes to him who waits, and the abbot promoted him to a deacon of the first hospital. What we don't know is that Mingfeng's intention is actually to find a few long hairs in the abbot's cassock.

dirty jokes

1. I just finished slapping my husband, and I was silent for a while and said: You fucking don't love me! ? Then I started to cry! Husband quickly asked:? Why? Why do you say that? I said:? You used to hug me after making out! Have a rest, you won't hug me for a while! ? Husband's temper has come up:? Wow, on such a hot day, I'm all sweaty and hug you. You're not afraid of prickly heat! ? . I kicked him under the bed and said, no one else is afraid of heat, but you are afraid of heat?

2. The woman asked her boss for a week's leave to decorate her house. After a week, the house was not renovated, so we had to send a telegram to renew our leave. The boss was shocked when he received the telegram! The telegram said: I have not finished my sexual intercourse, so I will take a week off.

3. The girlfriend accompanied the woman on a blind date, and the woman was very satisfied. The man fell under the table and tied his shoelaces six times. When the woman came back, she said to her girlfriend? I'm nice, but I can't take care of myself. I can't even tie my shoelaces well. Fortunately, I'm wearing leggings. ? Your best friend spits out her tongue? I'm not wearing

4. A selection of hilarious comedy jokes in which cats and dogs sing together, and cats and dogs complain together. The cat said, Yesterday I sang to my host and punished me for not eating for two days. ? The dog said, What song do you sing? The cat said, I will be you when I grow up? . The dog said, Then you are stupid. ? Last time I sang to my master, he kicked me out of the door! The cat said, You sing? The dog said, You are my lover. ?

5. One day, Li Jing called Nezha to his study and asked, Nezha, do you know why my father hates you so much? Nezha replied: The child is stupid and ignorant. Excavate sighed: Alas? Your mother was pregnant with you for three years and six months. Do you know how your father lived? Nezha shook his head again. After Li Jing was silent for a while, he said faintly: Dad's left hand can hold the tower?

6. A newly married couple entered the bridal chamber, and the husband said: I've been studying hard for ten years, and now I'm going to enter the examination room. This is a big exam. ? The wife immediately took off her clothes and said with a smile. Candidates are invited to enter. ? The husband will be finished soon. The wife immediately took her husband's hand and said softly, Don't run, you won't pass the exam, and you will have another chance to make up the exam. ?

7. When I was a child, I couldn't afford to take a bath at home, so I had to secretly watch my little sister next door do it. I remember once taking a candy and discussing with my little sister to let me go in and have a look when she takes a shower. Because there was no alarm clock at home at that time, and there was no alarm clock.