What is the funniest joke you have ever heard?

Learn to be smart

Once upon a time, a man gave birth to two sons. He always feels that his sons are not smart enough, and he is very anxious. He wants to find some ways to make them smart. One day, his friend said to him, "If you want your sons to be smart, you should give them more meat." He gave his two sons a lot of meat every day according to his friends' orders. After eating meat for more than a month, he called his two sons to him and said, "You two brothers have eaten so much meat, so be smart." Now, everyone will take two pieces of silver to look outside and come back to tell them ten days later. The two sons listened, took the money and went out. "。 Ten days later, the two sons came home and came to their father as promised. The eldest son is beaming. First, he told his father, "Dad, my son is really smart after eating meat. I've always wondered why my nostrils are facing down instead of up. Now I understand that if the nostrils are up, it will be filled with rain in rainy days. So face down. As soon as the eldest son's voice fell, the second son proudly said, "Dad, I've become very smart, too. Before, I never understood why the toes of the baseboard should face forward instead of backward. Now I understand that if you face the younger generation, people will walk in the opposite direction when they walk. " The words of the two sons made the father laugh and cry.

My son is really clever.

Once upon a time, a man bought a hairtail and fried the whole hairtail, but there was no such long plate, so he had to sigh. At this time, his 10-year-old son just came back from school and saw his father sighing, so he asked his father why he sighed. Father told me that there was no plate with fish. The son quickly pulled out a pole from the corner of the door and said to his father, "Isn't this just right?" The father was beaming, took the pole, held up his thumb and boasted, "My son is so clever!" "

Joke 1: Chongqing traffic police stopped a motorcyclist and asked the driver to show his certificate. The driver said: they are all from Chongqing. Dude, give me face. I forgot my notebook. My family is fighting in Ledian. The traffic police said: Leave me alone, you are not from Chongqing. The driver asked, "You know I'm not a Chongqing traffic policeman." You have to admit, I'll show you one from Chongqing. At this time, a young man came by on a motorcycle, and the traffic police waved and stopped the car! As a result, the motorcycle flew by, and a word came from far away with the wind: you are a group! Come and get me! The traffic police turned to the driver just now and said, see? Shit, it's Chongqing! Your baby is from Chengdu at first sight.

Joke 2: There is an Englishman, a Frenchman, a black man and an American on the plane. At this time, the plane broke down, and the pilot said helplessly that they were going to jump off a person. The French and Americans pointed to the black man and asked him to jump. The British can't stand it. They stood up to organize the French and Americans. "Swear in the name of God's glory and nobility that I will never allow such racial discrimination to appear in front of me. We should solve it in a fair way. Tell you the truth, everyone takes turns asking questions to the next person, and if they can't answer, they jump. Americans, starting with you, several others agree that "When did the Second World War break out? "The Americans asked the French" 1939 "."How many people were involved in this war? "The French asked the British for 2 billion." The British face black people. Now, black people, listen to your questions. What are the names of these 2 billion people?

Joke 3: A gentleman went to the beef noodle restaurant to eat, but there were few pieces of beef, so he called the boss: "Boss, why is there no beef in your beef noodles?" Only the boss said unhurriedly, "Have you seen the wife in the old woman's cake?"

Joke 4: When I was in high school, my sister was in puppy love. My mother gave my sister a good beating and said in front of my first love, if I see you coming to my daughter again, I will break your leg! At dinner last night, my mother asked my sister if her first love was still single. My sister said I don't know. Mom said, you try to contact him. Can you two still be together? I promise not to hit him!

Joke 5: Dad tidied up the drawer and accidentally broke his mother's jade bracelet. Dad was frightened and begged me to say, good son, do something quickly. . . I felt sorry for my father, so I took it to repair it and connected it with gold, which cost me 2000 yuan less. . . I was holding the bracelet and wanted to ask my dad for money. Dad grabbed the bracelet and ran to the kitchen and said, old woman, your son broke your bracelet, so I'll fix it for you. . . Mom's eyes stared: Say! Where did the private money come from?

Joke 6: My sister-in-law may be pregnant, because I went to the toilet in the afternoon and saw a pregnancy test stick in the trash can. I picked it up curiously and looked at it. I found my mother looking at me with a pregnancy test in her hand. If I raise my hand, I will fight. In desperation, I shouted, stop fighting. It's my brother's! It's my brother's! Then my mother paused, then sighed, sin! A slap knocked me out and I didn't wake up until now!

Joke 7: At lunch, the wife said, "From now on, whoever speaks first will wash the dishes." I nodded in agreement. After dinner, my wife said, "You didn't take the initiative to talk to me all lunch time, so you will be punished for washing dishes for one month!" "

Joke 8: I was playing games in my room, and my wife called her hungry, so I ignored her. She came over angrily and stepped on my case, and the computer went black in an instant. Shit. . . I rushed into the kitchen, picked up a sharp kitchen knife and made a bowl of Daoxiao Noodles for my daughter-in-law.

Joke 9: Your nails are so beautiful that you have never seen a roommate of this color! ? There is black in red, purple in black and a little blue in purple. That's great. ! ? What color is this? Which nail salon did you do it in? You just closed the door clip!

Jokes 10: I have seen too many jokes. One day when I was eating mala Tang, I suddenly heard the boss of mala Tang say to the little brother who was eating mala Tang next to him: Do you want a virgin? Let me wait and calm down after a few seconds. . . Do you want vinegar?

Joke 1 1: Before he died, Yugong called his son to the bedside and told him, "Move the mountain away. . Move mountains. . "The son is shining. . There are little stars all over the sky ~ Dad, you are out of tune. Fool, pawn.

Joke 12: In ancient times, there was a small country. Due to frequent wars, the national treasury was exhausted. The emperor hurriedly summoned the minister of the DPRK and ordered the confiscation of his property for military expenditure. The minister is unwilling but afraid to disobey. He just timidly asked: There are so many ministers in the DPRK, why me? The emperor walked up to him, patted him on the shoulder and said, "Because I love Qing, I won't be sad easily." ...

Humorous jokes 1,

To celebrate the reunion of the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl, I stood on the street and felt the atmosphere. A boy came over in frustration, holding a big bunch of roses, which looked like dozens. "Here you are, nobody wants it anyway!" Whether I like it or not, he gave me the flowers and left. It seems that my confession failed and I didn't say anything. I opened the bouquet and took one from 20 yuan. That night, I stood on the street and earned 1980 yuan. -Six humorous jokes

Humor joke 2,

Rainy day, boring, looking at mobile phone photos. I was watching it when suddenly someone patted me on the shoulder. "What are you doing?" It turned out to be a buddy. I said, "It's raining. It's good to have nothing to do and look at the photos of my girlfriend! " "The buddy slapped again:" Look at your girlfriend, why do you keep looking at my girlfriend's photos? " -Six humorous jokes

Humor joke 3,

My mother broke her word. Before going to bed every day, she wants me to have a sweet sleep, but she won't let her eat sugar. How can it be sweet? Dad lied, too The moon in the sky has only one semicircle, and the other half is clearly in the lake. Dad insisted that it was only half today. -Six humorous jokes

Humor joke 4,

I went to a friend's wedding reception. At the banquet, I sat next to a young woman with a boy over 3 years old. It seems that my mobile phone is very beautiful. The little boy insisted on playing with my mobile phone and didn't know it. Of course I didn't give it, and then he kept crying about not wanting his mother's cell phone. A girl opposite looked at me and said angrily, "I don't even give my mobile phone to children." Really, come and play with my aunt's mobile phone! " "The little boy took her mobile phone and smashed it directly on the concrete floor:" I don't want this! ""At that moment, I felt so sour. -Six humorous jokes

Humorous jokes 5,

When I was in college, my boyfriend liked playing football and sweated his feet. I often go to their dormitory to help him with housework. I went to their dormitory that day, and no one was there. When I saw the leather shoes under his bed, I didn't know when I bought them, so I brushed them brightly and sprayed deodorant inside. Not long after, my boyfriend came back, and my roommate came back with his girlfriend. Then his roommate said that the shoes were his. Then his girlfriend stared at me and tried to eat me! -Six humorous jokes

Humorous jokes 6,

I am a big man. On this day, I went to my brother's house by bus and saw a thief on the bus. Hey, the world has nothing to do with it. Hang it high, touch me and kill him. Close your eyes and start fishing! When I woke up, I realized that I really fell asleep last night and stayed up too late. Touch my mobile wallet quickly, it's all there, even the simulated toy gun I bought for my little nephew is still there. -Six humorous jokes

Those are some classic anecdotes of "closets", which can draw on the wisdom of the ancients in laughter.

replica

People have fish ponds, and the bitter cockroaches steal to eat them. But sokcho is a man, wearing a pole with Dai Li and planting it in the pond to deter him. The owls didn't dare to get off the boat when they first returned, but they gradually examined and pecked. After a long time, it is not surprising that time flies to the top of the hat. People have seen people, stolen people, and stood in the pool with Dai Li. The owl is still pecking and flying as usual. People hold its feet with their hands, so the owl can't take off, and its wings are all fake. People say, "First it's fake, now it's fake."

This joke is about a man who suffers from the fact that the fish in a fish pond are always cut by waterfowl, so he inserted a scarecrow with a straw hat and a bamboo pole in the pond to scare the waterfowl. At first, the birds flew around and dared not come down. After careful observation, they found that there was no danger, and they still pecked at the fish. Over time, sometimes they even fly to straw hats, quiet and carefree, fearless. When the man saw it, he secretly changed to a scarecrow and stood by the pool wearing a withered hat. Waterbirds are still pecking and fly to the straw hat to stop. The man grabbed the bird's foot, and the waterfowl could not escape, flapping its wings hard and making a "quack" cry. The man said, "First, you are faking it on purpose. Do you still have it? " At the end of the story, the onomatopoeia word "false" is used to describe the sound of birds, and people talk to it proudly, which is full of fun. Anecdotal hints: stick to old habits and old experiences are unreliable.

make wine

A man in a restaurant asked how to make wine. The restaurant said, "A bucket of rice, a song or two, and two buckets of water are mixed and brewed for seven days, and the wine becomes." He was forgetful, so he came back with two buckets of water, one or two songs, mixed together, tasted it for seven days, and it was still water. It's a restaurant, which means it's not true. The restaurant said, "You don't obey my laws." The man said, "We sing a song or two with two buckets of water in the same way." The restaurant said, "Do you have any rice?" The man lowered his head and thought, "I forgot to get off the rice." Hey! Forgetting the essence of wine, the desire for wine is not for drinking, but for those who complain about teaching. Scholars in the world forget their roots, pursue the roots and chase the end, but they can't learn. Why is it different?

This joke is about a man asking a restaurant for advice on how to make wine. For health reasons, he forgot to reveal the formula and put the rice in it. He also asked if the restaurant had a fax method. Rice is the main raw material for wine making. If he forgets to put rice, of course he can't make wine. Jokes use metaphors to tell people a universal truth: if you don't grasp the key points and lay a solid foundation, it is impossible to achieve something.

Sleep during the day

A pedant always warns his children not to sleep during the day. One day, the children didn't go to bed until they saw the pedant. Please say, "Why don't you teach yourself?" Yue: "I dreamed of Zhou Gonger." The disciple fell asleep the next day, and the gentleman jumped up and said, "I dreamed of Duke Zhou, too." The master said, "Tell me what Duke Zhou has to say." He said, "There is nothing to say except that I never got my husband yesterday."

This joke says that a pedant is a pedant, but his words and deeds are different. He broke the precepts and slept during the day without admitting his mistake. Instead, I said that I dreamed of Duke Zhou, pretending to be a dignified teacher and deceiving and fooling my disciples. The clever disciple pretended to sleep on purpose, and dealt with him as he deals with you, saying, "I dreamed of Duke Zhou, too." When the pedant asked Duke Zhou what he said, the disciple was about to meet the pedant's "first army" and said, "Nothing, just that I didn't see Mr. Yesterday." The last sentence is the finishing touch, which makes people laugh. It's really amazing.

No kidding. My friends and I are teenagers. I herded cattle and he herded sheep. We went together, rested at noon, took a bath and took a bath outside. My cow has escaped. I took my clothes and accidentally took my friend's coat. Later, when we were together, he asked me about the coat. I didn't see it. He was wearing a vest, so we found the clothes together. It was getting dark and I met him again. I saw him naked. I asked if you found your coat. Your vest whispered, he said, the sheep ran away and he went after the sheep. It's too hot. He fanned the vest until it disappeared. This is a true story.

I'm sure I'll laugh until I see it Ha ha ha ha, share it.

1. My sister bit her foot while eating an apple. . . (Sister said)

2. Someone was killed by a fart. . (My classmate said)

Look at him, he is numb and not round at all. . . (You know)

4. (Needless to say)

Let's break up.

come uninvited

Funny joke hahahahahahahaha

1. I became thinner.

2. I am handsome/beautiful.

I caught up with the goddess (male god).

4. I have grown taller.

5. I'm too smart.

Mini World is a genuine game.