Spring Festival is coming, can you send out the jokes you hid in 20 18 to make everyone happy?

Have fun. It is said that two poor scholars in the same town, A and B, go out to work. One day, a scholar found scholar B and asked him to go back to his hometown together. B scholar didn't earn enough money and didn't want to go back. So Tuo Jia Xiucai brought a letter, but some words could not be known to others, for fear that Jia Xiucai would peek. So I drew four pictures:

One, seven ducks. Two, a goose and a knife. Three, a tree, some leaves fall. Four, a man, bent down and pursed his ass, wrapped a cloth bag around his waist, pointed his head at a house, and stood a woman at the door.

Along the way, A scholar looked at the letters of B scholar's four pictures countless times, but he never understood their meaning.

Scholar A returned to his hometown and gave the letter to the wife of Scholar B, who smiled after reading it. Jia xiu asked, sister-in-law, what did brother say in his letter, and you are so happy? B scholar's wife didn't answer.

Jia Xiucai was curious and sent his wife home to inquire. Women are easy to talk to. A scholar's wife and a scholar's wife chatted for a long time and got to the point. What did my brother say in the letter? B scholar's wife took out a letter from home: first, wife, second, she missed me, third, autumn came, fourth, she made enough money and decided to go home (decided to pout).

This is a true story triggered by a joke. ...

Yu is thirty-six or seven years old and is a security guard in the factory. Last year, his luck changed and he was appointed as the section chief by the factory security department. This man is usually very responsible for his work and is a good man. But there is a problem. I like to play a joke on my colleagues when I have something to do.

On this day, an old man in his sixties came to the factory gate, claiming to be Yu's father, and came to this city from his hometown more than 0/00 kilometers away from/kloc-to look for his son.

It happened that Lin Tie had just returned to the dormitory to rest after the night shift. Because he usually jokes too much, his colleagues finally seized a rare opportunity this time.

So the guard on duty said to the old man, "Do you have any change? He became the section chief ... ",which made Yu Lao very happy. He repeatedly said, "That's easy to say, no matter how big his official is, he's also my son …" The doorman added, "I changed my name after becoming an official, and now I'm called Yu Guanglin, so whoever dares to call him Yu again will be anxious …".

The old man was very angry and said, "How can I change my name?" He is a generation of iron-blooded figures. If his name is Yu Guanglin, he will be a generation like his grandfather. The old man didn't know, because his son had several pockmarked faces and was secretly called Yu Guanglin by his colleagues.

The doorman didn't answer Zhi's words and said, "I drank too much when I received foreign guests yesterday, and now I'm resting in the dormitory/room KLOC-0/03. Go find him. Remember, call him Yu Guanglin ... ".

The old man came to the door of room 103 in three steps, patting the door and calling, "Lin Tie, Lin Tie ……", but there was no answer. It turned out that I worked the night shift and slept soundly, but I didn't hear it. The old man thought, "Is it possible that he is an official now and his son can't help it?" ? Thinking of this, he patted the door and whispered, "Guang Lin, Guang Lin ...",

Just when Lin Tie was asleep, he was awakened by people calling names in insulting language. He was very impatient. "Which child is it? What do you object to? " Only heard the door say: Guang Lin, Guang Lin, I'm your father ... ""You bastard, I'm your father "! Outside, he said, "I'm really your father ..." "I'm really your father, I'm your grandfather, watch me hit you, son." I said, sleepily grabbing my shoes before getting up, opening the door and slapping an outsider with my eyes half open.

It was not until the people outside fell to the ground that Yu realized that something had happened. Why doesn't this man hide? Look carefully, it's really your father ... what he can't figure out is how the old father came to see himself in the morning and shouted insults to his name.

Besides, the old father put together a truck in the middle of the night, and it was cold all the way. In an emergency, he didn't take a sip of hot water to find his son, but he was severely beaten by his son's leather shoes. It turned out that a vascular disease broke out and he passed out. When he was taken to the hospital, he was already unconscious.

The incident caused a lot of uproar in the local area, which seemed to involve human life, so the joking doorman was dismissed from his post by the court and suspended for two years according to law.

Do you think this joke is still like a joke?

I have a joke. I don't know if it's funny or not. It is said that a first-grade pupil was asked by the teacher to make a sentence with "but". The student doesn't understand what this means. When the teacher asked, the teacher explained that it was just a corner, and the students made a sentence with "but": there are three buts from my home to school.

One day in the Mid-Autumn Festival of 20 18, I went shopping for food. A woman in her thirties is wearing a skirt. She took the children to buy eggs, and an aunt was selling pumpkin pie. But her child grabbed her mother's skirt by the hand and cried for her to buy pumpkin pie. Her mother scolded the child. The child grabbed his mother's skirt and pulled it up his ass. Her mother

I studied as a chef. A few days ago, a pot of old soup with sauce and meat was carefully made with various high-grade seasonings and meat materials. Chinese New Year is coming, so I'll save it for a reunion dinner. My wife wanted to eat stewed sauerkraut two days ago. I took out the soup stock and wanted to cook some pork belly to make sauerkraut. At this time, a guest came, and my wife said that she would do it and asked me to accompany the guest. I thought she let the chef sleep for half his life, and the guests left, but I was stupid. Why? My wife is crying in the kitchen! It turned out that my wife cooked a large pot of so-called northeast pork stewed with sauerkraut, all of which were sauce meat, old Tonga sauerkraut, pork, vermicelli and seashells. When she cooked it, she saw it was broken and salty. The taste is mixed and the color is dark red. There is only a part left. I can only smile and say, no, it's okay, wife. You and the chef haven't slept enough for half their lives. Come on, let's go back to the bedroom and sleep.

I once went to the market to buy shrimp skin. I asked how much it was a catty, and he said 16 catty. Another one went to buy. Ask him how much is a catty, and he whispers 12 yuan a catty. I bought five yuan. I walked into the industrial and commercial office with shrimp skin and demanded to be convicted of extortion. I happened to meet two self-employed people with business licenses. They say that pricing is the seller's business. I say it's personality discrimination. The staff of the industrial and commercial office explained that it was a trivial matter to buy five yuan and actually pay about one yuan more. With this sentence, I went to the stall owner again, and when he arrived, he had already escaped.

I made a joke, that is, things around me, grandma prefers boys to girls. On this day, grandma took out a pear for her grandson, and her granddaughter saw it. She cried and said that I also eat mud (pears). Grandma said what mud your child ate. Granddaughter's mother heard the crying. Tell her what she is crying about. Granddaughter cried when she heard this, saying that I ate clearly.

It's New Year, so I'll tell you a joke about it. I remember last Spring Festival, you took me back to your home to pay New Year's greetings, and your father and I played chess neck and neck. Finally, all the soldiers and horses disappeared. I said, if you don't let the scholar and the elephant cross the river, your father will trample me handsome with the elephant, and I will trample your father handsome with the elephant, and I will let the scholar fly your father handsome, and your father will be handsome like me, and I will take your father handsome. . .

18 I have known my wife for more than a year. She told me that when her former family introduced her, there was a boy chasing rabbits in Fuping, her hometown.