A short joke

Short joke, in life, we should be optimistic and positive to laugh at life, in order to realize the beauty and happiness of life. In the face of setbacks, we should also summon up courage to face and fight and strive to overcome all setbacks. Share small jokes with everyone and have fun in your spare time.

Short joke 1

1, the goddess borrowed money from me and repeatedly promised that she would pay it back, but I hesitated. She asked, "You don't believe me?"

I told her, "My mother said that the more beautiful a woman is, the less trustworthy she is."

She smiled coldly: "You trust your mother so much, it seems that your mother is quite ugly."

2. Lack of experience in chasing girls for the first time. Brothers asked me to invite women to the movies and ask for ghost movies. I made an appointment with the goddess last week, and she agreed. The effect is not bad, just like others said.

At first I buried my head in her arms. ...

My female colleague and sister went to work in the unit during the summer vacation and just entered the university this year.

I said, "If you don't fall in love in high school, you must talk to the university, otherwise your university will be incomplete."

She replied: "I am not complete if I say it!"

4. "Although the child is not yours, he still calls you dad by your surname. Look at Lao Wang next door. This is obviously his own son, but he doesn't recognize him and doesn't take his surname. Is he more sad? "

I feel much better after listening to my wife.

It was still raining when I got off the bus, so I took out my umbrella. Seeing a lot of people on the platform, I wanted to play and throw it down. As a result, the umbrella flew out and the handle remained in my hand. Many people are embarrassed. I picked up my umbrella and left without looking back, only to hear laughter behind me. ...

6. In the morning, I felt my way out in the thick fog. I saw an old man sitting alone by the road. There is a table in front of him. The table is covered with white cloth, and there is a cylinder with a sign in it. So he stepped forward, picked up the cylinder and shook it at a sign. He said to the old man, "life is like fog, where is the way?" Can the old man explain? " ? The old man said, what are you doing with my chopsticks? I sell breakfast. Why are you moving my chopsticks?

7. What is obsessive-compulsive disorder? My wife looked at me doubtfully and asked. I took a deep breath of my cigarette and answered, just like I like your sister. "My wife was very happy. After a while, she ran over and dumped me. Hey! Did I say something wrong?

8. Dad works in a glass factory and must wear gloves when he works. One night shift, he took a taxi home. When the car passed a small forest in the suburbs, a cool breeze blew. My father felt a little cold, so he took out his gloves and put them on. The driver saw it in the rearview mirror and asked in horror, "Brother, what are you doing?" "Oh, I'm used to it. Wear gloves before work every time, so that you won't cut yourself and leave any marks. " The driver turned blue. ...

Short joke 2 1. At noon today, my roommate went to the small restaurant next to the school to fry a braised potato chip and pack it. The boss packed her two boxes, usually a box of vegetables and a box of rice. When I took it back to the dormitory, I found that it was potato chips and minced meat eggplant ... I was wondering what another classmate looked like when he went back to open two boxes of packaged rice. .

2. I accidentally yelled at my wife today, which made her cry. I tried to persuade her all morning, but there was nothing I could do. The daughter who had not eaten was a little impatient and said to her mother, "OK, mom, don't cry, ok?" You didn't choose the person yourself, who is to blame! "Suddenly, my wife and I were in a mess. ...

3. I am a man. Yesterday, my mother and I went out to buy clothes. When I tried on clothes, I found that the fitting room couldn't be locked, so I asked my mother to watch it. But as soon as I took off my pants, the door opened and a beautiful girl appeared. Then I was shocked in an instant, wearing only a pair of underwear ... Later, my mother told me that the girl was beautiful and didn't stop me. I went, it's really my own mother!

There is no class in the first class in the morning. Roommate sent a message to remind her boyfriend to wake her up at 9: 30. I was awakened by the bell and answered the phone. I heard a strange male voice say, get up, get up. A deep voice. Scared my roommate to sit up. Hung up the phone and saw it was Tong Yuan. I sent the wrong message last night. I sent my boyfriend's information to Tong Yuan. Nima, Tong Yuan is awesome. ...

Opposite the girls' dormitory is the boys' dormitory. This night just entered the night, and everything was silent. Suddenly, I heard a boy's cry from the boy's dormitory building: "xxx, I love you!" " "In an instant, all the women across the building were blown up, and everyone envied whose boyfriend was so romantic. Just then, I heard another buddy shout, "Who called my name just now? ! "The world suddenly became quiet. ...

6, eating noodles outside, there is a Loli and her father opposite, eating a bowl. Her father fed her first, and then went to buy milk tea at her request. I saw the little girl pick up a spoon and put pepper on her face, and kept muttering, "I'll let you feed it, if you can't eat it, feed it." It's too hot, you are so hot ... "

7. The four-year-old girl is very strong. One day, she was playing alone in bed. Her father is watching TV by the bed. Suddenly, she accidentally fell out of bed. She quickly got up, walked up to her father and slapped him decisively, saying, "What do you think of the child? ! "

8. On Qingming Day, I saw a child burning paper by the roadside. He steals several examination papers from time to time and throws them into the fire to burn. While burning his mouth, he muttered, "Grandpa, you are old. Doing more problems there is good for the brain and can develop intelligence. If you can't do it, you can take my class teacher away and let her teach you. "

9. Just out of the gate of the community in the morning, a five-or six-year-old girl hugged my thigh and cried and said, Uncle, marry me! ! ! I was in a mess when I suddenly heard a voice behind me saying, even if you get married, you have to go to school today! ! ! !

10, a friend planted some garlic seedlings in the dormitory, saying it was to add some greenery to the dormitory. He worked hard for two weeks. When I was cooking noodles yesterday, I thought it tasted bad, so I pinched two and put them in a bowl. As a result, when he came back, he cried and insisted that I pay for it. As for it? I had no choice but to give him the cabbage I had raised for two months.

1 1, my wife gave me 1000 yuan lucky money during the Spring Festival. I made a concession according to the traditional custom of China, just for a moment. My wife actually took it back and said not to forget it. Let's talk about it next year ... the money we get, the cooked ducks. ...

12, I prepared my husband's favorite durian on Valentine's Day and put it under the bed. My husband came home from work early and rushed into the bedroom with flowers in his hand. He was dumbfounded when he saw me wearing sexy underwear! I just said shyly, "There is a surprise under my husband's bed." Husband can't wait to rush into the kitchen and pick up the kitchen knife. This is not a tacit understanding. What is tacit understanding?

Short joke 3 1, get ready early.

Husband: Honey, since you love me so much, why didn't you say yes immediately when I first proposed to you?

Wife: Because I want to see your reaction when you refuse.

Husband: Oh, but what would you do if I turned and left?

Wife: Don't worry, you can't go out because I have locked the door.

2, the husband's sophistry

My husband often doesn't come back, and my wife calls him. He is either moving bricks or studying document 52.

Later, when my wife learned that moving bricks is playing mahjong and learning documents is playing poker, she would ask her husband: It's hard to move bricks. You should earn a lot of money, right?

My husband said cunningly, of course, but in the study documents, he paid the tuition!

3. Dare to be angry and dare not speak

My husband didn't boil water when he came home from work, and my wife didn't boil water, so she got angry.

The husband said, "Do you still look like a housewife? If you are so lazy again, I will be angry! "

The wife said, "What? Angry? You try? "

The husband said, "Of course I dare to be angry and dare not speak."

4. The wife knelt down

A man said to his friend, "I had a fight with my wife yesterday, and she knelt in front of me."

The friend said in surprise, "Alas!" You are really something. But what did your wife say to you when she was kneeling? "

The man replied, "She said," You dead thing, get out from under the bed. "

Step 5 keep your voice down

A farmer came back from hoeing in the field. His wife asked him where he had put his hoe. The farmer said loudly, "In the field."

The wife quickly winked at him and said softly, "Keep your voice down. If someone hears you, you won't be stolen. " When he spoke, he urged the farmer to go to the field quickly.

The farmer went to the field and saw that the hoe was really gone. He hurried home and whispered in his wife's ear, "It's gone."

Step 6 change one by one

Wife: Every day after you go to work, I sweep the floor, wash clothes and then cook. It's boring and annoying. Husband: You can change your lifestyle! Wife: Really? How to change it? Husband: You cook first, then wash clothes, and then sweep the floor.

7. Don't wash the dishes in the future.

Wife: After dinner, why don't you wash the dishes today?

Husband: The job of washing dishes is yours in the future.

Wife: Why?

Husband: Our company will use fingerprint attendance machine from tomorrow. If your finger is cut, you will be absent from work if you can't print it!

8. Cooking time

Husband: "The meal is ready, eat it quickly!" " "

Wife: "Why are you so early? When I got home, the dishes were cold. "

Husband: "Then I'll wait for you to come back next time."

Wife: "Isn't that starving me?"

9. Didn't kill his wife

A middle-aged man rushed to the local police station.

The man said, "hello, Mr. policeman, I'm the first one here."

The policeman said, "Did you kill anyone?"

The man said, "No, I got drunk at night and hurt my wife!" " "

The policeman said, "Did you kill her?"

The man said, "Bad is not bad. Lock me up quickly."

10, until the ear becomes honeycomb briquette.

Seeing that the gold earrings promised by her husband had not yet landed, the wife said to her husband, "Husband! I was punched three times in the ear. "

The husband sighed again and said, "wait a little longer!" "

The wife said, "Husband, my ears will become honeycomb briquette if I wait any longer!" " "

1 1, peeking at my sister's texting.

The subway is quite crowded. A sister in front is texting: "Husband, breakfast is in the living room." I think this girl is very virtuous.

Do you really want to prepare a dowry for me? I think these two are quite romantic.

The third sentence: "Will you miss me after I get married?" I always feel something is wrong. ...

12, this is the best answer I have ever heard.

Once my wife did something wrong, I said, How did the pig die?

She actually answered me: You care how I died.

I can't turn my head for a moment. This is the best answer I have ever heard.

13, demolition company

Wife: If the child doesn't fight for three days, he will go home to uncover the tiles.

Husband: If the policy allows, you can consider having more children, so you can start your own demolition company.

14, to be honest

The husband said to his wife with emotion, "For so many years, no one in our family can replace you!" " "

The wife asked angrily, "To tell the truth, how many people have you found to replace me for so many years?"

15, never delay

The husband and wife rushed to the playground, and the second half of the football match had already started.

The husband asked an audience: Excuse me, what's the score on the field now?

The audience said: 0 to 0.

The wife said: Great! We didn't delay at all.