Three minutes joke

Do you know any three-minute jokes? It is essential to make yourself laugh every day. Have you ever heard a joke that makes you laugh? The following is the content of my carefully prepared three-minute joke book, hoping to help everyone!

Three-minute joke 1 1, male: "Let's have a baby!" "

Woman: "whose child can give it to you?"

Man: "I said we should have a baby together."

Woman: "I can't give it to you if I want to join you?"

Man: "I said we should have a baby when we sleep."

Woman: "Why are you sleeping? Can people still have children for you when you sleep? "

Male: "forget it, don't, the child who comes out like this is also mentally retarded!" " "

2. Before the operation, the doctor said, "If you feel hot and painful, don't hide, just shout it out."

During the operation, I said, "Doctor, it's too hot! Pain! "

The doctor didn't stop in his hand and asked me, "Is it better to shout it out?"

I ......

3. Last week, the teacher marked the scope of the exam. I skipped class this morning 1 1 and got up at half past one. My mobile phone sent me a message: People's Daily thundered: Sleeping college students are not unemployed! 》。

In order to save money for blushing, I go out and slap myself twice every day.

I called my best friend and asked her to go shopping with me.

My best friend said weakly: I am upset and insomnia these days, and I am in acupuncture. Go by yourself.

Hearing this, the landlord asked with concern: Is it so serious? May I visit you? Where do you do acupuncture?

Girlfriend: Hotel.

6. "Husband, buy a bag for your mother today."

"What's the matter, suddenly so good to my mother?"

"I just don't want to use a few bags, I want to sell them to you."

Once upon a time, Americans went sightseeing in Russia. One day, I saw two Russian workers on my way to Russia. One of them is digging a hole in the roadside with a shovel, every three meters. Another worker immediately backfilled the hole just dug by the previous worker, and so on. ....

Out of curiosity, the American asked the first Russian worker, "Why did the guy behind you fill in the hole as soon as you dug it?" ? 』

Russian workers replied: "We are greening the road. I dig a hole, the second person plants trees, and the third person fills the soil. But the second man didn't come today. 』

2. A man ventured alone in the forest and suddenly found himself surrounded by cannibals. So he shouted to the sky, "I'm dead, God help me!" " "

I saw a voice falling from the sky at the first light: "Not necessarily, you can pick up a big stone on the ground and kill the leader." So he picked up the biggest stone on the ground and threw it at the chief, just killing him. All the people stayed for a while, then glared at each other. At this moment, another voice came from the sky: "Now you are really dead."

3. This is the smell. Once upon a time, an old man liked to drink soup cooked by his wife. As long as he doesn't drink for a day, he will feel uncomfortable all over. Later, his wife died and he couldn't drink the soup, so he was very sad and began to let his wife cook it.

But no matter how well his daughter-in-law does, he always throws it aside and says, "It's not the smell. You can cook such a terrible soup! " At first, the daughter-in-law always swallowed her words, but as the days passed, she still couldn't do it. Finally, she had a murder plan to kill her father-in-law. But she doesn't know how to do it. She thought and thought, and suddenly found a rusty pesticide in the corner.

She sprayed insecticide into the soup, and then got up the courage to give it to her father-in-law, who shouted, "That's the smell! This is the taste! "

Three friends, a fool, a normal person and a wise man climbed a mountain through hardships and met the legendary god. God was moved by three people and decided to help each of them realize a wish.

Fools can't believe it. He tried to get a sheepskin coat. God waved and the fool got a sheepskin coat.

Normal people think for a long time and say to God that they want 1 10,000 dollars. God waved his hand, and normal people got an extra deposit slip. He looked at the deposit slip and was surprised. It really has10 million dollars.

It's the wise man's turn He said to think about it for a few more days. He doesn't want to waste such a good opportunity. God told him that he would be here a year later.

Smart people start thinking for a long time. For a year, he did nothing but think about his only wish. The deadline set by God is approaching. He must go back to the mountain and tell God his wish. The wise man hurried on the road and climbed the mountain with difficulty. He kept thinking about what he should wish for God until he met him. He thought: I said give me another 10 thousand wishes. This is the best request he thinks he has made in a year.

It was cold on the mountain, but he was sweating like a pig and soon caught a cold.

God waited patiently for him to say his wish. He sneezed and said, "My wish is to give me another ten thousand …" He couldn't help sneezing again. God smiled and said, "Your wish is unique. I like people who are not greedy. "

So, the wise man stood on the top of the mountain and sneezed loudly for ten thousand times.

Peter the thief came to the villa again. After stepping on the spot a few days ago, he found that this villa was his till, and he got it so easily.

The master is not here today. Peter slipped past in ecstasy, and the guardrail more than three meters high was not a problem for Peter. He quickly turned into the yard, pried open the glass with trembling hands and jumped into the room.

Suddenly, a beep scared Peter half to death. He quickly squatted down, and after a while nothing happened. Peter bravely climbed to the sound source. It was an alarm clock. Peter breathed a sigh of relief and turned off all the alarms after making sure that no one was in the house. Then he began to search for valuable treasures.

Suddenly, Peter vaguely heard someone talking upstairs, and only heard a hoarse voice: "Is everything here?" A rude voice replied, "It's all here." The man covered his throat and said, "James, give him the money." Then there was a terrible silence, as if counting money. After a while, the rude voice rang again: "The money has been cleared, there is no shortage of money!" " The man stifled his voice and said, "James, let's go!" " Stay here next time. "

Now Peter understands that they are doing something shameful. Suddenly, the man covered his throat and shouted, "What do you want? Take your hands back! " Peter was surprised, and his foot, which he just wanted to stretch out, shrank back. "Don't you understand? Black eats black! " Then, there were four crisp sounds, followed by the sound of someone falling to the ground.

Peter was scared out of his wits. He let out a cry, jumped out of the window and climbed onto the guardrail. To his surprise, the villa was surrounded by police: "Hands up!" Peter was handcuffed obediently, and he said to the police in horror, "There is a murderer in there!" " "The policeman smiled and patted a middle-aged man on the shoulder:" Well done, fifth! " The middle-aged man smiled: "He must have met that alarm clock!" "

The original alarm clock is an alarm. It sensed Peter's plot to break into the villa with infrared rays, so it sent a signal to the middle-aged man's mobile phone and turned on the recording device upstairs. The beep that Peter heard was the signal, and the recording device was also used to delay the time. The middle-aged man called the police after receiving the signal, so the police rushed to the scene, and the thief Peter had to give in easily.

A prisoner of war was captured by an army in the war, and then he got sick and his left hand rotted. He asked the enemy to send his left hand back to his motherland. The enemy was very moved and did it; Soon his right hand was rotten, and he also asked to be sent back to the motherland. Later, his left leg was amputated. This time, when he asked to send his leg back to the motherland, he was refused. He doesn't understand. He asked the enemy why he could do it twice before, but this time he couldn't. The enemy said solemnly, "We suspect that you fled in stages in a planned way."

A meat thief went to Beijing to sell meat, stopped to urinate in front of a toilet on the side of the road and hung the meat outside. Seeing this, the second man stole the meat and made a new sentence. Before he went far, A came out of the toilet, grabbed B and asked B if he had seen anyone take his meat from the toilet. B was afraid that A would see through, so he put the meat in his mouth early and said impatiently, "You are such an idiot! How to hang the meat outside the door without losing it? If you put meat in your mouth like me, is there any reason to lose it? "

-Wei Han Danchun's sad lyrics in Laughing Forest.

When he is with his sisters, he always likes to talk about their childhood. You can't talk about it. But don't be jealous of them. Who doesn't have brothers and sisters? When you recall your childhood with your brother or younger brother, don't you put your sister-in-law and sister-in-law in the same position?

Sometimes, his sisters even talk about an ex-girlfriend. Maybe they used to be "best friends". Be careful at this time, and don't be jealous and sulky easily. They are probably talking about these things unintentionally, even if they are intentional, they are also testing your understanding and your endurance. Humor stories, ancient and modern jokes, humorous stories and ancient and modern jokes.

If everyone has children, remember that your children will never be as smart and beautiful as their cousins. Hehe, if your aunt recommends you a brochure of a famous kindergarten, or copies a prescription that can make your child smart, you should happily take it-even if you throw it in the trash can immediately after you get home.

If you have to argue about something, let your husband come forward. After all, he has dealt with her all his life. After the fight, she was still his sister. Blood is thicker than water.

My sister's favorite sentence: "Yes, you are brother and sister. Of course, you know him best. "

Sisters hate to hear: "Although you are brother and sister, you look very different."

Three minutes joke 7 1. The teacher asked a classmate how to reduce white pollution.

Make the lunch box blue.

2. On the plane, a stewardess asked a little girl, "Why didn't the plane hit the stars when it was flying so high?"

The little girl replied, "I know, because the stars will shine!" " "

There is a polar bear playing with a penguin. Penguins pull out his hair one by one. After pulling it out, he said to the polar bear, "It's so cold!" When the polar bear heard this, he pulled off his hair one by one and turned to the penguin and said, "It's really cold!" "

4. American: Have you ever seen a cup made of wood?

China: No!

American: Then why is the Chinese character "cup" beside the wooden character?

China people: Isn't there a word "no" next to the word "cup"? In other words, it is not made of wood.

One day, when the national war was in full swing, the guild leader came to the grassland front to boost morale. ...

The guild leader asked: What's the situation?

Report to the member archers: report to the head! There is a Bezos archer beside the tent 20 meters ahead, but his accuracy is poor. He has shot many times these days, but he didn't hit anyone.

After listening to this, the colonel asked: Since we have found the enemy archer, why not kill him?

The archer said: Report to the team leader! No, don't you want them to exchange it for a more accurate one?

6. Soldier: "Thirst … Thirst …"

Cao Cao: "Hold on a little longer! I have been to this place once, and I remember there is a Merlin nearby. After a short walk, I may come to the soldiers and say, "Oh … there are plums to eat … Oh …"

Half an hour later-Coss: "Master! The expedition found a lot of water! "

Cao Cao: "Ha ha ha ha, did you hear that? Finally, there is water to drink. "

Soldier: "If you don't go ... you must find Plum ..."

7. A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak meet in the street. Why don't they say hello?

because ..

Because they are not familiar with each other! Ha ha laugh

8. The little snake asked the big snake brother in a panic: "Brother, are we poisonous?" The snake said, "Why do you ask?"

The little snake said, "I accidentally bit my tongue just now."

9. In the tortoise-rabbit race, the rabbit quickly ran to the front.

The tortoise saw a snail crawling slowly and said to him, come up, I'll carry you.

Then the snail came up.

After a while, the tortoise saw an ant again. Say to him: You come up, too.

So the ants came up.

When the ant came up, he saw the snail above and said hello to him.

Do you know what the snail said?

The snail said, "Hurry up, this turtle is so fast."

10, bad news: a pilot fell off the plane.

Good news: He brought a parachute.

Bad news: the parachute is broken.

Good news: There is a haystack below.

Bad news: There is a dung fork on the haystack.

Good news: he didn't fall on the dung fork.

Bad news: He didn't fall on the haystack either.

The nurse asked the man waiting outside the delivery room, "Do you want a boy or a girl?" "Boy!" "But, I'm afraid it's a girl." "Never mind, this is my second choice."

Don't worry, the train will remind you: pants wipe, pants wipe, pants wipe; Don't worry, the frog will tell you: scratch, scratch, scratch!

Passers-by said to the beggar, "you are strong and have no disability." Why should I give you money? " The beggar was furious: "Do I have to cripple myself to ask you for some stinking money?"

I admire your spirit. Because you can't hide money. Once I saw you pick up a hundred dollars and a quick bone. You gave the money to the police uncle, leaving only the bones.

Hello, dear user, we have received your message, and we will deduct 2 yuan from your phone bill. Thank you for your support for charity! thank you

What? Your friend cheated you of a dollar? Too much. I'll teach him a lesson for you. What's the use of such a person staying in the world? Worse than an animal. Even beggars cheat.

Husband: Our house is haunted. I turned on the door light as soon as I went to the toilet, and turned off the door light after I went to the toilet. My wife asked, do you still feel cool? Yes, you alcoholic! Pissed in the refrigerator again.

I admire your spirit. Because you can't hide money. Once I saw you pick up a hundred dollars and a quick bone. You gave the money to the police uncle, leaving only the bones.

Hello, dear user, we have received your message, and we will deduct 2 yuan from your phone bill. Thank you for your support for charity! thank you

What? Your friend cheated you of a dollar? Too much. I'll teach him a lesson for you. What's the use of such a person staying in the world? Worse than an animal. Even beggars cheat.

I want to be an emperor, but I'm afraid of verbosity; Want to be an official, afraid of many things; Want to eat, afraid to brush the pot; I really want to beat you up, but I'm afraid of getting into trouble.

Emergency reminder: There may be lightning recently. When you go out, please put your mobile phone on your head, plug in the charger and drag it behind you for lightning protection. Remember!

Please turn around at once, there is a stunning beauty grinning at you in the back, be careful, don't flash your waist!

I saw you on TV. It's really eye-catching and photogenic You look cute and confident in the advertisement. I told you, you can be a model in the advertisement for pig feed.

I never regret loving you. I will miss you forever. I miss you so much that I can't sleep. I asked if you would like to fly with me ... I saw a little pig intoxicated by the text message!

You are always brave. You met a big dog on the road that day. The dog growled at you fiercely, but you didn't flinch at all. You called it softly: meow. ......

This is the first time that pigs want to stand out. This is the first time that pigs want to stand out. It's the first time that a pig says it sincerely ten times a day. Promise you'll stand out. If you don't stand out, you will become a pig.

I changed all my savings into steel jumps, with more than 600 yuan. I have nothing to amuse myself and listen to. Anyone who dares to mess with me, I will beat him with steel, and he will kneel down and beg for mercy, so that he can know the power of the rich.

In 2024, the street dialogue: "Young man, where are you from?" "From Mars ..." "How did it get to Earth?" "Oh, I took a nap and missed my stop ..."