Daily humorous chat conversations between men and women, humorous jokes

Getting Change I took a taxi in the morning and when I arrived at my destination, I realized I didn’t have any money. Fortunately, I had two packs of cigarettes with me, so I awkwardly took out a pack of Zhonghua and gave it to the master as taxi fare. The master took my cigarette and said, "Such a good cigarette." I was about to get out of the car awkwardly, but the master suddenly stopped me, took out a pack of Honghe from his trouser pocket and handed it to me, and said calmly: "Change... …”

Good Luck

At the rural market, lottery tickets, first prize vans, second prize motorcycles, and third prize bicycles were sold. An old man won a bicycle. When everyone was congratulating him, a young man said: "Uncle, you are very lucky. I will give you 20 yuan to help me catch the prize." The old man smiled and squeezed into the crowd to help him catch the prize. Luck can't be stopped, and the uncle won another second prize. When he took the lottery ticket and asked the young man to collect the prize, he found that the young man had pushed his bicycle away.

The last one

The reporter asked the last athlete who ran to the finish line: "You ran last. Isn't it boring?"

The athlete said excitedly: "How can you say it's boring? Didn't you see the seven of them were chased by me?"

Men and women are the same

Husband: "Actually, men and Women’s psychology is the same.” Wife: “Tell me more about it.” Husband: “They are all afraid of the same thing. Men are most afraid of not having money.” Wife: “What about women?” Husband: “Men are most afraid of not having money.”

What’s the use of dad?

Lili: “Mom, was I born by you?”

Mother: “Yes, baby!”< /p>

"Then who gave birth to my brother?"

"Silly boy, of course your brother was also born to me."

"Even a boy My mother gave birth to her, so what’s the use of my father?”

Cash is prohibited

Cash is not allowed in the cafeteria these days.

A buddy went to fetch a meal, and after the fray he took out a 10 yuan note.

The aunt who was preparing the meal waved her hand and said no.

The guy was stunned for a moment, said thank you, took the food and left...

Complaining

There is a six-year-old girl at home, and one day After the little Loli and her mother finished arguing, she cried and turned to her grandparents and said, "Look at you two, why did you find a wife for your son who bullies me all day long?"

Impolite behavior

When the teacher was giving a moral education class to his classmates, he found the student Xiao Mao taking a nap on the table, so he shouted: "Classmate Xiao Mao!" Xiao Mao woke up in surprise: "Here we come!" Teacher: "What is impolite behavior?" Xiao Mao said loudly: "It's not polite to disturb others' rest!"

Flip the signs

Watching "The Legend of Zhen Huan" with my wife, I was always envious when I watched the part where the emperor turned over the signs. Me: "One day I want to look through all the cards? Just two, 'sleep at home' and 'sleep not at home'." Wife: "I'll give you four, 'sleep on the floor', 'sleep on the kang', 'Sleeping on the sofa', 'sleeping on the bed'"

Science Fiction

Wife: "Have you finished the novel you mentioned last time?" Husband: "Just finished it, ready to go. Revise it again. "Wife: "Is the hero in it also afraid of his wife?" Husband: "No, he dares to criticize and fight against his wife's wrong thoughts face to face." Wife: "Do you have personal experience? ?" Husband: "No, I write science fiction."

Admit it

My son was caught playing games. Mom was very angry. Mom: "If you don't work hard, you will be as useless as your dad. You will find a bad job and not be able to marry a good wife." Dad: "After so many years, you finally admit it."

No Like a local

My grandson played an English song "Yesterday Again" to his grandfather on the computer, and then asked his grandfather: "Is this song good? It has won an Oscar."

< p>Grandpa scratched his head and said: "It sounds nice, but the accent doesn't sound like a local!"

Aristocrat

The school handed out family contact cards, and his son looked at them Regarding the content on the card, I asked my nouveau riche father: "Dad, how do you fill in the 'ethnic' field?"

Dad thought for a moment and said: "Fill in the nobility."

Alzheimer's disease

There is an old man next door who is over eighty this year. He recently suffered from Alzheimer's disease, but his children are still very filial.

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Looking at saplings

My uncle planted an acre of apple saplings and was afraid that someone would steal them.

My nephew said, "Uncle, let me watch it for you at night and make sure not one is lost."

My nephew watched for three nights, and sure enough, not one was lost.

The uncle was very happy: "How come you can see so well?"

The nephew said proudly: "I pull them out every night, put them in a bundle and put them under the bed , and plant them one by one in the morning."

Selling donkeys

A man went to the market to sell donkeys. When he looked back, he saw that the donkey was gone and he only had half of the reins in his hand.

When he got home, his wife cried and scolded him: "You are such a big man, you can even lose a donkey. Why don't you ride on it? Can you lose it if you ride on it?"

He comforted his wife and said: "Thank you for holding her. If you were riding, you would lose me too."