Give me some funny jokes

Here’s a long joke for you!

My mother said my IQ is only 76. I don't know how high my IQ is. All I know is that I am a very lethal person, and many people have been hurt by me. Some of them have lost hope in life, and some have even committed suicide. So I have always suspected that I have potential superpowers, and for some reason, this superpower works especially well for my teacher.

I still remember the first teacher who died because of me. I was in the first grade of elementary school at that time, and the teacher took us to the wild for nature practice classes. Seeing the spring breeze blowing green and the willow branches branching, the teacher couldn't help but think of a question, so he asked:

"Students, do you know how to identify the direction of the wind?"

"I know!" "A little girl in the same class answered as she picked up a leaf from the ground and threw it into the air. "Pick up a piece of something and throw it into the air. Watch it float in that direction, and you will know."

"Well, very good." The teacher praised, "Which other students are willing to demonstrate to you again to see what kind of wind is blowing now?"

"Me." I volunteered. He came out, picked up half a brick from the ground and threw it into the air. "Tell the teacher, the wind is blowing now." I can't remember what the teacher's expression looked like at that time. I only remember that he struggled desperately for a few times before getting angry. Absolutely dead.

Later, the doctor in the hospital said that he died due to a sudden strong stimulation that caused the blood to go backwards and become a demon. In this way, I killed a people's teacher.

The first-grade teacher taught us about poultry and animal teachers: "There is an animal with two legs. Every morning when the sun comes out, it wakes you up and wakes you up until you wake up. What kind of animal is it?" I replied: "Mom! "The teacher laughed so hard that he almost died.

After returning home from the midterm exam, my mother asked me how I did in the exam. My precious son said, I failed to fill in one question. My mother asked, "What question was it?" ”

My precious son said that there was a question asking what is the result of multiplying 3 by 7. I filled in 15 without any care at that time. My mother sprayed the water she just drank into my father’s face, ugh... ..I am so great.

My father asked me how my school was. "My dear son," my father asked, "Is your female teacher satisfied with you?" "

"Ah, yes, Dad, very satisfied. "

"How do you know? Did she say it to you personally? "

"Of course, Dad. The day before yesterday she said to me: 'If all students were like you, I would leave school right away! ’ This shows that I have learned everything. "

"No!" My dad's brain immediately!@##@!%"

One day in math, the teacher asked 1+1=? , I said I don’t know. The teacher asked me to go back and ask. I asked my mother. She was cooking and told me to get out. I asked my dad. He watched the game again and shouted, "It's cool." I asked my sister, she was singing, singing BABY. I asked my brother, who was on the phone and said; I'll wait for you outside.

The next day, the teacher asked 1+1=? I said, "Get out of here." The teacher slapped me in the face, and I screamed. The teacher called me a loser, and I called me despicable. As the old saying goes; get lost. I said: I'll wait for you outside. Our math teacher had high blood pressure on the spot and fainted...

When I was in Chinese class in elementary school, all the Chinese teachers in the school went to listen to Teacher Ni's class. Teacher Ni wrote the word "being" on the blackboard and asked me: "Do you recognize this word?" I answered "I don't know". Teacher Ni then started to inspire me: "Do you have a bed at home?" I answered " "What's on the bed?" "Matt", "Where's it on the mat?" I answered: "My mother." Teacher Ni thought to herself, that's right, mother has a quilt on her body, so she continued: "* *What about mom? "My dad." Teacher Ni never expected that I would say this and make a fool of myself in front of so many teachers. He asked in a hurry, "Where is the quilt?" I replied: "The quilt is on the ground." Teacher Ni was also very angry because of me. The lamb is hospitalized for illness!

Hey... I mentally said to myself: "I am very adventurous. It is not my original intention to be ugly. God, don't lose your temper. I will live bravely." Bring out the beauty of the world.

! ! ! ! ! ! ! "

One morning during class, I was chewing gum and putting my feet on the aisle. At this time, the teacher said to me: "Please spit out what is in your mouth. Put your feet in again." My brain: "@#%##"

In the days that followed, several teachers suffered tragic deaths one after another. Fortunately, no one died, so there was no It was a big mistake. But my fame spread like wildfire, and I became a celebrity in the city. However, celebrities also have their own pains, and I deeply understand this.

When I was in junior high school, my physics teacher asked me: How do you change your path? ! ! You will become a ghost after you die! It turns out that the teacher is talking about how satellites change their orbits!

I was woken up by the teacher while I was sleeping in history class. The teacher asked me: "Who did Princess Wencheng marry?" Xiao Wang whispered to me: "Songtsen Gampo." I didn't hear clearly, so I opened my mouth to answer. : "Song Dynasty cadres." Later, history did not improve.

One day I came back from the barber shop pretending to be cool. When I opened the door, all the girls exclaimed: "Here comes the cool guy!" I scratched my head in embarrassment: "Where! Where! I just got a cool haircut." "That's all." The principal happened to be walking by and said seriously: "You have to hand over even the pants you picked up!" Fortunately, it was nothing. I walked towards the dormitory and walked downstairs from the girls' dormitory. A friend came to me and boasted loudly, "Look, I got a cool haircut." Immediately on the second floor, a girl stuck her head out and said, "My pants, you are picking my pants......"! ! ! ! !

During the exam the next day, the biology teacher brought a bird covered with cloth. Then he exposed the bird's legs and asked the students to guess what kind of bird it was. I really didn’t know, so I handed in a blank paper. The teacher was very angry when he saw it and asked: "Why did you hand in the blank paper? What's your name?" When I heard this, I rolled up my trouser legs angrily, exposing my legs and said, "Now it's your turn to guess who I am." Right? "The biology teacher fell down immediately~~~~~~

My fame has brought me a lot of trouble. All middle schools in the city refused to admit me out of concern for the safety of their teachers.

I had no choice but to go to the countryside with endless longing for a key middle school. Although the conditions in the middle school in the countryside were a bit difficult, without the pressure of public opinion, I was still living at ease. However, gold always shines, and the silence unique to rural middle schools did not suppress my outburst. By chance, I suddenly emerged and quickly occupied the rural market. One day, I was late, and the teacher asked why you were late today? I said: I took my neighbor’s uncle’s boar for breeding this morning, so I was late. Before the teacher finished listening, his eyes widened and he said, "The uncle next door should do this." I was confused and said, "It has to be a boar, and the uncle next door is not a newborn."

It was an intellectual competition. Our class and another class still had no winner after the final competition. So the host

announced the final decision method: each class drew lots to send one representative. The two representatives then guess the coin. The person who guessed correctly asks a question to the person who guessed wrong

If the person who guessed wrong answers correctly, the person who guessed wrong wins. On the contrary, the class of the one who guesses correctly wins. The heavenly spirit

the earthly spirit, the spirit spirit, the spirit spirit of the earth, I cannot hide from my errands. I was actually chosen as the representative and successfully guessed the wrong coin, entering the question and answer stage.

The teacher and classmates suddenly became nervous, and everyone looked at me with eager eyes. Especially the head teacher, Mr. Li, looked heavy and said nothing. I also felt some pressure, but not because of this, but because of my opponent - Wang Xiaofo. Wang Xiaofo was the most powerful "famous teacher killer" in our school at that time, and he also had a lot of people under his command. Several murders

. It is said that the previous principal met his end in its hands. But I still have some confidence, because after all, I am a person who once shocked me.

The questions began. Wang Xiaofo put his hands in his trouser pockets and said slowly: "My mother boiled a few eggs today.

In my pocket, do you know how many there are?" "Coax!" There was an uproar around him.

I don't know why everyone is making noise, but his question aroused great interest in me. egg! I barely heard what question he asked. I only heard the word "egg" clearly. You must know that during the hard years in the countryside, there was almost nothing to eat. Two eggs would be a really delicious meal. I seemed to see the shiny egg white and tender yellow yolk... "If I get the answer right, will you give me a piece to eat?" I have long forgotten about any quiz competitions or class honors. All I'm interested in are eggs, eggs! "If you get the answer right, I'll give you both eggs." "Coax!" There was another uproar. I saw a look of astonishment on the face of the other classmate, while my classmates cheered and hugged each other to celebrate the victory. Teacher Li also cast a delighted look at me. I don’t know what they were happy about, but everyone was looking towards me. I smiled, and I smiled at them sheepishly, and then replied: "Is it five?" The smiles of the students froze in an instant, and gradually disappeared without a trace like the ebbing tide. But the other classmate suddenly started shouting and laughing. Things in this world are changing so fast. In the blink of an eye, everyone is crying and laughing, and everyone is crying and laughing. I don’t know what to do. I haven't had time to think carefully about what happened. The venue suddenly became chaotic. I saw one person lying on his back, blood spurting out from his mouth like a pillar, and then he slowly fell down. "Teacher Li!" "Teacher Li!" It's our head teacher! I also hurried over. The teacher's face was pale, his eyes were closed, and he was unconscious. "It was him who killed Teacher Li!" "It was him!" "It was him!" Oh! Uh-huh!

Whoosh! Uh-huh! Swish, swish, swish! ! ! A bunch of angry eyes shot at me like sharp arrows. My eyes went blank, and a voice echoed in my ears: "Duolong! Close the door! Release the dogs! All idlers should retreat!" Later, it was said that Teacher Li was not dead.

, it was just a serious illness. After he recovered and was discharged from the hospital, he saw through the world of mortals, became a monk in Mount Wutai, and stopped teaching.