I told her that even if we can't be husband and wife, we still need to be friends. What does she think?

A classmate, a junior in college, was going on a blind date, so he bought a big gold chain, 15 yuan, made of yellow shit, tied around his neck. A classmate asked the girl at the stall: The color won’t fade, right? The owner of the stall said: It will never fall! A classmate asked: What should I do if the color fades? The stall mm guarantees: Your uncle is fading! The classmate went on a blind date the next day. When the appointed time came, the other person showed up. When he saw it, he was shocked! It's actually the stall from yesterday. My classmate was so embarrassed that he was sweating. What was even more tragic was that at this time, the gold chain faded. . . Last year, I made a bet with a brother. I forgot what I was betting on, but the loser had to go to KFC to get pancakes and fruit (a Shandong snack). Unfortunately, I lost, so I mustered up all my courage, suppressed my expression, and walked up to a waiter who was very polite: "Excuse me, do you have any pancakes?" The girl was surprised at first and looked me up and down for almost a minute, brother. When I was about to collapse, I saw the girl lowering her head to write something. I was curious. After 10 seconds, the queen raised her head and said: "This is my code. I get off work at 9:30 pm"... I completely collapsed. My brother came back from the hospital today. Because I just had surgery and my recovery is not very good, I thought of a sleeper ticket. But after queuing for a long time, when it was my turn, all the sleeper tickets were available, so I walked out helplessly. At this time, I saw an uncle at the door. I remembered Guo Degang's joke about asking where the ticket seller was, so I wanted to play a prank. He walked over and said, "Please, do you know where the ticket seller is?" I want a sleeper ticket. At this time, the shocking person came. My uncle stared at me for a full minute. I was afraid that he would catch me. He said: I am... I am... I am... It turns out to be Infernal Affairs~ Last night I took my wife to have dinner with a buddy. Guy A was a little drunk, and for some reason he mentioned his new girlfriend. He said, "MLGB, I have to say that I am CN, so I turned on the light on purpose." , the hair and lips are not pink! cao~~" After saying that, there was a silence at the dinner table, which was very embarrassing, because many people brought their wives or girlfriends, but A didn't. I turned my head and glanced weakly at my wife, who was also a little drunk. I saw her look back at me and then stood up. She picked up a glass of wine and threw it at A, cursing: "SB, it's still pink. Do you think you are looking for Hello Kitty..." Hello Kitty... Hello Kitty... Hello Kitty... Brother is The chef is also the boss. One day a woman came over and asked him: Boss, do you need a landlady? -_- I just looked up the word turf. The first meaning is grass, the second meaning is mud, and the third meaning is horse. Absolutely amazing! My family has a very cute little dog. Last winter, my wife made a sweater for the dog. After the sweater was made, she put it on the little dog. It was obvious that the dog was very proud of it and liked it very much. At this time, she also There was a lot of wool left over, and it was a pity to throw it away. My wife decided to make me a sweater as well. My God, will people still laugh at me if I go out wearing the same clothes as the dog? My wife doesn’t care, but when the sweater is missing only one sleeve, the yarn is gone. Go to the yarn store. Unfortunately, they have moved away. I can’t find that kind of yarn in other stores. My extremely clever My wife, she actually extended her devil's claws to the poor dog. She took off the sweater that he had only worn for a few days, took it apart, and boiled it with hot water... Finally, she let me wear it with her own hands. I wore a sweater, and from now on, whenever I wear this sweater, I can feel the extremely sad and innocent eyes of my dog... There is a pretentious handsome guy in the dormitory, and he has a lot of girlfriends! Ya's mouth: There is no girl that I can't catch. I got angry on the spot and bet 50 yuan to chase our monitor (who was in a different class). Ya's like a cow and agreed on the spot. The next day he came back and said, "Hey, your squad leader is a man.

"[br/] I lost 50 on the third day. When I was in elementary school, the teacher taught everyone to have the spirit of picking up a dime. A few days later, a child picked up a dime and gave it to the teacher. The teacher was very happy and gave it to the teacher in class. I made a "Good Honest Child" section in the corner and put the names of the children on it. Whoever picked up something and handed it to the teacher would have a small red flower posted under his name. After this move was launched, the children rushed to be the first. , Today you have a small eraser, tomorrow I have a small umbrella. Gradually, everyone’s names have red flowers one after another, but I don’t. I wonder why some people can put more than a dozen small red flowers. I walk with my head down every day, so why can’t I pick up things? Later, a boy mysteriously told me that the fan actually belonged to his grandma and the earrings belonged to his mother... I suddenly realized that I didn’t think too much at the time and wanted to take the small My eyes turned green when I thought about Honghua. You know, as a child, when everyone has the so-called "good boy" title but you don't, you feel very inferior. So, I went home and found a small thing to give to me. Teacher (big things are too expensive and too fake). The teacher took the "lost thing" from me, and his expression was hard to describe. Finally, I also had a little red flower, "It's better if there aren't too many flowers, it's better if it's not empty." For many years Later, I realized that the thing I took from home was a condom. On the way to school from elementary school, I met two kindergarten children (girls) who were better than me. They were playing the game of "washing hands with running water". Why don't you start? Stop spitting and let me wash my hands. Then I keep spitting and let you wash your hands... The waves in the Yangtze River push the waves in front, and the waves in front die on the beach. The bus ticket cost 1.5 yuan in our small place. Buses are all privately contracted, and the conductors are usually relatives of the people who contract the buses. After getting on the bus, I found out that the ticket seller was from the same junior high school as me. I had been in the society when I was in junior high school. He was very arrogant. I fought with him. We had several fights, and we had not seen each other for many years. I didn’t want to bring up the old issues again, so I ignored him and took out a 20-yuan ticket when he asked me for change, so I gave it to me first. 18 yuan... and then he gave me another 10 yuan card. I don’t like to take advantage of others, but because we have a bad relationship and don’t want to talk to him, I kept extending my hand and looked at him. When he saw that I didn’t take my hand back, he looked at the money first. He looked at me again and said with a bad attitude: What's wrong? I didn't pay attention to him. He suddenly got angry and slapped my hand. Then he said: If you don't want to sit down, get out of here. I silently picked up the money. I got out of the car and drove a taxi. Today, a fashionable girl came up in Shiqi Daxin and I agreed to pay 40 yuan for the taxi. When the car was halfway through, MM ordered me with a solemn face: “Drive back! quick! "I thought maybe MM had forgotten something or forgotten something, so I started walking back. When I came to Daxin and stopped, MM opened her bag and paid the fare, then took out a bunch of keys and said: "Damn! "I forgot to drive here today." After saying that, he walked to the roadside and walked to a brand new car (the seats were not unpacked when he opened the door). When I first went to college, in order to show that I was a very individual person, I named my dormitory "Boogie Pavilion" and wrote The paper was posted outside the dormitory door, and it turned out that four people failed more than 20 subjects in four years... There was a colleague in the unit, a Mongolian, who was a great figure who often wandered around the world and returned after a year's leave. When I didn’t come back home after several days of vacation, my boss beat me. Yazai said, “Boss, I’m still riding a horse on the Hulunbuir grassland to find my home. My family is a nomad, and I don’t know where I have moved to college now.” Once upon a time, we had a rice-eating competition. In the cafeteria, the four of us ate 27 small bowls of rice in one go. I was very careful, fearing that the food would come out of my mouth if I stepped too hard. But luckily I didn't lose. The losing pair had to feed each other in the cafeteria every day. The table supervises. Their eyes are intense and complicated, and their indignation is clear, but they are so charming when feeding each other. The person in charge of the canteen should be very grateful to us. Some of them were elsewhere. All the students who ate there flocked here to dine. It was quite a crowd. When I was in high school, I once watched an action porn movie at home.

Suddenly, I stood up from the sofa and shouted: "No, my dad is back." (I have very good ears. I live on the sixth floor and I can hear the footsteps when my parents come home.) Then I Said "We've reached the fourth floor! We've reached the fifth floor!..." All three people were petrified and then there was the sound of the door opening. At this time we all responded. Friend A immediately lay down on the sofa holding a pillow and pretended to sleep. Friend B immediately ran to my room and took out the textbook... I hurriedly turned off the TV, and then my dad came in and looked at the three of us hiding at home watching... Bar? …………Then I slipped into the room dejectedly and was shocked! Just a few seconds! The friend who ran into the room first had already copied two pages of words from the English textbook! Today’s dinner... Quotes at the table... Mom: Son...has he got a girlfriend? Me: No... Mom: As a man, you have to be dedicated to women... I cried... I really don't care... Dad: It's okay... You have to keep changing wives to find a good woman... Mom: Don't lead my son wrong... Dad: Your son? What about my son? Mom: How do I know? You go find it yourself... I'm sweating... Mom said to me again: Be careful when you pick up girls... Don't pick up a half-brother... Dad: It's okay... Don't let the wealth go to others... I really have nothing to say... The two are old and disrespectful. So naughty... I was out at KF with my husband, and I saw the two of them watching "If You Are the One" in high spirits. A man and a woman were having a good fight above each other, and the woman kept masturbating very loudly. . . At first, the two of us planned to ignore it. . Then she shouted more and more vigorously. . Embarrassing. . It affects your mood while watching TV. . My husband looked at me with a sly smile and asked: What should I do? So, I took a deep breath. Shout loudly. . Ah~~~~~~~Dad, you are so awesome~~~Ah~~ There was a sudden silence upstairs. . My husband was shocked. . As soon as I got home, I found that my mother was taking a shower after returning from a business trip. I quickly opened the bathroom door to talk to her. Suddenly, my father's muffled voice came from behind the shower curtain: "Go out..." On May Day, I went out to play with a woman. One of them The woman suffered from motion sickness, vomited all the way, her hair was disheveled, messy in the wind, and she felt very dizzy and haggard. When we finally arrived at our destination, when we got off the bus, the sister asked: "Does it look like you've been fucked?" While everyone was nodding wildly, they never thought that the sister would ask quietly again: How many people have you fucked? Everyone:... By the way, Brother Zhu did something very sorry to us that day, so we all stayed in the dormitory and waited. After a while, Brother Zhu wandered over from the opposite dormitory. We immediately threw him on the bed and started to stack Arhats. Brother Zhu began to scream miserably. After a while, everyone got up from him, but he was still twitching there... I got up. Kicked: Stop pretending, we are all exhausted. Brother Zhu used his remaining breath to blurt out a few words: I just watched Mao P in the opposite dormitory... For the final exam of college, I was asked to fill in the exam and I wrote down the code. Yesterday, GF broke up with me and asked the reason. Answer: Do you still remember the poem I sent you? Damn it! I want to get to know you, and my life will never fade away. The mountains have no mausoleums, the rivers are exhausted, the winter thunders tremble, the summer rains and snows, the heaven and the earth are united, so I dare to be with you! I said, of course I remember, then why don't you break up with me? GF: It's because all these things have happened. Yesterday, a girl named "Pang Jing" confessed to me: When she was a child, she often saw some signs with her name written on them. Later I learned that the two characters in his name were "waste". It turns out that I saw a post on Tianya. Please share what the first words husbands say after receiving the certificate. I also received the certificate a few days ago, and the Civil Affairs Bureau was kind enough to give me 8 boxes of TT... Then My husband said happily... Wei Mao's first words are all lingering words such as "We are finally together" and "You are my wife"... Wei Mao's mine is "Use them all tonight!" ”…There’s another sigh! ! ! I went to do yoga with a friend, and I went there alone. It was late, and there was only a place to lie down in front of the blocked door, so I started to exercise. After the class, I lay down flat on my back, and the teacher guided me with an ethereal voice. Everyone relax. . Relax again. . . . When my friend woke up, she was the only one in the yoga room. . . . . Why did you sleep so soundly? . . Everyone else walked past her. . . . . Let me tell you a classic quote from my colleague. She is very bold and tough. I often tease her but I get teased instead.

It was very cold in winter, so she bought a hand warmer. Then one time she played Lianliankan with one hand and covered it with the other. The hand warmer was placed at the connection between her thigh and lower abdomen, which made her sweat. I saw it, and I said to her maliciously: Ah Juan, why are you putting the hand warmer on the top of your thigh? She didn't even raise her head: I'm so cold! B Leng Leng... My friend went to Thailand on a business trip and wanted to have an affair. Not to mention I actually met a beautiful girl! Went to KF on the same day. After a passionate kiss. Take off your clothes. Both guys were hard. . . Southern Metropolis Daily interviewed Sister Furong and said: "The person I am most grateful to is Sister Feng. Her appearance has made many people start to really look at me and look at me objectively. They found that I can still accept Sister Feng." . When I was in junior high school, our booth had just become popular. Sometimes when I was studying for self-study, I would go to the booth and occupy two phones. I was very puzzled. Later I found out that he dialed one phone and dialed another... and then the two microphones were connected in reverse. After a while, the phone was disconnected. There were scoldings...I'm so cold>"<|| Last night, only my roommate and I were left in the dormitory. He went to get food, and suddenly remembered the joke about the leftover girl and the J girl living together. While eating, I weakly He said, "Liang, we are the only single people in our dormitory. . . ""Um. "No matter what, I continued to eat from him. I put down my chopsticks. "Actually. . . It's pretty good for the two of us to make do with each other. . . "He looked at me blankly for a long time, then hesitantly said, "Why didn't you tell me earlier? . . I. . . I already have a boyfriend. . . "= =!!! I didn't flush the toilet after going to the toilet today. It's not that I feel sorry for the school's water bill, but... CAO! Who put the used WSJ face up on the flush handle! I went to ICBC the day before yesterday. While queuing up to withdraw money, I met a couple who were neighbors downstairs. They seemed to be arguing. The woman wanted to withdraw money to give to a male friend, but her husband kept arguing with her. When they were about to get in line, the man got angry. I grabbed the passbook and walked out... My poor neighbor was knocked down with a stick when he just walked in. That was when I was studying. I have been working at M for nearly a year. That energy still makes me feel energetic when I was a student! It is said that I was the leader of the class and was responsible for the teacher shouting "stand up" before class, but it gradually evolved into the teacher shouting "class." ", the students stood up and I shouted "stand up" would happen at the same time. As it turned out, it was the first class that day, and the teacher said "stand up", and the students all stood at attention, and I even shouted "stand up" loudly. Welcome! "I searched for my first girlfriend on Renren and chatted for a while. As we chatted about my high school math teacher, I said: Do you still remember Lao Liao from high school? (This teacher's surname was Liao, who was 49 years old at the time, and we called him Lao Liao.) I I plan to go back to see him during the National Day holiday. Are you going? She was stunned for ten seconds: He is my husband now... No wonder he used to pick on me and was taking the driver's license exam recently. There are 6 people in the back seat and the seats are stacked tightly. The little girl got into the car and let the plug of the back seat belt get stuck. She yelled, "What's pushing against me? It's so hard!" The car was silent and the coach looked back at me. I got nervous and said, "It's not me, it's the head of the condom." !" Yesterday, my brother told me that he gave me something good, and he was so mysterious that he didn't tell me what it was. He just said it was something I had been thinking about for a long time. I felt secretly happy. Could it be the NDSL that I had been thinking about for a long time? ? Today, the package came. I happily carried it to the classroom and threw it on the table nonchalantly. The performance attracted the attention of many students in the class. . >