Joke Collection Website - Joke collection - Need a joke
Need a joke
1. One day Xiao Ming took tomatoes, watermelons and strawberries to the street. At an intersection, the tomato was hit by a car. Xiao Ming said: "Hahaha! Ketchup!" At another intersection, the watermelon was hit. Xiao Ming said: "Hahaha! Watermelon juice!" At the third intersection, Xiao Ming was crushed to death by a car. Strawberry said: "Hahaha! Scum!"
2. On the street, a young man Walking up to a girl, he said: "Would you like to accept my invitation to sit in a cafe?"
"No, thank you."
"You know, I Not everyone is invited."
"You know, I'm not just rejecting everyone."
3. Three people went to New York for vacation. They booked a suite on the 45th floor of a high-rise hotel. One night, the elevator in the building broke down, and the attendant arranged for them to spend the night in the lobby. After discussion, they decided to walk back to the room and agreed to take turns telling jokes, singing and telling stories to reduce the fatigue of climbing the stairs. The jokes were told and the songs were sung. After finally climbing to the 34th floor, everyone felt exhausted. "Okay, Peter, tell me a humorous story." Peter said: "The story is not long, but it is extremely sad: I forgot the key to my room in the hall."
4 . A man walked into the bar and ordered a glass of wine from the bartender, and then ordered another glass. After drinking several glasses in a row, the bartender began to worry about the guest, so he asked him: "What happened?"
The man explained: "I had an argument with my wife, and she said she wouldn't talk to me for a month!"
The bartender thought for a moment and said, "It's a good thing that she won't talk to you. Ah!"
The man replied: "Yes! It's a pity that today is the last night!"
5. Brother Yi was constipated and couldn't go to the toilet for a long time. When he was trying his best, he saw a buddy rushing into the toilet like a storm and entering the seat next to him. As soon as he entered, there was a really violent storm. The brother said to the other brother enviously: I envy you so much, brother. Said: Why are you envious? I haven’t taken off my pants yet~~
6. A lady called the architect and said that her bed would shake every time a train passed by. "That's nonsense." The architect replied, "I'll take a look." "After the architect arrived, the lady suggested that he lie down on the bed and experience the feeling of the train passing by. As soon as the architect got into bed and lay down, the lady's husband came back. Seeing this, he shouted sharply: "You are lying on my wife's bed. What are you doing in bed? The architect replied tremblingly: "I said I was waiting for the train. Would you believe it?" "
7. A conversation on a crowded bus one day was as follows: A standing pregnant woman said to a man sitting next to her: "Don't you know I'm pregnant? ?" (I want him to give up my seat...) I saw the man saying nervously: "The child is not mine!"
8. One day, the mosquito touched the fly and said mockingly: Look, You are dirty and smelly, and you have to deal with feces all day long. I am white and fat, and it is great to have someone to suck blood! Then a fly swatter came over and killed the fly. The fly's soul came to heaven and met the reincarnation officer. The reincarnation officer said: You died miserably. What will you do in your next life? The fly didn't know what the mosquito was called, so he said to him: In my next life, I will be fat and suck. It was made of human blood and had a pair of wings. The reincarnation officer thought for a moment and said - Change!! The fly turned into a sanitary napkin with wings.
9. One day, the cow gave it. The donkey asked a question: which of the two bugs under the word "stupid" was male and which was female? The donkey racked his brains and still couldn't answer. The cow scolded: What a stupid donkey, the man is on the left and the woman is on the right!
10. A woman came home and happily said to her husband: Dear, I met a thief today, but he wanted to steal my things, but I didn't let him succeed.
Husband said: How do you know he is a thief?
The woman said: Look at him sneaking around and rubbing against me. Anyway, I just hold on to my wallet and don’t let go, whatever. How did he touch it?
11. When a farmer went to a car sales center, he took out 2,000 yuan and slapped it on the table: "Bring me a Santana.
The salesperson was shocked: "You don't have enough money!" The farmer was puzzled: "Isn't it written 'Santana 2000' outside?" "Salesperson: "Oh... then turn right when you go out, that company's Mercedes-Benz only costs 600! ”
12. A blond woman with blue eyes and big breasts got into the first class cabin of the plane. The flight attendant told her: “The ticket is for ordinary class, so you can’t sit here.” The woman said: "I am a beauty, and I want to fly first class to Los Angeles." "And kept emphasizing this sentence. The flight attendant could only find the team leader. The team leader asked about the situation, leaned over and said to the beauty: "First class is not in Los Angeles! "So, the beauty immediately went to the ordinary cabin. The stewardess was shocked!
13. A lumberjack applied for a job.
Foreman: Go try the woods in front and see what you do. How many trees can be cut in one minute?
Foreman: Wow! 20 trees in one minute. Where did you work before?
Worker: Sahara Forest
Foreman: I’ve only heard of Sahara Desert.
14. The funeral is over. The girlfriend comforted the new widow: “Don’t think about the bad side, think about the good side. "
The new widow thought for a while and said: "This is the first time in 20 years that I know where he spent the night. "
15.
16. A couple, the girlfriend asked pitifully: "Why can't we live in a more expensive house? "
The man said: "We will live in an expensive house soon. The landlord said he would increase our rent starting tomorrow. ”
17. The little girl learned a sentence from TV: “Yes, boss!” "It's quite capable of dealing with daily life. For example, if her father asks her to bring her a cup of tea, she will say, "Yes, Dad!" My sister asked for a handkerchief, and she said, "Yes, sister." "Once my grandma came to see them from the countryside, bringing big and small packages of gifts, and asked my little sister to help. She readily replied: "Yes, my wife! ”
18. The salesman was away from home five days a week because of his busy work, so he naturally apologized to his wife and wanted to use the whole weekend to make up for her!
One Saturday, when they were at While making out on the creaking bed... suddenly!
The old lady next door banged on the wall and shouted: You can't finish it! There are only seven days in a week! Do you want to take a day off?
19. Someone posted: I bought a senior mat at noon yesterday. I lay on it at night and had insomnia...it was full of body fragrance...So, God replied Appeared: I bought a senior’s quilt at noon and got pregnant the next day. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . , and wanted to leave. My sister-in-law said: Are you worthy of me? Brother, stop. My sister-in-law said again: Are you worthy of yourself?
21. I have a friend who is a painter. I'm an illustrator.
22. Buying rice. I pointed to the steamed dumplings. "Auntie, here are two siomai." "Okay." The aunt in the cafeteria gave me two spring rolls and gave me a dollar. . I think we are all worried people.
23. Two people went to the car show. The models at the car show were too revealing, and one person asked: "This!" Have you seen this kind of clothing since you were born? Another person replied: "I can't say I have never seen it. I haven't seen it since I was weaned." ”
24. Lao Zhang sells women’s shoes online and his business is good. One day, a beautiful woman directly sent her a photo of her legs and feet and asked Lao Zhang to match her with a pair according to the appearance of her legs and feet. Boots and a pair of shoes, Lao Zhang happily complied, and the beauty was very satisfied. The next day, Lao Zhang added a new business item on the website: selling bras!
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