20 17 funny jokes

When you have time, watch more funny jokes and cultivate your sense of humor. You will find that it is so simple to make people happy. The following is the hilarious joke of 20 17 that I compiled for you. I hope you like it.

Excerpt from 20 17 funny jokes.

1. A brother is constipated and can't be comfortable in the toilet for a long time. Just as he was going all out, he watched a buddy rush into the toilet like the wind and enter the next position. Hardly had he entered when there was a real storm. The brother said enviously to his buddy, "Dude, I envy you." The buddy said, "I envy you, my pants are still on!" " " -

2. A puppy climbs up to your dining table and crawls to a roast chicken. You are furious and say, "If you dare to do anything to that roast chicken, I will dare to do anything to you!" " As a result, the dog licked the chicken's ass and you fainted. The puppy said happily, "Look who is cruel."

Two counterfeiters accidentally created counterfeit banknotes with a face value of 15 yuan, and they decided to spend them in remote mountainous areas. When they bought a fifteen-yuan sugar-coated gourd with one yuan, they cried, and the farmer gave them two seven-yuan ones.

4. A: "Dude, why do you look so sad?" B: "I accidentally posted nude photos of my wife online!" " "A:" Then it's too early for you to be sad now. If that post sinks, you will be sad again! ""think about it, and you will understand.

I saw two children chatting in front of the kindergarten. The little girl asked the little boy, "Is there anything you can't do?" The little boy said shyly, "I won't leave you." "Then what won't you do?" The little boy asked expectantly. The little girl smiled shyly and said, "I won't like you."

6. The father said to his son, "Last night, didn't you go to school today? Your mother gave birth to two brothers. Just tell the teacher. " The son replied: "Dad, I only said that I gave birth to one; The other one, I want to stay until next week when I don't want to go to school! "

7. My sister-in-law goes to school and lives in my house. She often plays Three Kingdoms Kill with her classmates in my house, which makes me addicted. My wife is firmly opposed, saying that I still play games when I am old. Once my wife was on a business trip and killed three countries with her sister-in-law and classmates. My wife called and asked me what I was doing. I was anxious and said, "I'm sleeping." Wife: "I don't believe it." Me: "Ask your sister, she is right next to me."

8. One afternoon, I skipped class to play video games and didn't go home until after 8 pm. When I got home, I thought, "How can you lie to your parents? Dad will definitely beat me up. " Suddenly I heard my parents talking to someone in the room. I sighed, "God help me, too. If there are guests at home, my parents will not ask me about playing truant. " I opened the door excitedly and went in. I see, is the class teacher? I ended up with a swollen ass.

9. My niece is five years old and has just eaten bananas. Call her "Baby, come and eat bananas!" "She added," You are good or bad! " I was shocked: "What's the matter? "I didn't expect her to say," every time my father says this, my mother always answers. "

10. Today, I went home by car. There are many people in the car. I saw a girl reach into her bag pitifully. On impulse, I went to hug my sister, patted her bag and said, "Wife, it's almost the stop." Then give her a wink. She saw me stunned for two seconds and said to the man, "Husband?" I'll go! Couple, I got off before I got to the station?

1 1. My mother and I won the lottery together and went to a counter to receive the prize. The winner asked us whether we wanted twenty dollars or an apple. My mother and I thought, of course, to make money, we said it would cost twenty dollars. So the man took out a knife and cut the apple into twenty pieces?

12. A male teacher said angrily to a girl who was sleeping in class, "I'm so tired up there! You can't go there! If you don't cooperate, you won't even respond If there is nothing in your stomach in the future, don't blame the teacher! "

13. A three-year-old boy took the hand of a three-year-old girl and said, "I love you." The little girl said, "Can you be responsible for my future?" The little boy said, "Of course, we are not one or two years old!" "

14. My nephew likes roast duck very much. He wanted to eat roast duck today, but he didn't say anything. He said to me, "Uncle, if you don't eat roast duck in winter, you will freeze to death!" " ""why? "I was shocked." If you don't eat roast duck, you won't kill the duck. If you don't kill a duck, you won't pluck its feathers. Without duck feathers, you can't make a down jacket. Without down jackets, we will freeze to death. "

15. The two armies confronted each other in the valley, and the guards came in to report the enemy's situation: "Sir, the enemy reconnaissance plane is taking pictures of us." Sir: "Pass my orders? Don't laugh! "

16. Part-time job in the supermarket during the summer vacation. A guest came in and asked, "How much is that red plum?" "Four and a half dollars." "What shall we do?" "China is 45 dollars." He resolutely took out forty-five dollars. I respectfully handed in a pack of Chinese: "I knew it was the big boss at a glance!" " "He said impatiently," cut the crap and buy one for four and a half dollars! " "

17. I passed the breakfast stall in the morning and heard a conversation with God. "Boss, a bowl of Regan Noodles, more onions, more peppers, more vinegar, more sesame sauce, more noodles." "Miss, just say you want two bowls!"

18. Once on the subway, an old man beside me stared at me for a long time and suddenly said to me, "Look at your face, young man, you should weigh 80 kilograms!" I was shocked at that time! I said, "Grandpa, you are so accurate. Can you help me look at this year's fortune again? " Grandpa replied, "Look at you! You stepped on my foot! "

19. I usually go home by bus after work, and I will take a taxi when I get home in a hurry one day. After getting on the bus, the driver asked enthusiastically, "Do you listen to music?" I said, "Listen!" Then the driver sang all the way for me?

20. I passed a crossroads that day and had a desire to fart. A man just got on a motorcycle, so I wanted to take this opportunity to hide my fart. I don't know. It's too noisy. The motorcyclist thought the engine had started, so I put it in gear and was leaving. That time, I was embarrassed.

Appreciation of 20 17 funny jokes

1. The manager is talking to a beautiful girl: "Sorry, we don't allow swimming here?" "Then why didn't you tell me before I undressed?" "We didn't ban undressing."

2. Xiaomei wrote down her wishes when she grew up in her composition book: first, I hope to have a lovely child; Second, I also hope to have a husband who loves me. It turns out that the teacher wrote a comment: "Please pay attention to the order."

Who do you think is the most influential physicist? I wrote Newton. As a result, I was the only one in the class who failed. So everyone wrote the name of the tutor? Kao, what world is it? !

The butterfly said to the bee, "You are so stingy. You pretend to be full of sweet words, but you won't give me a word. " The bee said, "Hum! Still talking about me, you have two long antennas on your head, why don't you send me a text message? "

A parrot was taught to speak: "I can walk." Parrot: "I can walk." A: "I can talk." Parrot: "I can talk." A: "I can fly." Parrot: "Don't be ridiculous."

6. In the middle of the night, George W. Bush saw bin Laden standing in front of his bed, criticizing his head and distributing it. Bush was frightened and said, "How dare you break into the White House at night!" Bin Laden shook his chest-high beard, smiled darkly and said, "It's so confident to be soft!" " "

7. The parturient is about to give birth, and relatives and friends are anxiously waiting outside the delivery room. The nurse finally carried the baby out and everyone swarmed. "Is it a boy or a girl?" Fathers are most concerned about this problem. He couldn't wait to reach into his swaddling clothes and grope for it, then shouted happily, "It's a boy! It's a boy! " "What boy?" The nurse scolded angrily, "Let go of my finger!"

8. Teacher: "Xiao Xin, your problem is the improper use of words. Now I will test you and use an idiom to describe the teacher's happiness. " Xiao Xin: "Laugh at Jiuquan."

9. The fish said, "I kept my eyes open to leave you." The water said, "I have been flowing tirelessly all day and want to hug you." The pot said, "It's almost fucking ripe and still so poor."

10. In a military performance, a shell deviated far away. The soldiers sent to inspect found that the shells landed in the farmland, and there stood a farmer in Tanaka, his clothes were torn and his face was dark. With tears in his eyes, he said, "Just stole a few cabbages. Is it worth shelling?"

1 1. A hen laid a huge egg and a reporter came to interview. The hen was shy and silent, so she had to interview the rooster. The cock rolled up his sleeves. I won't comment on this matter at present, until I catch the ostrich!

12. A person swallowed an artificial eye by mistake and finally got stuck in the anus and couldn't get out. He went to the hospital. The doctor saw it and fainted on the spot. After waking up, he said, I have looked at my ass all my life, but I didn't expect to be looked at by it at last.

13. Henan Wa asked Henan Ma: "How to make sentences?" Henan mother: "A, this B child is from C family? Standing barefoot on D, EF does not wear, GG is still exposed! " Haha?

14. When a person always farts in the office, his colleagues can't help but say, "Can you keep quiet?" Then I saw him sitting there rocking. Colleagues asked, "What for?" Answer: "I set it to vibrate."

15. I heard from a friend that when he was in college, a boy with low emotional intelligence finally met a girl he liked, and they just started dating. Once a girl was ill, and a boy accompanied her to the infirmary for intravenous drip. Ten minutes passed, twenty minutes passed, and nothing happened. Thinking of breaking the silence, the boy asked, "Is it cold?" "cold" and "cold, I'll cover you?" The girl blushed and whispered "OK". The boy got up? Cover the drip bottle with your hand.

16. When I was a child, I always bullied my sister because of my age. One night, my father came to tuck us in and suddenly found my three-year-old sister sitting in the dark watching me sleep! "Why don't you sleep?" Dad asked. My sister quickly said, "Shh! Keep your voice down and hit her when she falls asleep! "

17. I have a classmate who is a disciple and feels a little possessed. School should do morning exercises in the morning, and he thinks that teachers must also get up early to do exercises, otherwise it is unfair. So I went directly to consult with the principal. The headmaster paused and said, "Where are you from?" My classmate said affectionately, "I was sent by God to save you." Principal:?

18. This person is hard of hearing when he is old. I remember when I was a child at my grandmother's house, one morning my grandfather was going fishing and met the old man next door as soon as he went out. The old man said to my grandfather, "Go fishing!" My grandfather said, "No! I'm going fishing. " Then the old man said, "Oh, I thought you were going fishing?" I was stunned.

19. Take my wife for prenatal examination in the morning. After blood drawing: Nurse: "Come and get the checklist on the 32nd." Wife: "1 month 32 or February 30." Me (weak): "February 1st" Nurse (Khan): "Yes! Yes! Yes! "

20. I flew a few days ago and found a beautiful woman sitting next to me after boarding the plane. According to the principle of chatting up, I blurted out, "Where did you get off?"

20 17 hilarious jokes

1. I cooked porridge with a rice cooker in the dormitory last night. Suddenly my roommate rushed into the dormitory and said, "No, the hospital leader led a team to check the illegal electrical appliances in the dormitory." It's already next door. What should I do with the cooker? " In desperation, I hid the pot directly under the bed. When the teacher came, he said, "Well, I can still trust Xiao Lei, so I won't look at your locker." I was secretly glad, but the teacher went on to say, "See if you use an electric blanket." As a result, I was recorded

2. The cat pounced on a person, had a new girlfriend, and wanted to visit her home. Knowing that his mouth was swearing, his girlfriend repeatedly warned him not to talk nonsense, and some people readily agreed. After the meeting, someone responded freely without saying anything, and his girlfriend's parents were very satisfied. After dinner, in the cold winter, my girlfriend's parents insisted on sending each other to the side of the road. Some people are very touched and their brains are hot. He blurted out, "Uncle, don't see me off. Go back quickly. Look at that!"

Today, my boss asked me to delete all the CS in Internet cafes. I was busy all night. Why do you want to delete CS? Actually, the cause is this. The public security bureau made a temporary inspection today. I got wind of it before. For several days in a row, I became a street sweeper, driving all creatures under the age of 18 out of the Internet cafe. So when the police uncles came from afar, my boss and I were not nervous. However, it is a pity. When the police uncles just stepped into the door of the Internet cafe, a group of people playing CS in the Internet cafe shouted excitedly: "The police are coming! The police are coming! The police are in the dog hole! Brothers, let's go! Kill them! " Well, I admit, at that moment, not only the police uncle's face was green, but my boss and I were horribly green.

She has a mobile phone and a PHS. One day, she changed a new mobile phone card. A colleague asked her what her new number was. She said she forgot, so she dialed her PHS with her changed mobile phone. While dialing, I continued to chat with my colleagues. After PHS rang, she picked it up and asked, "Hey, talk, I'll hang up if you don't talk!" " All the colleagues present were stunned. Then she hung up and said, "psycho, don't talk on the phone."

A brother went to the toilet and ended up in the ladies' room by mistake. When I went in, I found that there was no urinal, and it felt wrong. Fortunately, there is no one in the toilet. He walked out casually. When I was opening the door, I met a MM coming in. MM faced him face to face, blushed, lowered his head, and turned to drill in the men's room? -

The hunter saw a bird in the sky and missed three shots, but the bird still fell. It turned out that the bird didn't hit the neutron bomb and patted its chest and said, "Scared to death, scared to death!" " -

7. I passed the cemetery one night and thought it was a ghost fire when I saw the fire. Then he threw a brick and the fire moved to another grave. The man still threw another brick, and he heard, "Shit! You can't even shit. You will get two bricks when you smoke. "

8. A woman was walking at night when she suddenly saw a man coming towards her with open arms, gave a hug and stepped forward. The man fell to the ground and cried, "it's the third piece." Who did I piss off? Is it so difficult to take a piece of glass home? " -

9. A novice went to collect usury. He took out the IOU and smiled and said, "It's written clearly in black and white. You owe me1000000! Do you want to default? " People really don't have that much money, and he threatened: "Hum! Don't blame me for not reminding you! If you can't afford it tomorrow, your house will be just like it. " He took out a lighter and burned the loan? -

10. I once liked a girl, but she didn't like me. She said that the man she likes is the kind that no one dares to get close to when driving on the road. She thinks such a man is domineering. Last month. She is married. As she wished, her husband drove the sprinkler.

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