Bye, kid.

Youth is contradictory, confused and embarrassing.

The bright red number 84 on the test paper is really dazzling. I don't know where this grade ranks in my class, but I'm not satisfied myself. The students around are talking about the male student who got full marks. His name is Zhang Jiaming. I heard that he was not serious in class and homework, but he got 100 in the first math test in junior high school. They all say that he is clever.

Others get full marks so easily, but I, a hard-working student, got 84 points. Is it because my IQ is not as good as others?

Since primary school, my grades have been among the best in my grade. I am a good student that my teacher likes, and my classmates also like to play with me. In the junior high school exam, I was admitted to the best middle school in the town, which was the only one that year. It's been more than a month since school started, and I haven't made any friends. I am still the clever student, quiet, taciturn and unattractive. I'm still me, but the face around me has changed.

Zhang Jiaming is not tall, with a hedgehog head and bright eyes. At that time, although he was a minor celebrity in his class, he still wanted to look at Liu Zheng around him as a man of the hour. Liu is the tallest boy in the class, with profound facial features and fair skin. He is the cleverest among a group of boys who are crooked and split dates. At that age, we are most attracted to beautiful skin.

I haven't talked to them. I don't think they will pay attention to such a humble person.

Not long after, the class exchanged seats for the first time, and it happened that Zhang Jiaming was sitting in front of me. He is in the first row and I am in the second row. Generally, people sitting in the front are either short or naughty. Zhang Jiaming, the head teacher, was transferred to the front line, hoping that he could behave well under the teacher's eyes.

Hardly had I sat down to tidy up the things on the table when Zhang Jiaming turned around. "Hello, what's your name?"

I opened my mouth and suddenly felt embarrassed and didn't agree. He looked at me with his head down, thinking I didn't hear him, and patted my desk with his palm.

"Hello, what's your name?"

"I don't want to tell you." I don't know why I lost my temper at that time.

He stared at me twice, suddenly took the book from the desk and glanced at the words on the cover.

"I know your name."

When he spoke, the corners of his mouth rose, revealing white teeth and there seemed to be stars in his eyes.

Sitting behind Zhang Jiaming, I finally realized how restless he was. In class, I either doze off or fool around behind the desk. After class, I run faster than anyone else. He always doesn't hand in his homework on time, and he wants to copy his classmates as soon as he hands it in. Sometimes he wants to borrow my homework and copy it, but I refuse. I have to cover my exercise book tightly in case he takes it away.

Every Friday afternoon, when the bell rings, everyone happily packs up and goes home for the weekend, and boarders are no exception. The school gate became lively, students rode bicycles, parents drove cars, and vendors surrounded the street between the school and the dormitory. I walked slowly along the shopping mall, thinking about whether to rent a motorcycle. After crossing the intersection, I walked on, and the road suddenly became much quieter. Suddenly, a bike stopped in front of me. The girl on the bus looked back at me. When I walked beside her, she spoke.

"Hey, are you Zhou Xiaoyun?" I nodded my head.

"I'm in your class. My name is Lu Yuting. Are you going home like this? "

"yes. Are you too? "

"yes. Great, let's go together. "

Lu Yuting talked all the way, and I listened most of the time. She is as enthusiastic as the little sun.

This is how I made my first friend.

With the obvious changes in our bodies, our hearts began to throb.

The mid-term exam results came out, and my total score ranked fifth in the class, not too bad. The scores of all subjects are developing in a balanced way, and mathematics is also in the forefront. Maybe I am not as smart as others, but I know I am not stupid. Mathematics is not my weakness as long as I work hard. I looked it up on the report card. Zhang Jiaming's name is 27 years old. Except mathematics, the scores of other subjects are not high, especially English, which seems serious, but the advantages of mathematics are not obvious.

After the senior high school entrance examination, the class teacher changed his position again, transferring those who didn't study hard and got poor grades to the front and those who got excellent grades to the front. This time I moved to the innermost window, still in the second row. Outside the window is a meadow, opposite to the high school teaching building. Liu Zheng sits in front of me.

He is more serious than Zhang Jiaming in class. He doesn't have that many small moves. He didn't borrow my homework or a ruler from me. So we didn't communicate a word. One night, during self-study, the classroom was very quiet. Everyone is immersed in doing their homework, and those who don't do their homework are doing their own things quietly. My pen is out of ink. I took a pink pen out of my pencil case and threw it away when I opened the lid. The pen cover fell to the ground and rolled out. I looked down and rolled under Liu Zheng's chair. I was hesitating to speak, when Liu Zheng heard a voice. He bent down and looked at it, picked up the pen cover, raised his arm and folded it back. I carefully took the pencil case back from his hand and said "thank you" softly. He turned his back on me and didn't look back or talk.

I looked at the pink pencil case at my fingertips and vaguely smelled a faint aroma. I don't know if the fragrance on his hand touched the pen cover, or if the distance between us was shortened by a few centimeters when he leaned back in the chair just now, and the fragrance on his body floated over.

I waited for a while and looked at the pencil case in my hand, and suddenly it thundered.

After sitting by the window for a month, we still didn't communicate, and there was nothing to say except the kind words when handing in the test papers.

Soon, he was with a beautiful girl in his class. Before long, they separated. There are all kinds of rumors about Liu Zheng in the class, saying that he is in love with his senior and that he is with gangsters outside. Soon my love for him turned to disgust.

Teenagers are so fickle.

I learned a lot, so I began to bury my heart.

Boys aged 14 or 15 should be the noisiest time. They like to play tricks on people and bully girls just to prove something.

Lu Yuting is small, her skin is a few degrees darker than ordinary people, and she is not good-looking. Being straightforward, usually laughing or crying. In order to study a math problem, she will shut herself in the utility room at the back of the classroom. Lose your temper with yourself and punish yourself for not eating or sleeping because of poor exam results. She became friends with many girls, but became the focus of bullying by boys. They gave her all kinds of ugly nicknames, and when they saw her coming in the corridor, they would quickly avoid it, just like avoiding the plague. Or scold her when she laughs recklessly.

Yu Ting's happiness and sadness come and go quickly. Others say that we are completely different in character, moving is quiet, so extreme. She is my only friend, but she has many friends. Once I went to the canteen with Yu Ting and some girls. Everyone was talking and laughing, and suddenly one of the girls turned to me.

"Zhou Xiaoyun, why don't you laugh? Usually you always frown. "

I am silent.

"That's you didn't see. Besides, Xiaoyun is reserved. " Yuting helped me refute it. Everybody keep talking and laughing.

I know I usually have no expression and seldom laugh. Even if I laugh, I don't miss my teeth, because my teeth don't look good. But I don't know. I keep frowning.

I like Yu Ting's smile, and I like her appearance. She always attracts me. She's smart. She likes math and sudoku. Although her grades are not outstanding, I think she is very clever. She really likes dealing with numbers and formulas, but I just regard it as a task. She is optimistic by nature and doesn't take it seriously even if she is laughed at by boys. She has an upright and brave heart. In class, if the teacher thinks what she says is wrong, she will point it out. When someone cuts in line at the bus stop, she will stand up at once.

Although I am cold and quiet, Yu Ting has always been enthusiastic. I like being near her, she is like a little sun. Sometimes she is too extreme, I will remind her.

After going to college, we seldom contacted each other. One day when I was cleaning the room, I opened my old collection of notes, notes and gadgets. There are many pieces of paper in the paper wallet with Doraemon printed on it, most of which have turned yellow. I open one, which is the lyrics copied from high school, and open the second one, which is still the lyrics. The third piece of paper is folded into a triangle. Look at the crease, it seems that it has never been opened. That piece of paper is printed with Snoopy cartoon pattern, which is torn from a small notebook, not a blank piece of paper.

"Non-success son,

Haha, I didn't expect Miss Ruda to write to you. As a matter of fact, I think you are right about our fate. We really can't be good friends for life. Today, both of us have changed. Our relationship has changed! Maybe we've been together for too long, and the topics are gradually decreasing, or maybe there are more and more differences between us. Every time we talk about serious business, there will be more than ten minutes of fighting. "

I don't know when she put the note in As far as I can remember, we have never quarreled or quarreled.

"Sometimes I feel sorry for you. No matter what I do at ordinary times, I can't make you laugh. Or you don't even know it yourself. It is clear to the beholder that there is someone who can make you laugh all the time. In fact, you look good when you smile! Smile more! If you give me another chance, I'd rather I never sat at your desk, so maybe our relationship will be much better!

May 2006 18 "

So she knows!

Does he know?

What is the psychology of people who like pranks? Do they like it or hate it?

In the third year of junior high school, I sat alone and sat at the same table with two people.

It was the second day of junior high school, and Yu Ting and I became deskmates. The second time, Zhang Jiaming sat in front of me, and his deskmate was our monitor Guan Ying. Still in the window seat.

Among the boys in the class, Zhang Jiaming likes bullying Yu Ting best. We just moved the desks and chairs and put them together. Zhang Jiaming is already crying.

"God, how can I be so unlucky!" As he spoke, he looked at Yu Ting, then immediately covered his eyes and looked at the monster in horror.

Yu Ting adjusted her book, stared at Zhang Jiaming, and then turned to me and said:

"Ha ha, great, Xiaoyun, I finally sit at the same table with you!"

I'm happy, but I'm also a little worried. Can they get along so closely?

Zhang Jiaming still sleeps in class, runs outside after class, and turns a blind eye to Ting most of the time. Yu Ting is too lazy to ignore him and concentrate on studying magazines.

The most popular magazines at that meeting were Yilin and Reader. Occasionally I buy entertainment magazines, such as Boys and Girls. Yu Ting likes to read horror stories, and I like to read handsome guys and beautiful women on the cover.

The teaching building and dormitory building of the school are separated by a road. There is a canteen not far from the entrance of the dormitory, which is crowded with students who buy food after class. When we don't want to eat in the school cafeteria, we will also go out to buy food, and when we pass by the newsstand, we should also take a look and flip through magazines. Occasionally, when I go to the canteen, I will see Zhang Jiaming and some boys. It seems that they often eat out. Sometimes I meet him when I buy supper or take out the garbage in the school cafeteria. The dormitory area is actually very small.

Zhang Jiaming and I are completely different people. He can't sit still at all. Even after class, most of me just sit there and rest. This time, I found that he likes playing tricks on people. Often he would turn his head and say "excuse me". He has taken an eraser or ruler from the pencil-box on my desk without my permission. I don't know if he really doesn't have an eraser, and I didn't explore it. It's just that sometimes I need an eraser, and before he returns it, I knock on his chair with a pen. Later, he became more and more cheeky and borrowed things directly without asking, of course, when I was present. Knock on the chair, knock on his back, and sometimes I have to prick him with a pen tip. Maybe he thinks it's funny. Every time he stretches, he leans back, stretches his arms, and even leans his head against a pile of books. Looking at his short hair like a hedgehog, I took a pen and stuck it in his arm where the veins stood out. The tie was light, so he stood still and had to play it again.

I just wrote my name on the new ruler with a pen. Zhang Jiaming took the ink from me before it was dry.

"Oh, wait a minute. I just wrote my name, don't use it yet. "

He didn't respond. I held his chair and began to shake it.

"Did you hear that? ! "

"Give it back to you."

He turned around, handed in a ruler and smiled. Does he think bullying is funny? Why does he always laugh?

I took it away.

"The name I just wrote has been erased for you!"

"Let me see."

He took the ruler away again, and then he took my transparent glue away.

"What are you doing?" He turned his back on me and didn't know what he was doing.

After a while, he turned around again.

"Here you are. This is very good. "

He wrote my name and class on the ruler with correction fluid and glued the words with transparent glue.

I'm afraid it can't be erased anyway.

What can't be erased is your figure.

When I heard there was a basketball match, I dragged Yu Ting to the playground. Several basketball courts are playing games, and scattered spectators are standing around. I don't know whether Zhang Jiaming took part in the competition.

"Xiaoyun, do you like basketball? I can't understand it. "

"I don't know the rules. However, if you have nothing to do, come and see. "

After watching a circle, I felt bored and went to the canteen with Ran Yuting.

After dinner in the evening, we went to the newsstand outside the school gate to read magazines. Next to the newsstand is a canteen. In the dim light, there are students in school uniforms, and there are no familiar figures.

When the bell rang at seven o'clock, Zhang Jiaming walked into the classroom like a gust of wind with a schoolbag on his shoulder and a basketball in his hand. The evening self-study began and the classroom gradually quieted down. Zhang Jiaming sat sideways, facing the window, fanning the wind with a book. As soon as I looked up and saw his side face, I quickly buried myself in my exercise book.

Ever since I met Zhang Jiaming while taking out the garbage in the dormitory, I have become nervous every time I go out to take out the garbage. Actually, I haven't seen him since when I took out the garbage.

I don't know when I started, but my eyes are looking for him intentionally or unintentionally.

After the seat adjustment, my deskmate changed, and he no longer sat in the front. I was inexplicably confused at that time.

When he didn't sit in front of me, our intersection seemed to be broken.

It was my turn to be a duty student that morning. I wiped the window near the corridor with a rag. He entered the classroom through the back door, then walked to the other side of the window, patting his hand on the windowsill.

"Hi, a cloud, long time no see."

Cloud is his nickname. He leaned his arms across the window, still smiling. Seeing his smiling face at that moment, I was calm on the surface, but my heart became very relaxed.

In fact, happiness can be very simple.

Years later, what you said still rings clearly in your ears.

I can't remember how many times I changed seats. I went back to the window and Zhang Jiaming was still in front of me.

That day he said, "Stay in this position, or you will be behind me."

There is a smile on his face, but I can't believe he is as happy as I am.

Is it fate?

The second-grade classroom is on the second floor, opposite the high school, and the forest garden is outside the window.

In class, I accidentally glanced at him and found that his left hand was holding his head to look at the blackboard, and I was holding my head with my left hand in class. Realizing that our posture is the same, my heart jumped with joy, but on second thought, I silently put down my left hand.

Maybe his actions, even mine, are unconscious, but I am mentally.

I carefully hid my heart.

I tried to remember this time.

In the morning, the sun shines through the window, and we meet the sun together. In the evening, when the sun sets, I still remember his figure. In the evening, the cool breeze slowly, and there are insects outside the window. His figure is clearly reflected in the window. I looked out of the window and looked at the shadow on the window. The shadow is so clear that I dare not look at it again. I looked down and found his shadow on the tiles on the wall. I put my right face on the folded textbook and stared at the shadow on the tile sideways.

Chinese classical Chinese exam, he was called to talk by the Chinese teacher, back to his seat, he excitedly said to me:

"A cloud, you got 96 points in Chinese!"

"How do you know? It is a lie. "

"I just saw the paper changed by the Chinese teacher."

He has a smile on his face.

"Don't you believe it? I saw what i saw. It is normal for you to be so powerful and get such good grades. "

He doesn't understand that grades are my only pride. Growing up, I can only be seen by others if I get excellent grades.

I haven't seen Zhang Jiaming since I graduated from junior high school. I don't know his contact information, his address or where he goes to school. I hardly contact anyone except Yu Ting. Later, I learned from Yu Ting that everyone had a party and I was not there. She talked about the classmate she saw at the party, and Zhang Jiaming was there. Judging from her tone, it seems that Zhang Jiaming and the boys who used to laugh at her have smiled at her and stopped hating her.

I don't want to see him or inquire about him. I have a good memory, but I forgot the scene on the day of parting. I guess it's nothing special. After the exam, everyone will go their separate ways.

The joke was terrible, but I laughed because of you.

I have never thought about confession, and I have never expected to get anything in return, because I am timid and inferior. I don't know what love is. For me, that love is too vague. I like you today. You are the sea of stars in my eyes. Maybe tomorrow you will become a gutter. I can't even grasp my own heart.

In the years after graduation, I often think of him and those trivial things. Occasionally open the drawer, as well as his lettering ruler and a rough paper-cut in the shape of a schoolbag. He always likes to brush off the strap of my schoolbag hanging on the table, and the schoolbag will fall to the ground, and then look at my reaction, which is very interesting. Once I grabbed the schoolbag belt from him and it broke when I pulled it. So he gave me a paper-cut in the shape of a bag, saying it was for me. The paper-cut with two nails really made me laugh.

The only photo with his head is his single photo at the sports meeting. He held a poster with the words "Come on, come on" in one hand, showing scissors hands, a red face and a consistent smiling face. It was the third day of the sports meeting, and my roommate took a lot of photos with his camera. Then she asked everyone which photos they wanted so that they could be developed together. Seeing Zhang Jiaming's face in the camera, I said I wanted this one, and I asked for someone else's photo for fear of suspicion.

I locked the photos in the drawer. I'm glad I asked for his photo. On the graduation photo, he cocked his head and only saw the side face. He's the only one in the big picture who didn't look at the camera.

All the past will be erased by time. I waited for time to erase him from my memory.

When I was in college, I thought of him occasionally. On the day of foreign language class, the teacher made us think of jokes, and then each group sent people to the stage to speak in English. Several girls in our group are discussing what jokes to tell. All I can think of is the jokes that Zhang Jiaming told me over and over again.

At that time, he often played tricks on me and finally made me angry. He said, "Can I tell you a joke?"

I ignored him.

"There is a hunter who keeps an orangutan. One day, in order to train the orangutan, the hunter shot an arrow at the orangutan and tried to catch it. The orangutan caught all the arrows, but still died. Why? "

I still keep my head down.

"Hey, look at me."

He took the pen away from me and I looked up and gave him a push.

"Because the orangutan was so happy after receiving the arrow, he beat his chest."

After that, he took my pen and put it in his chest, screaming like an orangutan.

I can't help laughing.

After that, every time he saw me angry, he told me jokes and stories about gorillas. A joke is enough for him.

Bye, kid!

At first, I thought I had covered up my secret well. I didn't know until I read Yu Ting's letter many years later that some things can't be hidden without saying it. I can't help thinking, does he know?

Nobody told me the answer.

It is five years since I last saw him.

I'm still the one who studies hard. I'm not the best.

Tomorrow is New Year's Day, and the campus is deserted. I went to the quiet classroom with the coffee I just bought, and I sat in the last row by the window. Sipping steaming coffee, bathing in the sunshine, looking out of the window, my thoughts drifted back to the picture many years ago. It was the day before the New Year holiday. Everyone packed their things and went home. Before leaving, he waved to me hard and said loudly, "See you next year." Before I could say anything, he had already left.

I smiled.

If he knew, if he remembered me, in retrospect, I just hope he can smile.

In a trance, the boy appeared in front of me again. He waved and smiled and said to me:

See you next year.

Just like then.

"Goodbye."