What happened to Thor? It was picked out from the pigsty. Terrible, isn't it?

Introduction: A good friend sent a photo. There is an iphone6 on the piano in the photo. The next comment says that people who show off their wealth are the most annoying. An iphone6 is showing off. He replied: I didn't see more than 500 thousand pianos. You TM said I was showing off iphone6.

1, wife: "Go and wash the dishes." Husband: "You go." Wife: "forget it, let's be fair." Throw things and decide. You go to the front and I'll go back. " Husband: "Good." My wife smiled and picked up a badminton and threw it up ... My husband shouted, "Nima, it's not a coin toss!" " "The wife smiled and said," look up and go to wash the dishes! " "

2. Answer: "Is there more pocket money before marriage or after marriage?" C: "After marriage." A: "Your wife is so nice!" C: "Yes, she said I was steady and prudent, and coins and small money wouldn't fall down here."

3. Men complain that their wives are too fat, and sleeping at night takes up a lot of places, so it is uncomfortable to fall asleep. The friend said, "I don't have such a problem." The man asked, "Is your bed extra large?" The friend said, "Not really. If you let her go, she won't occupy the position! " "

4. Under the willow tree, two grandfathers play Go, which is the rise of killing. An old woman came and stood beside them watching. After a while, the old lady picked up half a bottle of water on the stool and handed it to the old man, saying, "Take a rest and drink more water." The old man smiled and said, "Thank you! Do you also like to play Go? " The old lady said, "No, I want this mineral water bottle."

5. Pig Bajie was very jealous when he heard that Master had sewed a tiger fur coat for the Monkey King. Pig said to the Tang Priest, "Master, I'm afraid of the cold. Please make me a dress! " The Tang Priest said, "Bajie, I can't make clothes!" Pig said unhappily, "Master, you can do it for Monkey, but if you do it for me, just sayno. You are partial." Hearing this, the Tang Priest laughed and said, "Pig head, well, it's the teacher's fault. Do you want me to ask Wukong to buy you two clothes? " Bajie was very happy to hear that Master wanted to buy two new clothes. Pig said with a smile, "That's more like it." The Monkey King pretended to be unhappy and whispered, "Master, you asked me to buy clothes for Bajie. I don't know what size he wears. How can I buy them? " The Tang Priest laughed and said, "Wukong, it's not difficult. If you go to the store to buy two maternity clothes, Bajie will definitely suit you ... "

6. One day, Luban went to a high mountain to look for wood. Suddenly, his foot slipped and he quickly reached for a clump of thatch on the roadside. My hand was cut by thatch and blood came out. "Why is this simple thatch so sharp?" He picked up a thatch and studied it carefully, and found that there were many sharp little teeth on the edge of the blade. He thought: if I also use tools with many small serrations, then my wife's stockings will not be so difficult to tear!

7. Two women are chatting on the phone. Do you know what people call "sex between men and women" nowadays? B: What's your name? A: Dredge the sewers. B: This is a novel and vivid statement. Do you know what people call "doing that outside behind their families' backs" nowadays? B: What's your name? A: Eat instant noodles. B: Wait a minute. My husband is back and knocking at the door. Honey, you're back. Why do you look so tired? Husband: Don't mention it. I'm tired and hungry after dredging several sewers! No, I didn't come back until I ate several bags of instant noodles in one sitting.

8. Teacher: Xiao Ming, don't look around in class ... Xiao Ming: I didn't look around ... Teacher: You are still quibbling! You look left for a while and right for a while ... Xiaoming: Really, the left is south and the right is north, how can I look around! Teacher: Get out. ...

9. Wife: Husband, do I have any shortcomings? Husband: this ... wife: speak out boldly, it's okay ... husband: it's not a shortcoming, it's perfect if you change it ... wife: what exchange? Husband: Compare your temper with your chest. ...

10, I smelled a bad smell as soon as I entered the elevator ... I wonder where it came from ... At this moment, a beautiful woman came in. As soon as she smelled that smell, she immediately looked at me with contemptuous eyes ... Nima, it seems that I did it. I was about to open my mouth to explain, poof, a fart came out ... The beauty quickly covered her nose again and looked at me contemptuously again ... The beauty hurried out of the elevator: mental derangement. ...

1 1. As soon as I got to the door, I heard my wife quarreling with the bear's son. After entering the door, before I could speak, my wife asked me, "Husband, in order to educate children, we must cooperate well." Do you agree? " I quickly agreed. The wife immediately took out 50 yuan's money: "Husband, this is your pocket money today." I immediately grabbed the money and jumped several feet in excitement, thanking my wife again and again. "Look, this is' overjoyed'," the wife turned to look at her son. "Do you understand the meaning of this word?" "I see." The son said. "Well, I'll teach you' black and blue' and' compromise'." "Nima!" I almost vomited blood.

12, a: damn, what bad luck! Hard work, arrested and detained for five days! B: It must be because of the poor quality of your products that no one likes them. A: Impossible! Everyone likes what I make, and everyone is vying to use it. They also help me advertise for free everywhere. B: What did you build? A: It's a rumor.

13, the lion king launched a leg competition, and zebras, antelopes, bison, sika deer, bears and gray wolves all signed up enthusiastically. In the end, sika deer and bear were chosen by luck. The choice of sika deer is not controversial, and the choice of bear makes other animals very unbalanced. "What do you know? Bear's legs are typical O-shaped short legs. " The lion king said. "But what can I do with O-legs?" I want to go hunting recently, but I don't have a slingshot. His legs can just be used as slingshots. " The bear howled and fainted. "Your majesty, my legs are very beautiful. You must have chosen me as a dancer? " Sika deer asked. "Your legs are thin, long and strong, and they feel perfect. It is best to make a pair of chopsticks. "

14, the day before Mother's Day, my daughter who went to college sent a message to her mother: "Dear mom, tomorrow is Mother's Day. Let me buy you a washing machine in case you are too tired to wash clothes! " Mom replied, "no, this job has always been done by your father!" " ""buy a vacuum cleaner! " "No, cleaning is your father's patent!" "What should I buy?" "Your dad is not obedient to buy him a washboard! "On Father's Day, my daughter sent a message to her father:" Dad, today is my father. I bought you a pair of knee pads, which are very effective for my mother's washboard! " "

15, the explanation for the fall of women's underwear upstairs, pessimist: I can't stand the humiliation of my master every day, so my underwear chooses to jump off the building to commit suicide. Optimist: It must be that women are not satisfied and throw down their underwear to vent their anger. Dreamer: I guess the woman upstairs has a crush on me and left this as a signal. Realist: If only the person wearing underwear fell down instead of underwear.

16. The rooster bought an ostrich egg from the market and said angrily to the hen who laid it, "You have the cheek to show off your eggs everywhere every day. Please see that it was given by a foreign wife. You must reform and open up! "

17. Today, my father gave me lucky money, but I pretended to be so big that I didn't want it. My dad threw the money directly in front of me and said, "I'll pay you back after the New Year." My real dad!

18, Zhang and Li steal together, and don't want to steal only one copper coin overnight. They all insisted on the ownership of this copper coin. Zhang said meanly, "Last night, the gods had a dream that I would get a copper coin. Go to the market to buy a bowl of hot soup noodles and drink for two days! " Reluctantly, Li quickly replied, "My mother said it 16 years ago, and today I will put a copper coin in it. Anyone who can't get through with me will be desperate these two days! " Seeing Zhang stingy standing there, Li stingy quickly grabbed the copper coin and put it in his pocket, and slipped away like a cigarette.

19, Doctor: What's the matter? Man: My knee hurts. Doctor: When did it start? M: After marriage. Doctor: Sometimes it hurts badly, sometimes it hurts slightly. Man: Yes, kneeling on the washboard is a heavy pain, but not kneeling is a light pain. Doctor: That's right. The disease is prevalent among men. M: What disease is so popular? Doctor: Wife phobia.

20. Vultures continued to pester the Buddha because they failed to find the Buddha's theory by abstaining from meat. Bald eagle: "Buddha, why do you want to quit color?" Buddha said, "Buddha said, don't say." Condor: "I know! When you were a prince, you ate too much wine and meat. Later, in order to lose weight and gain weight, you were required to give up meat. Did you have too many women around you, and then you got bored, so you decided to give up color? " Buddha said, "No, will you be bored if I give you many women?" Condor: "No, why?" Buddha said, "You will know when you get so fat."

22. The snake offended the beetle and hid in its nest. Beetles don't want to stay outside. It accidentally took a nap. When it opened its eyes, it saw an earthworm crawling in front of it. The beetle immediately caught up and scolded, "Shit, do you think you can fool me into running away by losing weight?" Beetles chase earthworms. The snake poked its head out of its nest carefully, but saw a turtle coming. It immediately shrank back and muttered, "Damn it, that boy just left, why did his father come again?"

23. The new neighbors came to my house to say hello. He lamented: "Working in Beijing is too unstable. I moved twice a year and have no sense of belonging. " I echoed and said, "Yes! I was always driven away by the landlord and forced to move twice. " He sighed, "If I had known, I wouldn't have bought so many houses."

24. diaosi: what did you do? Gao Fushuai: I have been a teacher, waiter, secretary, stewardess, driver and so on. Diaosi: Wow, your family has so much money to do this kind of work. Gao Fushuai: Oh! So you're talking about work.

26. At lunch, I asked my father, "Why doesn't our family have a genealogy?" "Because of poverty." "Why?" "The ancestors were poor, and there was nothing to write on the genealogy. They are afraid of being abandoned by future generations. "

27, hey! I watched others show their achievements the other day. Seeing others show love these days. A few days later, I watched others show their lucky money. Living is really tiring!

28. I had a nightmare last night. When I woke up, I pretended to be pitiful and sympathetic. As a result, the smelly man said, "What's the matter? Someone picked it up from the pigsty? Afraid? "

29. Why is SF the boss of the express delivery industry? The answer is that the Chinese New Year is over, the ordinary express has rested, and SF continues to fight. Except for the first day of the New Year, the goods are delivered normally at other times ... The most terrible thing in this world is that you have a rest, but people who are better than you are still working hard!

30. "My wife gave a year-end bonus of 4000 yuan today. I calculated that after deducting the mortgage, my son's tuition and the New Year's gift, there were 200 pieces left. " "So much, then don't eat 15 yuan's box lunch at noon, eat 15 yuan's box lunch ~ After all, it's almost the New Year, so be good to yourself."

Editor's note: One day, a family carried a coffin to attend a funeral. It happened that a beggar passed by with his son. The son asked, "Dad, where are people going?" The beggar replied, "He is going to a secret place where no one will go without eating or drinking." The son said happily, "Is he going to our house?" tool ...

Which gesture do you like? Pick it out and I'll show you.

I have always believed that liking someone means wanting to be close, so, ah, you are not close, which is the answer to everything.

It's not that I've changed, but that I understand how others treat me, so I treat others.

Don't complain about the water coming out until you tighten the coke can. If you don't keep your mouth shut, don't complain about your privacy and let others know.

Which gesture do you like? Pick it out and I'll show you.

The past page, if you can't turn it, don't turn it. If you turn over the dust, you will lose your eyes.

Every woman who has failed to lose weight for a long time has a girlfriend who has not been fat for many years.

You can fall, but remember to stand up, you can cry, but remember to grow up.

I can accept failure, but I don't accept failure that I haven't tried!

People's eyes are black and their hearts are red, but sometimes their eyes are red and their hearts are black.

What are you unhappy about? Say it and let's have fun.

We are all like children, fooling around because of dependence, being polite because of strangeness, taking the initiative because of concern, and not contacting because we feel redundant.

Journey to the West tells us that monsters with backgrounds have been taken away, and those without backgrounds have been killed by a stick.

Those who can laugh to death can naturally shed tears silently.

I like you so much that you will die.

Burst out a little humorous phrase

Lead: I never understood why my boyfriend broke up with me. Today, I finally couldn't help calling him. He was silent for a while and said, "I'm pregnant with your child!" " "I was surprised, calmly thought about it and asked him," but you are a man! ""He howled hysterically: "Look at you, you still don't trust me! That's why we broke up! "

1. Tickets for major scenic spots on National Day have all gone up, only tickets have gone up, but the service in scenic spots has not improved? If Li Bai, a great poet in the Tang Dynasty, lived today, it is estimated that he could not write more than half of his poems, because he simply could not afford tickets to famous mountains and rivers!

As the saying goes, it is better for a woman to live beautifully. MD, I find it difficult to live a beautiful woman!

At work, I asked my colleagues to lend me a few dollars to buy water. He took a dollar out of his wallet and I said, "It's not that bad!" " "He said," when you get married. This is still my private money! " "

When my buddy went to the interview, the beauty supervisor asked him, "How long can you do it?" The buddy paused: "Usually half an hour!" "I mean here!" "I'm a little nervous here. I can last about five minutes! "

When my son was young, he got a peanut in his nostril. If he couldn't get it out, he went to the hospital and the doctor took it out quickly. When I got home, I wondered why I couldn't get it out. I took one and stuffed it in my nose, so I smiled and said to the doctor, Oh, here I come again.

If one day you suddenly think of me, please pick up your mobile phone and dial my number. No matter how busy and idle I am, as long as you say "I invite you to dinner", I will appear in front of you rain or shine. This is my lifelong commitment to my friends!

7. I have been with my boyfriend for a while, and I haven't even touched my hand several times. It was raining lightly that day, and we were walking under an umbrella. I thought to myself: Why is this fool so inactive? So after crossing the bridge, I deliberately folded my umbrella and threw it into the river, and then smiled and said, would you like to let me get wet alone? He paused for a moment, then threw his umbrella into the river without hesitation, and then smiled and said to me, this time we got wet together! I ...

8. My sister likes to talk nonsense everywhere, so my mother scolded her: "Women should mind their own mouths, and talking nonsense everywhere will be annoying." He turned to me and said, "You too. Shut your mouth. " I quickly argued, "I'm not talking nonsense everywhere." My mother gave me a white look: "Shut your mouth, or you will become a pig."

9. My colleague has a hunchback. I patted him on the back and shouted, "Luo Guo!" " He turned slowly and said, "That's because I talk too much to a dwarf like you." anxious ...

10, a young female colleague's mouse was broken, so I gave her my flying swallow first. As soon as she saw my mouse, she immediately despised me loudly: "Hey! Use such a pornographic brand! People don't pull! "

1 1. I just watched TV and said that a new type of restaurant is very popular recently: all girls are free, but on condition that they share a table with men, and all the expenses for girls to eat and drink are paid by men. Mom looked at the pie pie: "This is a nightclub in disguise! Ah, don't you think so, old man? " Dad pushed his glasses and replied, "I've never been to a nightclub either. I don't know if it's different ... "At that time, I knelt down for my father's reaction speed!

12, I lost 5.50 yuan by bike today, so stop and pick it up. When I found fifty cents, two beautiful women came over and stared at me. At this time, two beautiful women said, "Stop and pick up fifty cents. How embarrassed you are to be such an adult!" " I'm stupid. Is it wrong to pick it up when I drop it?

13, my best friend and I stopped a motorcycle the day before yesterday, and a master stopped it, so we asked, "How much is it to the crane?" The master said, "Twelve dollars!" I said, "Don't sit!" The master added, "Are you willing to pay six dollars?" I am so happy: "Get on the bus?" The master said, "I won't go if you go!" " "The car drove away.

14. Today, my friend pretended to be B and asked me, "Why did I have many friends of the opposite sex before I fell in love, but they all left silently after I fell in love?" I gave him a contemptuous look and replied, "It's very simple. When you see a dog in the street, you will tease it, but when you see two dogs mating, will you tease it? " Or being chased by friends? ...

15, I took my daughter to see the lanterns at night and held her all the time. I was tired, so I let her go by herself. There were a lot of people, and my daughter was crowded in the crowd and suddenly shouted unhappily, "Mom, I want to see lanterns, I don't want to see my ass!" " "

16, it happened that my mother was packing clothes, and I was chatting with her, and then I talked about sex. My mother said while cleaning up, "Stop looking for handsome guys, you are unreliable!" " I said sadly, "Mom, do you think you gave birth to me just to let me find a handsome guy?" My mother gave me a look and said with a relieved expression, "Yes, I think too much."

17, "Sir, do you need an ordinary hairdresser, a senior hairdresser or a director hairdresser to cut your hair?" "What's the difference?" "The higher the level, the less words." "Up to the director level! ! ! "

18, donated blood in the school square a year ago, 200CC sent a manicure set and 400CC sent a watch. A MM in the next class felt very happy when she heard about it. She ran to the nurse and asked, "What is 1000CC for?" The nurse said calmly, "Send an urn."

19. Last night, a classmate who hadn't heard from me for three or four years suddenly added a button to chat with me, called enthusiasm and nostalgia. Finally, I was invited to his wedding next month. I tactfully informed him that my son would have a full moon next week, and suddenly his head was gray!

20. The landlord comes home from school. When he got home, he vaguely heard someone calling me and stopped. Listen carefully, alas, someone is really calling me. I saw a beautiful girl calling my nickname in the distance. That kind of excitement, I gave an "grace" and she was still shouting, didn't she hear it? I shouted again, and this girl came to me directly. I was moved in my heart, but she came up to me and slapped me directly: "deliberately rolled my calf, right?" If I can't find my puppy, I will secretly look for you every day! "

2 1, my husband finally came to my office once, and I want to show my husband and wife love in front of everyone. He poured coffee and handed him a towel to wipe his sweat ... He held the towel and looked up and asked me painfully, "Wife, did you do something wrong?"

22. It rained all day today. I just saw a 12-year-old boy walking by the road with an umbrella. A car quickly splashed all over the road. Children react quickly when they pass by. He pointed his umbrella at the car, and the window was half open, splashing all over the woman in the co-pilot. I only heard a scream. Then the car stopped and a man got off. I thought the child was going to suffer. Who knows that the child jumped into the water and gave a good meal.

23. I woke up my stupid girlfriend at the weekend and ignored her twice before. Because sometimes she will not eat because she is lazy, the third time. "Hey, still not up?" "Quilt, you don't pull me! I want to get up and eat! Don't pull me! " My mobile phone is in a mess.

24. Today, I went shopping with my girlfriend to buy clothes. After entering a women's clothing store, I sat on the sofa. At this moment, I saw a six or seven-year-old shota running around. He suddenly ran to the door of the fitting room and shouted, "It's time to witness the miracle!" " The curtain in the fitting room was lifted at once.

25. A beautiful sister paper came on the bus, sexy and enchanting. I couldn't help swallowing a few mouthfuls. The aunt sitting next to me looked at me disdainfully and even tightened her skirt and looked at me warily. Damn, that's too much. I grabbed my aunt's hand and pressed it. My aunt immediately became kind. "Daughter!

26. Some of my classmates went to the restaurant where they often eat. The boss came to say hello and naturally asked me, "Didn't you bring your wife today?" A female classmate slapped the table and shouted, "I'm his wife!" " Who is that woman? "The boss backed out in a daze. I looked embarrassed and asked my female classmate why she was joking. The lesbian said, "Just wait for the discount. "After dinner, I went to check out, and the boss was really sorry and said," I really didn't know you had a lover before. Go back and explain to my sister-in-law, and tell her I mistook you for someone else. "This meal is my treat. I am really sorry! "

27. Apple: "My system is the best!" Samsung: "My screen is the biggest!" Xiaomi: "Winter is coming, I can keep warm!" " "Vivo:" I am the hottest seller in China now! "Nokia's voice came from the corner:" Everybody shut up! I will help anyone who wants to die! " "

28. Teacher: Today, I also want you to be a teacher, so that you can experience the hardships of being a teacher. Xiao Ming: The classmate above, since you like standing so much, stand in the corridor. Teacher: Get out. ...

29. "Boss, get a tattoo!" "Guest, what do you want to tattoo?" "A wolf!" "The guest officer good taste! Tattooed wolves are domineering. " "Well, how much is a little gray?"

30, my son came back, very sad. Mother asked, "What's the matter?" The son said, "everyone laughed at me and said, you are so fat!" " Mom smiled and said, "That's because people don't know you yet, so they can only judge a book by its cover." A few days later, my son came back crying and said, "Since everyone knew me, everyone laughed at me: you are so stupid!" " "

Editor's note: On a date in the evening, he bought a Xiaomi mobile phone. On the way to send her back, he suddenly handed it to her. He said, "You actually know that I bought it for you." She said, "Yes." He said, "Thank you for not telling the truth." She said, "Can I tell?" He said, "You can say that." She said, "Oh, the phone is broken."

Primary school students' graduation messages frightened parents.

Primary school students' graduation messages frightened parents.

News: I wish you a big official when you grow up. You must have two more beautiful mistresses and have twins as soon as possible. Ms. Li, who lives in Nancai Community, Zhengzhou City, will make a fortune in the future, eat all over the sky and run around looking for teeth. I was very worried to see such news in my son's primary school graduation yearbook these two days. How to educate children about society has caused a lot of concern.

Ms. Li's son graduated from primary school this year. He is a sensible boy at home and a good student with excellent grades at school. Two days ago, when Ms. Li looked through her son's graduation photo album, she found that many of the contents listed above were written in words of blessing. The couple felt that the situation was serious, but the son said disapprovingly, what is this? Anyone who writes down his wishes for your success will certainly be laughed at!

The reporter asked a girl who graduated from junior high school. She said: graduation messages are all sent by classmates for fun. Some boys write to wish you make a fortune in the future, drive a Mercedes, live in a villa, raise a mistress and bring honey; Girls also write about beautiful women and marry rich people!

Parents are generally worried about this phenomenon. Ms. Zhang, a middle school student, said: There is a social fashion now. It seems that people with money and power are successful. Many TV programs and newspapers are spreading this idea, and bad social atmosphere has seriously affected children!

A teacher who has been a class teacher for many years in Henan Experimental Primary School thinks that this phenomenon is not surprising. Although this information is not necessarily the true ideal of children, education is the role of schools, families and society in many aspects. Children's writing in this way is obviously influenced by some negative factors in adult society. We often say that moral education in schools can not be completed in a day or two, and the influence of society is often more profound and effective than that in schools.

Xu Yubin, an associate professor at Henan Institute of Education, believes that this issue should be viewed comprehensively. Children also live in the same society, and various objective social phenomena and values will also affect them. We should not blindfold children and let them see the bright side, but guide them to face the complicated world, learn to identify and choose, and establish a noble outlook on life and values.