I want a joke that I can tell my wife~~ By the way, my wife doesn’t understand the cold ones! ! Please write more~~Thank you 1

1. I asked a friend what the password for his photo album was. He gave me a 17-digit string of English words "cptbtptpbcptdtptp". I asked in surprise: "It's so long, how can you remember it?" He was weak. He replied weakly: "If you eat grapes, you will spit out the skins!"

2. There was a meat bun. One day he went to drink, but he was drunk, so he walked away While holding on to the telephone pole, he vomited and turned it into steamed buns

3. The painter stood on a ladder and painted the ceiling of the mental hospital. After a while, a patient came to him and said, "Sir, hold your pen firmly and don't let go!" "I'm holding it, no problem." "Okay, then I'll take this pen." Move the ladder and use it.

4. The phone rang on the way to work, "What, it's closed?" ! "Yes, it will be closed at 7 o'clock." "Really closed?" "It's really sealed!" "Hurry and tell the driver: "The highway is closed! ”

5. A man named Huang particularly admired soldiers, so he named his son Huang Jun.

One day when he was sending his son to school, when he was approaching the bus stop, he suddenly saw The No. 8 bus that my son took to school was approaching, so he shouted anxiously to his son: "Huang Jun, run quickly, No. 8 is coming."

6. On the first day, the little white rabbit went The little white rabbit went fishing by the river, but didn't catch anything, and went home.

The next day, the little white rabbit went fishing by the river again, but didn't catch anything, and went home.

On the third day, as soon as the little white rabbit arrived at the river, a big fish jumped out of the river and shouted at the little white rabbit:

If you fucking dare to use carrots as bait again, I will kill you I'll kill you!

7. The last thing is not a joke, but it's very funny.

The father and daughter are sitting in a row on the plane. The child's father looks like he is in his early 30s. The girl is very smart and looks like she is only in the first or second grade. The stewardess handed out the food. As soon as she got it, she opened it and ate it happily. She must have been starving.

Her father said: " Have you thanked Auntie? "

The little girl said very cutely: "Thank you, Auntie"

Her father: "Tell Auntie, Auntie, you are so beautiful. "

The little girl's tone suddenly changed: "Auntie, my dad said you are so beautiful. My dad likes your type. "

Her father was stunned for a moment. The stewardess was happy and said, "Can you ask dad if he wants beef rice or egg noodles? "

The little girl still said in the same tone: "No, it's better for him to see beautiful women than to eat.

Her father said awkwardly: "Let's have beef rice." ”

Then, the stewardess left. The father and daughter talked again, but the tone was not that of father and daughter at all, but the kind of familiar brothers and sisters teasing each other, little one. The girl talks like an adult.

Her father: "That's what I just said! ”

Little girl: “Come on, I still don’t know what you are thinking!” How could you not do this? As soon as my mother is gone, you start. Do you think you are so energetic? "

Her father's face turned green: "Eat you! If you keep talking nonsense, I won’t take you out again! ”

Little girl: “Oh, please don’t take me out before it’s too late.” Now I feel that I am super redundant here. I said you can do it too. Just be content if you can find my mother like this. They say that my daughter was my father’s lover in my previous life, so I’m surprised, why did I fall in love with you in my previous life? ”

Her father was so angry with Na Na when he heard that...

Everyone around him bowed his head and was happy...