Classic funny quotations of the year

A collection of classic funny quotations of the year

1. When you are young, you think everything has an answer, but when you are old, you may feel that there is no such thing as an answer in life.

Every day, you have a chance to pass by many people. Some people may become your friends or confidants, so I never give up any chance to pass by others.

3. Sometimes I get my head broken, whatever! being happy is all

4. What is power? When a person commits a crime, the judge sentenced him to death according to law. This is not power, this is justice. And when a person commits a crime, the emperor can sentence him to death or not, so he is pardoned, which is called power.

Brother, I'll throw a brick first. Throw the jade if you have it.

6. I can't eat if I can't hear your voice for one day, I'm not in the mood for work for two days, I can't sleep for three days, I can't get out of bed for four days, I go to the hospital for five days, and I queue up for reincarnation for six days.

7. On the crowded bus, the pregnant woman said to a man sitting next to her: Don't you know I'm pregnant? I saw the man nervously say: the child is not mine!

8. You see a lump of poop on the ground. Go up and smell it as if it is poop. Put a little bit in your mouth and taste it as if it is still poop. You said happily, it's a good thing you didn't step on it.

I wanted to give you a piece of gold, but later I found something more valuable than it. You want to know what it is? Thank you! Simple! If you want to thank me, send me gold!

10. Dear Unicom users, your mobile phone may break down due to network adjustment. If you find it in time, please drop your mobile phone on the ground twice. Thank you for your understanding and support!

1 1. There are many people on the bus. He is inside, so it is not very crowded. But suddenly I found a beautiful girl coming at the door! So I tried my best to squeeze into the car door. Finally, I squeezed into her side. Before I could have a closer look, she finally couldn't help it, threw up all over him, and then said she was sorry and got off the bus.

12. Feeling close, she asked, "Why did you remember to write me a note?" "I have written to every girl in my class, and only you have written back.

13. Sir, "the wife secretly put Viagra on her husband's face and gave it to him. The husband was furious and said," Why is this face standing up one by one?

14. The head can be broken, but the hairstyle can't be messy. Blood can flow, leather shoes should be oiled.

15. Dear, you always say that I love to brag, so please listen to me: "For you, I can explore the moon for nine days, but I can catch turtles in five oceans!" Because: "the moon" is you, and "the tortoise" is you.

16. Memories are sad, expectations are lost, and the current passion is mixed with ecstasy and despair.

17. If everyone looked down on their own joys and sorrows, there would be no Romeo and Oedipus in the world.

18. It is said that the earliest love poem was written like this: You are from Yuanmou, Yunnan, and I am from Zhoukou, Beijing, holding your furry little hand and biting your mouth gently, ah! It is love that makes us walk upright.

19. Lovely, you stole my love and my heart. I've decided to sue you in court. What should I sentence you to? The judge searched all criminal records and cases, and finally the jury unanimously passed: I sentence you to be mine for life.

20. If you blink, I will die. If you blink again, I will come back to life. If you blink, I will die.

2 1. Regret is an emotion that consumes the spirit. Regret is a bigger loss than loss and a bigger mistake than mistake, so don't regret it.

22. Few women feel suitable for them before marriage, but many women feel suitable for them after marriage.

23. Nonsense is the first sentence in interpersonal relationship.

24. When fantasy and reality face each other, it is always painful. Either you are knocked down by pain, or you step on it.

25. Fate is like rape. If you can't resist, you can only enjoy it. Work is like gang rape. You can't do it, someone else will. Life is like masturbation. Everything depends on your own hands. The future is like sex. There are always low tides and high tides. Reading is like calling a chicken. You must give and contribute. How to do this? You must be paralyzed.

26. If you are right, so is your world.

27. Optimists see opportunities behind problems, pessimists only see problems behind opportunities, and opportunities will never knock on your door, no matter how many years you wait. It will only pass like a gust of wind, which requires your reaction ability and speed. Move towards a goal, exert your potential as much as possible, and you will find opportunities when you are talented. Although the wind has no color, it is green after blowing.

28. In a person's life, you may not have great fame or a lot of wealth, but you must have no pleasure in working.

29. Wisdom is: judge correctly, accept new knowledge, be lively and active, learn from experience and make good use of knowledge.

30. The meaning of wealth: It not only means having a lot of money, but also includes good interpersonal relationships, comfortable lifestyles and personal achievements.

3 1. Remember what should be remembered and forget what should be forgotten. Change what can be changed and accept what is unacceptable.

32. Death teaches people everything, just like the results announced after the exam-although it suddenly dawned, it was too late!

33. Apart from tears, it is time that can wash away everything. As time goes on, the longer the time, the weaker the conflict, just like tea.

Love is very simple, because everyone will say, "I love you and will give everything for you!" " "Love is hard, because not many people have made their own promises. Because I don't believe in promises, I won't say what will happen to my beloved. I can only make her willing to walk into the wedding hall with me through my own actions. Our marriage is not the grave of love.

35. When the weather is clear, you will feel that everything is full of love; When it rains, I feel blue and full of time and space.

36. Shadows accompany your work, which means that you are in the bright sunshine.

37. If you can't forget him, don't forget him. True forgetfulness requires no effort.

38. People who bring you happiness can also bring you pain.

39. Apart from tears, it is time that can wash away everything. The longer the time, the lighter the conflict, as if it were tea. As long as it is a good song, it will never be boring for a lifetime; As long as it's someone you really love, it's not enough for a lifetime.

We live a rich life, not because we have too much happiness, but because we have too much pain.

4 1. The mirror reflects the truth, but the truth is the opposite.

You are lucky to have someone to help you, and it is just fate for us to help you. No one should do anything for you. Life is your own.

43. Don't do things that are bad for your friends, let alone things that are against morality. Morality should be greater than friendship, and friends should be more important than themselves.

44. Life is a pursuit, and no one can guarantee that it will be smooth sailing. Maybe this is an incentive to make you suffer a little.

45. Some people have grievances, while others have grievances. They are Jianghu people. How did you quit?

46. People who speak fast are not the best at everything, they just make use of what they have.

47. In the journey of life, we are all passers-by, meeting in a hurry and leaving in a hurry, leaving a series of endless stories here, realizing the preciousness of possession in a hurry and knowing how to cherish every sincerity and friendship in a hurry.

48. Nothing in the world is perfect. A person tries his best to find something, but he can only wait so long to get it, but what he originally held in his hand is thrown away.

49. Love is such a subtle contradiction. It seems to be hate, but it is actually love. The most vicious words of concern in an outside quarrel are often said to the person you love the most.

If a person is really in your heart, then you don't care if he is by your side.

5 1. If you love someone without commitment, you will love. If you don't love a promised person, you will betray 38. A person who is too attractive will lose his peace all his life. A person who is too unattractive will lose his peace, be too lonely and too tired.

There are so many cities and bars in the world, but she walked into mine.

When I was a child, my mother took me to see Snow White. Everyone fell in love with Snow White, but I fell in love with the old witch.

55. Liang: I always thought I was different from He Baorong. When I am lonely, all people are the same.

56. I have been lying to you, you know? -Deception, just deception, just like a moth to a fire, knowing that it will be hurt or will jump on the fire.

When I decide to spend the rest of my life with you, I hope the rest of my life can start as soon as possible.

58. A few years later, I got a nickname called Du. Anyone can be vicious, as long as you have tried what is jealousy. I don't care what others think of me, I just don't want others to be more open than me.

59. Heart. I thought some people would never be jealous because they were too proud.

This year's classic funny quotations

1, the south wind gently kisses your face, the stars are blurred and the moonlight is misty. Oh, you are too fat tonight.

The fool stole the beggar's wallet, and the blind man saw it. The mute gave a roar, which startled the deaf. Camels come forward and lame people fly. Asako said, look at my face. The madman said: that is, people should be rational.

Don't worry about basking in the sun. Maybe if you get a tan, no one will call you an idiot

It's really troublesome to meet strangers, and you have to tell a lie again.

I feel sorry for my second brother, because of his birth order, he has been burdened with "two" since he was a child.

6. When Cupid shoots Cupid's arrow at you, you have love and arrow. When you return your love to Cupid, you are just a bitch.

7, love makes people warm, warm and warm words are a day and a kind of love, and more love every day can make our days warm.

8. The real gossip is in the mouth of ordinary people!

9. The road you choose is on your knees.

10, eat less! Play more football! Go after work! Miss that girl! Want to be thinner, often want to be thinner! -The secret of losing weight

1 1, if I wasn't afraid of death, I would have committed suicide once!

12 this girl, first of all, there is a generation gap between us. Secondly, you have no cleavage. How do we communicate?

13. A capable, responsible and responsible man should say to his daughter-in-law: Your money is yours and mine is ours.

14, don't treat your daughter-in-law as your own daughter, and don't treat your mother-in-law as your own mother; Keep the distance between a bowl of soup and be a measured mother-in-law and daughter-in-law; Then you will all be happy!

15, the mother will teach her son to put on clothes within five years, and the wife will make him take off all his clothes within five seconds after marriage.

16, since you are so opposed to second marriage, how do you feel about him marrying someone else in the game?

17, brothers and the world are very yellow and violent. You can't be silly and naive.

18, girl, you know not only the world, but also globalization! But girl, you must not dominate!

19, there are two kinds of people in the nightclub-girls and girls.

20. My mother taught me that all talk and no action are pustules. No matter how hard she tries, she can't get out of work or walk. Such people are unreliable.

2 1, ideal is like underwear, you have to have it, but you can't prove to everyone that you have it!

22. A woman loves you and you are her husband. Several women love you, and you are a man. Ten women love you and you are a lover. A hundred women love you, and you are an idol. Thousands of women love you. You are a hero. Millions of women love you, and you are the leader. Women all over the country love you, and you are RMB. Women all over the world love you. Oh, you are a sanitary napkin.

23, starving to death, doing well is called losing weight; Pinch this thing, well done is called massage; Being in a daze, doing well is called profound; Being lazy and doing well is called enjoying; Persistence in doing well is called persistence; Play dumb, if you do it well, it's as stupid as you think.

24. If marriage is the grave of love, then blind date means looking at feng shui for the grave, confession means digging the grave, marriage means double suicide, empathy means moving the grave, and a third party means robbing the grave.

25. I wanted to eat my sorrow in one bite, but I became fat in one bite.

26, obesity is the pain of breathing, it lives in every corner of my body, eating KFC will hurt, eating McDonald's will hurt, even drinking water will hurt; Obesity is the pain of breathing, rolling back and forth in the blood, regretting the pain of not losing weight, hating the pain of not dieting, and wanting to be thin most.

27. What is romance? Send her 99 roses when you know she doesn't like you. What is waste? Just know that she likes you and send her 99 roses.

28, rumors, well done is called hype; Sleeping, doing well is called stealing dreams; Flattery, doing well is called praise; Father, well done. My name is Li Gang. Soft candy, doing well is calm; Inferiority, doing well is called modesty; Narcissism, doing well is called personality; Streaking, well done is called art; If you work hard, doing well is called sacrifice; Work, well done, is called entrepreneurship; Comments, well done, are called originality; Walk-on, well done is called friendship performance.

29. After reading the apple, I found that men are not reliable; After reading Lust Caution, I found that women are unreliable. After reading the warlords, I found that my brother was unreliable; After reading the assembly number, I found that the organization is not reliable; After reading "Mom loves me again", I found that my father was unreliable. After reading the new Never Give Up, I found my son unreliable. After reading The Matrix, I found that all the reality is unreliable, and the conclusion is only reliable by myself, which is referred to as "Holy shit" for short.

30. Li Ao commented on men's love: ① If you don't take the initiative, beautiful women will let other men climb on you. (2) Don't refuse, there will be ugly women crawling up to you. Without commitment, no woman will let you climb on her. Li Ao commented on men's work: ① Don't take the initiative, others will take it away if you take a good position; Don't refuse, everything will be arranged for you; Without commitment, no leader will believe you.

3 1, liberal arts lost their lives in the college entrance examination this year. This year marks the Revolution of 1911 100, the establishment of China Producers' Party for 90 years, the implementation of the new economic policy for 90 years, the outbreak of War of Resistance against Japanese Aggression for 80 years, the Korean War for 60 years, China's return to the United Nations for 40 years, the establishment of special economic zones for 30 years, the end of the Cold War for 20 years, and China's accession to the WTO 10.

32. China's parents: 5 years old: Son, I reported you to the Children's Palace. 7 years old: Son, I signed you up for the Olympic class. 15 years old: Son, I enrolled you in a key middle school. 18 years old: Son, I enrolled you in the college entrance examination surprise class. 23 years old: Son, I will be a civil servant for you. 32-year-old: Son, I signed up if you are the one.

33. Shanglian: I didn't bring my student ID card, admission ticket and ID card; Bottom line: I didn't do any listening, reading, composition or writing questions. Horizontal approval: focus on participation

34. How can you get married without experiencing scum? No one can be a mother casually.

There is only one "two" between talent and genius. Therefore, talent is good, and genius is always a bit stupid.

36. If it is not done well, no matter how beautiful it is, it is worthless; Doing practical things for the people is a golden word at the beginning.

37. When someone presses you with a stone, you can stand up, and that is resistance.

38. Sometimes love is a kind of injury. Cruel people choose to hurt others, and kind people choose to hurt themselves.

39. Zhang Fei wears the eye of a needle. Don't look at me stupid. I'll show you.

40. You don't understand what my brother did, because you are too ignorant.

4 1, I look so abstract, there is still spring. What are you afraid of?

42. Can talented people like us be handsome?

43. The story of the wolf tells us that we have been cheated twice, and we must believe him the third time.

44. When you fall in love with someone, Poggi Sue should be an idle Ma Dajie and Huang Sao, and your girlfriend should be the eternal goddess Athena in your ultimate aesthetic mind.

2020 Classic Funny Quotations

"Bright Sword" Li Yunlong

Li Yunlong: "Even if two ants fight on the ground, he will separate a male and a female."

Li Yunlong: "If you are unlucky, you will fart on your heel. When you are the director of a bullshit clothing factory, is that what old men do? Isn't this forcing Zhang Fei to embroider? You wait in Mrding. If one day you get a quilt with Yuanyang playing in the water, it is embroidered by Lao Li. "

Li Yunlong: "The soldiers will bear a nest, and the independent regiment can't get meat to eat, that is, the fucking political commissar is too bear."

Li Yunlong: "This gentleman brought a female gun, which really makes people laugh. I hope it is open. "

Li Yunlong: "Isn't Lao Zi like a boss? Your boy looks up at the sky with his ass up, as blind as a bat! "

Wei Xiaobao, Duke of Lushan

Bao Xiao: (pointing to several assassins in Mu Wangfu on the ground) "These assassins came to my room and I cleaned them up several times."

Bao Xiao: It's hard to catch up with a horse? It turns out that old horses are hard to chase. I really don't understand what an old horse is, running so fast. (Seeing Liu Yizhou next to him looking at him strangely and making a serious look) Nothing, nothing. "

Bao Xiao: "I'm sorry, Emperor, but I got your dragon face wet. Sorry! " "

Bao Xiao: "No, no, you must have broken my eyeball. Now I understand why you are wrong. Why does a person's body have a pig head? "

Bao Xiao: "It's hard to chase any horse when you talk alone!"

Secret Service, Ghost Dog, Ghost Tiger

Zero Tiger: "You can hit an invincible lollipop whose mother doesn't even know you."

Zero Tiger: "It's warm in winter and cool in summer. This is an impeccable special soft breastplate. "

Zero Tiger: "Wow, you run so fast. You think you are Bolt of Jamaica!" " "

Zero Tiger: "Our duty in The Secret Agent is to fall in love, not to pick up girls, not to protect the emperor and investigate traitors. How can we harbor assassins here! "

Battlefield legend Zhang

Zhang: "Where are you going with a gun in your hand?"

Zhang: "Who do you think I will let wipe my ass?"

Zhang: "This is strange. Students are called students, beggars are called beggars, vagrants are called prodigals, cooks are called cooks, and actors are not called actors. "

Zhang: "Your mind is full of problems, and all the beads of sweat you shed are bad water."

Zhang: "I only have a chair in my heart, and there is no room for you."

Zhang: "Our relationship cannot be separated from shackles, and the elderly cannot be separated from their wives."

Zhang: "Don't be aggressive or petty. Hold the knife in one breath and pull it into your crotch. "

Zhang: "Don't wear glasses, pretend to be prude for me."

Zhang: "Is it true? That sentence is false? Are you playing with my, er, that life, too? "

Zhang: "Isn't there a saying? It is the best news that the opponent is smashing pots and pans. "

Zhang: "That's different. It is an anecdote for the boss to do this, and it is a scandal for me to do this. "

Zhang: "I make a rule that whoever plays the bad guy will be the good guy in the future."

Return on Investment of If You Are the One

Roi: "I'm looking for a fairy daughter. What's the matter? I want to genetically modify our old Qin descendants, can't I? If you have to find an ugly one and think about jailbreaking every day, will you be comfortable? "

Roi: "Marry a wife and have children or be self-reliant, and don't accept foreign aid!"

Roi: "The tall and handsome Mr. Andy Lau and Mr. Tom Cruise will not ask you to get married. Of course, I didn't dream of Notting Hill. If you are really a fairy, I can't take it. I didn't expect you to look like the cover of a pictorial, and you were shocked at a glance. "

Roi: "I am open-minded, split-minded, not honest, but I am timid by nature. I can't kill anyone without breaking the law, and my conscience is devastated. If you want to learn bad, you are doomed to be a bad person. In general, it basically belongs to the category that is beneficial to the crowd and harmless to society. "

Funny sentence of the year

1, life is like a play, it all depends on acting.

2. Youth is dedicated to the house and middle age to the children.

Fifty cents and fifty cents are the happiest, because they make up a piece.

There are two ways to pollute a place: garbage or money!

Doctor, please give me some regret medicine and a glass of forgetfulness water.

6. No matter how hard you are, you should think of yourself as 250. No matter how difficult it is to take risks, you should also regard yourself as a two-faced person.

7. I prefer watching Naruto, because when I die, every village of Japanese will die.

8. There is a kind of person who doesn't CTM, and he will never know that you are his father.

9. Handsome is useless! Finally, I was eaten by a chess piece!

10, the oath was just a slip of the tongue!

1 1. Fire can test gold, gold can test women, and women can test men.

12, angry is to punish yourself with other people's mistakes.

13, Google Baidu.

14, if you can't tolerate me, it means that either your mind is too narrow or my personality is too great.

15, a woman is like a book on the shelf. Although you bought her, before you bought her, she was more or less turned over by several men …

16. If you look in the mirror and pay taxes, I'm afraid some women will go bankrupt.

17, women conquer men with stockings, and men conquer banks with stockings.

18, there are too many liars and obviously not enough fools.

19, honey, you must believe me. I feel dizzy even by boat, let alone by two boats.

20. If you were a flower, cows wouldn't dare to shit in the future!

2 1, when I was a child, I was not sensible and often dragged mm to go shopping, hurting a lot of MM; I don't pull it now, but I didn't expect it to hurt …

22. You take your overpass and I'll take my underground passage.

23, since I got mental illness, my spirit is much better!

24. I am the most normal among abnormal people and the most abnormal among normal people.

25. Just when I stressed the need to keep a low profile. But you have to give me applause and scream.

26. I always wander between cow A and cow C.

27. If you can't catch the sand, just lift it.

28. A cobbler killed three Zhuge Liang.

Grandpa comes from his grandson. ...

If I don't beat you, I will turn against you.

3 1. Tears are a gift you mailed me, and the address is not very happy.

32. The carousel is the cruelest game, but there is an eternal distance between chasing each other!

33. Nowadays, college students are so incompetent! Come and copy the porn and cut it out!

34. My signature is very expensive, especially on the check!

35. I will still look for you in my next life, because you are the stupidest except me.

36. One person's loneliness is the fault of two people.

37. I am still young and need some advice. However, I don't need your advice.

38. After several decades, we will meet again and send them to the crematorium. They will all be burned to ashes, one for you and one for me. No one knows anyone, and they have to be sent to the countryside to make fertilizer.

39. I treat money like dirt. My dad treats me like a septic tank.

40. True love is like a UFO. I've only heard of it, but no one has seen it.

4 1, I am not a descendant of the rich! But I want to be the ancestor of the rich!

42. Although you wear cologne, I can still vaguely smell the scum.