[Maximum suspension score] Kneel for hilarious jokes, not too much, not too old, just funny. Is there anyone to help?

1, a couple quarreled. The man said, "I can't argue with you anyway." You have one mouth above and one mouth below. " The woman said, "I can't argue with you, because you have a mouth above and a microphone with two horns below."

2. It's almost Valentine's Day. Just now, I went downstairs to finish shopping. The boss asked me, "Does Mr. Wang buy flowers?" "Why buy flowers?" "Buy flowers for my girlfriend." "Oh, how many flowers can you buy for your girlfriend?" Then the boss silently took the flowers back. ...

3. Wuhan Morning Post: "Wuhan police recovered the lost car for Japanese tourist Keiichiro Kawahara." I seem to understand why the children of those stars and officials have joined foreign countries. It turns out that foreigners really have to take care of losing their bicycles. . . When Ichiro found that the bike he had recovered was a new car, he quickly told the police that a brand-name watch, a gold necklace and a pair of high-end sports glasses that he had been reluctant to buy were also lost with the car. A cold winter in the Middle Ages. I sat by the window and my deskmate brought a bag of milk and put it on the radiator. At the end of the second class, my deskmate gave me a gentle push: Do you feel my milk is hot? I didn't listen to a good class all day that day, and I still remember it vividly. ...

5. What will happen if you can't afford a luxury car? Recently, some netizens in Chengdu broke the news, and the following message appeared on the traffic channel of local TV station: "There is a Rolls Royce with a value of130,000 in the direction of Renmin South Road Airport in Chengdu, please pay attention to avoid it!"

7. Today is my friend's wife's birthday. He didn't send her roses. Instead, I knitted a bunch of roses for my wife with a hundred-dollar bill, and her wife was very happy! Everyone says that he is willing to spend money for his wife, and he loves her so much. But his friend said flatly, "It costs money to send flowers. This bill will be woven into flowers, opened at night, and can be used as money tomorrow ... "

1, Doctor: Hello! Wake up! Wake up! Patient: ... What is this? Doctor: It's time to take sleeping pills. Patient: Ah, I almost overslept.

4. Someone changed an avatar. So he happily posted to show off: "Is my avatar awesome?" Downstairs reply: I like it!

Classic joke collection

1, I remember when I took the political exam in junior high school, the big questions behind were very long, but we boys generally don't like to recite them!

Everyone looks sad after the exam! After handing out the paper, an old iron showed it off to us!

It turned out that he wrote the last big question on Long Live Mao-Zhu-Xi. As a result, the teacher gave 1 point for each question and dared not cross it.

Everyone admires it.

4. A traffic policeman stood on the side of the road with a stack of fine receipts in his hand to punish drivers for speeding.

A car was stopped. The driver got out of the car and cleverly took out a bill of 100 yuan and handed it to Pol.ice

The policeman asked, "Why are you driving so fast?"

The driver said, "I am in a hurry to send you money!" " "

5. A person rode a bicycle and hit a pedestrian.

Pedestrian: "Can't you ring the doorbell?"

Cyclist: "Sorry! The bell will ring, but I'm not very good at cycling. "

6. Bus passenger: "conductor, may I smoke here?"

Conductor: "No."

Passenger: "So, where did these cigarette butts come from?"

C: "It belongs to those who don't ask!" "

The funniest joke in history

Waiting for the bus

I went to work this morning to catch the bus. When I got to the platform, the bus had already started. So I chased it and shouted, "Master, wait for me! Master, wait for me! " ......"

Then a passenger leaned out of the window and said to me, "Wukong, stop chasing."

the Water Sprinkling Festival

During the Songkran Festival, everyone splashed water on each other to bless them. Suddenly a man scolded: Shit, who spilled water on me? Others advised that throwing you is a blessing.

Don't do that, the curse said. Who threw boiling water at me?

Carry out acupuncture treatment

A Jia went to the hospital for a health check-up, and the nurse took a needle to draw blood for him. A Jia looked at the shiny needle and couldn't help asking, "Will it hurt?" I'm afraid of pain! The nurse said, "Don't worry, I have been a nurse for more than 20 years." ... "Someone said," Great, I'm relieved! "Then the nurse put the needle down and only heard a scream like killing a pig. The nurse slowly connected:" It doesn't hurt. "

rude

Outside the delivery room of the hospital, a group of men are waiting to be new fathers. A nurse hurried out of the delivery room and said to one of them, "Congratulations, your wife gave birth!" " "

Another man threw his cigarette butt on the ground, jumped up and shouted, "How dare you! I got there before him. Why hasn't it been my turn yet? "

I dyed the wool and cut my hair short when I came home.

In the bar, George is drinking beer alone. He suddenly felt that he was going to the bathroom. He was afraid that someone would steal his beer after he left, so he wrote a note on the table: "I spit in the cup." When he came back, he found another sentence added to the paper: "I threw up, too." . . .

An old friend lost his car. When he put a new car downstairs, he went up to the third floor.