I am so depressed. Who can tell some jokes? If they can make me laugh, I will give points.

1, liberal arts girls like a science boy very much. One day, liberal arts girls felt it was time to confess. The liberal arts girl sent a text message to the science boy: "Qing Pei, I think, even if I don't go, I won't come." The science man replied, "I don't understand, please speak Chinese ..." The liberal arts girl replied angrily, "Your sister, I won't come to you. You fucking don't know to come to me ..."

2, an aunt selling vegetables, a stall of vegetables, a stroke in the middle of the hand, divided into two piles. The buyer asked: How much is a catty here? A: 2 yuan. Ask again: What about that one over there? A: 2.50 yuan. Q: Why? A: That's better. Then I bought two and a half dollars. Soon sold out of $2.50 a catty. Then, with one hand, it became two piles. ...

3. Before the exam, the children who studied well said, "I'm going to take the exam!" If you don't study well, say, "I'll go!" Exam! " After the exam, the child who studied well said, "I finished the exam!" " "Those who are not good at learning say," Shit! It's over! "

4. Anyone who can express himself to me at11.11will be rewarded; Those who can express themselves to me in writing will be rewarded; People who can express themselves in the city and hear my ears will be rewarded!

5. Baidu knows that someone asked: ask for a costume TV series. The plot is that the hero falls into a cave to eat mushrooms. Is it martial arts? Some people say it's "Jin Jian Diaoling", others say it's "The Condor Heroes", and the last person answers: Super Mary. ...

6. The Journey to the West's five-person team represents the needs of Ma Si Nuo in five aspects. Bajie's demand is physiology, Friar Sand's demand is safety, Bailong's demand is belonging, Tang Priest's demand is honor, and Wukong's demand is self-realization. So they have different purposes and values, so their behavior along the way is easy to understand. Bajie was lazy, Friar Sand brokered the match, White Dragon was unknown, Tang Priest wept bitterly, and Wukong was desperate.

7. When someone was in trouble, he went to the temple to ask for Guanyin, but when he saw a person who looked exactly like Guanyin worshipping Guanyin, he asked, "Are you Guanyin?" A: "I am Guanyin." Then he asked, "Then why do you worship yourself?" Guanyin said with a smile, "I have encountered difficulties, but I know that it is better to ask for help than to ask for help."

8, 1, don't make the V gesture when taking pictures, that's obviously what you're saying: I 2. 2, goblins, will also encounter difficult gourd dolls. I have a bad temper. Every time I turn on the computer and see the pop-up window, I turn it off in a rage! 4, there will be a trouble if you are not full, and there will be countless troubles if you are full.

9. Once, a female colleague was in the bathroom and someone called her. Xiao Liu in the office told the other party on the phone: "Your friend is convenient, but now is not convenient. Can I call you when your friend is convenient? " The other party: "Is it convenient or inconvenient now?" Xiao Liu said patiently, "It's convenient, but it's really inconvenient now. It will be convenient after it is convenient. "

10, the crowd searched for him for thousands of Baidu, and suddenly looking back, the man was there, the marriage registration office.

1 1, he led her to walk in the snow. The girl was obviously impatient and kept sweeping the snowflakes on her clothes with her hands. Q: Where did you take me when I said goodbye? He said, finally come with me. The girl asked, aren't you cold? He shook his head. No Girls don't talk anymore, just hope the road will be finished soon. He almost cried when he let go of his hand. I always like to lead you on snowy days, because I can pretend to accidentally drop my head!

12. Take Xiaobai to the bank for deposit every day. He likes cleanliness. He barks before defecation when he doesn't pee anywhere in the house. Just as I was waiting in line to read the newspaper, Xiao Bai cried, but for convenience, I had no choice but to spread the newspaper on the floor. After saving money, I walked outside the bank with money in one hand and a newspaper wrapped in shit in the other. Suddenly, a motorcycle rushed out and took my newspaper bag. I was shocked! Passerby: Poor thing! You see, people are stupid, with 40 thousand or 50 thousand, right?

13, at three o'clock, in the hot sun, the supervisor ordered: "chop!" Suddenly, the man sentenced to death burst out laughing! The supervisor asked, "What are you laughing at?" The condemned man hesitated for a moment and said, "The experts are right. A smile can prolong life by 5 seconds! " "

14. Husband and wife sleep in the quilt. The husband sneezed and sprayed it on his wife's face. The wife said: Tell me in advance if you have any more information, and talk about it later. Husband said loudly: ready! The wife hurriedly got into the quilt and heard a bang. The husband farted.

15, grade five, the class teacher asked a group of junior one students: Where are you from? The classmate said, "Yi people". Then ask the second classmate who is dozing off: "What about you?" He replied in a daze: "Er nationality".

16, Zhuge Liang commanded the battle. He always follows the army in a chariot alone. Once, when the war started, he took the lead in driving and rushed to the enemy at dawn. The morale of the army was greatly boosted, and the enemy followed closely. After the war, everyone praised: "The strategist is brave!" , light way: "Cha, the slope is too oblique, the car didn't stop ..."

17. When will there be a bright moon? Ask your roommate about the wine. I wonder if the handsome guy next door has a girlfriend? I want to see the wall, but I'm afraid it's too thick to hurt my hand. Switch to the mirror, the house is gone. Turn the stairs and look down. If he is not single, if he is not single, he is holding a beautiful girl's elbow. People have joys and sorrows, and the moon has ups and downs. This matter has existed since ancient times. I hope it won't be long before they break up