Ask for English essays and jokes, the more the better, with translation.

I was watching a DVD that day when my mother, who was learning English, came in with a book. We talked-

Mom: "What is this' I don't know'?" Mean? "

I said, "I don't know."

Mom: "I've been sending you to school for several years. Why don't you know anything!" " "

I said, "No! Just "I don't know"! ! "

Mom: "Still mouth shut! ! ! Tell me more about this. What does' I know' mean? "

I said, "I know."

Mom: "Tell me if you know."

I said, "I know."

Mom: "Pick on you?"

I said, "Yes, I know!"

Mom: "I know you still don't say!" Don't pretend to understand! Be careful, you spend so much money to send you to school, and now you can't do anything, and you can still put on airs with your mother with such a trivial matter. I ask you the last one, you give me a good explanation, and I'll deal with you if you can't say it. What do you mean,' I know but I don't want to tell you'? "

Faint, picked up a pillow and hit it on the head for more than 30 times, hit the wall with his head for more than 40 times, slapped his mouth with his hands for more than 50 times and kicked the corner of the table for more than 60 times. I asked my mother, "Are you satisfied now?"

People often say: learning is a painful process, but I don't understand why I always get hurt.

My mother's enthusiasm for learning English is growing, and my pain is getting deeper and deeper. Whenever my mother asks me about English, I will take three aspirin first, put a bandage on it, and then transport it to the twelfth place.

So her old man came to ask me again: "Son, what do you mean,' I'm bored, don't bother me'?"

I said, "I'm bored. Leave me alone. "

Mom: "looking for a fight, talking to your mother like this."

Mom asked again, "I didn't hear anything, repeat"? "

I said, "I didn't hear you clearly. Say it again. "

Mother said it again: "I didn't hear anything, repeat it."

"I didn't, I didn't hear you clearly. Say it again." (The result was tied)

Mother asked again, "What do you mean by looking it up in the dictionary?"

I said, "Look it up in the dictionary."

"What else do I ask you to do in the dictionary?" (beaten)

Mother asked again, "How do you translate' you'd better ask someone else'?"

I said, "You'd better ask someone else."

"You are my son. I asked others what they were doing, looking for a fight. "

"ah! God help me! "

"Play with your mother, God can't save you!" (beaten)

"I ask you again, what do you mean by' use your head and think again'?"

I said, "Use your head and think again."

"Son of a bitch, don't you dare fool me." Then I have to do it again.

I quickly said, "It means that only mothers are good in the world."

"Well, that's more like it. I'll make you something to eat later and ask you tomorrow. "

I fainted.

Super smart smuggler

contrabandist

contrabandist

The suspicious man drove to the border and was greeted by a sentry. When the guard checked the suitcase, he was surprised to find that the seams of six bags were bulging.

A suspicious man drove to the border and was greeted by a sentry. When the sentry checked the trunk of the car, he was surprised to find six bulging pockets at the seams.

"What's in this?" He asked.

"What's in it?" He asked.

"Dirt," the driver replied.

"Earth." The driver replied.

"Take them out," the guard ordered. "I want to check it."

"Take out your bag," the sentry ordered. "I want to check it."

The man obediently took out the bags, and sure enough, there was nothing in each bag except soil. The guard reluctantly let him go.

The man obediently took out his pocket. Indeed, there is nothing in the pocket but dirt. The sentry reluctantly let him through.

A week later, the man came back and the sentry checked the truck again.

A week later, the man came again and the sentry checked the suitcase on the car again.

"What's in the bag this time?" He asked.

"What's in this bag?" He asked.

"dirt, more dirt." The man said.

"The earth, and some earths." The man replied.

The guard didn't believe him. He checked the bag and found nothing but dirt again.

The sentry didn't believe it, so he checked the bag again and found nothing but soil.

The same thing happened every week for six months. Finally, the guard was very depressed. He resigned and became a bartender.

The same thing happened once a week for six months. Finally, the sentry got discouraged and simply resigned and became a bartender.

One night, this suspicious-looking guy happened to pass by for a drink. The former guard rushed to him and said, "Listen, man, if you can do me a favor, the wine will be free tonight: just tell me what you were smuggling during that time."

One night, the suspicious man happened to pass by the bar and get off to drink. The former sentry hurried up to him and said, "I said, man, if you can do me a favor, the wine will be on me tonight." Can you tell me what you were smuggling during that time? "

The man grinned, leaned close to the bartender's ear and whispered, "car."

The man leaned over, leaned close to the waiter's ear, cracked his mouth and said with a smile, "Car." Men go to church and start talking to God. He said, "God, what is a million dollars to you?" God said, "a penny", and then the man said, "God, what is a million years to you?" God said, "One second", and then the man said, "God, can I have a penny?" God said "at once"

A man walks into a church and talks to God. He asked, "Lord, what does a million dollars mean to you?" God replied, "A penny." The man asked, "What about a million years?" God said, "One second." Finally, the man asked, "God, can I have a penny?" God replied, "Right away."

Four best friends met in the hospital because their wives were having a baby. The nurse came up to the first man and said, "Congratulations, you have twins." The man said, "It's strange that I'm the manager of the Minnesota Twins." After a while, the nurse came to the second man and said, "Congratulations, you gave birth to triplets." Men are like, "Well, strange, I'm the director of three musketeers." Finally, the nurse walked up to the third person and said

"Congratulations, you have twins x2." The man was very happy and said, "Ironically, I work for a hotel" for four seasons. "All three of them were happy until they saw their last partner jumping around, cursing God and banging his head against the wall. They asked him what happened, and he replied, "What happened? I work for 7-up!

Four good friends met in the hospital, and their wives were having a baby. The nurse came to the first man and said, "Congratulations, you gave birth to twins." The man said, "It's strange that I'm the manager of the Minnesota Twins." After a while, the nurse came to the second man and said, "Congratulations, you gave birth to triplets." Men like it very much: "Well, what a coincidence. I .. you got two pairs of twins. " The man said happily, "That's ridiculous. I work in the Four Seasons Hotel." All three of them were happy, but the fourth partner was as anxious as ants on hot bricks, cursing God and banging his head against the wall. They asked him what happened, and he replied, "What happened? I work in 7-up! "

Hehe, one is more efficient than the other.

Canadian Osama bin Laden and President Bush were walking in the street when they saw a golden lamp. They rubbed it, and an elf came out and said, "I will grant everyone one wish, three in all." The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will be a farmer, so I hope the soil in Canada will be fertile forever." The elf said a spell and his wish came true. Osama looked surprised, so he wanted to build a wall around Afghanistan. The genie said a spell and his wish came true again. President Bush said, "Tell me more about this wall, Genie," and the Genie said, "It is 50 feet thick and 500 feet high, so nothing can get in and nothing can get out." President Bush said, "Wow! That's a bridge ... full of water! ! !

Osama bin Laden, Canadians and President Bush were walking down the street and saw a golden lamp. They wiped the lamp and an elf appeared. The genie said, "I want to grant each of you one wish, three in all." The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will be a farmer, so I want to make the land in Canada fertile forever." The elf said a spell and his wish came true. Osama was surprised when he saw it. He wants a wall around Afghanistan. The genie said a spell and his wish came true again. President Bush asked, "Genie, please tell me about this wall." The genie replied, "The wall is 50 feet thick and 500 feet high, so nothing inside can get out and nothing outside can get in." President Bush said, "Wow! That's a bridge ... full of water! ! ! "

My child swallowed a bullet.

Young mother: "doctor, my baby swallowed a bullet." What should I do?

Doctor: "Don't let him point at anyone."

notes

1. Swallow a bullet.

Step 2 point: aim ...

It means to experience it yourself:)

allybaby

Once, two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down accidentally. He rolled his eyes and seemed to have stopped his fear. Another hunter quickly took out his mobile phone and called the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly, "First of all, you should make sure that he is dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone, and then he heard the hunter ask, "What should I do next?"

Two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them accidentally fell down and his eyes turned white, as if he had stopped breathing. Another hunter quickly took out his mobile phone and dialed the emergency number. The operator said calmly, "The first step is to make sure that your friend is dead." So, the operator heard a gunshot on the phone, and then heard the hunter ask, "What's the second step?"

A chemical warfare teacher asked the soldiers in his class, "Does anyone know the molecular formula of water?"

"Of course. It's simple, "said one.

"What is it?"

" H，I，J，K，L，M，N，o。"

"What, what?" The coach asked.

"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.

Chinese translation:

The teacher in the biochemical warfare class asked the soldiers in class, "Who knows the molecular formula of water?"

"Of course, it's too simple." A soldier replied.

"What is it?"

" H，I，J，K，L，M，N，o。"

"What, what?" The teacher asked again.

"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.