Tell me a joke?

The family arranged a blind date for the cousin. During the meeting, the woman had a good impression of him and said shyly: "I don't mind if you don't have a house, a car, or a deposit, as long as you are nice to me!" As a result, this guy said: "You don't have a gift in your belly, do you?"

A girlfriend bought her boyfriend two ties as a birthday gift. The next morning, my boyfriend happily put on a new tie. When my girlfriend saw it, she said angrily: "What do you mean, you don't like the other one?"

My boyfriend loves me very much and will think about everything for me. I went to his house for the first time today, and I was worried that if I took off my high heels, his parents would see that I was too short. He took me in his arms and said with a bright face: "It's okay. I told them a long time ago that you can't take off your shoes because of your smelly feet."

On the subway, a man thought the girl opposite looked familiar, so he kept staring at her. Look at him. The girl was bored and asked, "What are you looking at?" The boy said, "I think you look familiar, like my old girlfriend." The girl said angrily, "I'm your old girlfriend." ." The boy was confused. . .

A colleague added a girl on WeChat, and after adding the girl asked: Who are you? Him: Passing by. Then the girl said: Then you can go there. Then he blocked him. . .

I am a taxi driver. I was driving normally and was stopped by a traffic policeman. I was so angry that I yelled at the traffic police: I didn't drink, I didn't break the rules, I didn't run a red light, and I didn't hit anyone, why did you stop me? The traffic policeman said calmly: I took a taxi...

I remember there was a question in the exam when I was in school, what sect was Li Qingzhao? I wrote about the Wudang sect. When handing out the test papers, the teacher said that a student’s answer could be asked to his or her parents. I was still very nervous at the time, but after reading the egg yolk pie written by my deskmate, I instantly felt much more relaxed. . .

I found an ant at home. I put some sugar in front of it. It looked at it for a while and probably ran home. Then I took the sugar away. I wanted its companion to feel He is a liar.

A male student in our class got perfect marks in math but failed in English. The English teacher made him stand in the corridor. . After a while, the math teacher passed by and took him to another class for math class. .

When a colleague renovated his house, he went to the building materials market and found that the best wallpaper was quoted at 3,000 yuan/square meter. After looking at the price, we did the math and suggested that you might as well just use 20-yuan banknotes to paper the wall, which is less than 2,000 yuan per square meter. You can save more than 1,000 yuan and look domineering.

Xiao Ming brought a child home to play. After the child left, his mother asked: "Xiao Ming, what is the rank of that classmate just now in the class?" Xiao Ming: "First from last." The mother was angry, snap Pa, I caught Xiao Ming and gave him a beating: "If you don't learn well, if you don't learn well, didn't I tell you not to play with kids who are worse than you? You have to play with the number one!" Xiao Ming: "I just started playing with him." When playing, he was number one! "

Xiao Ming received his summer homework and complained to the teacher: "This is too thick! Teacher: "Really? How about I make it a quarter thinner?" Xiao Ming: "Okay." "So the teacher turned to the end of the book and quickly tore out all the reference answers.

Clerk: "A haircut?" Customer: Yes, a haircut. Ordinary washing, scissors and blow-drying, no dry cleaning, no ignorance. Girl, pinch your neck, don’t be a chief or a stylist, don’t perm or dye your hair for positioning, and don’t top up a membership card with a 50% discount for 2,000 and a 30% discount for 5,000. Just cut it short. From now on, whoever speaks first will be fine. Are you a bastard?

Men become bad when they have money. I finally understand what those girls always mean when they say to me: "You are a good person".

Two people from Beijing met by chance. "What's your last name?" "I dare not say it, for fear that you might eat it." "Your surname is Fan?" ""wrong. "Your surname is Yu?" "That's not right yet." "What's your last name?" ""history. ”

Question: “There is an impossible person living in my heart, what should I do? Answer: "Raise the rent sharply and force him to move on his own." ”