The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law quarreled. The mother-in-law told the real reason why she did not give the bride price. Why did the daughter-in-law slap herself and choose to divorce?

I always thought their family had no money.

When I was in love with him, he was very frugal. I wanted to go out for a meal, but he didn't even want to. He told me: "The food outside is expensive and unclean, let's make it at home."

I was also very stupid at the time, and I thought it was rare for a man to cook well with a woman. It wasn't until we got married that I understood. He doesn't like cooking, he just wants to save money. Because at that time, his parents asked him to save the bride price to marry a wife. But he never told me about this.

We have been together for more than a year and rarely go out to eat. Most of the time, I buy groceries and cook them for him in his rental house.

Sometimes, I want him to take me out to play, but he is always unwilling. When I was really unhappy, he would take me to a free park. He said: "These gardens are all the same, why go to the place where you spend money."

Once, we went to a commercial street, and I wanted to buy something. However, he refused to let me buy it, and we had a very bad fight about it. He said: "Why are the things here so expensive? You must buy them here. This is not the place we should go shopping."

When women talk about love, they are really confused.

I think about it now, when we were in love, he didn’t like me much at all. He didn't buy me any clothes, and he didn't treat me to meals a few times. Instead, I bought him clothes and groceries myself, which cost a lot of money.

I don’t know if he thought I was so stupid at first, so he and his parents lied to me. What I feel now is: When a woman is in a relationship, she must not have any requirements for a man. Once you don't have any requirements, still subsidize the other party. Even if the other person doesn't love you very much, he will marry you. Because he thinks marrying you is cheap.

At that time, he had been working outside for several years. He had hundreds of thousands of dollars in his hand, but he told me that his family needed money to buy a house, so he gave all the money to his parents. He also knew that I had money. He told me that my family still had 20,000 yuan left to buy a house, and he hoped that I would lend him 20,000 yuan. If I don't want to borrow it, he will go find someone else to borrow it. I had exactly 20,000 saved at that time.

Because, he said he wanted to buy a wedding room for the two of us to get married. I just gave him the money directly. He said he could borrow it, but he didn't issue an IOU. After I gave him the money, he gave it directly to his parents.

After buying the house, he directly wrote his parents’ names. However, he lied to me and said it was his name.

We got married six months after his family bought a house.

Then, he never mentioned the 20,000 yuan again. At that time, when I went to his house, his parents told me that they had spent all the money on buying a house and had borrowed a lot of money, so they really had no money to give as a bride price.

When we got married at that time, the bride price was about 60,000 yuan. My parents heard that his family did not give betrothal gifts, and they firmly disagreed. My mother said: "There is no such thing as wanting to marry a wife without giving a bride price. No matter how little you have money, you have to give a bride price. If you don't have 60,000 yuan, you can give 30,000 yuan. This is decent. I can't say it, my daughter won't get a cent I didn’t even ask for a bride price, so I just got married.”

My dad also insisted on asking for a bride price at that time: “It’s not 60,000 yuan, but 6,000 yuan is what we should have.” It’s not that our family is making things difficult for them. If you have money, you can give it less. But if you don’t want to give it, it’s not okay. Isn’t it obvious that I am not treating my daughter like a human being?”

Thinking about it now makes me want to hit myself. I didn't think about my parents at all at that time. I just felt that my parents insisted on asking for this gift, which was too pedantic and snobbish.

I felt like I was going crazy at that time, and I wanted to marry a man right away. If anyone stopped us from getting married, I would treat others as enemies. Thinking about it now, I was like a demon.

Because my parents insisted on a bride price, I insisted on not wanting it.

My parents were very angry. My parents both said that they wouldn’t ask for a bride price from me, and that asking for a bride price was based on the attitude of the groom’s family.

But I couldn’t listen at all.

He knew everything about the dispute between my parents and me over the bride price. However, he never said he would give me a bride price, he just said that my parents were too snobbish.

When it came time for us to get married, their family said they had no money to buy a house, so the wedding would be simple. When my parents went to the wedding, they found that there was no officiant to officiate the wedding. And my parents-in-law never said a few words to my parents from the beginning to the end. At that time, my parents and I came to the wedding as well as several relatives from my family. Until dinner time, no one came to entertain them.

My mother was so angry that she cried. My dad kept sighing and said to relatives: "She was not allowed to marry, but she insisted on marrying. Look what kind of family this is. They sold her, and she counted the money for them."

Later , I told the man about this, and the man actually said: "The wedding was so chaotic and there were so many things, who can care about who else? Your parents are the only ones who like to pick problems."

In fact, at that time, I already feel like he doesn't love me much anymore. However, I didn’t want to admit it myself, so I continued to live like this with him. Because I had a lot of reluctances in my heart, I never gave birth to a child.

We lived like this in a muddle for three years, often quarreling and mentioning divorce many times. I have never had a good relationship with my parents-in-law, especially my mother-in-law, who always dislikes me.

We live together, and when she cooks, she only cooks what her son likes to eat. Moreover, he would pick up all the meat and feed it to his son. Sometimes I would eat a few pieces of meat, and she would say: "Your father and others used to go out to work, and if I dared to eat meat, my mother-in-law would beat me. The men didn't eat it, so it wasn't women's turn to eat it."

We often quarrel over such trivial matters, and most of the time a man takes his parents’ side. I don’t know if it’s because they treated me so badly that I never actually got divorced, or if it’s because my mother-in-law is convinced that I’m a coward and doesn’t dare to get a divorce.

One time we quarreled and brought up the bride price. I said: "Your family can't even afford the bride price for marrying my wife, and now you are treating me like this."

As a result, my mother-in-law said directly: "Who said we can't afford the bride price? My son has saved ten I just don’t want to give you a bride price of tens of thousands. Why would our family give you a bride price if you don’t have a bride price?”

I was immediately stunned. I called the man and asked about it, but he said it was over and asked why.

Later, I called a sister-in-law with whom I had a good relationship and asked about it. As a result, the sister-in-law said: "Their family has bought a house a long time ago. His father's name is written on the house, and everyone in the family knows it. It was not your wish to not ask for a bride price. They said that you agreed from the beginning that you would not want a bride price. . They also said that if we don’t get married quickly because they don’t want any gifts, there will be no such shop in this village.”

I repeatedly asked the man where the money went. Among the money, I still had 20,000 yuan from before I got married, but the man wouldn’t tell me, so he just wanted to fool the matter away.

In those days, I kept thinking about this: the man’s family does not lack money to buy a house. He lied to me when he said he was short of money and borrowed money. He just colluded with his family, he didn't want to give me a bride price, and he also wanted to take away all the money I had.

I think about how they lied to me, how stupid I was, how I offended my parents, didn’t ask for any gifts, and made my relatives laugh at me. When I think about the years I spent so stupidly, I feel really cruel. I slapped myself twice.

I really deserved it. I was so stupid and believed in others. It was really someone else who sold me, and I counted the money for others.

I filed for divorce with my man, and he said I was looking for trouble. He felt that it had been such a long time and I was just settling an old score. He didn't feel that he was wrong at all, and he even scolded me: "If it weren't for saying that our family has no money, you might as well think about what you want to do. One moment, he said that he wanted to take wedding photos, and the next moment, he said that he wanted to travel and get married. I asked for the money If I come here, I can save it, and if I give it to you, you will spend it randomly, and you won’t have any money left. If you don’t know how to live your own life, why don’t you allow others to live a happy life?”

I have returned now. I married my parents' family, but the man has been unwilling to pay me back the 20,000 yuan.

The man said: "If you want a divorce, just leave by yourself. Anyway, the house and money at home belong to me, and you don't want any of it."

My parents quite support my divorce. They think I don’t have children, so it’s easy to say anything. I just couldn't reconcile myself to being deceived and paid tens of thousands of dollars. During the three years of marriage, he has always kept his own money, and I have taken care of the family's expenses. He kept telling me that he didn't make any money, so I thought he must be lying to me.

I want to talk about this. I think women must get a bride price when they get married. Because if you don’t want it, others will really think you are stupid and you are cheap. His purpose in marrying you is not simple. He married you just because he thought you were cheap.

This is a story left by a reader.

The man's family colluded and said that the family had no money. Not only did they not give the woman a bride price, but the wedding was also kept simple. Wedding photos, honeymoon travel, wedding rings, none of these things.

Is this a scam?

Forget it.

But can women really find fairness?

It’s too difficult.

Because in this scam, one is willing to fight and the other is willing to suffer. Although the woman was kept in the dark, she did so voluntarily.

Is this really related to the bride price?

To be honest, I didn’t ask for a bride price when I got married. What matters is not the bride price, but the attitude of the man's family. I have been married for seven years without asking for a bride price. My husband often feels guilty about this and feels that he did not give me the best.

I never regret not asking for a betrothal gift, because this man has lived up to my friendship of not asking for a betrothal gift.

This reader feels unwilling because her sincerity has been let down by the man. If the man treats her well and her parents-in-law treat her well, she may feel that it doesn't matter whether she wants a bride price or not.

So, when it comes to asking for a betrothal gift, you have to think about two things:

One is the reason: what is the reason why the other party does not give it. Does he really have no money or just doesn’t want to give it.

You have to make your own calculations about not having money. If you want a lot and the other party really can't give it, it's your fault. If you only need 20,000 to 30,000 yuan, or even a few thousand yuan that is decent enough.

Then there is no such reason as lack of money.

Second, you have to think about the consequences: if a man fails you, will you be unwilling to do so.

If you love a man so much that you will give everything for him and you will not regret it even if he fails you, then you can choose to get married naked for love. Just don’t regret it yourself.

Finally, I want to talk about the safety of a woman’s property before marriage.

Many women don’t think about property security before getting married. They feel that if they love a man, they have to give everything. Some men even think that if a woman retains her pre-marital property after getting married, she is leaving a way out for herself.

But is there anything wrong with a woman leaving herself a way out?

If a man doesn’t allow you to love yourself, then this man doesn’t really love you. That is your own property, your own labor income, and no one has the right to stop you from protecting your legitimate rights and interests.

Unless he has some "crooked" thoughts.

So, women should not be foolish when they fall in love. No matter who it is, as long as the safety of your own property is involved, you should think about it again and again. You have to think about this: people who love you will protect your interests instead of trying to make you suffer.