Interesting (cold joke)

1: Once upon a time, a man fished and caught a squid.

Squid begged him: let me go, don't bake me to eat.

The man said, well, let me ask you a few questions.

Squid is very happy to say: you take the exam!

Then the man roasted the squid. ..

2: I used to have schizophrenia, and now we have recovered.

An international student is taking a driver's license test in America, and the road sign ahead prompts him to turn left. He is not sure, ask the examiner:

"Turn left?"

A: "Yes"

So ... hang up. ..

4: One day, Mung Bean committed suicide, jumped down from the fifth floor, shed a lot of blood and became a red bean; It has been squeezed dry and turned into soybeans; The wound was scarred and finally turned into black beans.

Xiaoming cut his hair and came to school the next day. The students all laughed when they saw his new hairstyle: Xiao Ming, your head is a kite! Xiao Ming felt very wronged and ran outside to cry. Crying and crying ~ he flew away ...

6: There is a man who looks like an onion, crying while walking.

7. Little Penguin asked Grandma one day, "Grandma, am I a penguin?" "Yes, of course you are a penguin." The little penguin asks his father again, "Dad, Dad, am I a penguin?" "Yes, you are a penguin. What's wrong? " "But, but why do I feel so cold?"

8: A pair of corn fell in love …

So they decided to get married …

On the wedding day ...

One corn can't find another corn …

This corn asks the popcorn next to it: Have you seen our corn?

Popcorn: Honey, I'm wearing a wedding dress.

9: In the music class, the teacher played a Beethoven tune.

Xiaoming asked Xiaohua, "Do you know music?"

Xiaohua: "Yes"

Xiaoming: "Do you know what the teacher is playing?"

Xiaohua: "Piano."

10: Q: Two people fell into a trap. The dead call the dead, but what is the living?

A: Call for help!

1 1: Question: What are cloth and paper afraid of?

A: cloth is afraid of 10 thousand, paper is afraid of one thousand.

Reason: not (cloth) afraid of 10 thousand, just (paper) afraid of one thousand.

12: One day there was a mother-in-law in the car …

Sitting halfway, my mother-in-law doesn't know the way.

My mother-in-law spanked the driver with a stick and said, where is this?

Driver: This is my ass … ..

13: An egg went to a teahouse to drink tea, and turned into a tea egg; An egg went swimming in Songhua River, and it became a preserved egg. An egg went to Shandong and became a Lu (halogen) egg; An egg was homeless and turned into a wild egg; An egg accidentally fell on the road and fell to the ground, causing a missile; An egg ran into someone's yard and became an atomic bomb; An egg ran to the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau and became a hydrogen bomb. An egg got sick and turned into a bad egg; An egg got married and became an asshole; An egg swam in the river and became a nuclear bomb. An egg ran into the flowers and became Hua Dan; An egg is riding a horse with a knife. It turns out that he is a Beijing opera blues. An egg is female and ugly, and it turns into a dinosaur egg; An egg is a man, and his wife commits adultery with other eggs outside, and as a result, he becomes an illegitimate child; An egg ...

14: The host asked: Can cats climb trees? The eagle replied first: Yes! Compere: Give an example! The eagle burst into tears: that year, I fell asleep, the cat climbed the tree … and then there was the owl …

15: Two dung beetles are discussing the welfare lottery. A said: If I win the lottery, I will buy all the toilets within 50 miles of Fiona Fang and eat enough every day! B said: you are too vulgar! If I win the lottery, I will pack a living person and eat fresh food every day!

Why do chickens cross the street?

Get the other side of the answer.

What is that man doing?

He's shaking.

Why is he shaking?

He's cold.

A: Oh, shivering doesn't lead to cold drawing.

A: ...

18: A banana gentleman is dating his girlfriend and walking down the street. It was very hot, so Mr banana took off his clothes, and then his girlfriend fell down. ...

19: There is a sausage in the refrigerator.

I felt very cold, and then I looked at the other one next to me, and I felt a little comforted. I said, "Look at you, frozen like this, covered in ice!" " "As a result, the root of the tree said," Sorry, I'm a popsicle. "

Once upon a time, a cotton candy went to play with a ball for a long time. He said, I'm so tired, I think I'm weak. ...

2 1: This diver's movements are very difficult. He turns three times, then somersaults three and a half times, and then somersaults for a month.

22: mm got lost looking for a university. Meet a gentle professor.

Excuse me, how can I get to the university?

Professor: Only by studying hard can you go to college.

23: The director and the section chief take the elevator. After farting, the director said to the section chief, You farted! The section chief said: I didn't let it go ... Soon the section chief was dismissed, and the director said at the meeting: You can't afford to fart. What's your use?

Miss: Business is bad now!

Boss: Why?

Miss: "Bird flu ..."

25: A woman trembled when she met a robber and said, "I am from XX school. I just graduated and haven't found a job yet. I really have no money ... "

The robber cried bitterly after hearing this. "Elder sister, I am also from XX school. You take the student ID card. Don't worry, Allah will never rob his own people! "

26: I want to talk to my girlfriend ML. My girlfriend says I can't do it without taking a shower. She promised to wash the parts in cold weather. After washing, my girlfriend said shyly, "Honey, you are so lazy, where can you wash it ..." I fainted after listening to it, and I just brushed my teeth ~ ~ ~

Q: A white horse is called a white horse, a dark horse is called a dark horse, and a black and white horse is called a zebra. What is a black and white red horse?

A: It's a shy zebra, hehe.

one day ...

A bean paste bag is walking in the street.

Go on. Go on. ..

Suddenly! ! A car smashed its belly. ..

Poor bean paste bag looked at his stomach before he died.

Sighed: "Wow ~ ~ So I'm a stuffed bean paste ~ ~ ~

Unfortunately, the college student was caught by the enemy, who tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, "Say, where are you from?" I'll electrocute you if you don't tell me! ! ! "College students replied to the enemy's words and were electrocuted. ...

He said, "I'm from TV University!"

Celery walked, suddenly felt a stomachache, and then "hissed".

What did you say he pulled out?

That's celery dung (diligence)! ! !

What color is celery (vegetable) dung?

Answer: yellow.

Because: Qin Shihuang (Qin Shihuang)

Who are the ancestors of mankind?

It's peanuts because peanuts ~ ~ ~

No.0 sparring partner said, "outsiders call me zero sparring partner, which is nice!" "

No.65438 +0 sparring partner said, "It's good to have an outsider!"

No.2 sparring partner said, "It's good to be called sparring partner by outsiders!"

No.3 sparring partner said, "You talk, let's go first!"

The cat said to me, "I am your grandmother's cat." Listen! "

The dog said to me, "I'm your grandmother's dog. It sounds nice!" " "

The fish said to me, "I'm your grandmother's fish. It sounds nice!" " "

The bear said, "You talk, I'll go first!" "

Lang Ke said: "People call me a ronin, which is very nice!"

The samurai said, "It's nice to be called a samurai!"

The expert said, "It's nice to be called an expert!"

The swordsman said, "You talk, I'll go first!"

Jane Zhang said: "My fans say my idol is Ying."

He Jie said: "My fans say: My idol is Jay."

"My fans say: My idol is Chang."

Chris Lee said: "You talk, I'll go first!"

The senior math teacher said that I will teach senior math this semester.

The college physics teacher said: I teach big this semester.

The analog electronics teacher said that I teach analog electronics this semester.

The socialist economy teacher said: You talk, I'll go first.

Peking University said: I am from Peking University.

Tianjin University said: I am older.

Shanghai University said: I went to college.

Xiamen University said: You talk, I'll go first!

General Li Zongren said: I am a benevolent man!

General fu said to him: I am just!

General Zuo Quan said: I have this right!

General Huo Qubing said: You talk, I'll go first!

Minolta users say: we are beautiful women!

Canon users say: we are beautiful!

The user of Huaguang said: We are from China!

Nikon users said: you chat, I'll go first!

The door of Lao Zhang's house is made of wicker. Lao Zhang said: My door is a wooden door.

Lao Li's door is made of plastic. Lao Li said that my door is made of plastic.

The door of Lao Wang's house is made of brick. Lao Wang said: My door is a brick door.

Liu's door is made of steel. Lao Liu said: you talk, I'll go first!

The students of normal college said: I am from normal college.

The students of the Railway Institute said: I am from the "Iron Institute"

The students in vocational colleges said: I am from vocational colleges.

The students of the technical college said: You talk, I'll go first!

3. 1. After swimming yesterday, directly open the trunk, throw the key in, and then close the trunk. ...

I waited in the wild for an hour and a half in a three-point suit.

2. once I cooked rice, I poured it directly into the rice cooker without an inner pot ... and then I blew it around. ....

It happened at noon. What a pity ~

At noon, I plan to ask the noodle restaurant downstairs to send a bowl of Daoxiao Noodles to eat ~

I don't know what I'm thinking ~

After the phone call, I said directly, "Hello ~ Please send a bowl of Daoxiao Noodles", and then I heard my mother's voice, "Daughter! You want to eat Daoxiao Noodles at noon! "

My mother felt a little puzzled at first, and she smiled when she came to her senses ~ ~

I was confused at that time ~ my face was red and embarrassed ~ ~

On the first day of work, someone called the manager (female) and gave the phone to the manager, mom.

Someone wants to talk to you.

5. Wash your face with glasses (with frame). Lens confusion ..................

I'm going to call my mother.

The leader suddenly came in and said to him, mom, I found the material. Here you are! ! !

7. Hold the money in your hand

Then knead it into a ball

Hold in the hand

I feel very uncomfortable

Throw it away.

8. Go to a good friend's house and chat. When her father comes back, he will open his mouth and call "Auntie". Embarrassed, her mother appeared again, and opened her mouth and called her "uncle" ... and then she doubted her IQ infinitely.

9. I have two: once a good friend got married and took a photo of me when she went to her house on the first day. I didn't look at the photos in her camera at that time, and I forgot them later. At the wedding reception the next day, she took out her camera. I said, look at what photos you have taken. Looking through the photos, I found that the person in one photo was particularly like me, and my mind didn't react. I also sent someone to see a girl who looks like me. When I reacted, I felt stupid. How can I not recognize my photo?

The second one is miserable. I rode past a van quickly, and the door just opened ~ ~ and I hit it, miserable ~

10, the most humiliating time, I didn't know what I was thinking when I washed my feet. I was going to take off my socks and almost took off my pants. .....

1 1, from the podium to the seat, a classmate's foot reached the aisle, originally wanted to say "please make way", but he blurted out "thank you"

-_-#

12, once in photoshop class, I sent a text message to my boyfriend and bravely shouted to the teacher: "Husband! My computer is not networked! "

The dissatisfied classroom immediately quieted down.

Five seconds later, everyone burst into laughter.

The teacher is a little old man in his fifties.

Push your glasses and stare at me.

This Lushan waterfall is sweating like a pig.

13, called my girlfriend's home, and her father answered and said, "Hello?"

I answered in her father's voice: "Hello, Aunt, is * * * there?"

It's a miracle that her father agreed to let us be together!

14, it's quite convenient to throw garbage in the morning and hold it. I drove all the way and drove alive for an hour. I found the garbage bag in my hand when I got off the bus. I took it halfway around the city and threw it into the dustbin in the office.

15, go home after a late-night carnival one day.

I don't know what I was thinking along the way. I waited and waited after getting into the elevator. I haven't been to my floor for a long time. I started sweating like crazy. Is there something wrong with the elevator? At this moment, no one will come, call for help and no one will dump me.

The pictures in the ghost film flashed one by one, and suddenly I felt my hair stand on end.

I was just about to call BF.

Calling him to save me, I suddenly found that I didn't press the floor elevator and the first floor didn't move. .....

16, I took my school meal card to the staff of ICBC to withdraw money. The others took one look and threw it cleanly. I stuffed it back and said loudly that I was withdrawing money. He threw it neatly and lazily, saying that the card was wrong. I took it back, took a Zhang Jianxing card from my wallet and handed it to him. ...

17, when I was very young, I had to burn coal at home, and my mother's cooking was in the kitchen. I got a shovel of coal with a small shovel, opened the lid of the rice cooker and poured it in at once. . . . #￥%……※×(

18, I had dinner with a group of friends in college, thinking about the exam in the afternoon, and I was absent-minded. After eating, I took out a tissue from my bag and wiped my mouth as usual. I was unconscious for a long time, and suddenly I found that my friends stopped talking. Look at me, I know I'm wiping my mouth with a sanitary towel! Friends are men and women! I really didn't want to live at that time! That's Hu's silk for daily use! What is incomprehensible is that I also opened the pink package outside!

19, I once had breakfast (cake and porridge) in the morning while watching the news. There happened to be an accident on our side or something. I read it carefully, so I picked up the remote control and chewed it down. I chewed for a long time, and I hardly felt depressed when I spit it out. I never understood how I bit it off =

=! !

20. Another time was when I was traveling with my girlfriend. There were many people in the scenic spot at that time. I conveniently pulled my girlfriend's hand up and said; "Wife, tighten mine." Then, I felt my girlfriend's hand loose straight down. I thought she was embarrassed and gave it a tight pull. Then she didn't leave, and I turned around. Only to find it was a man. Then a woman next to me looked at me strangely. I was so scared that I sweated, smiled a few times and ran away with a red face. I'm depressed. `````

2 1, panting after running, drinking water and ready to leave. As a result, the treadmill couldn't stop until the end button was pressed, so I slipped out. The water in the cup spilled all over the floor and was regarded as a negative teaching material by the coach. Don't stop like her. What a pity!

22. I once entered the elevator on the third floor, and then kept pressing the 3 key, wondering why it didn't light up.

The other time was a colleague's. That day, my colleague turned on the air conditioner with the remote control and asked me to pour her a glass of water.

It made the scene I saw very strange: I saw her pressing the remote control at me and saying, please pour me a glass of water!

I swear it's not a wrong angle. The air conditioner is in the opposite direction.

23. Go shopping, try on clothes in the fitting room, take off your coat and bra as soon as you enter the door, and then get dressed. I feel very strange after wearing it. I only feel this way when I see the bra next to me ~ ~ sweat ~

24. Once I went to buy Regan noodles, a couple were buying them. The boss asked them if they wanted coriander. The man said no and the woman saidno. I was thinking, "Coriander, why do men want coriander and women don't want coriander ..."

I was lost in thought, and the boss asked me, what to eat?

I answered loudly without hesitation: "Coriander! ! ! "

The couple next to the boss looked at me doubtfully!

25. I bought a new microwave oven at home and used it to cook fish. I am very excited. 15 minutes later, I turned on the microwave oven excitedly, dizzy, nothing. The fish is still on the table. It's time. I didn't wait to turn on the microwave oven and found the fish still on the table. So I decided not to eat fish for a week.

26. Once, I went to buy a fruit knife and watched it again and again. Then I asked the knife buyer to find something for me to try. The knife was not fast, and I cut my big finger with one knife, bleeding profusely. I said "well, hurry" happily, and I was surprised that the knife buyer didn't charge money.

When I turn around, it hurts.

27. I forgot what grade I was in primary school. Once I didn't study hard, so I cut off the front end of the ballpoint pen core with scissors, blew the oil out of the pen core to play, and then blew it into my mouth.

4。

I've been fidgeting at school. I taught myself for the first time when I was a freshman. I was so depressed sitting in the classroom that I immediately ran to the aisle to smoke.

Not long after I lit a cigarette, a girl from PL came over and asked me, "I'm studying by myself now! How did you get out? "

I said, I'm bored by smoking, MM Which class are you in? How also ran out.

PLMM pointed to our classroom and said, that class!

At that time, I was so excited to say, are we in the same class? What, are you depressed?

She said: well, a freshman in our class ran out from self-study and I came out to find him.

I smiled, it seems that someone still can't sit still. What do you want from him? You're not his mother!

MM: I can't help it I'm his head teacher!

I was cheated at that time. ...

A minute later, I choked up and said, Teacher, you look so young. ...

A brother went to the toilet and went into the ladies' room by mistake. When I went in, I found there was no urinal. It doesn't feel right Fortunately, there is no one in the ladies' room. He walked out casually. When I opened the door, I met a mm who came in. Face to face with him, blushed, lowered his head and turned to drill in the men's room.

One day, there were too many people on the bus, which was hot and stuffy. I don't know who farted, which made the environment worse. My friend can't stand it, and I don't know who it is. I can't help it It happened that the conductor was asking, "Who didn't buy a ticket?" My friend suddenly had a plan and said loudly, "Fart didn't buy a ticket!" " Suddenly, a particularly fat woman, holding the ticket high in her hand, said loudly, "I have bought the ticket!" "

It was an English class, and the teacher asked us to make sentences with "How …". At that time, there were daily expressions in junior high school and junior high school, such as "hello, hello". But the problem is that when we brainstorm for the answer, we only hear a man in the back row say, "What an excellent root ~ ~ ~ ~" (I believe I have played Street Fighter.

In middle school, a classmate moved and invited everyone to his house for dinner. . Lots of dishes. At the dinner table, his mother stood up and said politely to everyone, "You must eat and drink enough. You're welcome. You can't waste it. Now that you have moved to a new house, it's a pity that there are no pigs at home. "

H Jun and his friends enter an upscale shopping center. I took two steps after I entered the store. My friend was surprised to see him skating on the smooth marble floor. Asked him, H Jun pointed to the sign next to him while continuing to slide, and said seriously, "Since I'm here, I must abide by the rules here. The sign says: Be careful skating.

A sculpture was completed in the new building of a university: a girl held a book in her left hand and a dove symbolizing peace in her right hand. The names are publicly collected from students outside the school, and many people's slogans coincide-reading is the best for a bird!

A brother is constipated and can't be comfortable in the toilet for a long time. Just as he was going all out, he watched a buddy rush into the toilet like the wind and enter the next position. There was a real bubble club as soon as he entered, which made him feel good. The brother said enviously to the elder brother: The elder brother envies you very much.

That buddy said: I envy you to death, I haven't taken off my pants yet ~ ~

I took my youngest son to my friend's birthday. After dinner, everyone went to karaoke, and my youngest son volunteered to sing for the protagonist. There was applause. ~ I sang a birthday song to my uncle. There was an uproar. I looked back at the screen and prayed.