Ask for more jokes

3 your happiness, I will build; I will make up for your confusion; I will satisfy your greed; I will give in to your willfulness; I'm the only one who cares about you. I am a professional pig farmer.

7 rainy days, wet, so wet ... every night, you just stare at the cold window and stare at it. I came over and said to you softly, "Wang Cai, go in. The person who sent the bone won't come today.

This may be the last time I send you a text message. I hesitate to tell you. I'm going to America in the near future, and all the formalities have been completed. I can't help it, really Bush said he couldn't deal with Saddam without me.

1 1. When I heard that you were trafficked, I was really scared. Although you grew up with dementia, it is harmless to society. Who is so bold as to dare to sell you? I'm worried about him. It's strange to sell it!

12, I told my mother: I like you! After spending so much time with you, I feel I can't live without you. I want you to come to my house every day to accompany me! But my mother didn't agree. She said: no dogs at home!

13, I changed my job, and now I work in a bank, not far from you. Come to me when you have time, call my name at the bank, and I'll know! I changed my name. That's too vulgar. I'll call sister Qiang first.

14. I saw on the internet yesterday that the model of your mobile phone was extremely radioactive. I was shocked. I was just about to inform you that it's useless for people with IQ below 50. I felt a sort of surge of relief. Don't worry, keep using it.

15, Top Secret Document of the 16th National Congress: In order to improve the quality of our population, the state has decided to eliminate a group of retarded and ugly children who look like Guo Sun. Please pack your things and go quietly! Don't thank me! Be safe! (End)

16, shall we go out on Saturday? Please grant my sincere request! Because I really want to go to the seaside with you and listen to the sound of the sea. I'll take you to climb the highest stone near Shanghai and kick you down!

17, yesterday, I dreamed of you. Really, the sky is so quiet, the sun is so bright, and the sea is so boundless. You stand by the blue sea, and I will stab you with a stick. Hey, this little bastard has a hard shell.

18, when I turned to leave, you cried helplessly behind me. The heartbreaking pain made me suddenly understand how much I love you. I turned around and hugged you: this pig is not for sale.

20. When you pick up the mirror and look at your round face, high nose, charming eyes, sexy mouth and blessed ears, you will sigh loudly-pig! ! ! !

2 1, I wrote your name in the sky and was taken away by the cloud. I wrote your name all over the mountain and was taken away by the wind. I wrote your name all over the street, Gao, and was taken away by the police.

22. You are the sun in my heart, but it is raining. You are the moon in my dream, but it is covered by clouds; You are the most beautiful flower in my heart, but it has already bloomed; You are Chang 'e in the sky, but your face landed first. ...

23. What happened? I called your mobile phone just now, and after the bell rang, the phone prompted a voice saying: The other party is streaking, please redial later. I can't believe it! Dial again and say: Sorry, the subscriber you dialed is out of service area, please redial later.

23. In my eyes, you always look so carefree, you always eat happily and you always sleep soundly. . . I really envy you. Sometimes I think it's good to be a pig.

China is strong, and all foreigners will be required to take CET-4 and CET-6! Classical Chinese is so simple that all the questions are answered with a brush, which is cheap for them. Anger, one person, one knife, one turtle shell, carving Oracle Bone Inscriptions! The title of the thesis is: On Theory of Three Represents! When the listening test came, all the songs were used. Listen to nunchakus twice, and Chrysanthemum Terrace only once. Tell them that this is the normal speaking speed in China! What I understand is the government work report. The oral test requires singing Peking Opera, and the experiment requires jiaozi, killing and laughing at those who have a group ... Happy Dragon Boat Festival.

There are three people in the family, named robber, kitchen knife and trouble.

One day, the trouble disappeared. The robber came to the public security bureau with a kitchen knife and said to the police, "hello, I'm a robber." I am looking for trouble with a kitchen knife. "

When I went shopping, I found a shop full of all kinds of clothes. On the glass at the door, there are stickers: big rewards for opening a shop, 30 yuan/set of high-grade suits, 5 yuan/piece of shirts. I am inexplicably happy: I finally caught up with such a good thing! So I rushed in, and I looked up at the moment I entered the door: dry cleaner!

Tony is a stuntman. His performance is throwing steel knives.

Three, four, five steel knives were thrown around,

One night, after his performance, he wanted to go home with a knife and was stopped halfway.

The policeman said, "Why do you carry the murder weapon with you? 」

Tony: "I'm a stuntman. This is my prop! 」

The policeman said, "I don't believe it. Try to show me! 」

Tony started throwing steel knives at the roadside. ...

Hearing the car parked behind me, someone said, "Wow! It's really strict to test drunkenness now! 」

1, a police dog saw an ordinary dog coming on the road and ran over to ask it: I am a police dog, what are you? The ordinary dog took a disdainful look and said, idiot, look clearly, I am plain clothes!

7. In the middle of the night, George W. Bush saw bin Laden standing in front of his bed, criticizing his head and distributing it. Bush was startled and said, How dare you break into the White House at night! Bin Laden shook his chest-high beard and said with a grimace, "It's so soft and confident!"!

There are three brothers, please. Shut up and be polite.

One day, the trouble disappeared and I politely went to the police station to report the case.

The policeman asked to shut up: "What's your name?"

Shut up and say loudly, "Shut up! ! "

The policeman was very angry and said, "Where are your manners?" "My manners are at home."

The policeman said, "Are you looking for trouble?"

"You are so smart, I'm just looking for trouble!"

A letter from the Tang Priest to Wukong:

Dear Wukong:

I have lived in heaven for a long time. I don't know how you are doing in Huaguoshan.

I write this letter slowly, because I know you can't read quickly. We have moved, but the address has not changed, because we brought our house number with us when we moved. It rained twice this week, the first time for 3 days and the second time for 4 days. Yesterday, we went to buy pizza. The clerk asked: Do you want to cut 8 pieces or 12 pieces? Your mistress said, cut 8 pieces, but I'm afraid you can't finish cutting 12 pieces. That pizza place is good. Let's go to a restaurant on the street for steak sometime. And your aunt Guanyin said that the coat you wanted me to send was overweight when it was mailed, so we cut the buttons and put them in the pocket of that coat. Your sister Chang 'e was born this morning, so I don't know whether you want to be a menstruation or an uncle because you don't know whether it's a boy or a girl. Nothing has happened recently. I will write to you again. We were going to send you money, but the envelope was stuck, so we didn't send it.

grasp

The head coaches of China, Japan and South Korea came to heaven together and asked God when their respective football teams would win the World Cup. God said: Korea needs 50 years. The Korean coach burst into tears: I won't see you again. God also said: Japan needs 100 years. The Japanese coach burst into tears: I won't see you again. China Coach quickly asked, What about us? God burst into tears: I'll never see it again.

Part I: It's windy and rainy. I am waiting for your call back. Bottom line: live for you, die for you, and wait for you all your life. Horizontal batch: sent to the wrong person.

I heard that a toad jumped out of Taihu Lake today and was run over by a car. I've been worried. I'll text you right away. If you are still alive, please reply to me!

Jianghu knows that you are skilled in martial arts, but you can't be proud. If you do this, you will no longer be a person, but a swordsman! Chivalrous swordsman! Chivalrous swordsman!

You are as hardworking as a bee, as beautiful as a butterfly, as loyal as a puppy, as smart as a kitten, as simple and honest as an old cow and as fierce as a tiger. No wonder people call you an animal!

Whether it is a gust of wind or not, it is so eternal; This is a dream, but it is so real; You bowed your head and said nothing, but I couldn't calm down. Finally, I can't help but say to you, "let me know before farting!" "

Without the wind, the clouds will not move; Fish can't swim without water; If there is no sun, the moon will have no light; If it weren't for you, stupid people wouldn't exist.

I am a lonely tree, standing on the roadside for thousands of years, waiting alone, just because one day you pass me, I will fall for you, and it is in vain not to smash you.

Beggars beg along the street with monkeys. He told them to laugh, cry, bow and read short messages.

You took part in a ball game the other day and only scored a volley ball. Before the goalkeeper could react, the goal was scored! We all applaud and cheer for you. You get up and pat your ass and say, damn, the ground is too slippery!

When you pick up the mirror and look at your round face, high nose, charming eyes, sexy mouth and blessed ears, you will sigh loudly-pig!

The aquarium celebrated the birthday of the old dragon king. During the dinner, Prime Minister Turtle took something out of his arms, looked at it and put it back. The dragon king quickly asked, what happened to Prime Minister Gui? Shrimp, soldier and crab will quickly answer: the old bastard has received the text message again.

My friend thought a lot last night, so did I. Only you are the coolest. In my dream, I searched for you for thousands of Baidu. Looking back, you are still tied to the depths of someone else's donkey shed, cruel! Cruel! Calm down after reading the information!

Are you free tomorrow afternoon? I want to find you. Can you pick me up at the station? However, I'm afraid it's hard for people to recognize it. You let your head explode, with a stick in your right hand and a porcelain bowl in your left. The joint signal is: Come on!

I dreamed about you. You made a dress out of white clouds, borrowed the wings of a bird, put the broom behind your ass, and flew to me like a sword. Tell me affectionately: Do you know? That's what birdman looks like.

I thought there was something better, but I found again and again that the best was around, just like you. I didn't think so at first, but as time went on, I realized that you were the best … bully!

When I arrived in xishuangbanna tourism, Yunnan, I was besieged by a group of wild boar. Tourists took out food and money, and the wild boar was unmoved. You took out your only ID card, and the pigs knelt down and cried: Boss, we found you!

You are a 10 playboy, who often plays with 9 and 8 and has billions of money. You've been abandoned for seven years, and you've been looking for prey. You need to ask more questions, but you are still half-hearted. You are definitely not a good person.

After seeing the Three Kingdoms, the tiger went to catch wild boar. He saw that there were no pigs in the pigsty, so he touched his beard and said, Empty city plan! I turned around and saw a dead pig on the animal trap. I was shocked: danger! Suddenly seeing you again, I was overjoyed: yo-ho, there is a honey trap!

The toad chased the swan, and the swan said disdainfully, if I were like this, I would have died long ago! Toad refused: Is the pig still alive? Hearing this, the pig felt wronged: I provoked whoever I recruited, I was just reading the text message!

There is a yearning, a love, a beauty, an agreement, and a greeting, hello pig!

I don't want to be alone I want it, too. I walk in the street and have a look. Handsome men and beautiful women hold hands, but I hold hands with my left hand. Now I just want to go out with you, but I'm afraid my friend will say, don't always walk the dog.

I miss the days we walked together. Spring is beautiful, birds are singing and flowers are fragrant. Everyone in the village praises you for your beauty and cuteness. The villagers also praised me for being smart and capable, and I came out to release pigs at such a young age.

When you are lonely, watermelon may be your best vent. You can cut, chop, chop, and shout loudly: I kill melons, I kill melons, I kill melons!

1 The new diva sang rock and roll at the top of her lungs in the dormitory: "I want to change, I want to make a big change ..." The bookworm who was reading a book suddenly looked up and was surprised.

Q: "Isn't the toilet empty?"

I think about you every day. Seeing you is my dream. Loving you is my lifelong expectation. Waiting for you is what I have been doing. I lied to you. It just happened.

Buddha said: Looking back 500 times in the past life has brought me the passing of this life. I used 10000 times to look back on my past life and meet you in this life just to ask you: why do you want to fight with my dog for bones?

To understand a person, you should look at it from many angles, just like you. From below, you look like a psychopath, from the side, you look like an idiot, from 30 degrees, from 60 degrees, you look like a pig. Look, I know you better.

If a drop of water represents a blessing, I will send you a South China Sea, if a star represents a happiness, I will send you a galaxy, and if a spoonful of honey represents a miss, I will send you a hornet's nest, so I don't believe I can't stab you.

I wish you a pleasant journey and disappear halfway; I wish you laugh often, you have to laugh anyway; I wish you a happy day, leg cramps; I wish you all the best and hit a wall everywhere.

1, SMS about mobile phone

Emergency reminder: There may be lightning recently. When you go out, please put your mobile phone on your head, plug in the charger and drag it behind you for lightning protection. Remember!

Tips for free mobile phone calls: When there is an incoming call, press 54sg before the second ring and then press power off, and the call is free at this time.

This is a well-designed short message. If you look at the phone upside down, you will appreciate the wonderful patterns ... is it fun to turn it over?

According to the research of Massachusetts Institute of Technology, soaking the mobile phone in water 1 minute before making a phone call can completely avoid the radiation of electromagnetic waves to the human brain, remember!

Dear users: Hello! Due to the ugly appearance and outdated style of your mobile phone, it has seriously affected the appearance of the city and hindered the development of mobile communication services. This station decided to send a signal to destroy the mobile phone after 10 minutes!

If you receive this message, which proves that your mobile phone is infected with virus, please take out your mobile phone card immediately and brush it with gasoline.

2. Text messages about idiots

It's wood who makes furniture, scholars who know poetry, people who think about money, talents who practice, women who want to be in shape, geniuses who send messages and idiots who read text messages!

Standing on the balcony that day, you enjoyed the drizzle and thought about the rough life. Your face is wet and tastes sour, bitter and salty. Is it rain or tears? You look up at the sky. Wow, whose mop?

The people of the whole country are the best, riding a bench to the moon; The world belongs to you, and you can play the best. You don't need a glass to drink. From ancient times to the present, you are the best, and going out shopping is scary; What you said is nothing, the Nobel Prize is waiting for you!

With you in life, life is full of infinite vitality; With you along the way, I am afraid of lightning; Just because of you, happiness and satisfaction are always overflowing; Without you, who will feed the pig food?

Note: stand in front of the mirror, gently hold your chin, blink three times with your left eye and three times with your right eye, then blink all the time with a smile, and you will vaguely see a fool blinking at the mirror!

After years of silent cultivation in the film circle, only you know the bitterness best. However, your efforts have finally been recognized by people, and you have won the Golden Bird Award: the nomination of the best animal star.

On this full moon night, Chang 'e said to me: She will go down to find you, give you beauty and restore your original beauty! Are you ready? Pig, stop texting and ask you a question!

Flowers bloom in spring, which is your smile; The summer sun is burning, that's your passion; Autumn fruits are ripe, which is your harvest; Hey hey! Bear, so you can hibernate safely!

Wukong, you clean the glass; Friar Sand, mop the floor. Bajie, the master knows your situation very well. After careful consideration, he decided to give you a chance to show it-after reading this message, go and clean the toilet at once.

It is real gold, never afraid of fierce flames; Is a pine tree, never afraid of the long cold; Haiyan, never afraid of lightning that cuts the sky; What an idiot, staring at the text message!