Zhu Bajie’s funny quotes (with prizes for correct answers)~!

1. Bajie was criticized. When his colleagues asked him why his face turned green, he replied, "It's because of his hat."

2. Bajie married a wife who is very beautiful. Some people said, you The boy is so blessed, Bajie replied: "Share the blessing together"

3. Bajie's wife gave birth to a son, Bajie called his father to tell him the good news: "Dad, my wife gave birth to a fat baby for you." Son"

4. The son Bajie gave birth to was very cute and tiger-headed. Everyone joked and praised Bajie for his high abilities. Bajie was very modest: "Wherever I go, it all depends on everyone's help."

5. A new middle-level cadre came to Bajie’s unit. Everyone talked about their ages. Bajie said I was born in 1972, and the other person said I was born in 1975. Bajie said hurriedly: “Then you are 3 years older than me. I have to call you big brother.”

6. Minister Wu from Bajie’s unit took a back seat and Minister Wang was newly transferred. At the party to welcome the new and send off the old, Bajie gave a welcome speech: “Comrades, our The old minister, Minister Wu, resigned, and the superior leaders sent us Minister Wang, who is more capable. Everyone welcomes Minister Wang to give us a few words."

7. Bajie was busy. Secretary: "Brother Ba, Your wife’s phone number.” Bajie didn’t even raise his head: “Male or female?”

Tang Monk: Wukong, please turn into a BMW. It’s raining and you can’t ride the horse.

Tang Monk: Wukong, you become a condom. Today, my master will take care of this female goblin myself.

Tang Seng: Wukong, please become Viagra. Today, my master will personally deal with this female demon until she begs for mercy.

Tang Seng: I’m so bored today. . . Wukong. . . You become a succubus. . .

One day while passing through the desert, Tang Monk clamored for a female goblin, but the surrounding area was desolate. Not to mention the goblin, not even an ant could be found.

Tang Monk: Wukong. . . Become a succubus!

Wukong refused.

Tang Monk went to see Bajie again, and Bajie slipped away to do fortune telling on the pretext of losing weight.

Going to find Drifting, Drifting ran away on the pretext of making soy sauce.

Tang Monk got angry and came back to find Wukong: Wukong, if you don’t turn into a female goblin, your master will have to recite the Tightening Curse!

Wukong thought for a while and turned Zhu Bajie, who was doing the divination for the government official, into a female goblin.

Zhu Bajie is always turned into a female goblin to be fucked by Tang Monk. He is annoyed by this and always wants to find an opportunity to take revenge.

One day, Tang Seng clamored for the female goblin again. Wukong and Sha Seng went out to look for it. Zhu Bajie ran slowly and was caught by Tang Seng. She had no choice but to turn into a female demon again. But Tang Seng got interested and insisted on biting Zhu Bajie. Zhu Bajie was very angry and bit off Tang Seng's penis in one bite, which made Tang Seng roll on the ground in pain. At this time, Wukong and Sha Seng came back with two flower-like female goblins. Tang Seng jumped up from the ground and shouted: Quickly turn Bajie into my penis, my master will take care of these two female goblins today!

Wherever Tang Monk wanted to pass by, the banshees would run away, so Tang Monk often failed to achieve his wish. One night, Tang Seng got up to relieve himself and suddenly saw Zhu Bajie having sex with a female demon in his arms. . . Tang Monk was furious: Bajie, step back! My master must take care of this female demon personally!

Bajie was in high spirits and begged: Master, can’t we have a threesome together?

Tang Seng: Yes!

So Zhu Bajie was turned into a female demon

Zhu Bajie’s quotation: Eternal life in the fire

The pig is a supporting role, always playing tricks for the monkeys and you. , I was eating, and you laughed at me. Because I am a pig. I was sleeping and you laughed at me. I am a pig. I was fighting to save Master, but you laughed at me again, saying I was a pig. I'm talking to a woman, and you laugh at me, okay! I'm still a pig. ---Zhu Bajie

If I have to die, I would rather die in the blazing fire. Watching the fat that has been with me for most of my life disintegrate and burn away bit by bit. At least I know I can be a bunch of skinny skeletons.

I am a wanderer who has gone through many vicissitudes of life and has made my home all over the world. Jianghu has been in my life for too long. If I had a choice, I would go back to Gaolaozhuang. It's a pity that the choice is two-sided, Gao Laozhuang will not consider me.

I am not a playful person. Don’t think that I have a relaxed life every day. Even if I cry, you will all recognize my fat face. In the eyes of humans, pigs will always have only one face. You think I am not a long faster, so how do you know that most meat dishes are made of pork?

Actually, I am very erotic. This is recognized by everyone. Whenever I see a beautiful monster or a girl from a good family, I will be attracted to my heart. But I am not a human being, so why should I be romantic with a human being? There is no woman I like, so I like women all over the world, and they will never understand what it means to like them.

The pig is a supporting role, always playing for the monkeys and for you to see. I am eating and you laugh at me. Because I am a pig. I was sleeping and you laughed at me. I am a pig. I was fighting to save Master, but you laughed at me again, saying I was a pig. I

I talk to women and you laugh at me, okay! I'm still a pig.

I am always the busiest on the journey to learn Buddhist scriptures. I take care of Master, feed the horses and dive into the water, transform myself into a vegetarian and search for mountains. Every time like this, Wukong would say: "Fat man, lose weight. I want to protect the Lord." Tang Monk would shout: "Bajie, I'm hungry and want to eat." Sha Monk said nothing. , intimately tell the truth to Baima. I hate pretense, hateful pretense, it’s all a lie, it’s all a lie to me. "Looking at your hypocritical fat face, don't think we don't know that you want to be lazy again." They would tell me together.

Do they understand what I am thinking? I understand what they are thinking. Monkeys have their own world, and Tang Seng has his own pursuits. How can you mention the monkey and say that he most wants to defeat all enemies? When talking about Tang Monk, you know that he most wants to go to the west. You are neither him nor me, so how can you understand my feelings. I don’t want bread, I don’t want alms, I don’t want ridicule, I don’t want your pigs.

I was very hesitant and helpless, and I didn’t dare to talk to Tang Seng. He always told me the truth. I don't dare to look for Wukong and Sha Seng. They don't know how to share or help. They will point at their noses and laugh and shout, "It's just you? A pig." Sometimes I look at the flowers and plants on the mountain. I went to them to smell and talk, and suddenly my mouth was choked. It turned out that I didn’t know what I wanted to say. Maybe I had swallowed too much in my stomach for too long.

Slowly, everything became numb and gradually took over my body and soul. I became obese, but I still had to walk. Take a slow road to the west. Walking with my body, I walk very fast and lack a soul

soul.