Mother-child relationship: from childhood to old age

My 4-year-old son is very dependent on me emotionally. Sometimes my father at home reminds me not to keep my mother's treasure, which I generally interpret as jealousy. I have to admit, I still miss the intimacy with my son, but I am also doing psychological construction for myself. Before my son is ready to leave me, I need to be ready to let him go. In a way, the relationship between mother and child is very special. Freud believed that all the behavior and emotional patterns in a person's life were determined by the relationship with his mother when he was a child. From this perspective, there is no essential difference between mother and daughter, but there are still differences. After all, mother and son are different genders, and any society and culture will have different expectations for mother-daughter relationship, such as a mother-daughter hand. If you are a mother and a son, you may be accused of Ma Bao. But this is a superficial phenomenon. As we all know, on the surface, the relationship between mother and child is bound to change with the growth of son, but what about the bottom of my heart? Will the most fundamental bond between mother and son change with the son's independence, marriage and childbirth?

The relationship between mother and child in childhood is very important to the son's life.

The research of modern psychology and neurology proves Freud's theory to some extent. The bond between a person's childhood and his mother will lay the foundation for his emotional and psychological state in his later life. Specifically, 0~ 18 months is the key period to establish the most fundamental bond between mother and child. If the child does not get enough care from his mother during this period, he is likely to feel insecure when he reaches adulthood. /kloc-After 0/8 months, children will continue to rely on the care they get from their parents to establish their own emotional safety zone. From this perspective, there is no difference between mother-daughter relationship and mother-child relationship. The stronger the bond between mother and child in infancy, the less likely the child will feel insecure and anxious in the future.

The difference lies in children's cognition of the opposite sex. Many studies have found that the relationship between children and parents of the opposite sex (daughter and father, son and mother) will affect his attitude towards the opposite sex in the future, and then affect his spouse selection and marriage relationship. Of course, this influence is multifaceted and complicated. The better the father-daughter relationship, the happier the marriage. It is not a simple linear relationship, but the influence exists and is obvious. Therefore, although the mother-daughter relationship is as important as the mother-child relationship, for a son, his relationship with his mother not only determines his emotional development, but also affects his relationship with the opposite sex. In other words, a man's life-long interpersonal relationship and family happiness are directly related to his mother. Does a mother with a son make you happy or stressed?

The relationship between mother and child is constantly changing.

From the perspective of developmental psychology, every child has to go through the process of separation from his parents in the process of growing up: separation from his mother is the first time, weaning is the second time, and then emotional separation is constant until one day, we find that children don't talk to us much; Then, he will move out and start his own small family. This process is the same for both men and women. The difference is that boys will be encouraged by social culture and will be more actively separated from their parents, especially their mothers. From infancy to infancy and then to adolescence, boys will be farther and farther away from their mothers and closer to their fathers. He needs to learn from his father how to change from a boy to a man. In this process, the role of mother will become less and less, at least on the surface. Mom will appear less and less in her son's activities, or just be a bystander, while dad can still play a ball with his son from time to time.

But mothers, don't think it's time for you and your son to drift apart. In fact, the bond you established with your son in infancy is firmly tied to his heart, affecting him with a potential force, and even his son is not completely ignorant. This is the conclusion of many psychoanalysts. Some psychologists will use this metaphor: a 3-year-old boy will say that he will marry his mother when he grows up; A 23-year-old boy may not say a word to his mother for a week, but if someone bullies his mother, he will never let it go! Mothers should take good care of the mother-child relationship.

If you want to have a healthy mother-child relationship, you can bring positive energy to your son all your life. Mom should pay attention to skills, not a simple love.

Know your attitude towards the opposite sex

I grew up in a sisterly family. When I learned that my second child was a boy, I was a little nervous, because I had no idea how the boy grew up, which would actually affect my education for my son, because I might subconsciously bring some experiences that were not suitable for the boy into his upbringing. But when I realize this, I am more likely to avoid it, or at least make some positive adjustments. For example, a study found that if a mother experienced a serious injury from the opposite sex, the relationship between her and her son would be difficult to relax, and the mother would impose more restrictions on her son, making it difficult for him to develop freely. Therefore, knowing your attitude towards the opposite sex is a foundation for every mother to establish a healthy relationship with her son.

Respect your son's wishes and respond.

Boys may develop some interests, habits and some inexplicable stubbornness, which makes their mothers look bad. As long as these do not involve the bottom line and safety issues, mothers should respect them, even actively participate in them, and understand their son's interests, so that you can participate more deeply in his growth and independence.

Set rules and don't compromise.

Some mothers will shift the work of raising their sons to their fathers, especially when their sons are older and thinner. It seems that only strict father can deter him. But in fact, once the family rules are set, don't let your son feel that his mother can compromise. When he makes a request that goes beyond the rules, don't wait for your father to come back, just tell him no.

Be sensitive to physical contact.

When a son grows up, he will reject his mother's physical contact more than his daughter, especially when he is outside. For this kind of reaction, the mother should keep a certain sensitivity, and don't ignore his embarrassment in order to show her intimacy with her son. When the son grows up, the bond between mother and son will be internalized and will not disappear because of the reduction of these superficial behaviors.