"Qi Pa Shuo" Li Dan: Delay gratification and live the life you want

Li Dan once said in "Qi Pa Shuo": "The entire history of our human development is how to cultivate our ability to obtain this kind of delayed gratification."

Online explanation, Delayed gratification refers to a decision-making orientation that is willing to give up immediate gratification for more valuable long-term results, as well as the self-control ability demonstrated during the waiting period.

I was lying on the sofa after get off work and scrolling through videos for several hours. Looking at the blank document on my computer, a little guilt flashed through my mind, but soon I saw the content of the video again. Being attracted, I cannot control my mind and eyes, and let them continue to do things that are not helpful or even affect my work.

I don’t know if you have ever experienced this:

I want to play a game for a while to relax, but I can’t put it down. I think about eating for a while and then go to exercise. After eating, I forget about it. I wanted to watch TV for a while when I had time, but after watching it, I wanted to seriously read and write at 2 o'clock in the night, but I gave up within two minutes

I always thought this was because of poor willpower. Until I read the book "Jianjin", I found that the truth was not as simple as imagined.

Why can’t I stop playing games or scrolling through my mobile phone? Why can’t I concentrate when I read or write? Because the former can instantly satisfy your needs and make you feel happy, excited, etc. immediately. The rewards of the latter do not show up so quickly, and sometimes there is no result after persisting for a long time.

Think about it seriously, if you are watching videos and news, you may not want to watch them for a while, but if you are watching life-related or funny videos, you won’t be able to stop. Because news videos are generally more rigorous, not interesting, and cannot satisfy everyone's curiosity.

But similar to the short videos on the Internet, there are funny ones, popular science videos, animals, plants, eating, work, all kinds of videos, I have seen them. Yes, have you ever seen something like this? Not only is it funny, but it can also satisfy a variety of needs, and you don’t have to wait for this feeling of satisfaction. As long as you keep swiping, this feeling of satisfaction will last and you won’t be able to stop at all

Copper mining is mentioned in the book "Jingjin" because most people only care about satisfying current feelings, ignore long-term interests, and do not know how to seize the time to do what is best for themselves

< p>To analyze whether something is worth doing, you can evaluate it from two dimensions:

First, the benefits that this thing brings to me at the moment, this benefit can be material or spiritual. Second, the degree to which income declines over time is called the "half-life". The longer the half-life, the more lasting the impact.

According to two dimensions, events can be divided into four major categories:

High return value, long half-life

High return value, short half-life

Low return value, long half-life

Low return value, short half-life

Why is playing games so attractive? Because it can immediately satisfy our emotional needs, it is a high-yield item.

Why don’t we advocate playing games for a long time? Because games only satisfy our emotional needs temporarily, once the game is over, the impact will disappear. Moreover, playing games has no actual benefits and help for those of us who are not game professionals. It is an event with a relatively short half-life.

Why are we unwilling to study, or do we not persist in studying for a long time?

Because there is no immediate gain from reading, it requires practice to achieve results, and this result takes time and does not immediately meet current needs, so people choose to give up.

In life, we should look further ahead, do things that are beneficial to long-term goals, do more events with long half-lives, and do less events with short half-lives that are inconsistent with the goals.

How to do it?

① Determine the goal and clearly describe the goal

The goal is navigation. With the goal, the direction will not deviate.

Clearly describe the goal and concrete it into something that can be implemented every day.

For example, I set a goal to take the postgraduate entrance examination. The big goal is to take the postgraduate entrance examination. To make the goal concrete means to know what I need to do and how to study for the postgraduate entrance examination.

The specific things that can be implemented every day are how many books I have to read, how many materials I have to review, and how many exercises I have to complete every day.

Concrete these goals into daily actions, and you will not be confused every day, and you will not give up your goals for the sake of immediate benefits

② Take action immediately.

If you think about your goal ten thousand times, you will still get nothing if you don’t do it.

There is a story about a devout man who prays to God and Buddha every day to bless him and win the lottery.

After decades of begging, he has never been successful. Someone asked Buddha, why can't this pious man win a prize? Buddha said, I also want him to win the lottery. The problem is that he has to buy a lottery ticket first.

No matter how hard you work, how you think, and if you don’t take action, everything you end up with can only be a dream, something imagined in a dream, and will never be realized in real life.

③ Complete a small goal first to form positive feedback, and then go for the big goal.

Sometimes, the goal is too ambitious and requires a lifetime of hard work to achieve. In this case, it will be easy for a person to lose sight of hope and give up. The best way is to first achieve one of the small goals in this goal, form positive feedback, and let yourself continue to increase your confidence and ability in such small satisfactions until you achieve the final goal

For example, my goal is to become a writer and publish a book.

To become a writer, the first thing is to be able to write articles. My small goal is to write excellent articles that everyone will love and promote myself. Many people read the article, many people like it, and many people give feedback. I can start from these feedbacks and preferences and constantly hone my skills. In this way, the probability of success in writing and publishing books will be higher

④Read more, especially classic books. Improve yourself and control temptation

Reading is the most direct, economical and effective way to improve your abilities.

The reason why classic books are classics is that they can withstand the test of time and can effectively solve practical problems.

Improve your abilities through reading, such as logical thinking ability and execution ability

Improve your abilities, improve your vision, ability to see and analyze problems, and help Be firm in your own goals and interests, focus on doing your own things, and resist the temptation of the outside world.

The short half-life is because it can quickly meet our current needs and form positive feedback. But things with a short half-life do not take into account long-term development goals and aspirations.

Writer Toshiyuki Oiwa reads more than 300 books every year, constantly summarizing reading methods and experiences, and finally helped him successfully realize his dream of becoming a lecturer.

⑤ Delaying gratification and making events with a long half-life play a key role in future development

Walter Mischel, a professor of psychology at Stanford University in the United States, designed a method called The "marshmallow" experiment. The experiment went like this:

In a kindergarten, researchers found dozens of children and took them to sit in a small classroom for 15 minutes. On the tray on the table, there are these children's favorite things - marshmallows, cookies or biscuit sticks.

The researcher formulated these rules and started the test:

The children could eat the marshmallow immediately, but there was no reward.

If you can wait until the researcher comes back to eat, you will get an extra marshmallow as a reward.

The result of the experiment is: only about 30% of the children successfully waited until the experimenter returned.

Study tracking found that children’s academic performance was related to their ability to wait for marshmallows. Children who are good at waiting have good grades and are more likely to succeed in their future career development

Children who are self-aware are more patient and therefore better at delaying enjoyment.

Based on the self-control ability shown in this kind of waiting, Professor Michel proposed "delayed gratification." People who delay gratification are willing to give up immediate gratification for more valuable long-term results, that is, self-control Stronger.

Delayed gratification allows us to temporarily avoid the interruption of many temptations, making it easier to control our lives.

Successful people are always better than ordinary people in some aspects. They can be very self-disciplined, control their desires, delay gratification, and do things with a long half-life that are helpful to their goals.