A very clever joke on the Internet

1. A poem given to me by my mother: I was thin and fat when I left home, but my local accent has not changed and I am piled with meat. The children did not recognize each other and asked the fat man who are you? It was also specially titled "Returning to Hometown in Tight Clothes". I'll go, ruthless!

2. When I was a child, my father taught me how to use chopsticks. After a long time, he would beat me. Now that I have grown up, I taught my father how to use a mobile phone. He didn’t learn it for a long time, but he still gave me a beating. Love is so unreasonable!

3. I became a Buddha before this Double Eleven, and all four elements are empty. The wallet is empty, the balances of various payment software are empty, the bank cards are empty, and even the stomach is empty. So, you common people, if you invite me to participate in activities that cost more than five yuan, don't disturb me!

4. Don’t be timid if you like someone. Once you decide, go up and kiss her. If she likes you, she will definitely not push you away. If she doesn't like you, it doesn't matter. After all, you kissed her and you didn't suffer any loss...

5. My friend went to KFC to buy a burger and told the waiter that he didn't want salad and gave him some garlic. Inside, the waiter said no, but he said he had some, and then took a few out of his pocket, and they were all petrified!

6. My best friend asked me: If someone gave you one million to buy your husband, would you be willing? I said: Don’t say one million, I would be willing to pay 100 yuan. Then, I received a 100 yuan red envelope from my best friend.

7. My husband is fat, weighing 200 pounds. One day during the physical examination, the doctor looked at his body shape and said, "No need to weigh him, just write it yourself." My husband told me that he hesitated for a long time with the pen, thinking that writing 100kg would not look good, so he wrote 0.1 tons horizontally!

8. Today my classmate asked me: Why is it so cold in winter that women have to wear cotton-padded jackets on top and stockings on the bottom? At this time, the person next to me said: Fresh milk should be kept warm, ham should be refrigerated...

9. Once when I was having dinner with a friend, he showed off his height to me. He said: My mother is 155 and my father is 160. I can actually grow to 183. Haha! However, I don't envy him because I think he is a person with a story.

10. One day, a roommate sighed: "I feel like I am just a lady now, and I never leave the house without leaving home." At this time, another funny roommate said: "How can you do that?" My dear lady, you are a domestic pig.”

11. Yesterday, I went to have my fortune told, and I said, Master, do you think I can be a director or something like that? The master counted his fingers and said slowly: It is difficult for you to be a parent!

12. "I have a student who ranks last in grades every year and often fights with others. According to the leader's request, the teacher wants to give the student a nicer final comment. How should I write it?" God replied: "This student My grades are stable and my hands-on skills are very strong.”

13. Yesterday, I almost drowned due to cramps in my legs while swimming in the reservoir. Fortunately, my girlfriend saved me. If I hadn’t filled her with air in the morning, both of us would have died. They have become desperate mandarin ducks...

14. Don’t say that today’s thermos cups are just awesome! So perverted! I poured boiling water in the morning, and the whole morning has passed. I have scalded my mouth seven or eight times and still haven’t had a sip of water...

15. The wind has picked up, and there is no partner. It is quite cold, and there is no one to hug me. Well, your hand is cold, no one is holding it, you are dumbfounded, you want to be single, you are stupid, wear long johns.

16. My girlfriend said she would take me to a party with her friends. I said to her: "When you introduced me, you were a little new, a little imposing, and domineering!" Then when we arrived at the place, my girlfriend waved her hand: "Hi! Guys! This is my sex partner!"

17. Asked a married male colleague what marriage is, he said: "When I went home the night before the wedding and saw that the lights were still on, I thought My heart felt warm, and when I got home late after the wedding, I saw that the lights were still on and my legs felt weak. "

18. I just bought a bun, took a few bites, and found that there was no filling inside, so I asked. Boss: "Why." The boss said: "I haven't mastered the core technology yet.

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19. Double Eleven is here, and I was going to choose some clothes for my wife on a certain store. When I was reading the comments, I saw what I think is the most unfair comment to a seller in history: Bad review, why is my wife wearing this? Are your clothes still so ugly?

20. Please recommend a domestic TV series where you will die if you jump off a cliff, or a Korean drama where you won’t lose your memory if you are hit by a car, or a man and a woman who won’t kiss each other when they wrestle. The Hong Kong and Taiwan dramas must be greatly appreciated!