A series of funny jokes

Funny motto, let you find the truth in laughter. The energy of jokes is infinite, which can bring joy and a harmonious environment. Ready to enter the world of jokes? Next, I have carefully prepared "Selected Funny Peers" for you. Welcome to watch!

Selected funny paragraphs (popular articles) 1. I came home late on weekends, and my wife questioned me as soon as I came in. Why didn't you come home until 7 o'clock? I said:? I attended a press conference in the afternoon. ? My wife rummaged through my bag and said, what cloth is this? I'm trying to make a pair of pants. ?

I am a senior three student. One day, I was alone in the dormitory watching H movies, and my roommate pushed the door and came in. I quickly minimized and pretended to be playing games. He gave me a look and said simply that four years later, our brothers still failed to treat each other as brothers.

Grandpa, I'm Sanwa. Whether you are a snake spirit or something, come out and die! Your grandfather and I are invulnerable Do you believe it or not, I asked you to do three tricks, whether beheading or stabbing your eyes? Huh? (Chrysanthemum! )

A tribe never wears underwear, and tourists advise them to wear underwear, which is very sanitary and warm. So I put it on, but I didn't take it off when I defecated. Looking back, hey! It's so clean, there's nothing. Once you sit down, don't say it's really warm.

My friend backed to the side of the road and saw a beautiful woman standing next to him, so he said. Please let me know if you want to hit it. ? The beauty said: OK, backwards. ? Mao? There was a loud noise, and the beauty said, well, we hit it. ?

6. I accidentally stepped on a cobra on the road today. It turned around and bit it. I saw the snake kicking around on four legs, turned over and died. I looked at it disdainfully: Fuck, I ate gutter oil and drank melamine. You fucking want to die.

7. A buddy bought his daughter-in-law a gold necklace. His daughter-in-law went shopping and went home, full of neck scars, and came back for divorce. She asked why. The necklace my buddy bought was fake, and the robber ran for two blocks without breaking it. I was really drunk after listening to it! .

8. On the morning of their wedding night, the groom woke up to find the bride in tears. Surprised and asked, Honey, why are you crying? The bride cried: How will you live in the future? You used that thing all night, and it has shrunk to nothing! What to do in the future!

9.？ You're all right. The doctor said gruffly. Your health is very good. Ouch, your pulse is as steady as a clock. ? But, doctor. ? The patient mumbled: Your finger is on my watch! ?

10. If one day you suddenly think of me, please pick up your mobile phone and dial my number, even if I am busy again, just say? Can I invite you to dinner? Will I appear in front of you rain or shine? This is my lifelong commitment to my friends!

Joke selection (classic) 1. The doctor told me earnestly: If you want to live a long life, you must give up smoking. ? I said:? It is too late. ? The doctor said, how can it be? It's never too late to quit smoking! ? I said:? Oh, then I'm not in a hurry to resign. ?

2. The first cold joke in human history: In ancient times, two monkeys were walking on the road. Walking, one said:? Hey, why do we have to walk standing? After a while, the other turned around and said, aren't we monkeys? How can you talk?

3. Go to the copy shop to copy your ID card, go in and take out your ID card and a hundred-dollar bill, in case the owner can't find it. I only have one 100. Do you want to make a copy? The shopkeeper said:? Sorry, we don't copy RMB here, and we can't have ID cards! ?

4. Teacher: What is the advertising word of Nongfu Spring? We don't produce water, we are just porters of nature. ? What is your understanding and opinion? Xiao Ming: He means that if there is a problem with the water, it is not my business, but the problem of nature.

At the gas station, the driver said to the oiler. After filling up, can you check the tires for me again? So, after filling up, the oiler turned the front of the car and said, one, two, three, four, don't worry, here are the wheels. ?

6. Today is a holiday. After class, the teacher said to the children: children, it's a holiday, and some things can't be forgotten! (The teacher said homework) At this moment, a child lowered his head and whispered: Teacher, dad will send things to your house at night!

7. Take the bus in the morning, there are many people! Suddenly I felt that the bag was passive and found that it was a thief in his thirties. So he shouted:? You want to die! ? I saw this man take two steps back and said with a look of panic, Big Brother, I am a novice. Practice without stealing money.

8. A woman dragged a dog and sat next to me. I looked at the dog, it looked at me, and then it looked at me. I keep staring at it, and it keeps staring at me. After a while, the woman looked at her dog, then at me and asked, Do you know each other?

9. It is very cold today. Not only is it windy, but it snows. Many boys are waiting for their girlfriends in the snow and cold wind. My roommate said to me: These boys are very poor. I said calmly, that's because you didn't see them when they were playing.

10.？ A really good man doesn't play games, DOTA or WOW. But when he is playing a game, as long as you send a text message, a phone call and a QQ, he will directly quit the game for you. This is the legendary pig-like teammate.

Selected funny paragraphs (selected articles) 1. Today, a middle-aged woman accidentally stepped on her shoes in the street and cried as soon as she died. You are blind. Do you know how expensive my shoes are? I can't afford to sell you because you are poor! ? I was so scared that I immediately knelt down and begged, rich woman, rich woman, let's be friends.

2. Just now, QQ news said that the Netherlands is going to buy 6.5438+0.2 million tons of waste cooking oil from China and process it into jet engine oil. The Netherlands has a great demand for waste oil every year, while China has a large amount of oil resources. I smiled, Holland. What am I thinking? You bought the gutter oil. What do we eat in China?

3. a:? Why are you so tall? You are over 1.7 meters tall. Are your parents this tall? b:？ No, my parents are only 1.6 meters? A:? Oh ~ gene mutation ~? B suddenly worried, shouting, Where is the mutation? My uncle is only 1.8 meters! ?

4. Next to a barbecue stall of kebabs, a lamb knelt there and looked at the kebabs being roasted. Tears kept falling: Mom, mom, they roasted you, and they were crying. A little mouse came over and gave the lamb a white look: cry your mb, cry! Is that my mother?

Eight years ago, one of my two friends got into the bad habit of smoking, and the other got into the good habit of drinking milk. But now, the buddy who smokes is alive and well, but the one who drinks milk is dead. Facts tell us that in China, there is no tobacco in cigarettes, but poison in milk!

6. The girl's new boyfriend has gone out to work! Call him at night and ask him: Have you eaten? The man said:? Finished eating! ? The woman said:? It's okay to go out for a walk after dinner! ? The man said:? I'm not familiar with this place, but I can't sneak through this corner! ?

7. I have money and don't know how to spend it. I went to buy leather shoes. I joked to the waiter. Do you have human skin? The waiter was angry and said, what's wrong with you, ghost skin? Do you want it? Later, I bought a pair for more than 1000, and I took it back to have someone look at it. God knows what leather it is!

8. I received a text message:? Today, starting from 15: 3 1, my wife is going to sleep with someone else's husband. I have to wash, change clothes and take a shower happily, and I have to make him carry a gun. ? After reading it, I can't understand it. When I saw the sender, my god, there was such good news of giving birth!

Yesterday, I went shopping with my girlfriend. When I got off the bus, I found that my mobile phone was missing and I was greeting the thief's family. My girlfriend received a short message with my number on it: Let's break up! I immediately grabbed my girlfriend's cell phone and dialed mine. Is it turned off? Damn it! Thief, how wicked are you?