A collection of wisecracks

The old lady on the Naihe Bridge is selling Pepsi-Cola. How can you tell me to forget you? Below is a collection of witticisms that I have compiled. Welcome to read.

Collection of wisecracks

1. Alas, if this person is out of shape, even his headache will be migratory.

2. I never bully the weak. Didn’t I know he was weaker than me before I bullied him?

3. If you look up often, you will grow taller. If you always keep your head down and take advantage of others, you will become hunched over.

4. When you walk to a place with limited water, you feel thirsty; when you sit and watch the clouds rise, you feel dizzy.

5. You scold me now because you don’t understand me yet. When you understand me in the future, you will definitely hit me.

6. If I became the HR manager, the first thing I would do would be to promote myself to the position of boss.

7. People are valued for keeping their word? I won’t pay back the money if I say not!

8. I am not RMB, how can I make everyone like me?

9. When people do something good, they always want the ghosts and gods to know about it. When they do something bad, they always think the ghosts and gods don’t know about it. We make it too difficult for the ghosts and gods.

10. I spend all my time losing weight every day except eating, and you still say that I have no perseverance?

11. The tragic reasons for love: I don’t give the other person space when they get better, and they don’t give each other space when they hate each other. Give the other person a chance.

12. The one riding the white horse may not be a prince, he may be Tang Monk; the one with wings may not be an angel, he may be a birdman.

13. A person who knows his tastes is smart in all aspects, a person who knows his fortune is wise enough to protect himself, and a person who knows his reason has a miserable life.

14. You are from Yuanmou, Yunnan, and I am from Zhoukou, Beijing. Let me hold your plush hand! Love! Let us walk upright!

15. Learn Feng Shui when you have time. Go, occupying a good tomb after death can make up for the regret of not being able to afford a good house during life.

16. Youth is short-lived, so it’s better to express love as early as possible. Our slogan is: Confess early, reject early, and feel at ease early.

17. Dear female colleagues, please don’t charge me. My wife has caller ID.

18. I want to imitate Phoenix Nirvana, but who knows if I accidentally do it? I’m familiar with it!

19. I can’t quarrel with my wife, so every time I lose my quarrel, I will secretly My wife’s electronic scale is adjusted up by kilograms!

20. Whether riding a bicycle is fashionable or not depends on whether you are really poor.

21. There is an old legend? People who can see beautiful women on XX campus will live forever?

22. A man will make you sigh when he does not belong to you. What is perfection, when it belongs to you, let you sigh what is reality.

23. Life is like an electrocardiogram. If you want it to be smooth sailing without ups and downs, you will have to die.

24. My recent work has not been outstanding, my performance has not been outstanding, and my lumbar disc has been slightly herniated.

25. The reason why life is short is because you forget it when you are alive and realize it when you die.

26. Actually, I don’t know how to tell jokes, but someone always asks me to tell one, and before I tell it, you all laugh.

27. Dressed like an animal, but behaved as a human being? The walking dead, the living people live "lifelike".

28. God said: Don’t forget to bring an umbrella when you go out. I will water the flowers soon.

29. Holding your hand, you will know that your son is ugly, and your face will burst into tears. If you don’t leave, I will leave.

30. Behind a successful man there is always a woman, and behind a rich woman there is always a group of men.

31. People like you can only live for 2 episodes at most in a TV series!

32. You take your overpass, and I take my underground passage.

33. The most romantic thing I can think of is that you are getting older day by day, but I am still young.

34. Don’t tell your sister that we will grow old together. My sister will always have black hair.

35. I don’t know much about music, so I am sometimes unreliable and out of tune.

36. I thought you were just playing with the number in the middle, but I didn’t expect you were playing with a combination of two numbers.

37. If you love me, say it out loud! If you hate me, keep it in your heart forever!

38. I never hold grudges, and I will avenge them on the spot. .

39. If you leave first, don’t blame me for turning my back to you when you turn around.

40. God will definitely forgive me, because that is his profession.

41. The world belongs to us and the children, but in the end it belongs to the grandchildren!

42. Those who praise cows do so because they care about milk. Those who praise the sheep do so because they remember the mutton.

43. Where do I fall and where do I get up? I always fall there, I suspect there is a pit there!

44. I want to find a man like King Kong to help me. Stand on the tallest building in America and jerk off to me.

45. Although I believe in our oath of love, I may not believe in you!

46. If you can't tolerate me, it means either your mind is too narrow, or my personality is too great.

47. My hobbies can be divided into static and dynamic. Static is sleeping, and dynamic is turning over?

48. After living for more than 20 years, I have not been able to serve the motherland. Do something for the people, every time I think about it, I feel heartbroken.

49. The happiest thing in the world is watching you grow old while I am still young.

50. The old lady on the Naihe Bridge sells Pepsi-Cola, how can I forget you?

Selected witticisms

1. ? Can endure hardships especially? ?I thought about these 5 words, and I only did the first four.

2. There is always such a kind of person, which we call Jing, which means both horizontally and vertically.

3. I often change jobs. I have stayed in many cities in China. Whenever my friends ask me where I work, I will say "China Mobile".

4. Time and marriage will make a man mature, but time is a slow simmer, while marriage is a big fire and a quick stir-up.

5. The so-called perfect marriage is: the man is finished and the woman is beautiful.

6. Before I had time to express my feelings, April Fool’s Day passed.

7. Every task is a red light, illuminating my future.

8. When watching TV, advertisements that suddenly appear are not considered abominable. What's really disgusting is that after the long commercial, the ending song is waiting.

9. Because of your "sorry", I decided to have nothing to do with you.

10. The fastest person to become a philosopher is the husband; the fastest person to become an economist is the wife; the fastest person to become a strategist is the mother-in-law.

11. Treat scars as dimples before marriage, and treat dimples as scars after marriage.

12. Even if it’s cold and others wrap themselves up in rice dumplings, we have to dress ourselves up as cones!

13. Some people look much better when wearing facial masks than in real life. .

14. The most valuable thing for a person is knowing how much he weighs. If you don’t know how much you weigh, would you try to stand on a big scale? The weight won’t even move.

15. When I have money, I will buy two BMWs to drive the road in front, and I will ride a bicycle to work in the back.

16. I swore that I would cut off my hands if I went online again, but I found out that I was the Thousand-Armed Guanyin.

17. Whoever delays me for a while, I will make him regret it for the rest of his life.

18. When the value of the decorations on your body exceeds your intrinsic value, you are fashionable.

19. When I was a child, I wrote essays and learned to lie; when I wrote essays in college, I learned to plagiarize; when I wrote reports after work, I learned to pretend; when I was in love, I wrote love letters and learned to be pretentious; when I was old, I wrote autobiographies, and I learned how to be pretentious. Learned about packaging.

20. Don’t be too nice to me so that I can’t tell whether you are in love or friendship.

21. The higher the online rate of QQ, the lonelier the person is.

22. What distance produces is not beauty, but mistress.

23. Sometimes it’s like a game of Tetris, with irregular events constantly falling out of the blue, and you have to judge where to put them in a short period of time. The worst part is that sometimes new troubles arise before you even think about where to put them.

24. The only thing I can pick up but can’t put down is chopsticks.

25. Don’t say you don’t know me, I just don’t know you either, what a fate!

26. What used to be called a meeting is now called a forum, what used to be called a unit is now called an organization. It used to be called a collective and now it's called a team, it used to be called a directory and now it's called a menu, it used to be called a plan and now it's called planning, it used to be called happy and now it's called cool, it used to be called close relationship and now it's called close contact.

27. The top ten tourist attractions: Go to Beijing to see the "Chengtou"; Go to Xi'an to see the "Tombs"; Go to Shanghai to see the "Human Heads"; Go to Suzhou to see the "Qiaotou"; Go to Tianjin to see the "Qiaotou" Go to Guilin to see the "Mountains"; to Nanjing to see the "Stones"; to Henan to see the "Bald"; to Hainan to see the "Langtou"; to Hangzhou to see the "Girls".

28. I once thought that what I wanted was a career, but it turned out that I just wanted a salary.

29. The sign of an immature man is that he can sacrifice heroically for his ideals, while the sign of a mature man is that he can live humbly for his ideals.