China's funniest senior joke.

1, the cat was forced by life and sat in the cordate telosma hair salon opened by the fox. One day, the mouse came to the hair salon to ask for the night, and the cat vowed to die. The mouse was furious and said, I chased Lao Tzu to death, and now I'm sending it to the door, and I'm still a prude!

The doctor asked the patient how he broke his bone. The patient said, I felt sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes with a telephone pole. A fucking asshole passed by and thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a stick and gave me two!

3. In biology class, the teacher asked: How can we correctly distinguish the hands and feet of an octopus? Answer: Give it a fart to smell. Is the hand will cover your nose, and the rest is your feet. The whole class fell down.

4, a person always farts at work, and colleagues can't help but say: Can you keep quiet? Then I saw him sitting there trembling. Colleagues asked him what he was doing, and he replied, I am tuned to vibration now!

5. When someone was riding a bike, I heard a passerby shout: Go, Go, Go … I thought, Damn it, I can sing: Ole Ole…… I plunged into the ditch and didn't fall. Passers-by scolded: Shit! Let me tell you something, Gou Gou, do you still ride horses? ! You deserve to fall to death!

6, carp and tortoise to get a marriage certificate. The clerk asked how old the tortoise was, and the tortoise said: 100. The clerk said regretfully, I'm sorry, according to your family rules, you are underage and are not allowed to get married.

7. A couple came to the wishing pool. The husband bent down, made a wish and threw a coin into the well. My wife also wanted to make a wish, but when she bent down, she accidentally fell into the well. The husband was surprised, then smiled and said to himself, "What a fucking spirit!" "

8. A couple are fishing by the river. The lady always quarreled, and after a while the fish took the bait. The lady said, this fish is really poor. The husband said, yes, just shut up.

9. The science teacher asked, "Why is the body cold after death?" No one answered. The teacher asked again, "Nobody knows?" At this time, someone at the back of the classroom said, "That's because it's calm and naturally cold."

10, spiders love ants deeply, but they are rejected when expressing their love. The spider roared, "Why? Why is this? " The ant said timidly, "My mother said that people who surf the Internet all day are not good people!" " "

1 1. Xiaoguang is a diligent student. He worked part-time during the winter vacation to earn tuition. Help the butcher cut meat during the day and go to the hospital for internship at night. One night, an old woman had to undergo surgery because of an emergency, and Xiaoguang pushed her into the operating room. The old woman screamed in panic: "My God! You kill pigs. Where are you going to push me?

12, the male and female toilets in the school are connected. A girl forgot to bring toilet paper to the toilet. When she was embarrassed, toilet paper came from the men's room next door. The girl turned pale and asked loudly, "Who?" . The boy next door replied with a deep and powerful voice: "Lei Feng."

13. When a person wants to throw up for the first time on the plane, the stewardess takes an empty bag, and then goes to get it when it is almost full, telling him to "stop throwing up". When I came back, I found it everywhere. I asked why, and replied, "I saw it was almost full, and I took another sip, and everyone around me vomited ..."

14, the woman is 8 years old, you have to make up stories to put her to sleep; When she 18, you should make up stories to coax her to sleep with you; At the age of 28, she will make up stories to coax you into sleeping with her; When she is 48, you should make up a story and don't sleep with her.

People = eat+sleep+work+play,

Pig = eat+sleep,

Substitution: people = pigs+work+play,

Namely: people-play = pig+work.

Conclusion: People who can't play = pigs who can work!

Men = eat+sleep+earn money

Pig = eat+sleep

Men = pigs+earning money

Pigs = people-making money

So a man who doesn't make money is equal to a pig.

Women = eat+sleep+spend money.

Pigs = eat+sleep. Substitute into the above formula:

Women = pigs+spending money. Transferred items:

Women-spending money = pigs.

Conclusion: Women are pigs without spending money.

To sum up:

Men earn money to keep women from becoming pigs!

Women spend money to keep men from becoming pigs!

Man+woman = two pigs

A woman works the night shift and a man follows her. This woman is scared. She passed by the cemetery and had a brainwave. She said to the grave, Dad, I'm back. Open the door. The man was frightened and ran away screaming. The woman was relieved and was about to leave when suddenly a gloomy voice came from the grave: Daughter, you forgot your key again. The woman was frightened and ran away. At this moment, a grave robber emerged from the grave and said, Shit, I delayed my work and scared you to death! As soon as the voice of grave robbery fell, I found an old man carving a tombstone with a chisel. I was curious, so I asked him. The old man said angrily: NND, they carved my name wrong ... The great fear of robbing the tomb screamed and ran away. The old man sneered, "Shit, you dare to steal my business, it's still tender ..." Just then, the chisel accidentally fell to the ground and the old man was about to pick it up. When he bent down, he found a chisel in his hand in the grass. The old man was shocked, and suddenly a voice came: "You want to die! Change my house number! ! "。 Old man, stop fooling me and get down the hill! Then a scavenger climbed out of the grass. "Damn, it takes such a big god to get a piece of iron.

A killer pointed a gun at a man and asked him: 1 plus 1 what is it? The man thought for a long time and replied, it is equal to 2.

Hit hard ... the man fell.

The killer blew a breath into the gun and said, you know too much.

Dad is a worker in a glass factory and has the habit of working with gloves.

One night shift, he took a taxi home. When the car passed a small forest in the suburbs, a cool breeze blew. Dad felt a little cold, so he took the glove strap out of his pocket. The driver saw it in the rearview mirror and asked cautiously, "Brother, what are you doing?"

"Oh, nothing, I'm used to it. I always wear gloves when I work, so I won't cut myself and leave any marks ... "

A middle-aged man went to a local private hotel on business.

When eating the night before, the middle-aged man saw several stains on the edge of the dish, which made him uneasy.

He asked the hotel owner, "This dish looks dirty." The boss replied, "Don't worry, mineral water will make it clean."

Hearing this answer, middle-aged people began to eat with peace of mind.

A week passed, middle-aged people ate in the hotel every day, and met a big dog in the hotel.

When leaving, the middle-aged man stepped out of the gate, and the dog reluctantly caught up with him, clinging to him and not letting him leave.

Seeing this, the hotel owner went up to the dog and patted it on the head. He said softly, "Let the guests go, mineral water."