# Parent-child Companion Diary "Put Words into Children's Heart"-Chapter 65438 +0 Children are mini versions of us.

After reading this chapter, I think, in fact, parents' language has a great influence on their children. In fact, today's children are just like parrots, all following the trend and imitating adults. Whether it is unreasonable way of speaking or overbearing emotional expression, orphans will become their communication mode when they grow up, which will affect their interpersonal relationship.

Especially in the critical period of children's enlightenment, the critical period of language enlightenment of about one and a half years old is very important for children's social and psychological development. In fact, when we are full of warm and caring arms in a family, then dad is an authority who sets an example but stands on values. Our daily conversation at the dinner table or between parents and the mode of getting along with friends are all internalized into the mode of children's personality development all the time, so we should pay special attention to language, because it will instill children's outlook on life, values, attitude towards life and methods of dealing with interpersonal relationships.

It is the primary responsibility of every parent to create a safe, friendly and trusting family atmosphere for our children. Only in a safe and loving environment can children construct a correct self-cognition, and they don't have to worry about what they don't need to worry about, but will focus on their own exploration, growth and learning.

So what are the main communication principles or skills that our parents need to master? Because many times we adults also have the habit of emotional control is not in place, and we often blurt out some words, in fact, it is also true for children. What we are talking about now is angry words or exaggerated emotional expressions, so we must understand the following points in order to master the principle.

First, please manage your emotions before communicating. Set an example and let children know that communication is not difficult, and it doesn't matter if you have emotions. Everyone will feel unhappy and disappointed. It doesn't matter when we have emotions in communication. What is important is that we should learn to express our emotions well, so that the other party can understand and hear them well. Besides crying, we can demonstrate to help him express his emotions in words. You can also read stories with your parents and children or learn from picture books. So what our parents have to learn is organizational language. We can't control our emotional lines and the vicious circle of communication.

In fact, don't feel that you can't manage your emotions. Whether you can control them depends on whether you have the will and whether you think it is necessary to work hard.

Many times, because we often can't control our emotions, we will yell at our children. Although we vent our anger and can't solve the problem you want to solve, it will also cause the other side to resist or even fight back. In this way, your grievances will not be heard and seen by the other party, but will breed other problems.

Second, help children express their emotions with the right words. For example, I am angry, I am sad, I am afraid, I am tired, I am happy, and I like it. The reason why I help children express their emotions in words is because the human body can hear. Experiments by many neuropsychologists have proved that when we speak, 50% of sound waves will enter the soft tissues of the body in the form of vibration waves.

Therefore, in addition to being able to resonate with the body's emotions, we should also express our feelings with precise thinking, and also help children learn more effective ways to express their emotions. For example, if a child's toy is accidentally broken, we can say to him, "Mom knows that your toy was accidentally broken, so you are very sad and Grandpa is very angry. He came by accident. See if we can fix it. "

The third kind of fair dialogue is to give the other party the opportunity and right to speak. Frankly speaking, women's language development ability has always been stronger than men's. Once they quarrel with men, they will easily become glib and aggressive. Therefore, in a family, when parents quarrel, children will feel scared and have opinions about their father, so this kind of thing has a great influence on children, so the relationship between husband and wife is more important than anything else. Sometimes they will think, do you quarrel with your mother because you are not good, and do you make your father dislike yourself because you are stupid? This is a mixture of children's fear and self-blame.

Fourth, say sorry bravely. In fact, many marriage therapists agree that in 124 years of marriage, saving face and refusing to admit defeat are important killers in their marriage relationship. Many couples who could have lived together for a long time have become a good opportunity to get started because neither of them is willing to bow their heads to make things clear and apologize. In fact, in this process, I have experienced it myself. I often don't want to say sorry to each other to save face, but in fact, this can't solve the problems between us, but it will affect the children. Therefore, I believe that parents who care about their children's healthy growth must know that the cold war white cold violence caused by the fact that both sides don't want to say sorry first in the dispute is actually as lethal to children as physical violence. Therefore, we learn to say sorry bravely, whether between two adults or between us and our children. It is inevitable that we will misunderstand the child's wrong discipline or thoughts because of a temporary emotional loss of control, but we can bravely say sorry to the child after discovering our own mistakes.

Finally, I want to talk about a very important topic, that is, emotion is a kind of energy.

Emotion is like the wind. We can't see what the wind looks like, but we can feel what he sees. We can feel whether the wind blowing on our faces is cold or hot. I don't know if you have such an experience. As soon as I entered the room, I felt that the atmosphere in the room was not quite right. Although everyone in the room was sitting quietly, you showed an opportunity to be nervous, so you inexplicably lowered your voice. Although you asked the people around you if what happened just now, you didn't witness what happened in the world with your own eyes, but you can feel him from the emotional energy condensed in the air. Another is that when we practice outside, we often feel that your gas field is so strong. As long as you go, the audience will be stunned by you, your popularity index will increase, and so many people like you.

I often feel this way on some occasions, so emotions will produce different energy for different people, and the person affected by emotions does not have to witness the event, so it is strong enough to feel his power. My own feelings about this point are still very strong, so in fact, when children are young, our consciousness and sensibility are very strong. We need to control our emotions. When we have energy, we can influence children's love. Actually, it's the same. Before we love children, we must first learn to love ourselves and let ourselves have enough energy.

Let's talk about the ability to trust first. This ability includes trust in yourself and trust in a powerful world.

There is an essential difference between trust and confidence. Self-confidence means "I believe what I can do, what I have the ability to do" and what I can accomplish. He lacks the motivation to act, and trust is "I believe I deserve it and I have the ability to pay". This is a strong sense of security.

Only as parents, we need to describe our children, because people who lack trust ability are lonely and insecure. Because of fear of being hurt, I put myself in danger of reinforced concrete after birth. If others can't get in, they can't get out. Now they feel lonely in the crowd. I believe that parents don't want their children to lose trust in themselves and the world, but parents don't know that we are often people who urge their children to trust simply.

We should always say something like this:

If you do this again, I won't like you and love you.

If you cry again, mom will go home without you.

Mom likes her sister and doesn't like you anymore.

How did I give birth to such a stupid child as you?

In fact, these are all angry words that we blurt out when we are angry or jokes that children don't understand or understand, but they don't know that for children whose minds are not mature enough to distinguish between true and false. For children, everything we say is true, so children will bend down the hook to deal with this threat and fear that may be abandoned at any time, so that we can unconsciously repeat this mistake again and again and deprive children of their good trust in us. Therefore, as parents, we should pay great attention to language.

When communicating with children, we should learn to empathize and listen, accept their feelings and listen to their needs. Many times, children need their parents' listening, listening safely, so that everyone is willing to rest assured and really speak their minds and let us know from an early age.

What's on her mind so that she can have a chance to guide and help her, so we must remind ourselves not to break the bridge through the door of communication, and at the same time, we should always check whether we are open to communication. Boys can confide in us completely when necessary.