The question is simple: who knows more interesting office jokes! ! Don't be the kind that is not suitable for children, such as what kind of relationship. ) be careful and funny!

Someone (to the church): Father, I, I, I am guilty.

Father: Say, my child, what's the matter?

Someone: During World War II, I hid a Jew who was hunted by the Nazis.

Father: This is a good thing. Why do you feel guilty?

Someone: I hid him in my basement, and I asked him to pay me 1500 francs for rent every day.

Father: Is that why you repent?

Someone: but I, I haven't told him that World War II is over yet!

Dogs and women

A man and a woman quarreled. In a rage, the man called the woman a dog, and the woman flew into a rage. He sued the court. The judge demanded an apology from the defendant. The defendant refused to accept it and asked the judge, "Your Honor, can't I call a lady a dog?" "yes." The judge replied.

"Then can I call Mrs Dog?"

The judge thought for a moment and said, "Yes." So the man turned to the plaintiff, bowed respectfully and said, "I'm sorry, madam!" " "

Spiritual confrontation resistance

You see, the bus driver stared at me yesterday as if I didn't buy a ticket. -Then how do you know?

Do it. It's simple. I stared at him as if I had bought a ticket.

Family festival

Mother's Day Night. Mother is worried about a big bowl in the kitchen. Mary came in and said, "Mom, today is Mother's Day. Don't wash the dishes, have a rest. " Mother was very moved. But Mary went on to say, "Leave it till tomorrow!" " "

Brave fire brigade

When the oil well caught fire, the company manager called the fire brigade, but the fire was too big for the firemen to rely on.

Close, can only move to 2000 feet away. An amateur fire brigade invited by the company administrator also arrived at this time.

The fire engine chug chug came, driving only fifty feet away from the fire.

In the morning, the firemen quickly grabbed the water gun to put out the fire, and the fire was quickly put out. the next day

The manager gave the amateur fire brigade a bonus of 2000 yuan. Someone asked the team leader, how to settle the two thousand dollars?

Row? Without thinking, the captain replied, "The first thing to do is to repair the brakes of the fire truck. The real him

Damn it, it almost sent us to the fire yesterday! "

How can you not cry?

An elephant died in the zoo, and the keeper cried beside him! The tourist said,

He must like this elephant very much on weekdays, so he can't bear to die. Someone who knows the inside story

The man said, "No, according to the regulations, he is responsible for digging graves for elephants."

My wife wants to lose weight, so she goes cycling every day. As a result, the horse lost 40 pounds in a month.

4. Patient: "Doctor, you left your scissors in my stomach." "Never mind, I have another one."

7. Part I: Hahahahaha Part II: Hehehehehehehehehehehehe. Horizontal batch: there is something wrong with the nerve.

10. Thief A: "How much did you rob today?" Thief B: "No, just read the newspaper tomorrow."

15. Father: You are so old, it's time to find a wife. Son: Yes, but there are too many people. Whose wife am I looking for?

My wife wants to lose weight, so she goes cycling every day. As a result, the horse lost 40 pounds in a month.

4. Patient: "Doctor, you left your scissors in my stomach." "Never mind, I have another one."

7. Part I: Hahahahaha Part II: Hehehehehehehehehehehehe. Horizontal batch: there is something wrong with the nerve.

10. Thief A: "How much did you rob today?" Thief B: "No, just read the newspaper tomorrow."

15. Father: You are so old, it's time to find a wife. Son: Yes, but there are too many people. Whose wife am I looking for?

20. Such an ugly girl

There is a woman who is so ugly that men avoid her for three points. A woman's greatest wish is to be kidnapped by traffickers, and then ... so, whenever night falls, she lingers on a sparsely populated country road, waiting for that moment.

Many things happen. Late that night, she was finally kidnapped by kidnappers and stuffed into the car. The kidnapper came to see the kidnapper leader with his "victory fruit", ready to ask for a reward. However, when the kidnapper saw the woman's appearance, he could not help cursing the kidnapper for his lack of vision and ordered him to let the woman off at once. The kidnapper told the woman to get off at the boss's order, but the woman didn't mean to get off at all. After a long stalemate, the kidnappers used threats, intimidation, beatings and other means to let the woman get off the bus, but the woman never gave in and just didn't get off the bus. When the kidnapper leader saw it, he shouted helplessly: "Forget it! Don't want the car! "

poison

As soon as the customer came out from the drugstore to buy medicine, the drugstore boy hurried over.

Dude: Sorry, what you want is tonic water. I gave you poison by mistake.

Customer: Look at you, something terrible almost happened.

Dude: Yes, the boss will definitely scold me when he finds out. Poison is twice as expensive as tonic.

Step 23 avoid asking questions

A famous botany professor and his teaching assistant are studying new varieties of plants.

One day, the teaching assistant asked the professor, "What should you do when you go for an internship in the field and meet an unknown plant?"

The professor replied, "I usually walk in the front and then trample all the plants I don't know to death to avoid students asking questions."

25. The assassin

Two gangsters were lying in wait, trying to plot against someone, but they never saw him. One of them was anxious and said, "What's the matter? He hasn't come yet, I hope nothing will happen to him! "

Crazy epitaph

1 You need to sleep for a long time at birth, but you will sleep after death.

2 * * * Take a trip here.

I'm dead. I have something to burn.

You stepped on me when you read your lines clearly.

Thank you for coming to see me. I will come to see you from time to time.

I advise you not to drive a BMW again. I only saw it once, and I was lying here. ......

Please wake me up if possible.

Message: I think I can save it again!

Come naked, walk naked, and don't take any coins with you.

10 I need one, just waiting for you.

1 1 is sleeping, please don't disturb!

12 wangpu transfer, the price is negotiable.

13 Please don't spit or poop here. If you are in a hurry, you can go to the tomb of the landlord next to you.

14 I am wronged .............

How did I die?

16 remains polluted area, please stay away!

17 I used to be a fat man, and now I'm as thin as all the people lying down!

18 I used to be like you, and one day you will be like me!

19 This person is dead. Please leave a message on my qq.

I sometimes go out for a walk.

21* * Journey to the Earth.

Forgive me for not standing up to welcome the guests.

Don't stare at my house, you'll have one!

Remember to burn me some beautiful pictures during the Chinese New Year!

1. Songkran Festival

During the Songkran Festival, everyone splashed water on each other to bless them. Suddenly a man scolded: Shit, who spilled water on me? Others advised that throwing you is a blessing.

Don't do that, the curse said. Who threw boiling water at me?

Outoutwit oneself

In the bar, George is drinking beer alone. He suddenly felt that he was going to the bathroom. He was afraid that someone would steal his beer after he left, so he wrote a note on the table: "I spit in the cup." When he came back, he found another sentence added to the paper: "I threw up, too." . . .

6.it's too loud

Zhuge Liang is a master of eight stunts, one of which is ventriloquism. It is said that Zhuge Liang discussed with Liu Bei in his account this day. Zhuge Liang suddenly wanted to fart, but he was afraid of being heard by Liu Bei. I'm really sorry. He had a brainwave and said, "Master, how about I call you a woodpecker to adjust the atmosphere?" Liu Bei nodded. Zhuge Liang imitated the woodpecker and barked twice, then took the opportunity to fart. Then he asked, "What's the matter, master? Do I learn like it? " Liu Bei said, "Learn it again. You farted too loudly just now. I didn't see it. "

8. In Spring Festival travel rush, the train was so crowded that a gentleman stuck his ass out of the window when he stopped. The inspector at the bottom of the car found it and shouted: the fat man with the cigar pulled his head back.

10. In a military performance, a shell deviated far away. The soldiers sent to inspect found that the shells landed in the farmland, and there stood a farmer in Tanaka, his clothes were torn and his face was dark. He said with tears in his eyes, stealing a cabbage is worth shelling?

13.

One night, a naked man called a taxi and the female driver stared at him intently. The naked man was furious and shouted: You have never seen a naked man! The female driver was also furious: I don't think you can fucking pay for it!

14. A village woman went to town for the first time and wanted to go to the toilet. She didn't meet for a long time, so she asked the policeman, Comrade, there is a public toilet in front. Where is the mother toilet?

15. When the nurse saw a patient drinking in the ward, she went over and whispered to him, "Sweetheart!" "The patient smiled and said," baby. "

16. An old friend lost his car. When he put the new car downstairs, he locked three locks and put a piece of paper: let you steal it! The next day, the car was not lost, and two locks and a piece of paper were added, which read: Let you ride!

18. In junior high school math class, the teacher talked about equation transformation, rolled up his sleeves on the podium and shouted: Attention, students! I'm going to change! ……

A man went to the zoo as an animal keeper, and the director said to him, "Well, I'll test you.". Is there any way to make the elephant shake his head first, then nod, and finally jump into the swimming pool? " "The man said," it's easy! So he went up to the elephant and said, "Do you know me?" "The elephant shook his head. The man asked again, "Are you angry?" The elephant nodded. The man then picked up the awl and pricked the elephant's ass. The elephant jumped into the swimming pool in pain.

The director saw it and said, "You are too unsympathetic to be an animal keeper." The man said, "Give me another chance and I will be gentle." Chang Yuan said, "Well, all three conditions are the same, but you can't do it this time." The man agreed, walked up to the elephant and said, "Are you still angry?" The elephant shook his head. The man asked again, "Do you know me now?" The elephant nodded. The man asked again, "Do you know what to do now?" Hearing this, the elephant turned and jumped into the swimming pool.

2. A pair of football players go to other countries to play football. One day, during the break, they wandered in the street. Suddenly, a baby fell from the tenth floor, and the goalkeeper instinctively jumped out and caught the child. People in the street praised him one by one, only to see the goalkeeper smile, habitually pat the child twice, and one big foot went out. ...

1, the soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine in the battle? The company commander was furious: what can I do? Pay for stepping on it! !

The fish said, "I kept my eyes open to leave you." The water said, "I have been flowing tirelessly all day, surrounding you and holding you tightly." The pot said, "It's almost fucking ripe and there's still so much nonsense." !

23. Two counterfeiters inadvertently made counterfeit banknotes with a face value of 15 yuan, and they decided to spend them in remote mountainous areas. When they bought a 15 yuan candied haws with 0 yuan, they cried and the farmer gave them two 7-dollar ones.

A motorcyclist likes to wear clothes backwards, that is, buckle his buttons at the back to keep out the wind.

One day, he drove under the influence of alcohol, overturned and fell headlong on the side of the road.

When the police arrived, ...

Policeman A: What a terrible car accident.

Policeman B: Yes, I hit my head in the back.

Officer A: Well, he's still breathing. Let's help him turn his head back.

Policeman B: OK ... One, two, push, turn around.

Policeman A: Well, I'm not breathing. ......

Zorro's death

One day, Zorro went to his mistress's house to meet her. The hostess asked Zorro, "What if my husband comes back?"

"Zorro said," it's okay. If your husband comes back, I will jump out of the window and my horse will pick me up below. "

The hostess said that if I heard three knocks at the door, my husband would come back.

Zorro said: I see.

After a while, it rained. Suddenly there were three knocks at the door: knock, knock, knock. it will be too late

Time flies, Zorro flies out of bed and jumps out of the window in the blink of an eye. When the hostess saw Zorro leaving, she went to open the door.

I saw a horse standing in front of the door and said to her, "Tell Zorro it's raining outside and I'll wait for him in the corridor."