A joke that can make people laugh to tears! ! !

1. The unit left a message, and a leader said, "I wish you good health ..." Holding your breath, there was nothing to say.

2. Old four in the dormitory got out of bed and looked for slippers for a long time. No, I asked everyone: Where are my slippers?

3. Once I went to buy mutton kebabs, I stretched out four fingers and said to my boss, "Three mutton kebabs."

The boss received "How much?"

I held out three more fingers and said, "Four ..."

Our general manager's surname is Zhou. I was driving as soon as he called. When I get nervous, I say, "Premier Zhou ..."

5. My name is Zhu, and I manage the computer room of the unit. Someone once called my mobile phone: "Sir Chicken, are you in the pigsty?" I was yelling at that guy.

6. Waiting in line in the canteen, I heard a boy next to me say, "Master, come to the bowl," bullet cauliflower "soup!" (Porphyra and egg soup) Haha, I laughed until I sprayed the soup.

7. One day, I ate at a rice noodle shop, and the meal was very slow. I am very hungry. I finally couldn't help banging on the table and growling. I was going to say that if I didn't go to the rice noodle shop, I would lift the table! The result said, "I'll eat the table if I don't serve rice noodles!" " "The whole store was silent for three seconds, and then a burst of laughter broke out under the table ... shame. ...

8. When my parents quarreled, my father said angrily, "I'll go out!"

9. Playing basketball in high school, A gets the ball, unselfishly passes it to B, and B scores easily. After a while, B got the ball, A shouted to pass it to him, but B threw it himself. As a result, A roared angrily, "I was really blind in my dog's eyes just now ... the whole audience laughed."

10. In my impression, the monitor of the primary school is extremely serious. Once he taught himself, and the classroom was crowded with people. After several times of maintaining order, the monitor was finally fed up. He stood up, patted the table and shouted, whoever makes any more noise will break his mouth! ..... The audience was silent.

1 1. When we were in college, we asked a buddy how Manchester United was. He said excitedly, "Manchester United lost and Beckham got two yellow cards!" "

12. I just went to college for military training. The company commander didn't know where the accent came from and shouted the password-"Drill to the left!" "Drill to the right!"

13. When I was in college, I heard a girl order: Master, stir-fry a plate of hot and sour potato shreds, not potatoes!

14. When I was a sophomore, our Chinese teacher was an old teacher who had just transferred from Nanchang to Beijing. He has a strong accent. His son was admitted to the Department of Architecture in Tsinghua, which is also the purpose of his coming to Beijing. He is very proud of his son and always tells us about his son. He always said, "My moth (son) is a frog (Tsinghua) and a university toad (building). If moths fall on frogs and toads, won't they become snacks?

15. When cooking at noon, my mothers gave me a pot of carrots: "Go, cut the carrots into diced meat!" "

16. Yesterday, a colleague asked me how to write festivals. I replied: add a festival section under the grass prefix and remove the grass prefix! All the staff burst into laughter! I haven't replied yet!

17. When I was looking for a job, the examiner asked me when I would graduate. I wanted to say 2000, but when I got excited, I said, "Two thousand years ago." Even more sweating, the examiner sighed and said, "Confucius' student. "

18. Just ten minutes after class, my deskmate raised her hand and said, Teacher, I want to go to the toilet. The English teacher said unhappily, How old are you to go to the toilet?

19. One of my classmates has been reviewing the computer level 3 exam. One day, while playing football, another classmate took the ball to the bottom line and only heard him shout: Enter! Get back in the car! (in the middle)

20. I remember once buying a fruit called Elizabeth. I opened my mouth and said, "How much is Shakespeare? The boss froze on the spot. "

2 1. Drink with leaders and others, raise your glasses and say loudly, "Let's die together!" My brain is too hot. ...

22. I'm from the logistics department. After the new year, customers call to ask when the goods will arrive before the festival. Because the holidays these days are too chaotic, I don't know the content of the order, so I ask: What are you?

23. A friend of mine just watched The Legend of the Condor Heroes. He is very interested in "playing the dog against the man" and often plays jokes on others.

One day, as usual, he. Kicked a man and shouted "kick the dog's leg!" " Everyone laughed wildly, and he felt embarrassed, so he kicked again and shouted, "Dog kicks!" " "

24. I went out to work during the holidays in high school.

I want to find a job as a waiter in a restaurant.

I'm nervous because I'm a child, and this is my first job.

Originally I wanted to ask the manager if he needed a job, but I also wanted to say that it would be more subtle to ask him if he needed manpower.

The result said, "Manager, do you need a beater here?"

I almost found a hole to get into.

25. I went to a small shop for dinner with some colleagues after work the other day. There were quite a lot of people in the shop at that time. A chubby waiter is as busy as a bee. A colleague called "waiter" and the girl ran over: "What are the accounts of several nodes?" At that time, we all fell down and went to this restaurant for dinner. When ordering food, we shout "waiter pays the bill" and then shout "order!"

26. I met my colleague in the bathroom at noon, and suddenly I didn't know what word to say hello to, so I asked, "Have you eaten?" After asking, I was annoyed and embarrassed. The colleague replied, "Yes, and you?" I feel dizzy

27. A colleague asked about the exchange rate between RMB and Japanese yen, and he said, How did apes exchange with Japanese yen?

28. The chairman of the trade union made an impassioned speech, but the most wonderful sentence reached its climax: Comrades, let's do our work better this year than next year! The whole audience fell.

29. Our teacher is very good. One day, he said, "Take out your homework, let's check the answers, cross the correct ones, and then write the correct answers on them ..."

30. Having dinner with a group of friends, one of them was probably betrayed by his brother. He was very depressed, drank a lot of beer, then blushed and stood up and shouted, "Brother! Not for sale! " I guess what I mean is that brothers are not for sale. ) At this time, a dozen people at a table all lay down.