Joke Collection Website - Joke collection - Ask for a song. I have heard mv animation in mv iQiyi before: there is a girl with a blue tie and a singer.

Ask for a song. I have heard mv animation in mv iQiyi before: there is a girl with a blue tie and a singer.

The teacher called the roll and asked us to shout vomiting blood.

The name is school, and there is a teacher and a great teacher. The classmate said, "I am at school. What is your own name, so that everyone knows, ok? " "

"No.00 1"

"Teacher, my name is Jiao and my name is Coke." The teacher was a little dizzy and asked, "Who gave this to you?"

! ? "Me ... Dad?" Your father is from the company. "

"! Open factory * "

"! No.002 "

A girl stood up and said, "teacher, I'm Zhang." My name is Zhang ". "

"No.003!"

"Report teacher, I am Zhang Kai's twin brother, I don't open it. Who is calling you what name? "

"It's my dad. He sells pliers. " The teacher quickly took a sip of water.

004! "

"Report teacher, my name is Qu (pronounced" ou "), and my name is Qu Ye (oh yeah). This is the name my mother gave me. She said that my students were just playing computer games. " The teacher felt a little uncomfortable.

005! "

"Report to the teacher, * * Niang!" "How do you call names? ! "

"no! Teacher, I want to say that my surname is Gan Niang and my father is brewing. " The teacher took a medicine.

006! "

"Teacher, my surname is Gou, and I am told to ignore it."

"Your father runs a steamed stuffed bun shop, right?"

"Teacher, you are so smart!" The teacher has a foothold.

"007!"

"My name is Kuai (read fast, send the third sound. ) This is called goods. "

"Don't tell me your father runs a warehouse."

& gt "Teacher, you are too old-fashioned. My father is a pimp. " Blood oozed from the teacher's mouth.

"008!"

"Teacher, you go!" "What? What did you say? "

"I said my name is Ni and my name is Ni Temple. My mother is a Buddhist. Is my name interesting? "

"Interesting, interesting." The teacher almost cried.

"009!"

"Teacher, let's talk about it next time." "Why do you say it now next time!"

"no! Teacher, my name is Xia. My name is Xia Huishuo. My father is a storyteller. " The teacher feels dizzy.

"0 10!"

"Teacher, my surname is Gao, and my name is Gao Duan."

"My name is Meimei and my conscience."

"My name is wu, my name is wu. Sunny day "

"My name is Mao Zedong, and I'm here to visit Mao Rongrong." ............

God, I met a group of students. "The teacher mouth spray blood, fell to the ground of the ghost.

I was a professor of oral history in college, and asked three questions. The students were studying history at that time, but they couldn't answer. Without giving him a chance, the professor finally asked him, "Who discovered America?" "..." The professor shouted angrily. "Christopher Columbus" was about to go out when he stopped. The professor was surprised, "hey! ? Why are you going? Sorry, you didn't call the next candidate, but "

Children's joke: The hungry mouse soon fainted at the mouth of the cave. Mother mouse said, "Mom, the dog coming out of the hole passed by."

Mom smiled and shouted at the mouse hole! Woof, woof, woof.

Mother mouse proudly said, "Look, how important it is to learn a foreign language!" " ! "

Drinking and reading

"See you pull a long face, what do you want? I wrote an article entitled "What did I do yesterday?" That?

You made one last night? ""drink it. " "You are so stupid, I tell you, you write it down, right there.

There is a word to describe drinks. If you turn it into' reading', it won't become it. "Zhang Qifa signed the paper."

God: "I got up early and read a long book. I thought, I swallowed half of it, and I thought it was ok."

Not enough. Go to the store and buy another one. On the way back from the crackdown, Li had a big head and many prey.

His eyes know that he reads almost the same. Love "/>; Future grammar

& ltbr ".In future grammar classes, the teacher will teach verb tenses. He asked Irene, "Tell me about love.

What is the future? Irene replied without hesitation: "get married! "/>; 500 ducks

A male teacher, talking in class, he said angrily

& ltBr: "Send"

Equivalent to the noise of two women, 10000, the sound made by ducks. "One day, a male teacher came to the school to report to his wife and female students.

Say: "teacher, 5000 ducks are looking for you there!" " "

Eliminate the sum

A school held a class, a family discussion, and the teacher asked the students. Do you think parents and elimination

What is the best way to solve students' discord? "A classmate boldly stood up and said to the teacher:

"The best way is: you fill in my five-minute complete record."

"Only I didn't laugh."

The education teacher often tells you that when you see other defects and misfortunes, don't laugh in class one day, lamb.

The teacher said, "Today, a child fell into the puddle campus, and everyone laughed except me.

You did the right thing. "The teacher praised," Who fell into the puddle? " "It's me." Brown replied.

choice criterion

Cohen is a medical student. He wanted to study cardiac surgery, but he couldn't decide, so he asked Professor Auburn. Professor Auburn asked him, "Young man, do you feel rich?" ""of course. Then you should study dentistry. "Why?

And then what? "Think about it, there is only one heart and 32 teeth."

Cowhide role

Tom's common sense teacher asked, "Do you know what skin you are?" Tom scratched his head and said, "I don't know.

Master Dao. "I know," he began with the same respect. "It is used to put a bag of beef."

Borrow transcripts

The teacher asked Jimmy, "John, why do you want to borrow your report card?" No, I didn't mean to. "nana

Jimmy replied, "He said he just wanted to scare their parents." And the result? "asked the teacher. The result-"

Jimmy replied, "John's ass is swollen." "

1, the soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I stepped on a mine that should hit the company commander in anger?

. & gt2. Chang Mo was distressed to receive your message.

I think I've jumped off the floor and collided with the chip. Tofu cut off the pulse in my head.

Parachute noodles hanging in ink may be

I invite you to dinner. It slipped my mind.

If you think I am relaxed and happy, call me! Please press 1 to talk about feelings, press 3 to talk about life, press 5 to introduce me, please say if I invite you to dinner, and borrow money to find me.

The giraffe and the monkey got married, and a year later the giraffe divorced. I-I don't want to be such a monkey who flies into a rage all day! From whom did you see climbing trees at close range?

When prompted, the fish said, "I always leave your side with my eyes open." Water said, "I worked tirelessly all day, passing by you and hugging you." . "Pot said," suddenly, he niang of, you still say so many useless talk. "

6. When eating, please queue up in the middle of the road when you receive the text message. An ant happened to pass by. It looked up at the misty mountain peak and couldn't help singing. Yes, it's Fasso. This is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau.

7, you have grown up, there are some things you should know: this day is used for wind and rain, and the land is used for planting flowers and grass; I used it to prove how great human beings are; You use it to stew vermicelli.

8. Don't worry, when the Queen doesn't bring paper and railway, the train will remind you: pants wipe, pants wipe, pants wipe on the river, the Queen doesn't bring paper, don't worry, the frog will tell you: scratch, scratch, scratch.

! & gt9. Money can buy a house, but not a home. You can buy it when you get married, but you can't buy love. But when buying a clock, money is not everything, but the root of pain. Give me your money and let me bear its pain alone!

10, God, it's so blue! The sea is salty! Life is hard! Work, too tired! , and you, decree by destiny! Miss you, insomnia! It's too far to see you! What can I do? Like the chopsticks you want to bring me to eat, swallow a bowl!

1 1, this is your 12 zodiac sign. I wish you a smart mouse, strong as an ox, bold as a tiger, cute and confident as a snake, romantic as a horse, gentle as a sheep, naughty monkey as beautiful as a chicken, loyal as a dog and looks like a pig!

12, the chimpanzee accidentally stepped on the stool to pull the gibbon. After the gibbons are gently and carefully washed, they help their love. Someone asked them how they got together, and the chimpanzee said with emotion: apes, ape dung!

13, the lion and the bear shit in the tree respectively. A month later, the lion found that his tree was thicker than the tree next to the bear shit, and then said a philosophical vicissitudes-lion shit is more tolerant!

14, think of a number, multiply it by 52.8, multiply it by 5, subtract the area of 3.9343, divide it by 0.5, and finally subtract the number of times you think. The answer is romantic!

15, you old fart put your hand in the office, and your colleagues can't explain it clearly. Then they come to see you sitting there shaking hands and asking what you are doing. You replied that I turned it into vibration!

16, dear god, please bless those friends who don't call me, send me messages or miss me! May the Lord leave their mobile phones in the toilet and go to the right. Amen.

17, can tell a cruel story. You occupied four seats in the cinema, and people scolded you. You don't move, but hum two places. When the security guard came, he said, My friend is so cruel. Which way will bite you? Fell down in the hallway upstairs.

18, you think you want to see it, find an artist to paint it for you, stick you in a cup, drink and watch you all day-happy? A cup of boiling water burns you!

19 br, dear user, this time we try to deduct the Palestinian national liberation from your bill, so as to determine the names of all the noble titles in PNA Arab world: in Xiale Pakistan. !

20. It is reported that the beauty that confuses people; The beauty of poetry lies in inciting men and women to cheat; The beauty of a woman lies in her unrepentant stupidity, and the beauty of a man lies in lying.

2 1, I care about you, I only care about whether I care about you, I care about you, I care about you, I care about you, I care about you, look at you dizzy!

22 br Have you ever heard of it? It took 500 times to look back at the past life to get a brush of life, just like you and my best friend, whose mother didn't seem to light it in the last life!

23. Two counterfeiters accidentally created counterfeit banknotes with a face value of $65,438+05. They decided to spend it in a remote mountainous area. When they got 15 dollars, they bought 1 yuan Sugar-Coated Berry. After they cried, the farmers found theirs.

Two 24 sevens, your life portrayal: always learn to take a bath-pigs wash themselves; 20 brilliant-when pigs are flourishing; Looking for a job at the age of 30-the career of pigs; 40 hire servants-pigs get servants; Learn to play basketball at the age of 50-pig throw!

25. A three-year-old boy took a three-year-old girl's hand and said, "I love you." The little girl said, "You can control my future." The little boy said, "Of course, we are not one or two years old!" "

26, just chatting with friends, this matter involves you, you know? I quarreled with them and almost hit them, because some people say that your monkeys, apes and others say that you like them, which is too much! I didn't see your pig!

27. One day, I told you that you were a pig, and you said, no wonder I am a pig. So I started calling you a pig. Finally, one day you can't help but announce loudly in front of everyone: I'm not a pig!

28. The three most popular words during the Iraq war: peaceful peace, war and the discovery of war. Read these three English words three times and you will uncover a great historical mystery. (I farted) ...

29

People fall in love,

Not special;

Is it special that cows eat grass?

The pig will press the phone,

It is special;

Press it again!

What a pig!

Wow! Laugh!

What a cool pig!

30. There are two sentences I've always wanted to tell you, and I finally got up the courage today: the first sentence, I love you, I love you; The second sentence, never take the first sentence seriously.

3 1, psychological test:

I think I have a high IQ. Press it.

It feels quite humorous. Press it.

I find it quite attractive. Press it.

I think he is still very handsome. Press it.

Test results:

shameless

32. I see the vicissitudes of life on your forehead, confidence in your eyes, years on your forehead and leeks between your lips and teeth. Go brush your teeth!

33, shit, bamboo mat cong, bushi, shangyi, monster war, rushed to the pigsty hole. How many words do you know? You find yourself in addition to shit, don't you?

34. Two cows are eating grass. One of them said, "We won't be infected by the recent mad cow disease epidemic, will we?" The other end of the phone said, "No, we are kangaroos." Crazy!

35. I was an unknown swordsman until one day I met the most mysterious legend, and you actually called out your name. From then on, I also had the name tinnitus arena: pig knows!

36. Marriage: poor and ugly 1 m 49.

In rural areas, primary education accounts for 3 hectares of dangerous buildings.

No pot, cold stove, hot wife,

Here comes the seasonal medicine. Today's news is widely circulated among girlfriends.

Are you willing to go hand in hand on the road of revolution?

Doctor: "Why can't I find my pen? I want to give you a prescription. " Remind the patient in a low voice: "Doctor, aren't you tickling on my bed?"

38. I want to warm you in the sunshine, decorate your starlight, revel in your delicious food, satisfy your beauty, light you up with fireworks and drown your happiness, but I haven't been god for a long time, so you can only text you a happy day!

39. What if all the pigs in the world were gone? Answer: At least you.

40,

Sitting in the church during the reign of Qing Qianlong,

Beiyang army carried guns,

Wuchang city is struggling for poverty, BR/& gt;; The Northern Expedition helped,

Injured around Nanchang,

Long March across the Great Wall,

Stealing sheep in the war behind enemy lines,

Who can be better than me?

4 1,

Warlords are kings,

In the baking room at the Battle of Pingjin,

Crossing the Yangtze River for soup,

Yalu River feeds wolves,

& gt The shelling of the Golden Gate destroyed this secret room.

Self-defense, cursing mother,

Reform and opening up to eliminate pornography,

Who is crazier than me?

42, a student, "Where did you take my shirt?" Roommates of "Sent to the Laundry Room" and "My God, I remember all the history classes"

At 43 o'clock, I sang, sang, sang, turned over and continued to sing. The doctor asked him: just sing, why do you want to turn? Psycho said: fool, singing on side A and B, of course, it's all over!

44,

NHZ! HS OM

Knowing that you can't guess,

I don't understand,

Look carefully!

Can't you see?

Do you know Pinyin?

You have to have a limit. Are you stupid?

The phone is upside down!

45 br, his father: "! ? How can you be so stupid? You know what real rights are. " Yes, the son of a pig. "

46. Girl: I always feel that I am a child with your personality. Lover: Yes, we are really predestined friends. Girl: I used to lie when I was a child. Couple: ...

47, a drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch, a policeman came over: What happened to the drunk? I don't know. I just got to 48 and jumped alone. His wife shouted, honey, take it easy, we still have a long way to go! Hearing this, the man jumped up. The policeman said, you really shouldn't threaten him!

At the age of 49, the prisoner was shot. The first shot didn't go off because of the poor quality of the bullet, and then the second shot was fired. . . The third shot. . . Then, the prisoner cried, hugged the bailiff's thigh and said, big brother, you pinch me! It's so fucking scary. .....

Colleagues are on business trips in other places, and local colleagues are hospitable. They will receive the hotel package function at dinner that night. After the men and women, a dozen people sat down to chat, and only one person was ordering. Even better, everyone asks for advice: "The food is ready, is there nothing to add?"

In this case, we usually ask the lady to order some dishes in Beijing, and the children will report it. So, a buddy in Beijing said. "Miss, report"

Miss saw his one eye, nothing happened.

"Miss, report it!" Dude, it's a little urgent.

Miss face flushed, still nothing happened.

"What? Let you have never heard of this report? " Dude, it's really urgent.

A female colleague hurriedly dozen circle field: "Miss, you are quick to report one by one."

The young lady asked in a low voice, "well, well ... how about holding a woman instead of a man?"

"poof!" The female colleague had just finished drinking tea, and the person who gulped it down sprayed it. Before do miss, more than a dozen people laughed at a loss.

Service, first of all, children in hybrid elevators. With the face-lifting service, the ingredients of children's films are behind, and Miss Sauce doesn't look at anything when serving. The buddy who spilled soy sauce on the child's pants also deliberately teased the drip, pretending not to catch it, and asked angrily: "What should I do?" "

The young lady said calmly, "anything will do."

"What do you say?"

"How? What do you want to do?"

"What do you usually do here?"

"Why don't I help you?"

"all right."

I saw the old lady rushing up with a few dishes of ingredients, and the sauce fell on the elevator, holding chopsticks in one hand and holding the child in the other.

Spoon, brush a few pickles, and then hold this buddy and say, "Sir, you can eat it after mixing it." "

The buddy stared and tried to lift the child with a board. He didn't talk for a long time, and another colleague said to his wife, "Go up."

Main course. Thank you. "-roast leg of lamb, meat bones, salt and pepper, a large part of children's dishes, a Beijing man loves this mouth,

Grabbed a leg of lamb unceremoniously, clicked, and Miss Quack Jack saw it eating together and said:

"Sir, this should be dipped in."

Miss Buddy was dubious. Her local colleague said, "Some delicious food is just dipped in it."

People take their children to stand up and have another bite.

The young lady hurried over and asked. What can I do for you, sir? "

"ah? No. "

"Then please sit down and eat."

The buddy muttered and sat down, looked at everyone, and drifted carefully, letting the mutton's lips and legs bite carefully.

The young lady said, "Mr. Chairman, you should dip this."

Buddy stood up, waved mutton and shouted angrily, "Do you want to eat standing or sitting? How?" ! ? "

Snacks are full, and the leader is coming.

The reception was full. Miss Chatter's next feast was beautiful, and the brand-new experience was not rich and nervous.

Everyone sat down, and someone called, "Miss, tea!" "

The busy lady approached and pointed: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, * * * 7!"

Everyone laughed, and the leader added, "Tea!"

Busy and missed the "check" again: "7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, or 7."

Someone asked, "What are you?"

The young lady hesitated and replied in a low voice, "I am a dog." "

The anger and pain of the masses: "Call your manager!" "The manager put down his hand and asked with a smile," Ladies and gentlemen, what did you preach to me? "

The leader said, "Don't ask any questions. Find out the age of the young lady." "

The manager was puzzled and answered according to the command line: "18 years old, dog!" "

The person in charge smiled and everyone laughed. Leaders do not engage in large-scale crowd influence.

Miss, the manager is in a fog.

After thirty years of drinking, a dish: "Stewed tortoise!"

Everyone was happy, and then the forgotten rule was that someone poked the turtle's head with chopsticks and said, "lead, lead!" " "

The leaders all looked at the turtle's head, and finally they were unhappy and unwilling to reconcile or go against everyone's good intentions, so they kept the spoon as appropriate and said, "Good, good! Please feel free to give it to everyone. "

Someone said, "Yes-a turtle should have soup!" " The leader is almost lively.

Soon he became angry, the soup was running out, something happened to the buoy and asked, "Miss, what is this?" "

The busy lady replied, "It's an asshole." Surprise again: "Leaders eat, leaders eat!"

The leader was glad that he didn't hear the word "unlucky". He called the young lady: "For everyone!"

For a long time, the young lady didn't move, and the leader asked angrily, "Why, didn't you make it clear?" "

Sorry, the lady said, "Seven people, six bastards, how to divide them?" "

Everyone is listening, their eyes are long, their mouths are full of food, and it is difficult to swallow. `

If you laugh, please help. Allow others to laugh.

Breast enhancement 1. I have an X-ray machine, just a colleague. The doctor called several other doctors and shouted, "Come on, come on, I've been doing it for 20 years, and today I finally made one-look, the one on the right side of my heart is not long!" " "

All doctors: "That's amazing."

Then I came out of the X-ray machine, and my colleague asked you weakly, "No, no one told me, are you Nie?" "

"Depend, who let you come back to me, turn around for me! ! "Faint 1

2, listening test, using headphones, the volume of different frequencies, test whether you can hear, my colleagues can't hear. Why do doctors (note: young female doctors) keep raising the volume so that women can still hear the doctor ask, "Did you play with a gun?" "Romance filled the room with silence ... I suddenly got angry. Colleagues whispered, "Yes, but what happened? "Oh, I said, are you a veteran?" And then fainted.

There was a driver's license test during the annual inspection, and several nurses in military uniforms came to check. The military guard touched my stomach. ! For three minutes, I turned white with fear. What fatty liver can do is snicker. The woman took off her mask and looked at me with big watery eyes. When I was young, I often went to many MM's houses for dinner. She's married and I'm drunk. ......

4, primary school physical examination, another class of students to check the lung capacity, let the doctor wipe his mouth with alcohol cotton, referring to the mouth of the machine, as a result, that student wiped his mouth, another, a short student was late for the last stop, the first few were college students, when the chest X-ray, the doctor's mechanical work, one, one pulled the light, reading, pulling the light for the next ...

Once a junior was knocked out by penicillin and sent to the emergency room on the street, in a trance. Then the female doctor pinched my ear with her finger. It is. I thought it was a way to save similar pinch pain. They silently suffered the doctor's result and said. "The child is dying, which does not reflect this critical moment ..." My mother sat on the ground and cried!

Before the high school graduation exam, the teacher noticed that every student's matchbox was packed in the hospital with them. The next day, a male classmate went to the hospital to go to the gastroenterology department empty-handed, because he was not there when the teacher informed him. The doctor gave the student a cotton swab and told him to go to the toilet ... After more than ten minutes, no one would come out of the toilet. The doctor went to the door of the toilet and asked, "Can't you?" Only someone answered the boy in a very painful voice, "I can't pull it out." At this time, I only saw a female doctor roll her eyes and shout, "Who let you really pull?" Just insert a cotton swab into the family to keep exercising. "

7. A long time ago, even the students of X-ray stood in line to buy this person and suddenly shouted! Let's take a look at how people have two wires in something similar to a chest-"I almost laughed, and everyone should know what these two wires are when I saw them"-then, a MM came out of the MEP in the X-ray room, but the man was still firm-and approached and said, "Everyone saw that the two wires in your chest were in it, okay?" It took MM three seconds to react, and it was a slap in the face!

8. When there is color blindness in the junior high school exam, take a book, and each page is a pattern made up of small pieces of different colors. I don't know if everyone is the same. Many characters, some simple paintings.

. Let's take a look at them one by one. It is reported that what he sees is usually not serious. After all, from the beginning of the primary school exam, there is a super student who usually studies hard, picks up what her glasses book says, doctor, and then lets us all belong.

"A pile of broken glass."

9. In our high school urine test, we made a plastic cup for everyone and asked people who went out to go to the toilet. We all went to cliques, and the brother who peed came over, left, gave up halfway and scolded. "Grass, I forgot to pick it up."

10 junior high school also listened to the guy in our class.

The female doctor said, measure it. Wait, I'm talking about the repetition you heard. Give him two earplugs (for hearing).

Measure and tell the guy to stand a few meters away. The doctor there said, "... wear earplugs. "

If that guy has nothing to say, "put on earplugs"

& gt call the doctor urgently. "I said, bring you earplugs and listen to me."

The guy continued to shout, "I said put on earplugs, and you listen to me."

Everyone stood in line and laughed for a few minutes.

1 1, I heard it when I took the physical examination in the college entrance examination.

The doctor said, "Soviet Union"

The boy replied, "First love."

Reference: My answer