3·Despair and Beauty

"Beauty is the only victory that humans can achieve when they are desperate."

(This sentence should come from the anime "Girl's Last Journey". When I first heard it, I always felt a sense of Shocking power. )

You still have about a year, the doctor told you.

Because I have been suffering from frequent headaches recently, and I saw that I had accumulated N hours of paid leave, I gritted my teeth and spent a long time with my boss to ask for leave for a check-up. Unexpectedly, the test results were like this, as if a "big prize" hit you on the head, making you want to vomit. Yes, you did throw up.

It was hard for you to accept it at first, so you went to several hospitals, but the result was the same. You, who have always been optimistic and confident, adjusted yourself and slowly accepted the result. After much deliberation, I told my parents the result. The crying on the other end of the phone made you unable to hold back tears again.

After calming down, you begin to prepare for the next thing. You made a list for yourself:

1. Resign

2. Go home

When you return to the company, your boss is telling you that you have been asking for leave these days. I was dissatisfied with the matter and wanted to talk to you, but you submitted your resignation letter. You told your boss the truth, and the sympathy in his eyes made you feel uncomfortable. The resignation procedures were completed very quickly, and no one noticed your departure except for a few colleagues around you. But what you didn’t know was that after you left, your story spread throughout the company. You become a so-and-so in their mouths. "Hey, did you know? XX from XX department got sick and resigned. Alas, life is precious and everything is thrown away."

You are on your way home. Speaking of which, this is the first time you slow down and appreciate the scenery along the way. The ink-colored mountains and misty clouds in the distance will make you wonder. You think to yourself, if you can travel all over these great rivers and mountains in your lifetime, your life will not be in vain. When you get home, your parents' red eyes make your nose sore again. You held back your tears and said, "I'm back. I have to stay here this time."

Time will dilute many things, but it will also leave indelible memories. With your strong persuasion, my parents returned to their normal working life. You breathed a sigh of relief. They were always asking you questions and asking questions, which made you breathless. In the blink of an eye, a month passed. Apart from the occasional headaches that get more and more intense, your life is quite peaceful. During the day, if the weather is nice, you will go for a walk downstairs; if it is rainy, you will stay at home and watch TV. In the evening, I chatted with my parents about my past life. Things that I found difficult to persevere at work in the past can now be told to my parents like jokes. So, everything will pass.

One day, you walked into the dance class opposite your home, where there were only a few little girls practicing basic skills. This is also the place where you took classes when you were a child. As you looked at it, you were shocked: this dance class was still open. Suddenly someone called your name and you turned to look. The teacher who used to lead the class is actually still teaching there. She was obviously surprised to see you. She stepped forward to hold your hand and asked how you were doing. You smiled and said, you just came back from vacation to have fun. The teacher pulls you inside and introduces you to the children inside. "This young lady is the teacher's former student. She dances very well." You were a little shy and waved your hands repeatedly.

You were not in good health when you were a child. Your father said that you should enroll in a martial arts class to keep fit, but your mother disagreed. My mother felt that dancing was more suitable for girls. Finally, you started taking classes at a dance class not far from your home. You are not tall, but you are flexible. The teacher always praises you to your parents for being a good dancer. Unlike most children, you really like dancing. When you dance, you can always feel the flow of the wind. The wind blows over your body, and you feel the intoxicating joy. However, my parents’ original intention was not to train dancers. After you entered junior high school, your parents stopped taking dance classes in order to let you concentrate on your studies. Although you are reluctant to give up, you can't resist.

You are also very happy to be able to see your teacher again after many years. You sat there all afternoon and saw all the children being picked up by their parents before bidding farewell to the teacher and reluctantly going home. At dinner, you happily share what happened during the day with your parents.

You also said that the teacher asked you to do a few movements and found that you still had some basic skills, which made you as happy as a child. Your parents are joking, why don't you continue going to class? You quickly said, I'm so embarrassed, they are all children.

Parents don’t know that their unintentional words can make you sleepless. That night, you thought about it for a long time. In the morning, your parents looked at your haggard and pale face and asked cautiously if you felt uncomfortable. When you look at your parents' faces, it seems like they are much older. You said to them, "I want to continue dancing. I want to dance in the mountains, in the desert, on the grasslands, or in the snow!" Your parents were shocked and asked you again in disbelief. You repeated your thoughts, your eyes sparkling. Your parents were silent, and then said to you, I hope you can think about it again. You know, they're worried about your health. You said: "If my end is one year from now, what do I hope to be able to do." Your parents compromised, and you added a new item to your list:

3. Go dancing

In the afternoon, you went to your teacher and told her your situation and your next plans. You hoped that the teacher could help you continue to learn dance. The teacher held you and cried for a long time. Instead of trying to dissuade you, she insisted that she wanted to work with you to realize your idea. She said to you, "I hope to see you dance until the last moment without any regrets."

The following days passed quickly, and you were busy with the next plan. You go to a dance class during the day, and the teacher choreographs a dance for you, and you practice it heartily. Occasional headaches can be ignored while you are dancing, but they will come back with more pain in the dead of night. Talk to your parents at night about your mood, your thoughts, and your hopes for the future. You know that you may fall down somewhere in the future, so you cherish getting along with your parents even more.

The fulfilling time always passes quickly, and it’s time to set off soon. You have made a plan: the first stop is the desert, the second stop is the snow-capped mountains, and the third stop is the grassland. Your plan met with opposition at first because the desert and snowy mountains were too dangerous. You said, while you are in good spirits now, go where you want to go most first. It would be a shame if you couldn't get there. They look at you, not knowing how to retort.

On the day of departure, the weather was very good. The sun shone on everyone's face, and the atmosphere of parting seemed to fade away. Originally, your parents wanted to go with you, but you strongly opposed it. You think selfishly, let you stay in their hearts as you are now. They think this may be a farewell. Mother chokes with sobs and holds your hand and doesn't want to let go. She reminds you to remember to videotape them every day. The father beside him said with red eyes, he will visit you in a while. The teacher and her lover, Uncle Li, stood nearby and counted the luggage. Uncle Li is a photographer who often shoots outdoors. When he heard about your idea, he insisted on participating. You are very grateful to the teacher family for joining us. The car started to move, and you looked out the window at your parents shaking their arms and couldn't help but turn around and cry. The teacher holds you, pats your back gently, and comforts you. You rush to the distance without hesitation with unknown results.

The first dance, in the desert. The sky full of yellow sand hits your face and body, but you are fearless. You dance over and over again, and Uncle Li captures your dance of life with his camera. You have been dancing for a whole week, and the high-intensity dance every day makes you a little overwhelmed. But when I see myself in the camera, I feel so happy and selfless, and I feel very satisfied. The increasingly intensive headaches and occasional vomiting make you thinner and thinner, and you can only pause for a while. When your parents saw you in the video, they couldn't bear it anymore, so they took a long vacation to accompany you.

One day, Uncle Li suggested selecting a video and posting it on the Internet. He said he hoped more people could appreciate your dance. You choose a dance that you think is the best and post it on the Internet and name it "I Dance in the Desert." I don’t know if the name has touched the curiosity of many people, but many people are commenting on the video. However, most of them questioned and criticized, and few gave objective suggestions. "Is it really the desert? It's the scenery." "Go to the desert to dance, no zuo no die." "The video doesn't even have a BGM, and the editing is so rough.

”

During the break, you read the suggestions in the comments while adjusting some dance moves and ideas. Two weeks later, you continued to the next stop, because the snow-capped mountains were too dangerous. , you changed the location, the snowy land of Merlin. Unfortunately, your condition worsened as soon as you entered the cold area. High fever, coughing, and vomiting continued. In just one month, you became haggard. Mother begged you. You gave up and looked into her eyes without saying a word. She didn't persuade her anymore. You dragged your tired body and sore legs and feet and started the second dance. You danced for three days in a row, but you felt dissatisfied. , I always felt like something was missing.

When you woke up on the fourth morning, you opened the window and saw the heavy snow falling from the sky. You were stunned, and there was a voice inside calling: Come on, this is what you are waiting for. Suddenly your vision goes dark and you collapse to the ground. Cold sweat covers your forehead, and the sudden tinnitus makes you unable to hear any sound. You know that this is probably your last chance.

On this day, you put on more colorful makeup than before. You took off the warm clothes underneath and wore only a red dress. You looked at the red dress that seemed to fit you well a few weeks ago, but now it looks a bit awkward. Empty, you couldn't help but sigh: It would be better if you were fatter.

That day, in the heavy snow, you danced to your heart's content, and the branches of the blooming red plums swayed beside you. . This time you danced longer than before, as if you were tireless. In fact, you didn't feel cold or tired, your senses seemed to be sealed, and you just kept spinning and dancing. Finally, you lifted the hem of your skirt. , spinning slowly in the snow, you see the faces of your parents, teacher and Uncle Li. There is no distress and pity on their faces before, only full of surprise. Slower and slower, slower and slower. The hem of the red skirt falls like a red plum in the snow. You fall slowly, and a cold snowflake falls on your face, melting into a drop of water and sliding down your face, like a drop of tears. Shouting, you can't hear it anymore.

You don't know what happened next. After discussing with your parents, the teacher decided to put the last dance on the Internet and named it "Dedicated to the World." "The Last Dance", and attached an introduction, an introduction to your short life. The video is still unedited, and there is no BGM. There are only the sounds of snowflakes falling, the sound of red plums swaying, and the sound of you dancing. But everything is just right. There are thousands of people from all over the world mourning you, pitying you, and shouting unyieldingly for you. You know, there is another comment that says, " This dance is so beautiful! ”

This is the third story of “you”, the beauty in despair.