Collect as many jokes as possible.

A man with his wife and father-in-law drove across the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. Just after crossing the bridge, I was stopped by a policeman standing on the side of the road and the mayor of San Francisco. The policeman said to him with a big smile, "You are the fifth person to drive across the Golden Gate Bridge since its completion, and the mayor will give you $5,000 as a souvenir." The man was happy from ear to ear. This guy quickly said, "I'm too poor to get a driver's license, so the first thing to do is to get a license quickly." His wife was so engrossed that she quickly said to the police, "Don't listen to his nonsense, he talks nonsense when he is drunk!" " The old father-in-law, who had been dozing off in the car, woke up and saw the police. He shouted angrily, "Look, look, I told you long ago that this stolen car won't go far!" " Liar A rural girl stood on the overpass and counted the floors of a tall building. A liar came up and said, "Say, how many floors did you count?" All right, five pieces on one floor. "The girl said," fifteenth floor. "After paying the money, a bystander said," How can you be so stupid! " The girl said, "He is so stupid! I cheated him. I counted eighteen floors! " For example: give a corner, if you don't point three corners at it, you will never see it again. Lutz asked: If one angle of any quadrilateral is known to be 30 degrees, how many degrees are the other triangles? Confucius said: I won't say it! The so-called health is just the slowest state of death. The next train will be clean. Passenger: "Comrade conductor, why are the chairs in the carriage so dirty?" Conductor: "This is the first train. After pulling this passenger, the next train will be clean. " The wife who was talking in her sleep said, "You were talking in your sleep again last night." The docile husband replied, "Yes, otherwise I wouldn't have a chance to speak." Apologize "sir, a big rooster in my house broke the flowers in your garden." I am really sorry. " "Madam, you don't have to apologize. My dog ate your cock. " "That's great. I just ran over your dog while driving. " Only when it rains does the landlord look at the house with the new tenant. Tenant: "It seems that this house often leaks water." Landlord: "No, no, it only leaks when it rains." Big brother has a heavy automatic rifle at home. Whenever eldest sister-in-law loses her temper, eldest brother always cleans the gun without saying anything. Sister-in-law turned pale with fear, and a civil war ended before it started. I can't help asking my eldest brother, "Sister-in-law is afraid that you will kill her?" Eldest brother proudly said, "No, she is afraid that I will commit suicide." The patient is advised to see a doctor for the first time. "Did you consult anyone about your illness before you came here?" The doctor asked. "Just ask the owner of the drugstore around the corner," the patient replied. Doctors hate that people who are not doctors often give medical advice, and he doesn't hide it. "What bad idea did that fool give you?" "He asked me to come to you." The Age of Fossils A tour guide showed the delegation around the museum and said, "The fossils in this glass box have a history of two million years." A man asked enviously, "How can you determine the date so accurately?" "It's very simple," replied the guide. "I have worked here for nine years. When I first came, it had a history of 20 thousand years. " Fake ticket A: I bought a fake movie ticket. Such people are really wicked! B: What about the tickets? A: I resold it to others again. Shuanghui section chief: Have you sent both letters on the desk? Workmate: I sent them all, but I sent the stamps by mistake. Domestic paste 15 yuan, foreign paste 2 yuan. Section chief: You are too careless. Did you repost it later? Workmate: Because the stamps can't be torn off, I changed the stationery inside. Tigress and Tiger Armor: Last night, I went to a restaurant with my friends, and thieves visited my house. B: Stealing? A: My wife thought I came home drunk at night and hit him indiscriminately. The thief shouted for help, but fortunately the police came to save him. Simple first wife: how to celebrate the wedding anniversary? Dave: How about a minute's silence? Lost in battle: Is your talking parrot still alive? Oh, forget it. I didn't expect her to die after I raised her for a week. Did you die of illness? B: No, she competed with my wife until she was exhausted. Funny story 1. My aunt gave me a miniature walkie-talkie as my birthday present. She said that if I obeyed, she would give me another one next year. 2. The bank says it is open day and night? But I don't have that much time to spend on it! ? 3. It's really boring. I drove to a big parking lot downtown, sat in the car and counted how many people came to ask me if I was leaving. 4. There is a sign at the gas station that says "Staff Recruitment", and there is another sign that says "Help yourself". I hired myself and became my own boss. Fill it up and I'll pay for it myself. Finally resigned and left. Why doesn't the fattest guy in the world become a hockey goalkeeper? When you tell a joke in the forest, no one hears it and no one laughs. Is this still a joke? On the third day after my son started attending the nursery, I asked him, "Do you like attending the nursery now?" "I like it." "Why?" "Because I can wait for you to pick me up there." When it was too late to rehabilitate, the fox saw the rabbit run away and asked why. The rabbit said, "God ordered all the rams to be killed." "You're not a ram. Why are you nervous?" If you make a mistake, it will be too late to correct it later. What is man's greatest happiness? After a long period of injustice, it was restored. A rightist has been looking forward to rehabilitation. Twenty years later, this day finally came. When the old man heard the decision of the Party branch secretary to rehabilitate him, he was so excited that he had a stroke and died on the spot. This is really the happiest and most perfect way for human beings to die: he died at the moment when his 20-year wish was finally realized, and he never tasted the disappointment and bitterness that often appeared after his hope was realized. Drunk A doctor put two worms in a bottle with wine and a bottle with water to illustrate the disadvantages of drinking. The worms in the wine died soon, while the worms in the water were still struggling. The doctor said to the people around him, "You see, this is the harm of drinking." At this time, a drinker in the crowd shouted, "Yes, this kind of bug won't grow in a drinker's stomach!" " "There was a parrot speech contest one year, and the parrot that won the first place was called Coco. He came out of the cage, looked around and shouted, "Why are there so many parrots here? "Better be careful. Mosquito begged his mother to allow him to go to the theatre. After a long struggle, her mother finally agreed. " "Well, you can go," she advised, "but you should be careful when people applaud. "The two gentlemen go hunting together. On the way, one of them suddenly raised his gun and shot, and a wild duck fell to the ground! The other said, "Good shot! But your lens is completely unnecessary. I fell from such a high place and died! "01when a mouse gets angry, everyone is a sick cat. 002◎ arguing with MM about whether whales are fish or not, I finally said "I have something to say to myself", and she agreed that whales are not fish. 003◎ There is gold under a man's knee. I cut off my whole leg and didn't even find a copper coin! I bury corn in the soil in spring, and I will harvest a lot of corn in autumn. I bury my wife in the ground in spring, and I will be shot in autumn! If you see a shadow in front, don't be afraid, it's because there is sunshine behind! 006◎ People who run around brothels are not old. Please use Huiren Treasure. 007◎ Listen to you and leave me ten books! 008 ◎ Appears at the age of 0, and 10 goes up every day. 20-year-old dream, 30-year-old effort. At the age of 40, it is basically oriented, and at the age of 50, it is full of popularity. Play at the age of 60 and wander around the age of 70. 80-year-old lesbians are very common, and 90-year-old lesbians are hanging on the wall! 009◎ Take off your clothes, I am an animal. Put on your clothes, I am the devil wears Prada! 0 10◎ Teacher, just follow the old lady! ... after a long time ... teacher, please give me a break! 0 1 1◎ "Honey, I'm ... I'm pregnant for ... three months, but don't worry, it's not yours, you don't have to be responsible ..." 012 ◎ We have a little disagreement: she wants me to turn dung into gold, and I want her to treat gold as dung. 0 13◎ Read 10 years of Chinese, it is better to talk about QQ for half a year. 0 14◎ Being lazy in bed in the morning, I took out six coins from my pocket: If all six are heads, I will go to class! After thinking for a long time, forget it, I won't take the risk ... 015 ◎ 80,000 bought a pottery jar from the Western Zhou Dynasty and went to Jianbao column for appraisal yesterday. The expert said seriously, "Which Western Zhou Dynasty did this belong to? "This is from last week!" 0 16◎ I can tolerate fake bodies, fake faces, fake breasts and fake hips! ! ! But I just can't stand that money is fake! ! ! ! 0 17◎ Scholars play dead for their confidants, and women have plastic surgery for people who like themselves. 0 18◎ When you grow up, you should marry Tang Priest, play if you can, and eat him if you can't. 0 19◎ Two tigers are not allowed in one mountain unless there is a male and a female. 020◎ Don't wait until everyone says you are ugly, only to find that you are really ugly. 02 1◎ If my friends can sell them for five dollars each, I can make a small fortune. Personals: The requirements are as follows: A is alive and B is female. 023◎ Give me some sunshine and I will rot. 024◎ Eat a little to lose weight. 025◎ Shake, shake to Naihe Bridge. 026◎ Fate shuffles, but it is ourselves who play cards! Q: What do you like about me? A: I like you to stay away from me! 028◎ Come back, I can't fool you alone! 029◎ Life is Song Like Zude's mouth, and you never know who will be unlucky next ~ ~ 030 ◎ You fall, get up and cry ~ ~ 031◎ In the world, there is love besides teeth. 032◎ A dinosaur went to the toilet when passing by Xi Jiaotong University. When she came out, she sobbed: "555, I can't get married in my life ..." 033 ◎ Born, easy. Live, relax. Life is not easy. My cousin is over forty. Starting from the text, I failed in the exam for three years. Then I practiced martial arts, and as soon as I made a move in the martial arts field, I was fired from playing drums. Take medicine instead, write a prescription, eat it, and die. 035◎ Ask yourself how much sorrow you can have, just like a group of eunuchs going to a brothel ... 036 ◎ My life is limited, and my meals are limited ~~~ 037◎ There are two ways to pollute a place: garbage or money! When we were young, we often made faces in the mirror. In old age, mirrors are flat. Are you blind? You can't see such a big shield, but you want to throw stones at my head! 040◎ If something goes wrong, look for the reason from yourself first, and don't blame the earth for not having gravity when you are constipated. 04 1◎ clap your head to make a decision, and clap your chest to make sure to leave. 042◎ We walk too fast, and our souls can't keep up with ... 043 ◎ Don't be as knowledgeable as people on earth ~ ~ 044 ◎ A girl needs to succeed from a virgin to a woman, and a boy needs to be honed repeatedly from a virgin to a man! 045◎ If you hang out, your wife will change sooner or later! When I was a child, I thought I could save the world when I grew up. When I grow up, I find that the whole world can't save me ... 047 ◎ Rich people are grandfathers! But there are even more people who owe money and don't pay it back! 048◎ Even if I were a toad, I would never marry my mother toad. 049◎ Why do you have to sleep for a long time before you die? A tailor who doesn't want to be a cook is not a good driver. 05 1◎ Time is the best teacher, but unfortunately-in the end, he killed all the students. 052◎ On the way to Xi 'an on business, a Dalian man boasted a lot about how good Dalian was, and then said that Dalian held a grand celebration on the centenary of its founding, and then asked a person next to him, "Is there any celebration on the centenary of Xi 'an?" A few Xi 'an's buddies next to him were shocked. After a while, they forced out a sentence: "I remember when Xi 'an established its capital 600 years ago, there was a' bonfire emperor' ..." 053 ◎ Diamonds last forever, and one went bankrupt! 054◎ In a harmonious campus, the cyclist may be a doctor, while the driver of Mercedes-Benz may be a logistics ... 055 ◎ Gold will always be spent; This is a mirror, it always reflects light ... 056 ◎ The reason why my girlfriend is not a nun is that she has not passed Band 4 and won't accept it in buddhist nun. 057◎ A star can become more famous if he takes off his clothes a little, but I was caught when I took off my clothes! 058◎ Looking at a beautiful MM, there is no way to strike up a conversation. I picked up a brick on the side of the road and walked forward. " Classmate, did you drop this? "When I was a child, my dream was not to be a scientist. I fantasize that I am the master of a landlord's family, with fertile land and 1000 hectares of land. I am in a daze all day, doing nothing. I led a group of dog slaves to the streets to flirt with a good girl ... 060 ◎ Don't talk to me about ideals, quit! 06 1◎ Roses for you, chocolates for you and diamonds for you. You, mine! 062◎ The so-called surprise is that the rabbit you are waiting for comes, followed by the wolf! What is happiness? Happiness is that cats eat fish and dogs eat meat, and Altman hits small monsters! 064◎ Two farmers boasted: "The chickens on our farm eat all tea leaves and lay all tea eggs." "Yes, our farm gives chicken wallets and lets them lay poached eggs. "065◎ Cockroaches are not afraid of cockroach medicine, but we can't even handle vitamins! 066◎ Don't blame the dog for looking like a steamed stuffed bun! 067◎ When men cheat, their IQ is second only to Einstein! Study hard for China! A pack of China cigarettes is a lot of money ... 069 ◎ If you can't put a wedding dress on your woman, don't stop you from unbuttoning her clothes! 070◎ Don't think that wearing dirty clothes can become a tainted witness; Don't think that you can be a witness of clogs by wearing wooden slippers ... 07 1 ◎ The cause is national, the honor is unit, the achievement is leadership, the salary is wife's, the property is children's, and the mistakes are your own. 072◎ Phoenix rebirth is nirvana, pheasant rebirth is corpse change. 073◎ If one day I become a gangster, please tell others that I am innocent ... 074 ◎ Laozi not only has a car, but also goes to work by himself ... 075 ◎ Women have countless QQ numbers just to flirt with a man, and men often use one QQ number to fill in all kinds of women ... 076 ◎ I met the so-called contemporary female mate selection standard in books: "If you have a car and a house, your parents will die. "depressed. I wrote down the imaginary criteria for choosing a spouse: "The wealth in the family is over 100 million, the beauty is the best in the world, the virtuous is gentle and sexy, and the father-in-law has terminal cancer ..." 077 ◎ Most people only do three things in their lives: deceive themselves, deceive others and be bullied. 078◎ Sleep is an art-no one can stop my pursuit of art! In order to avoid domestic violence, I decided not to get married! You can live like a pig, but you can never be as happy as a pig! 08 1◎ As fast as lightning, it's not worth mentioning that if you don't sweep a house in the storm as a symbol of our love, why can you sweep the world invincible? When the sun rises in the east and the rain falls in the west, when I look up, I find it is moonlight. How can you kill a chicken? How can you try it out with a knife? The rescue of Zhao Baokui is really beautiful in spring. Good-bye and gossip. 083◎ A beautiful, pure, gentle, sexy and lovely virgin is like a ghost. Men are talking about it, but no one has seen it with their own eyes ... 084 ◎ I remember the primary school teacher scolding me: "I will kick you out with a slap! "I wanted to laugh at that time, but I was afraid to laugh. Now, I dare to laugh, but I won't laugh ... 085 ◎ If happiness is a cloud, if pain is like a star. At that time, my life in Wan Li was really cloudless and full of stars ... 086 ◎ Effect of contraception: If you don't succeed, you will become a "person". 087◎ Loneliness is a person's carnival, and carnival is the loneliness of a group of people. 088◎ The most tiring thing in this world is to watch your heart break and have to glue it up by yourself. 089◎ The tragedy of life is: I worked so hard to have a sweet dream with fragrant contents all night, but I woke up the next morning and I couldn't remember it at all! My father asked me what I wanted in life. I answered money and beauty, and my father punched me in the face; I answered career and love, and my father touched my head appreciatively. 09 1◎ Men are lewd. The stronger one is called *, the stronger one is called a womanizer, and the stronger one is called a womanizer. If it is stronger, it will become a pervert and a lecherous. To the extreme, he is called a human aesthetic artist. I remember one day shortly after graduation, my girlfriend sent me a short message: "Let's break up! "Before I could feel sad, my girlfriend sent another message:" Sorry, I sent it wrong. "This is so sad ... 093 ◎ It is forbidden to urinate here, and offenders will confiscate tools. 094◎ Looking at beautiful women in the street, looking up is appreciation, looking down is hooliganism. Son of a bitch, we still have a lot to do in this life. Don't waste time playing hide-and-seek with me, just jump out ~~~ 096◎ A woman's life is like two flowers: one is to spend money, and the other is to spend as much as possible! 097 beauty said, "I want a diamond ring!" " "So she got a diamond ring. The rich man said, "I want a woman!" " "So he has a woman. I said, "I want to take a shower!" " "The water was cut off! I really don't understand that girls buy a lot of beautiful clothes just to attract boys' attention, but what boys want to see is girls without clothes. 100◎ Occasionally, you will feel that it is great to live in silence, but it is miserable to live in silence …

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