Why is my grandma so annoyed? I feel quite selfish. I feel that my dad and his brother don’t have a good relationship. Last time I went to their house after the Chinese New Year, the two brothers didn

Why is my grandma so annoyed? I feel quite selfish. I feel that my dad and his brother don’t have a good relationship. Last time I went to their house after the Chinese New Year, the two brothers didn’t speak to each other when they had dinner.

I suggest you read this post. This is the most classic successful case I have seen of a man handling the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Maybe it can help you. Every family is different, so we may not necessarily copy it, but at least we can get rid of the misconception that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a matter for women. The content of the repost is as follows:

Family conflicts are something that everyone will encounter. How can we live under the same roof without any bumps in the road? It is not terrible to have family conflicts. What is terrible is not knowing how to deal with them. Below I will write some of my personal experiences, hoping that everyone can find ways to deal with family conflicts.

First of all, I personally believe that the husband plays an important and critical role in dealing with family conflicts.

My father joined the army from a rural area in Shandong and was very filial to my grandma. He is also the eldest son in the family, with younger brothers and sisters below him. None of the two sisters is a fuel-efficient lamp, but he did not make my mother suffer any injustice because of this. How did he do it?

When my father married my mother more than 40 years ago, he was a cadre who enlisted in the army during the war. He also went to college and was a poor peasant for three generations. Although my mother is smart and beautiful, she comes from a capitalist background, so when they went back to my father's hometown to visit relatives after their marriage, my mother was still a little worried, afraid of being offended or wronged. But my dad's performance made him completely relieved.

My mother is a woman from a water town in the south of the Yangtze River. She has a slender figure and is very delicate. She does not meet the aesthetic standards of northern rural areas, so her two sisters-in-law gossiped in her mother-in-law’s ears and said that my mother was not in good health. , I’m afraid I won’t be able to have a baby in the future. My grandma learned the language from my dad. My father was furious, but he couldn't say anything to my grandma, so he scolded my two aunts in front of my grandma: "I like her like that. What's wrong with lesbians being weaker? Scholars should grow up That way, if she has big hands and feet like you, she can only work in the fields." My grandma and aunt were so scared that they didn't dare to say anything. You see, my dad is quite chauvinistic, but you have to see where he puts his energy.

The toilets in the northern rural areas were very dirty, especially forty years ago. My mother did not dare to go there, so my father found a basin and asked her to clean it in the house. After finishing, he took it out very calmly. to deal with. When I met my aunt, she was startled and said: "Brother, you are a senior cadre, how can you carry her feces and urinate for her? She is used to it." When my father heard this, he handed over the basin in his hand. , said: "Oh, you said I can't go, then you go, she is your sister-in-law, the elder sister-in-law is like a mother, you should do it." My aunt was stupid at that time, so she had to empty the bedpan for my mother, and she never stopped. Dare to talk any more.

My father was extremely famous in Shiliba Village at that time. Everyone regarded him as a hero, so many people came. My grandma’s family thought that my father was definitely a figure, and it was a blessing for my mother to marry him. Great blessings come with being a cow or a horse, so I always want to put my mother down, both in words and in words. As a result, one day my father vomited the truth after drinking. After drinking too much, he drunkenly said in front of many people: "The most proud thing in my life is to marry such an educated and beautiful person." My wife, there were many people who wanted to marry her back then, and they were all more senior than me. She just followed me. Even if I lose my head, I can’t make her unhappy. Except for my mother, if anyone makes her feel wronged, she will be wronged in the future. There’s no need to speak in front of me, I don’t know him.” Everyone was stunned. Although my grandma has been granted the privilege of letting my mother suffer without being punished, do you think she dares to use it? Do you think my father was drunk back then?

This is the first time we have established the rules, and there will be much less trouble in the future. Even if there were some minor twists and turns, my father would always stand by my mother's side. So over the years, our family has had very few conflicts.

But when my father took my mother home to visit relatives, he immediately asked my mother and grandma to sit at the table together. Why? Customs are set by people, and people can break them. My dad is such a person who is not afraid of anything. The law can only consider good customs. Unreasonable customs must be broken. Anyone who insists on clinging to such customs will be looking for trouble.

When relatives from the countryside come to my house, my mother and I not only serve dinner, but if it is my mother’s turn to cook, she sits at the table without taking off her apron and no one is allowed to touch her chopsticks. This is the least that a housewife can do. Respect, what is custom, this is the custom of our family. My aunt couldn't stand it at first. My dad said that if you like to eat in the kitchen, go and squat in the kitchen. No one will stop you. Our family is very nice. If you don't go, just sit here and eat your food honestly. Don't look for trouble. So I think the mother-in-law and sister-in-law are in a difficult situation. She has a lot of troubles. She was spoiled. No one cares about her. How dare she talk too much? Anyway, over the years, I haven’t seen anyone dare to cause trouble for my mother. They were all suppressed by my father.

There is another excuse that is also annoying, that is, a man says to his wife: "You have to listen to me in front of outsiders and my family. You have to work harder, so I think you are giving me face." My father looked down on this kind of man. He said that a soldier's face is forged with real swords and guns, and earned with his life. What's the face of being a bully outside and bullying your wife at home? Of course, this point is a bit difficult for you sisters to imitate, but it can be extended to mean that a man’s face is earned by earning money, earning results, and doing work. Anyway, whatever you do, don’t look back. The family is here to save face, let alone face, they have lost all their face. You have to give him face in front of outsiders, and you have to give him face in front of his family. What about your own face? How shameless?

My father has earned enough face outside during his military life, but I I have never seen him go home to look for face and do whatever he is supposed to do. He just obeys my mother's words. In his words, as long as it does not affect work, what principles are there? We all know that some people say behind his back that he is henpecked, so why does my dad say that people who say such things are bumpkins? In fact, the atmosphere in the army is sometimes not very good. There are situations and verbal language that look down upon lesbians, especially their family members, but no one dares to show the slightest contempt in front of my mother. Why, my father’s attitude is there Leave it alone: ??If you don’t give my wife face, you don’t give me face. No, it’s more serious than not giving me face. So for so many years, from top to bottom, my mother has never been angry with others. She has never even spoken loudly, but others still have to listen calmly. Therefore, some women complain that their husband's friends and family do not respect them. It is because your own husband does not respect you, and others dare to step on you. In this case, you must go home and find the root cause.

In fact, I think if a man can know how to care and respect his wife, the family atmosphere will be particularly good. My father-in-law is not a bad person, but he is more violent and selfish, but my mother-in-law is cowardly and kind-hearted, and is often annoyed by my father-in-law. My husband’s personality combines the characteristics of both of them, he is more fiery but kind, and he especially feels sorry for my mother-in-law, but he doesn’t like her very much. The atmosphere of your own home. When he first came to our house, he was surprised that there is such a kind of life in this world. A husband and wife can get along so harmoniously, appreciate each other, and be attracted to each other. After more than 40 years of marriage, they still have a sense of freshness and a peaceful life. But it's not ordinary, the two of them have to be together no matter what they do. My parents and I get along exactly like friends. We introduce new things to my parents and share all the delicious and fun things. Everyone cares about other people's feelings and pays attention to other people's needs. I was envious of him at that time, so my husband especially admired my dad. When I was studying abroad, he would go back to my parents' house to spend the Spring Festival with two elderly people by himself during the Spring Festival, and only rushed to his own house on the fourth day of the Lunar New Year. This was because he had to On the other hand, you are filial to me because you really like the atmosphere of our family.

Even if I am married, I am still complete in terms of personality. My principles will not change in the slightest. My parents have given me birth and raised me for more than 20 years, and they have never made me suffer at all. If it was because I got married, I would have to swallow my anger and do things that I couldn't even do to my parents. Knock out my front teeth and swallow them in my stomach. If my father finds out, he will definitely knock out my front teeth first. Why? Too cheap! ! !

When I got married, I didn’t ask for a penny from my husband’s family, and I didn’t ask for a sum of money from my parents. A good girl marries with the right clothes, but my parents’ words will never be forgotten in my life. My dad It is said that you should be filial to your parents-in-law and don't let others laugh at your parents for not educating you well. But if they give you unreasonable anger, don't do it. If you do it once, there will be a second time. As for the result, the old man was right. My father-in-law caused trouble for no reason and wanted to suppress me and give me a blow. He went too far. My mother expressed her position at that time and said, don’t think that a married daughter is throwing water away. My daughter will never be angry with others even if she stays in her natal family for the rest of her life. After my father asked me about the matter and confirmed that I had done nothing wrong, he asked my husband to figure it out. My husband figured it out at that time. Since then, I have never seen my husband's family again, and they are not allowed to visit me. However, we pay all the alimony for the elderly, and all the medical expenses for my father-in-law's illness. We also support our children and nephews when they can go to college. During the holidays, if my husband wants to go back, he can go back by himself. I will never visit him again. If you can't afford to offend me, can you still afford to hide?

We are doing very well now. Sometimes, I think that the wisdom of the old man is indeed extraordinary. If my father had just asked me to give in, the result would have been that my father-in-law would have taken advantage of me and kept interfering in our small family. My husband was in a dilemma. I retreated again and again until I could no longer retreat. If you fight back, both sides will suffer. Even if you don't get divorced, you won't know how to live in the future. So I advise all married and unmarried sisters to be neither humble nor overbearing when getting along with your husband’s family or boyfriend’s family. You must not give in when faced with provocation. That is testing your bottom line. If you give in, they will take another step. In the end, they must be pressed step by step by others, and finally they form an alliance under the city. Hum, once you get to that point, even if you get married, it doesn't mean much anymore.