Urgently looking for ancient and modern jokes and proverbs

1. Chief: Hello, comrades! Soldier: Hello, chief! The commander patted a soldier on the chest and said: How well these muscles have been trained! Soldier: Report to the leader, I am a female soldier! 2. A farmer asked a veterinarian to breed pigs. The veterinarian said: It seems that artificial breeding is needed. The farmer hesitated for a long time, then plucked up the courage and said, "Sure, I'm just afraid it will bite me." 3. One day, 0 and 8 met on the street. 0 looked at 8 with disdain and said: If you are fat, you are fat, why should you wear a belt? 4. A sister-in-law saw a man who was about to get off the bus drop a pack of cigarettes on the pedal, so she quickly said to the man: Comrade, you dropped your cigarette! The man was furious: You just castrated me! 5. A woman from a village came to the city for the first time. She wanted to go to the toilet, but she had not seen her for a long time. She had no choice but to ask the police for help: Comrade, there is a public toilet in front. Where is the maternal toilet? 6. Man: What would you do if I hugged you? Woman: Resist! Man: What would you do if I kissed you? Female: Resistance. Male: If I... Female: It’s endless! After all, a woman's strength is limited! 7. A man was constipated when he went to the toilet. Suddenly, he saw a person running in. It was stormy and rainy. "Brother, I'm so envious of you. You're so fast." "Why are you envious? You didn't take off your pants!" 8. A foreign youth who came to China always couldn’t understand the difference between “iron” and “steel”. One night he came home very late, but the door couldn't be opened, so he had to shout: Landlady, can you open your steel door? I can't get in! 9. When the nurse saw the patient drinking in the ward, she walked over and whispered, "Be careful!" The patient smiled and said, "Baby." 10. On the bus, a standing pregnant woman said to a strange man sitting next to her. :Don’t you know I’m pregnant? The man looked very nervous and said: But the child is not mine! 11. The old man confessed to his wife before his death: I once had an extramarital affair, please forgive me! Wife: What a big deal, you can sleep now! Which of our children looks like you? 12. A white couple has been married for many years and finally has a child, but he turns out to be dark-skinned. The husband complained to his wife and said: It's all your fault! Every time you go to bed, you must turn off the light. 13. A certain swimming coach is straightforward and has a loud voice. One day, he met a female student in the shopping mall and said hello to him, and said loudly: "You put on clothes, I really don't recognize you." 14. A hungry wolf was looking for food and heard a woman lecturing a child: "Cry again." I'll throw you out to feed the wolves! The child cried all night, and the wolf waited impatiently outside the door until dawn, sighing: Liars, women are all liars! 15. A prisoner was executed. Because the bullets were of inferior quality, the first shot was not fired. Then the second shot was fired... and the third shot... At this time the prisoner cried: Brother, please strangle me to death, too much. It’s fucking scary! 16. After watching the black 100-meter race, an old lady wiped away tears and said: It’s scary! Several coal diggers knelt in a row and were shot. They fired without aiming. The children were so frightened that they ran away, and even the ropes couldn't stop them! 17. Mr. Huang loves revolution. In order to commemorate the Red Army, he named his son "Jun". One day when he was sending his son to class, he saw the No. 8 bus coming into the station, so he shouted to his son: "Huang Jun, the No. 8 Bus is coming!" 18. A little bear went to the mountains to start a business. The farmer gave him a sickle and the carpenter gave him a hammer. When the little bear came to the mountains and met a tiger, he was so frightened that he raised the sickle and hammer above his head. The tiger said: I didn’t see it. You are such a bear and still a party member!

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