Short humorous jokes and stories

If you want to achieve something, attract attention, succeed socially and be invincible in modern life, then you must learn humor and laugh with others. I collected some humorous short stories for you. Let's have a look.

Selected humorous jokes

1) A little girl went to the bakery to buy breakfast. She said to the boss: boss! Buy a chocolate doll. Boss: Do you want a boy or a girl? Girl: A boy doll, of course! Because there are a little more places to eat.

A loving couple is celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. The middle-aged neighbor who was watching asked the old student first: "Why can you maintain a happy and beautiful marriage for 50 years?" I have never heard you quarrel since I was born. Have you never had any disputes between you? " "The old man said," of course there are disputes, but they will not expand. I learned this truth from my honeymoon trip ... I remember when the traffic was inconvenient, we went to the Grand Canyon for our honeymoon, and each of us rented a donkey. Her donkey was obviously lazy and soon rested on the side of the road. I only heard my wife say coldly, "The first time. When the donkey wanted to be lazy for the second time, she pointed to the donkey and said, "This is the second time. 』 ......

3) An old man, it runs in the family! One day I went home and bought a "bullwhip" dish! When eating, my daughter-in-law thought this dish was particularly vivid and had a strange taste, so she asked, "Dad, what's the name of this dish?" My father-in-law couldn't explain, and said, "Eat, don't be in such a hurry!" " The daughter-in-law asked again, and the father-in-law had to answer: "It's an animal! The daughter-in-law asked, "Do you have it with you?" "My father-in-law replied," Yes! " The daughter-in-law asked again, "Do I have it on me?" My father-in-law thought about it and replied, "Sometimes, sometimes not!

4) A female buyer wrote a favorable comment to the seller of adult products: "I have no strength to write favorable comments."

5) "The ex-girlfriend has a good figure and is very light in height and weight. I can easily pick her up and throw her on the bed. " "Oh, I envy you! How was it divided later? " "well. . . It's too difficult to leak. "

6) My sister is on a business trip. In the evening, brother-in-law and sister-in-law chat in the living room. My brother-in-law asked, "How much is your tax?" My sister-in-law blushed and whispered, "How much does it cost to sleep with my brother-in-law?"

7) The church in the town is damaged, and the pastor hopes that everyone will donate enthusiastically! A young lady came up to the priest and said, "I'm willing to donate 20 thousand yuan!" " "The priest replied," I'm sorry, miss, but we can't accept your dirty money. We accept your kindness! ""At this moment, a group of people behind shouted, "Take that, Reverend! That's not dirty money, it's our hard-earned money "

8) Woman: You rascal, why did you kiss me on the mouth for no reason? M: Sorry! When I was behind you, I saw that your back was no different from my wife's, so please forgive me. If you think this is an insult, you can take revenge.

9) I took my five-year-old brother to the movies, and suddenly there was a scene of the hero and heroine making out; They threw their clothes under the bed one by one. I turned my head nervously to see my little brother's reaction, but the situation was not as bad as I thought. Seeing my brother unconvinced, he said:&; Brother lsquo! Why can't they throw clothes and I can't? & amprsquo

10) The ophthalmologist looked at the patient's left eye and said confidently, "Obviously, this is not just an eye disease, it reflects that your nervous system, liver, heart and blood circulation have all changed, so I think you need &; Mdash& ampmdash ""Wait a minute, wait a minute! " The patient shouted, "you should probably look at my right eye, right?" My left eye is fake, just a glass ball. " In biology class, the professor is explaining the structure of sperm. When the professor said that the main component of sperm is glucose, a girl stood up and asked, "Then why is it not sweet at all?" The audience was silent, and the professor said calmly, "Because of the feeling of the tongue, the sweet taste buds are on the tip of the tongue, not at the root of the tongue." . . .

1 1) My buddy said to me, "Hey, how many women there are, and how painful it is for me to have my period!" I wondered, "Why do you say that?" He looked around and whispered, "I used a sanitary towel curiously at noon and put it under myself." When I tore it off, I tore off countless hairs and screamed with pain &; hellip& amphellip”。 I looked at him piteously and said calmly, "Son, that thing is attached to underwear, and you are attached backwards &; hellip”。

My wife is a twin. After several years of care, I finally kissed my sister-in-law. In front of my father-in-law, my father-in-law teased me that it was too similar.

Classic humorous short joke stories

1) The husband and wife went out for an outing by bike. After they climbed a big slope with difficulty, the husband panted, "This, this slope is really steep, it's really difficult to climb, and I'm exhausted!" " My wife echoed, "Yes, if I hadn't stepped on the brakes tightly, we would have slipped down." "

2) Wife: "What do you think of sex? Husband: "No opinions, but there are many ways. 」

3) Today, the princess kissed the frog, and the frog became a prince. The prince knelt down and said to the princess, "Thank you for saving my beautiful and kind princess. I have another wish. " The princess blushed: "Go ahead, I will meet your requirements." So the prince took another frog out of his pocket. . . Another one. . . frog

4) ? Colleague Lao Liu has an electric car. Early this morning, a female colleague came to borrow his electric car to go out on business. She came back half an hour later. Colleague Xiao Li said, "Brother Liu, borrow your electric car for a ride tomorrow. I have something to do. I'll be back in an hour. " The old cow had the cheek to smile and said, "No, hum!" " Xiao Li went on to say, "Look, this man only lets women ride, not men!" " "After a few people in the office were silent, they burst into laughter. Damn it, ruin the three views. "Xiao Li also smiled, oh, you think too much, really think too much, ha ha ha ha. " .。

5) If you have a lot of homework, you can play cards with papers: "Children's Mathematics", "I teach three languages" and "I teach science!" Can't afford it, can't afford it, can't afford it, I'll run first.

6) The hardest thing in the world is not diamonds, but Conan's life! Explosion can't kill you, sea can't kill you, fire can't kill you, train can't kill you, sharp knife can't kill you, smoke can't kill you, altitude can't kill you, neck can't kill you, drunkenness can't kill you, poison can't kill you, plane crash can't kill you, poisonous gas can't kill you, machine gun can't kill you, avalanche can't kill you&; In a word, Conan never dies!

7) My router is broken. Now it's routing crying.

8) Going out in two clothes, experiencing a 360-degree three-dimensional wind, looking down at the sky, looking up at the mushroom head, slanting bangs left and right, turning 28 a little, turning 37 a little, turning left to right punk, turning right to left punk, and becoming a quasi-punk. This wind is really all-round and multi-layered, and my sister is blown into all kinds of growls &; hellip& amphellip

9) I always thought you were cheated by a cow, but in fact you were cheated by someone.

10) Wearing two clothes to go out, I experienced a 360-degree three-dimensional wind, looking down at the sky, looking up at the mushroom head, slanting bangs left and right, turning a little to 28, then turning a little to 37, turning left to right punk, turning right to left punk, and becoming a quasi-punk. This wind is really all-round and multi-layered, and my sister is blown into all kinds of growls &; hellip& amphellip

1 1) "I bet I can make you forget that you are gay right now!" "But I'm not gay." "Look!"

12) Yesterday, my friend invited me to his dormitory to eat hot pot. After I went in, I saw a group of young men around a big washbasin with all kinds of hot pot ingredients and vegetables in it! It's still hot in the basin! Should I admire your creativity or courage?

Short humorous jokes and stories

1) Two hens were chatting when they saw a rooster coming listlessly. The hens asked, "What happened? No spirit? " The rooster said, "Do some business!" The hen asked, "What business are you tired of?" The rooster said shyly, "Well &; Hellip& amphellip sells chicken essence &; hellip& amphellip”

2) One day, my wife dug out a photo of a beautiful woman in an old book of mine and asked me to ask. I calmly said, "Oh, this is my junior high school classmate, what we used to do&; Hellip& amphellip "My wife punched and kicked. Half a minute later, I was dying on the ground and spit out two words "deskmate ~ ~ ~".

3) In the shade of the hospital, a couple are hugging and kissing. A doctor saw it and went over to the man and said, "You are so confused. You should put her flat on the ground for artificial respiration. Go away and let me do it. "

4) A lady walks into a sex shop and wants to buy a vibrator. The boss said, "It's all on it. Train yourself. After careful selection, the woman said, "I want the red one! "The boss looked at it and said," Miss, that's a fire extinguisher! " .

5) The Internet cafe just opened in the morning, and the waitress was mopping the floor. Xiaoming is here. Xiao Ming: "Can I go now?" Miss: "When I finish taking it off." Xiao Ming: "Let me take it off for you. Let me get in the car quickly. I'll take it off under you first. Come on! Lift your legs. "

A truck driver with his pet parrot is carrying a truck full of hens. On the road, the truck driver was lonely. Suddenly, a young girl on the roadside beckoned for a ride, and the driver readily agreed. On the way, the driver was dishonest and groped, and the girl was furious. The driver threatened: "Let's touch it?" Don't let me touch it. "When the girl got off the bus, the driver had nowhere to vent his anger and threw the parrot into the trunk. On the way, the driver suddenly found the hen jumping out of the car. It was strange, so he stopped to see what had happened. At this time, there was only a hen and a pet parrot left in the carriage. The parrot said to the hen, "Do you want to touch it? "Don't let me touch it."

7) When I first went to work, I met a man with bedroom eyes every time I turned around. One night, I received a text message from this man: "Are you free tonight?" Be alert and answer four words: "What do you want?" . Not long after, a short message flashed on the mobile phone, just one word: "think". Don't mention how wronged you are.

8) Granddaughter: Grandpa, is it true that wearing mini skirts affects your health? Grandpa: Yes, look at the lady sitting there in a mini skirt. My blood pressure went up as soon as she changed her posture.

9) Maid A: Poor me. I have to keep saying "yes, madam" every day. Yes, madam. "Maid B: I am even worse. I have to keep saying "no, sir" every day; No, sir.

10) A blind date was arranged at home today, and I hit it off with the girl. Finally, that woman said something that made my back ache, and I will be your right-hand man in the future. . . .