One hundred humorous story writers

1. Humorous stories and classic jokes 100 words

A friend surnamed Liu said that according to the genealogy, the next generation should be called Liu Xing. I said if you want a daughter, you should call her Liu Xingyu. How romantic. He said no, I want one with a handle, and then take a domineering name, Liu Xing Hammer!

2. About Mark Twain's humorous story, the following story is 100 words.

(a) minor mistakes and major mistakes

Mark Twain, an American writer, was asked, "What's the difference between a small mistake and a big mistake?" Mark Twain replied, "If you come out of a restaurant, leave your umbrella there and take someone else's umbrella, it's a mistake." . However, if you take someone else's umbrella and leave your umbrella there, it's a big mistake. "

(2) Dialogue with the lady

Mark Twain was once invited to dinner. During the dinner, he said to a lady, "Madam, you are so beautiful!" " "Unexpectedly, the woman said," Sir, I'm sorry I can't answer you in the same way. Mark Twain, quick-witted and sharp-tongued, replied with a smile, "That doesn't matter. You can also lie like me. "

(3) Registration

One day, Mark Twain came to a small city. He wants to find a hotel for the night. The clerk at the hotel reception desk asked him to write his name in the passenger register. Mark Twain looked at the register first. He found that many passengers registered in this way, such as the Duke of Bater and his servant ... The famous writer also wrote: "Mark Twain and his box."

(4) Eat a whale

Mark Twain received a letter. This was written by a young man who wanted to ask Mark Twain the secret of becoming a great writer. The letter said: "I heard that fish contains a lot of phosphorus, which is good for the brain." It seems that to be a great writer, you must eat a lot of fish, right? But I don't know what fish you ate and how much did you eat? Mark Twain wrote back, "It seems that you have to eat a whale. "

(5) Speech

By chance, Mark Twain and the speaker John M Debby were invited to the same dinner party. At the beginning of the speech, Johnsy M. Debiao talked eloquently and emotionally for 20 minutes and won warm applause. Then it was Mark Twain's turn to make a speech.

Mark Twain stood up and said sadly, "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm really sorry. Before the meeting, Mr. Johnsy M. Debiao asked me to exchange speeches, so what you just heard was my speech. I sincerely thank you for your careful listening and enthusiastic support. " However, somehow, I can't find Mr. Johnsy M. Debiao's speech, so I can't speak for him. Please forgive me for sitting down. "

3. Celebrity humorous stories 100 words.

In 1950s, when Zhou Enlai was talking with an American journalist, the reporter saw a Parker pen in the Prime Minister's office and asked with a little irony and pride, "Your Excellency, do you believe in pens in China?" Zhou Enlai said humorously, "A North Korean friend gave it to me. This friend said to me: "This was used by the US military at the Panmunjom surrender signing ceremony. Please keep it as a souvenir! "I think the origin of this pen is very meaningful, so I left this pen in your country." The American journalist's face is red to the ears.

Once, an American reporter interviewed by Zhou Enlai asked with malicious intent, "Sir, why do you people in China call the road the road that people take?" After listening, he didn't rush to refute with barbed words, but said humorously: "We are taking the Marxist road, referred to as the road." The American journalist kept asking questions: "Sir, in the United States, people walk with their heads held high, but why do you China people walk with your heads down? How to explain this? " Premier Zhou said with a smile, "This is not surprising. The question is simple. When you Americans go downhill, of course, you have to hold your head high, while we in China go uphill, of course, you have to keep your head down. " The reporter asked: "There are 400 million people in China now. How many toilets need to be repaired? " This is sheer nonsense, but in such a diplomatic situation, it is inconvenient to refuse. Premier Zhou smiled gently and replied, "Gentlemen! A men's toilet and a women's toilet. "

1on August 28th, 973, when the 10th Congress of * * * was held in Beijing, the * * * who attended the meeting could not stand because of thigh disease. After the meeting, in order not to let the delegates see the flaw and worry about their health, * * * has been sitting in the seat, trying to let the delegates leave first.

If the chairman doesn't leave, will the representative leave first? It was the careful Premier Zhou Enlai who saw the President's mind and broke the deadlock. He tactfully said that Chairman Mao wanted to see everyone leave the meeting. * * * deliberately obstinately said, "If you don't go, I won't go." In this way, the delegates turned back step by step and reluctantly waved goodbye to the chairman.

During his decades of diplomatic career, Premier Zhou has always been famous for his high respect and humor. No matter on what occasions and what kind of opponents he meets, Premier Zhou can talk eloquently and entertain himself freely with superhuman wisdom, and his opponents can't take advantage of him. On one occasion, Premier Zhou was invited to visit the Soviet Union. When meeting Khrushchev, he was criticized for carrying out revisionist policies in an all-round way. Cunning Khrushchev didn't answer directly, but gave Premier Zhou a * * * duel at that time. He said, "You criticize very well, but you have to agree that I come from the working class and you come from the bourgeoisie." The implication is that the Prime Minister is speaking from the standpoint of the bourgeoisie. Premier Zhou just paused, and then calmly replied, "Yes, Comrade Khrushchev, but at least we have one thing in common, that is, we all betrayed our respective classes." Unexpectedly, Khrushchev's poisonous arrow turned around and shot at Hepburn. It is said that as soon as this statement came out, it was immediately circulated as a beautiful talk in the country of the producer of * * *.

At the press conference, Premier Zhou Enlai introduced China's achievements in construction. A Western reporter asked, "How much money does the People's Bank of China have?" This involves state secrets, so it is impossible to tell them directly. The Prime Minister frowned and quickly replied: "There is 18 yuan 88 points." Everyone present was startled. The Prime Minister explained: "The denominations of the People's Bank of China are 10 yuan, 5 yuan, 2 yuan, 1 yuan, 50 cents, 20 cents, 1 minute, 5 cents, 2 cents, 1 minute, and * * * ten RMB, totaling/kloc-. Backed by the people of the whole country, China People's Bank has outstanding credit and strong strength. The renminbi is the most reputable currency in the world. " As soon as the voice fell, the audience applauded warmly. The prime minister deliberately avoided the essence of the problem and replaced the "total amount" with "total denomination", which not only blocked the mouths of foreign journalists, but also did not destroy the harmonious atmosphere of the reception. The use of misinterpretation makes the language sharp and interesting, which fully shows his extraordinary adaptability and superb language art.

4. Ask for some humorous stories about 100 words.

Rotten stems on the internet

A person is sentenced to 12 years in prison, which is quite boring. One day, he found that an ant could understand him, so he began to train it. A few years later, this ant can not only stand upside down, but also somersault, which makes him quite proud. Finally, the first thing he did after he got out of prison was to run to the bar and prepare to show off his magical ants. He first asked the bartender for a glass of beer, then took the ants out of his pocket and put them on the table. He said to the bartender, "Look at this ant …" The bartender came over and killed the ant at once, and then said to him, "I'm sorry, I'll get you a new one right away!"

5. 100 word humorous joke story

& lt& lt I lived in the countryside when I was a child. The most common means of transportation is a bicycle with a beam in front. I had to cross a leg from behind when I got on the bus. One day grandpa took me out to play, put me in the back seat of the car and told me to hurry up. I nodded obediently. As a result, you guessed it. Grandpa swept it to the ground with whirlwind legs. Woo-hoo! ...

& lt& lt remember when I was a freshman, I failed the geography exam. The geography teacher was furious: "40 points in the blank, but someone got 10?" 20 points? Those who get 10 to 20 points stand up and copy the papers ten times! "At this time, the deskmate sighed:" It was very close, and I got 2 1. "When I was lucky, a buddy behind me also sighed faintly:" I almost got 9 points. "My deskmate and I collectively petrified. ...

Satisfied, please adopt.

6. 100 funny story

It's cruel of you not to laugh.

1, five yuan was kidnapped by a criminal gang, so I called the hundred-dollar bill:

"ah! Your son is here. If you don't want us to kill the ticket, you can exchange yourself for him! "

One hundred dollar bills thought for a moment and said:

"Tear it, tear you up and you don't even have five dollars!"

A man was starving in the desert when he found the magic lamp.

Magic lamp: "I can only realize your one wish." Hurry up, I'm in a hurry. "

Man: "I want a wife ..."

The magic lamp immediately conjured up a beautiful woman, and then said disdainfully, "I'm starving and I'm greedy for beauty!" " Pathetic! "Then he disappeared.

Man: "... cake."

The earthworm family was bored this day, so the little earthworm cut himself in two and played badminton.

Mother earthworm thinks this method is good, so she cuts herself into four sections and plays mahjong.

Father earthworm thought about it and cut himself into minced meat.

Mother earthworm cried and said, "Why are you so stupid?" You will die if you cut so hard! "

Father earthworm said weakly ... I suddenly want to play football. "

4. Panda Man wants QJ Panda Girl, and Panda Girl fights hard and fights to the death.

After the failure, Panda Man said angrily, "We are all going extinct!" "

5. tortoise and rabbit race ... the rabbit quickly ran to the front. ......

The tortoise saw a snail crawling slowly ... and said to him, come up, I'll carry you. ......

Then ..... the snail climbed up. ......

Soon ... The tortoise saw another ant ... and said to him, Come up, too. ......

So the ants came up.

When the ant appeared ... he saw the snail on it ... and said to him, hello.

Do you know what the snail said?

Snail said: hurry up, this turtle is so fast. .......

6. A man and a woman are eating.

Girls keep asking boys: Do you love me?

The boy glanced at the girl and went on eating dinner.

The girl was very angry and asked, Do you love me or not?

The boy finally said: love

The girl asked again, then how do you prove it?

Suddenly, the boy took out 30 yuan money from his pocket.

And ask the girl: Do you have ten dollars?

The girl gave the boy ten yuan. ......

The boys put forty yuan on the table.

soon .....

The girl was very angry and asked the boy, Do you want to prove that you love me?

The boy said: I have been proved! Forty is just around the corner!

7. Go to the snack street one day

Find a store that sells egg towers

Every one looks delicious. I want to buy one to try.

I asked the clerk: Is this sold separately?

Shop assistant: No, it's Japanese.

8. One day, a family caught fire.

Mom and dad both fled, leaving only one son inside.

Mother was very nervous and shouted outside:

"Son ... what are you doing ... it's on fire ..."

The son replied, "I'm wearing socks ..."

Mom said again, "What socks to wear in case of fire ..."

After five minutes, my son hasn't come out yet. ......

Mother shouted nervously again, "Son, what the hell are you doing?" Come out ~ fire, stay inside ... "

The son said, "I'm taking off my socks."

9. A man went fishing by the river.

First he wore a leaf ~ no fish took the bait for a long time, then he changed a piece of bread ~ no fish took the bait for a long time ~

He had no choice but to change earthworms ~ and there was still no fish for a long time ~ ~

In a rage, he took out 100 RMB and fell into the water to curse:

"*-%#% what to eat! Buy it yourself! ! ! ! "

10, a German, a Frenchman and a Japanese are going to work in the mine.

The boss is American. He said to the Germans: You have a good physique and you are in charge of coolies.

Say to the French: You said you were an engineer and you were in charge of the mining plan.

He said to the Japanese: You are very thin. You are in charge of supply.

Then every other week, they start to work.

A few days later, the Germans and the French found that the Japanese had disappeared. After searching for a long time, they decided to go back to work first.

When the Germans started to work, the Japanese suddenly jumped out and shouted:

"surprise! 」

1 1, "I can't see things too far away," the patient said to the ophthalmologist.

"Please follow me," the doctor took the patient outside and pointed to the sun in the sky. "What do you think that is?"

"the sun." The patient replied.

"Then how far do you want to see!"

One day, the animals smelled an unpleasant smell in front of Guan Gong Temple.

The snake said: I am too young to fart so smelly. It must be a cow.

The cow said: I eat grass, and I won't fart so smelly.

The pig said: People who fart will blush.

Suddenly, Guan Gong rushed out and drove the pig away, saying, How many times have I told you, I was born blushing.

13 One day, a man met God. ......

God suddenly kindly gave the man a wish. ......

God asked ......

Do you have any wishes? ......

The man thought about it. ......

I heard that cats have nine lives. ......

Then please give me nine lives. ......

God said, ......

Your wish has come true. ......

One day, the man was idle and bored. ......

If you want to say death, forget it. ......

There are nine lives anyway

Lying on the tracks. ......

As a result, a train passed by. ......

That man is still dead. ......

Why is this?

Because that train has 10 cars. ......

14, one day, three people came to the funeral home. Strangely, their smiles after death are all ......

Confused, the funeral home manager asked the police: Why do people's faces look like this after death?

The policeman said: It's ... it's a long story ... Look at the man on the left ... He and his wife were in the spring night ... at the most * * * moment ... I couldn't stand it ... and then hung up.

The administrator replied, alas ... I wish I could die under the flower ... Being a ghost is also very romantic ... How did the middle one die?

Policeman: The one in the middle ... Oh, he ... is really a human tragedy ... He was walking on the road ... Suddenly, he heard that he won the lottery ... and the prize money exceeded 700 million yuan. ..

When he was laughing happily ... he was hit by an oncoming car ... and died. ......

The administrator replied: Alas ... he really didn't have enough luck to enjoy the rest of his life ... What about the rest?

Policeman: ... it's a pity that this one died ... he was killed by lightning while climbing a tree.

The administrator replied: ... This is a bit wrong. Why do you laugh when you are struck by lightning? ......

The policeman said, because he climbed the tree and thought ... suddenly there was a flash of lightning. ......

He thought ... someone was taking pictures of him. ......

15, it is said that thousands of years ago, both male and female dogs were squatting when urinating.

It was not until the Tang Dynasty that the situation changed. ...

Everyone has heard of Emperor Taizong! His old man keeps a pair of Beijing dogs. On one occasion, Emperor Taizong went to Huashan to worship heaven and brought this pair to. ...

Halfway through the sacrifice, the bitch suddenly felt anxious and ran behind a tree to solve it.

This is a very disrespectful act when offering sacrifices to heaven, which angered the jade emperor.

The Jade Emperor ordered Lei Gong to hit a thunder, and the thunder hit the tree just right. The tree fell and killed the bitch. The male dog was very scared when he saw it. ...

From then on, every time the male dog urinates under the tree, he will put out a foot and push it hard against the tree.

In case the tree falls by itself. ...

7. 100 humorous story

The earthworm family was bored this day, so the little earthworm cut himself into two pieces and played badminton.

Mother earthworm thinks this method is good, so she cuts herself into four sections and plays mahjong.

Father earthworm thought about it and cut himself into minced meat.

Mother earthworm cried and said, "Why are you so stupid?" You will die if you cut so hard! "

Father earthworm said weakly ... I suddenly want to play football. "

8. 100 classic humorous jokes

1, I went to the company to go to the toilet early this morning, and the latch of the toilet door was broken, so I went to pull the toilet door. At this time, a very anxious buddy came over and pulled my door directly. Yes, I work hard. He pulled me out directly, and I fought with him without wiping it.

2. In senior three, the chemistry teacher taught us organic chemistry. The teacher first drew a "peptide bond" on the blackboard, and then said to us, "This is the eunuch. Let's add methyl to it! Students, where did you say you would settle down? " At this time, the audience has been laughing crazy.

3. Jordan: Build the motherland and serve the country faithfully. Nepal: The motherland is more precious than the sky. Myanmar: A harmonious and orderly life contains happiness. France: freedom, equality and fraternity. Holland: We must insist on wishing Belgium: Unity is strength. Andorra: If people don't attack me, I won't attack. Switzerland: Everything is for everyone, everyone is one person. China China People's Bank.

The purpose of learning from the scriptures is by no means to learn from them. In fact, the true identity of the four people headed by Tang Priest is the rectification dispatch group. Last time, the Bodhisattva Immortal obviously indulged his subordinates in evil, but because of each other's face, they couldn't do it. This is why we found four people with no foundation in the two sessions of Buddha and God, and used the meat of Tang monks as bait to clean up all kinds of monsters in the name of learning from the scriptures, which is also very easy to explain. Those with backgrounds were taken away by God, and those without backgrounds were killed. ...

Someone found a job in a dairy farm. On the first day of work, the boss gave him a bucket and a stool to milk in the milk shed, and he died happily. After work, the boss saw that he was splashed with milk and his stool leg was broken, so he asked him, "What's the matter, is this job difficult?"

He replied with a sad face, "It is not difficult to milk, but it is difficult to let the cow sit on the stool."

9. The writer's humorous stories

A fledgling writer invited Chaplin to read a screenplay he wrote. After reading his script carefully, Chaplin shook his head and said, "You can't write such a thing until I am famous. At this time, you must write it well."

2. One day, Mark Twain received a letter from a young man who just started learning to write. The letter said: "I heard that fish bones contain a lot of phosphorus, which is good for the brain." So if you want to be a writer, you must eat a lot of fish, right? Did you eat a lot of fish? What kind of fish do you eat? "

Mark Twain told him in his reply: "It seems that you have to eat a pair of whales."

3. One day, a young man came to an editorial office and showed his plagiarized works to the editor. After reading it, the editor asked him, "Did you write this novel yourself?"

"I wrote it myself. I conceived it for a month and sat for two days before writing it! What a bitter writing! "

"Ah, great Chekhov, when did you come back to life!"

After listening to the editor, the young man left the editing room with a full face of shame.

10 humorous story. 100 words.

Hey, hey, hey, one day Xiao Ming went to war and met a Japanese devil. The Japanese are dead, and Xiao Ming's version of me is a little bit. If you know my name is Chen Sizhe, I will kill you.