Who has a hilarious joke?

Answer: 1. On the bus, the old lady is afraid to ask questions every time she stops. As soon as the bus arrived, she kept stabbing the driver with an umbrella: "Is this the convention center?" "No, it's ribs!" 2. A man courted Jane Doe and played a song "Two Springs Reflecting the Moon" on the erhu. Afterwards, the woman said, "The erhu is not well played, but it looks like a blind A Bing." The husband came home unexpectedly and found a smoking cigar in the ashtray beside the bed. He stared at the cigar suspiciously and growled at his wife who was huddled by the bed: "Where did this come from?" After a silence, a trembling man's voice came from the closet: "Cuba." An old friend lost his car. When he put the new car downstairs, he locked three locks and put a piece of paper: let you steal it! The next day, the car was not lost, and there were two more locks, one more, which read: Let you ride. One day, Liu Hongtao met a foreign guest. He stepped forward and said, "I'm Liu Hongtao." The foreign guest said, "I'm still a fucking cube seven." When the nurse saw the patient drinking in the ward, she came forward and told him, "sweetheart!" The patient laughed: "Baby." 7: Robber: "Robber, get down!" When he saw a lady lying down, he shouted, "Be civilized, I am robbing money, not sex!" " 8: The athlete shot and missed five shots in a row. The coach said, "Idiot! Look at me! " I voted five times and still didn't get in. "See? That's how you voted just now! " 9. In this lesson in high school, the Chinese teacher asked a girl who loves to read romance novels about the production steps of cloisonne. A: "The first step. Abortion ... oh, abortion. " At this time, the whole class was already laughing. Finally, she remembered that it was an abortion. A man and his wife often have an affair. But if you didn't see it, my colleague sent me a couplet. Part I: As long as the days pass by. Part two: even if the head is a little green. Horizontal criticism: Teenage Ninja Turtles. 1 1: A white man went to the ghetto to make a campaign speech. In order to win the support of black people, he blurted out in his speech: "Although my skin is white, my heart is as black as yours." 12: Two jiaozi got married and held a wedding that night. "Meatball whispered," mama of, the somebody else take off your clothes you don't know? ! "13 o'clock, a psychopath sang in bed, turned over and continued to sing on the pillow. The attending physician said, "Sing. What are you doing turning over? " The psychopath said, "Fool ~ will certainly sing B after singing A-side. 14: Xiaoming went to the seaside, and when he saw the sea, he couldn't help shouting, "The sea ~ ~! Mom! " As soon as his voice fell, a huge wave hit his face. He was furious: "It's a stepmother." 15: A teacher played mahjong all night, and when he saw the blackboard, he became angry: Who is sitting in the village today? Don't even clean the blackboard! 16: A patient in a mental hospital is writing a letter. As soon as the nurse came in to make rounds, she asked, "Who are you writing to?" The psychopath said, "Give it to myself." "What did you write?" "Idiot, I haven't received the letter, how do I know what I wrote! "17: The white mother is nursing, and the black mother who is nursing passes by. The white child cried and said, "Mom, I also want to drink chocolate. 18. Women have two advantages, but there is a loophole. Although men have no advantages, they have one advantage. Men often seize the two advantages of women and make up for the loopholes of women with their own advantages. It's called flawless. Why are men smart? A man has two heads. Why do women love to eat? Women have two mouths. Why do men and women get married? The man figured it out and the woman figured it out. Why divorce? Men know the depth, women know the length. Nutritionists study the reasons why men are fat and women are thin after marriage: men have two bags of fresh milk, a bird's nest and two pieces of abalone every night, while women have only one ham sausage and two quail eggs every night. 19. A friend asked Xiao Chen why he suddenly planned to get married. Xiao Chen: Because of her figure. Friends are envious: her figure must be particularly attractive. At this moment, Xiao Chen's wife appeared in front of her friend with a big belly: What do you say? 20. She: "I am your wife because others don't sympathize with you." He: "You finally succeeded. Now everyone sympathizes with me. " 2 1. The husband bought a few Jin of cheap lotus root, thinking that he could show it off to his wife. Unexpectedly, his wife swore: idiot! Why not buy other dishes? This lotus root has at least half a catty of holes! Still say it's cheap? 22. A: "My wife often talks about her ex-husband, which is really annoying!" B: "You are lucky. My wife often talks about her future husband!" "23. The lawyer asked the traffic police," Can a person kneeling in the middle of the road prove that he is drunk? " "No, but he wants to roll up the white line in the middle of the road. "24. The patient touched his index finger and abdomen: touching here hurts, and touching here hurts. What strange disease have I got? The doctor replied: I think your index finger is broken. 25. Husband and wife quarrel, wife: I should have listened to my mother not to marry you! Dave: You mean your mother stopped you from marrying me? The wife nodded. Dave slapped the table hard: I really misjudged her all these years! 26. Son: Dad, I want to read the scariest book? Dad: I can't watch it yet. After watching it for ten years, I still feel terrible. Son: What book? Father: Calling for a marriage certificate makes men feel terrible. 27. Art school stipulates that boys are not allowed to fall in love with female models. Xiao Qiang not only talked, but also got the model pregnant. Was known by the school. A few days later, the school announced that Xiao Qiang had been expelled for destroying props. 28 "Why do the bride and groom hold hands at the wedding?" "It's a courtesy, just like two boxers shaking hands before a match. "29. Teacher:" What do you mean by' peeping'? Student: "just ... look at the answer first, then answer it, which is faster." "30. A businessman went out by taxi and his car suddenly skidded on Panshan Highway. The driver shouted in horror: the brakes are not working. What should I do? The businessman shouted at him, turn off the meter quickly, you idiot! 3 1. Once upon a time, there was a girl named Qiao Nina. She fell in love with a girl named Shade, and they watched meteors together. When the meteor crossed the sky, they named it Jonina Shading Star. 32. Wife: There are always extramarital affairs on TV. Will you have an affair? Husband: No. Wife: Why? Husband: I regret having you. I'll never have another one. 33. Two old ladies who flew for the first time found the captain before the plane took off and said earnestly, "Please slow down the plane and don't exceed the speed of sound, because we have to talk during the flight. The teacher asked Xiao Wang to recite the text. Xiao Wang recited "the donkey was furious" and then forgot. The teacher kicked him in anger, and Xiao Wang had a brainwave: the donkey can't be angry, and the hoof can't stop. The whole class burst into laughter. 35. What is romance? Knowing that she doesn't love you, you have to send her a hundred roses. Then what is waste? Knowing that she loves you, you should send her a hundred roses. 36. Teacher: Make a sentence with "happiness" ... Pain Student: In the old society, the ruling class lived a happy life of polygamy, and the working people lived a miserable life of monogamy! 37. A: "What is an optimist?" B: "this ... is like a teapot, with a red ass and whistling!" "38. Outside the power station, there is a notice written in red pen:" Don't touch the wires! 500 volts, death at the touch. Offenders will be prosecuted! "39. One day, two cows were chatting. Do you think mad cow disease in Britain will infect us? B: What are you afraid of? We are kangaroos. How did we get infected? A Niu: Shit ... 40. Question: What's the difference between an elephant and a flea? Answer: elephants may have fleas, but fleas will never have elephants. 4 1. There is a geography class in high school. Because there are girls around me, I just want to have a good chat with them. At this time, the teacher suddenly asked questions, and I couldn't answer them. The teacher is very proud: "It makes you happy again. "42. A woman got on the bus in a one-step skirt, but the skirt was too tight to lift her legs, and she still couldn't unbutton the two buttons of the skirt. Later, when I saw a man staring at her, I called him a rascal! Man: You are a rogue. You untied us all so quickly! 43. In the physiology class, the teacher hung up the male structure chart, and the female students all hung their heads. The teacher said, students, don't be afraid! It's really not that big. 44. A teenager came to buy condoms. The boss was surprised. He said, I want to give a gift to my girlfriend. The boss said: Do you want to wrap it up? He said, no, it was originally used to wrap gifts. 45. Part I: I didn't hang up at work during the day, and Part II: I didn't hang up after work at night. Horizontal criticism: no (more) pain. 46. A policeman was on patrol when he suddenly heard a conversation. A: how to deal with this? B: Kill her first, then rape her. The police pulled out their guns and broke into the house, only to find two people standing in the kitchen catching a fish. 47. Dr. Huang Dafu is an obstetrician specializing in infertility. He has been practicing medicine for many years. One day, a grateful patient sent a plaque to express his gratitude, which read: out of thin air! 48. The tortoise crossed the river with the snake. The snake said, it's safer for me to lie on your back and wrap it around your neck. The bird smiled at the turtle: I saw you wearing a tie only a few days ago. 49. "What do you mean it never rains but it pours?" "Unmarried mothers have twins! "A pregnant woman stood on the bus and said to a man sitting next to him, don't you know I'm pregnant? I saw the man very nervous and said, the child is not mine! 5 1. A couple ignored each other after quarreling. The husband wanted to talk to his wife, so he rummaged in the closet. The wife asked angrily, what are you looking for? Mr. Wang said: I finally found your voice. 52. An old farmer bought Viagra to feed the drake. The next day, the drake disappeared, but the old farmer went to the drake and saw that the drake had dried up. When he looked up, he saw the drake standing on the treetop and asked why. The duck says, I miss the eagle! Wife: Dear, if the weather is fine tomorrow, please accompany me to the street to buy some clothes! What did the weather forecast say just now? Husband: It's raining heavily, windy and thundering, and there may be a strong earthquake! 54. A couple are watching the dance in the ballroom. Her husband said with emotion, this world is really strange. Every ugly fool has a beautiful wife. The wife smiled and said, honey, you really know how to kiss up. 55. Someone cursed in the office: The director is a ball! The director just came in: I am a ball, what are you? This man has a flexible mind: we count the hairs of the ball and unite closely around you. 56. A shop keeps a parrot. When the customer came in, he said welcome. A girl didn't believe it. She left six times. The parrot said it six times in a row. The seventh time, the parrot said angrily, Boss, someone is playing with your bird! 57. M: Is the pursuit of love active or passive? Woman: Take the initiative. What about you? M: I'm moving. 58. A young man farted in the car, and the woman sitting next to him said, "Bah! "Three times in a row. The young man asked unhurriedly, Comrade, why did you spit out the nuts when you ate fart? 59. A man tried to kill the rooster at home, but the rooster flew to the roof and couldn't catch it. The man was furious and scolded: If you don't come down, I will kill all the hens at home and make you a bachelor for life! 60. Fat lady: I hate electronic scales that automatically report my weight! Others asked: Why? It will loudly report your weight? The fat woman said angrily, No! It screams every time. Only one person! Answer over