15 Common English Jokes

A person's intelligence will shine brightly in humorous conversation and attract others deeply. Below, I collected xxx for you, adding humorous cells, and you will be a bright spot. The following are some 15 English jokes selected for everyone. Welcome to read and enjoy them.

Do you have any matches?

Recently, I had the opportunity to board a luxury cruise ship for sightseeing. Once, I had two cocktails in a bar and went back to my room to enjoy them. I met a lady on the road. She looked at me and said with a smile. Do you have any matches? I was stunned and answered:? Sorry, because I gave up smoking fifteen years ago, so I don't have any matches. ? She immediately realized that I had misunderstood her, and seemed a little sorry to say, It? This is a joke. ? Then, we smiled at each other awkwardly and walked away. After chatting with my friends at dinner, I took the opportunity to ask an American friend what he said during the day. He explained: Because she saw that your hand was occupied, she asked you for matches in a joke. This is a very common joke. She meant no harm, but wanted to ask if you needed help. ?

2 Turn the tide

A relative fell out with his wife to the point of divorce. A few days ago, I received a phone call from my relatives, saying that I would ask psychological and marriage experts for help before entering the lawyer's building. The couple sat down calmly and talked many times, gaining more understanding and less suspicion and complaints. As a result, they became friends. Simple as it was, it saved the marriage. I was really happy for them and told the news to an American friend who also knew them. This friend is very excited and keeps saying? Thank god, thank god? , she added? He turned the tables? .

This makes me feel very uncomfortable. Does she mean that my relatives are violent? I said:? No, no, he's gentle and a gentleman. He will not use rude behavior to suppress each other, nor will he use high pressure to make them yield. ? As a result, no one can understand anyone. Looking at my unhappy expression, my friend suddenly opened his eyes and explained it to me in another way. Finally let me understand that she refers to my relatives? Turned the tide? That? Table? What do I think? Table? There's nothing.

In addition, the phrase "turning defeat into victory" is also related to? Table? It doesn't matter, does it mean to suddenly occupy an advantage or advantage that others once occupied? She played badly in the first set, but later she turned the tables and won the game. ?

Wearing two hats

It is essential for colleagues and friends to get together and introduce each other. When Mr. Wang introduced his colleague Larry to me, he said he was a busy man: he had two jobs. ? I said, are you kidding? He's not wearing a hat at all. Larry always answers with a smile, but Mr. Wang observed the words and saw that I didn't understand them, so he helped me find the steps. It turns out that Mr. Wang means that Larry holds an important position in a certain department of the hospital. Besides, he has his own career, which means that Larry has two jobs, not really two jobs.

4 with a grain of salt

One night at dinner, Allen, a good friend, and his Chinese wife were sitting at the dinner table, talking about a recently popular herb, saying that it could cure all diseases. Allen said? Me? I want to take this with a grain of salt? . His wife smiled. You think it's a vegetable. You need to add some salt before eating. The health expert didn't say anything about adding salt. ? Allen paused, then smiled and explained? Take sth with a grain of salt? what's up Have reservations and doubts about sth. The meaning of. It turns out that Allen only said that he doubted the magical efficacy of this herb, not that he wanted it? Put some salt before eating? .

You will enjoy a delicious meal!

On this day, my colleagues are discussing holding a birthday party for Rhonda and me. In order to respect the birthday girl, Rhonda and I were asked to choose a favorite restaurant. Rhonda suggested going to an American restaurant called Barbecue in town. I haven't been there, so I asked her what's so special about it. Rhonda began to talk about their specialty. As soon as I heard it, my fingers moved and I swallowed. Rhonda smiled and said, "You will suffer!" ? I paused, thinking that Rhonda would invite me there for dinner. I am embarrassed. After trying to ask her, Rhonda explained with a smile. You are working for a cure, and you will like it! ?

6 knife and fork

Friend D said that he was drinking tea in a big hotel the other day and saw a young couple drinking tea with an old lady he probably met in a foreign country at the next table. The old lady was very interested in operating chopsticks, where she learned to hold shrimp dumplings with chopsticks. D said that he had an American friend who spent some time learning how to use chopsticks correctly, and he would perform every chance he got. He also said that using chopsticks is an art and a manifestation of China's ancient culture.

People in China eat with chopsticks, while foreigners eat with knives and forks. In fact, foreigners didn't have knives and forks before, but used forks cut from sawdust. This kind of Mu Cha spread from Italy to Britain via Istanbul, which was a two-pronged fork. Before that, people ate meat with their hands, so some people agreed to switch to meat forks. An insult to God who gives people five fingers. ?

Chopsticks are also called? Hey? It is said that it is because of the homophonic sound of Zhu and Zhu. To live means to stop. Ships are not allowed to dock, and people who sail around Jiangsu are renamed? Chopsticks? . Chopsticks sound like fast, but they are not fast, and they are smooth sailing. Chopsticks are used as chopsticks in Japanese, but the pronunciation is hashi, which is the same as hashi. It seems to have something to do with sailing. Are there any Japanese proverbs? You can only eat with chopsticks? Fingers? Tea to rice. ? Everyone at China's table has a Zhu Chi, a pair of chopsticks and a spoon. Maybe not as cruel as a knife and fork.

7 skeletons in the closet

One day a friend talked about a big explosion? Celebrity? Gossip about dirty clothes, saying that people in those families say so? The skeleton in the closet? Do these celebrities really have skeletons in their closet for fun? He said that? The skeleton in the closet? (British people are used to saying skeletons on the blackboard) Now the meaning is not so terrible. However, it is said that when this idiom came into being, it really meant that those rich people murdered a person and hid the skeleton in the closet from outsiders. From then on, dirty laundry became the secret of that family. Later, this phrase was used to refer to the family skeleton, or family skeleton for short. For example, many ancient families have many secrets that they dare not discuss. )

Skin sb.

Joe is very enthusiastic about public welfare and volunteers one day a week. Under his influence, I also participated in several times. I once mentioned to him that it might be more interesting if I could volunteer in a nearby theater. One day, he was holding a newspaper with news that the theater was recruiting volunteers. I planned to go there after work, but unfortunately I didn't feel well that day, so I didn't want to move in bed after work. I met Joe the next day and asked if I had left. I explained the truth to him. After listening, he said, it's none of my business. ? I don't understand. I just looked at him stupefied and thought, does he probably think I am? Ye Gong Haochang? All right.

I went home and looked it up in the slang dictionary, only to know that skin off one's nose means to have something to do with someone. Joe is saying that whether I go or not is actually "none of his business". He just asked by the way.

Note: Don't skin someone. A good nose can also be said not to skin someone. Teeth

9 small glasses of beer

Small beer, right? Small beer? Meaning? Do you still have beer in different sizes? In fact, in Britain, small beer refers to light beer, but in American English, is it? A little beer The meaning of. For example, a guest comes to visit in summer and asks him what he wants to drink: what to drink? The guest may answer:? I want a small beer (give me some beer. )? Metaphorical usage Small beer refers to something with a small scale or pattern. A man who thinks he is great, not an insignificant man: he thinks highly of himself. Beer is often compared with others. Small beer is often used as an adjective in spoken English, so a friend who runs a fast food restaurant can say: ours is the best McDonald's combined with small beer fast food.

10 spaghetti

Friend s said that spaghetti spaghetti includes macaroni, lasagna, minced meat wonton, spaghetti, and fine vermicelli (we will? Fans? Translated as vermicelli, it was originally borrowed from the name of spaghetti).

Italy is the first country in Europe to eat pasta. /kloc-in the 3rd century, after Kelpolo spread the method of making spaghetti from China, it became very popular, especially spaghetti, which was easy to make and could be matched with various condiments, and soon became popular all over the country. But at that time, there was no knife and fork available, and all I ate was solid powder, and there was no soup, so that I could grab it with my hands and send it to the entrance. Spaghetti with meat sauce was later eaten. Of course, Kyle Polo has also eaten our China beef soup noodles or sparerib soup noodles. However, spaghetti with soup, even spaghetti soup with soup, is the way to eat spaghetti later.

The word spaghetti comes from the Italian word spago, which means a line. A spaghetti is spaghetto, usually in the plural. Spaghetti is a dish with messy noodles in it, so there is a lot of traffic. The street corner with chaotic traffic is called spaghetti intersection.

speak of the devil

Several classmates got together to chat, and everyone was here except Wayne. One of them said? I don't think I saw Wayne today? , the other party went on to say? His daughter's summer vacation, things have to move out of the dormitory. He may have helped? . Just then, Wayne came from the outside. That's what Joe said. Speak of the devil? . Several people are happy. I think Wayne is usually honest. Why do you call him the devil? So I asked Joe quietly.

So what? Speak of the devil? Is it an idiom, equivalent to Chinese? Speak of the devil? . In other words, Wayne is not here, but he is here. I can't help but marvel at the universality of language, because didn't Cao Cao also have it? A treacherous man? The title of? Chinese and English have such striking similarities and differences in this idiom.

12 stolen person ... businessman

On the highway, a car was running, and my friend suddenly pointed to the car in front and said, Wow! This man is so arrogant that he dares to put up a signboard when stealing a car! ? I followed his eyes and couldn't help laughing. I told you, sir! Is it written on the license plate? Where did you steal it? Dealer? , refers to his this from? The car bought from the dealer is very cheap, as cheap as the stolen one. ? Is this an American humorous advertising technique to attract customers? Buying a car from a dealer is not stealing a car.

Have a sweet tooth

I am most afraid of going to the dentist, but because a decayed tooth really hurts me, I have to get up the courage to register at the dentist's office. When the doctor examined me, he asked me: Do you like sweets? My innocent answer:? I ate a doughnut before I came here this morning. I brushed my teeth. No sweets. ? He shook his head and began to fill my teeth. Very sensitive, I know I may have answered irrelevant questions and made a joke, but I am puzzled. I know the words Sweet and Tooth, but I don't know what they mean when used together. When I got home, I looked it up in the dictionary and suddenly realized, what does it mean to love sweets? Love sweets? .

14 hong kong dog

Once in a computer class, after the bell rang, the female secretary of the department suddenly ran to the classroom and announced that Dr. Walker was a bit like a Hong Kong dog and would arrive later. ? After listening to the announcement, I solemnly complained to my American friend sitting next door. How can Dr. Walker pet his dog, so it's too late for class? After hearing this, the old beauty actually smiled and said, it's so funny! Hong Kong dogs are not dogs, but people who have bad stomachs and loose bowels. ? This explanation embarrassed me.

Throw a book at sb

When Mr. He drove out of the car wash, the water droplets on the car were still visible, which reminded Mr. He of one thing: once an American was speeding on the highway, and the speed exceeded 100 miles per hour. Of course the police stopped him. In court, he argued that he was driving fast because he wanted the wind to dry the newly washed car as soon as possible. I was amused and more curious about the result. Mr. Wang replied: What was the result? They threw books at him? . I can't help wondering, imagine him? The book was smashed? The way it looks. So this is not the case. Throw a book at someone? It means to give someone the maximum punishment: take someone to the full scope of the law. If the law is a book, he will suffer the most severe punishment for all the rules violated in this book.

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