Classic joke

In daily life or work and study, everyone must have heard jokes more or less. The following is the relevant content of the classic jokes I collected for you, for reference only, and I hope it will help you.

Classic joke 1 1, the first section of psychology class, teacher: Who knows what psychology is?

The teacher asked Xiaoming to answer. Xiao Ming stood up and thought for a moment and said, I may not be able to beat you, but I can scare you!

Teacher: ......

Xiaoming quarreled with his deskmate and almost got into a fight. Xiaoming threw everything at his deskmate in a rage.

The teacher shouted: What do you want?

Xiaoming said loudly: it's none of your business to attend your class!

Teacher: ......

In class, the teacher asked us to make sentences with "yes, yes, yes, yes". When asked about Xiao Qiang, Xiao Qiang said: Some people are playing football, some are running, some are skipping rope and some are singing.

When asked Xiao Ming, Xiao Ming: I went to my classmate's house to play today, but the door was closed. I knocked at the door and asked, hello? Is anybody there? Is anybody there? I went home alone!

Teacher: ......

4. In class, the teacher posted the first couplet: "Fragrant flowers are not red, red flowers are not fragrant, and rose is fragrant."

Xiao Ming: "Farts don't stink, farts don't ring, and serial farts stink."

Teacher: "get out and fart!" " "

Xiaoming: Yesterday, my mother bought me two goldfish, but today I drowned one.

Teacher: Xiaoming, have you ever seen a drowned fish?

Xiaoming: I put too much salt in the fish tank yesterday.

The second paragraph of the classic joke 1, college students' falling in love is actually like visiting the vegetable market. Eat whatever you want in the morning and whatever you want in the evening!

2, single choice is like marrying a wife, you can only choose one;

A variety of choices are like choosing a concubine, which can be beautiful and charming, and beauty and disaster may be among them;

The choice of uncertainty is like a red rose and a white rose. If you don't choose, you will, and if you choose, you will be wrong.

Case analysis is to answer the lover's question, not only to answer "Do you love me or not", but also to answer why.

I slept soundly in class. My deskmate woke me up and whispered that the teacher asked you to answer the question and choose B.

The classmate next to me whispered c again, and the other said d again.

I gave them a grateful look and said tactfully that the teacher chose A for this question!

I saw the teacher's face covered with black lines: this is a judgment question!

4. Teacher: "What is the most touching thing your mother said to you?"

Xiao Ming: "I don't want to talk, teacher."

Teacher: "Go ahead, it's okay, I won't let you go out."

Xiao Ming: "My mother said I should wear more clothes for school. The corridor is cold. "

5. Rinrin Bell! ! ! Start class!

The teacher asked: Is there anyone who should be there?

Xiao Ming: I don't smell it!

Paragraph 3 of the classic joke 1 and the five principles of peace:

1. Don't ask me about my grades;

2. Don't ask about my grades;

Don't show off your achievements in front of me;

4. Don't pretend to be modest in front of me;

Don't tell me you didn't do well in the exam. Your score is higher than mine.

2. When I was a freshman, my repeat students often complained on the phone that "I live a life worse than pigs and dogs!"

I comforted him: "Nothing, when you go to college, you will live a life worse than pigs and dogs." "

College entrance examination is not the only way out in life. Drinking tea is honesty is the only thing.

4. Teacher: "When you do an exam, you must first think about the intention of the questioner!"

Scum: "He wants me dead."

5. I always looked at the teacher when I took the math test in the college entrance examination.

The teacher saw that I had been glancing at her and thought I was going to cheat, and then she kept staring at me. Finally, I helped the teacher draw a sketch.

6. The results of the college entrance examination came out, and many students didn't do well in the exam. I want to tell you here that the score really doesn't matter, and it doesn't matter what kind of university you get into. Nobody cares about your education, and neither does the university. The gap between third-rate schools and Tsinghua Peking University is not that big, mainly depending on your ability. When you really step into the society, you will know that what I said earlier is nonsense.

Paragraph 4 of the classic joke 1, the teacher asked a classmate how to reduce white pollution?

Make the lunch box blue.

2. On the plane, a stewardess asked a little girl, "Why didn't the plane hit the stars when it was flying so high?"

The little girl replied, "I know, because the stars will shine!" " "

There is a polar bear playing with a penguin. Penguins pull out his hair one by one. After pulling it out, he said to the polar bear, "It's so cold!" When the polar bear heard this, he pulled off his hair one by one and turned to the penguin and said, "It's really cold!" "

4. American: Have you ever seen a cup made of wood?

China: No!

American: Then why is the Chinese character "cup" beside the wooden character?

China people: Isn't there a word "no" next to the word "cup"? In other words, it is not made of wood.

One day, when the national war was in full swing, the guild leader came to the grassland front to boost morale. ...

The guild leader asked: What's the situation?

Report to the member archers: report to the head! There is a Bezos archer beside the tent 20 meters ahead, but his accuracy is poor. He has shot many times these days, but he didn't hit anyone.

After listening to this, the colonel asked: Since we have found the enemy archer, why not kill him?

The archer said: Report to the team leader! No, don't you want them to exchange it for a more accurate one?

6. Soldier: "Thirst … Thirst …"

Cao Cao: "Hold on a little longer! I have been to this place once, and I remember there is a Merlin nearby. After a short walk, I may come to the soldiers and say, "Oh … there are plums to eat … Oh …"

Half an hour later-Coss: "Master! The expedition found a lot of water! "

Cao Cao: "Ha ha ha ha, did you hear that? Finally, there is water to drink. "

Soldier: "If you don't go ... you must find Plum ..."

7. A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak meet in the street. Why don't they say hello?

because ..

Because they are not familiar with each other! Ha ha laugh

8. The little snake asked the big snake brother in a panic: "Brother, are we poisonous?" The snake said, "Why do you ask?"

The little snake said, "I accidentally bit my tongue just now."

9. In the tortoise-rabbit race, the rabbit quickly ran to the front.

The tortoise saw a snail crawling slowly and said to him, come up, I'll carry you.

Then the snail came up.

After a while, the tortoise saw an ant again. Say to him: You come up, too.

So the ants came up.

When the ant came up, he saw the snail above and said hello to him.

Do you know what the snail said?

The snail said, "Hurry up, this turtle is so fast."

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