Humorous male and female jokes

A collection of humorous male and female jokes

1. My buddy has a best friend but has never had a boyfriend.

She secretly told me that she was infertile and did not want to harm others.

On the day I fell in love, she got drunk with me, and we stayed in a hotel for one night.

Now, when I look at my one-month-old son, I can’t help but say to him: Your mother is a liar!?

2. After get off work yesterday, I saw a girl from the company with a hand The bag she was carrying was about to fall off.

I rushed over and reminded her: "Your bag is about to fall off!"

The girl looked panicked and quickly covered her chest with her hands. Blushing, I said, "How did you know?"

Looking at the girl's retreating figure, I was at a loss for a long time.

3. This morning, my roommate noticed that a magpie flew into our dormitory, so he said, "The magpie has come to our dormitory. This is going to be a happy event." ?

As a result, in the afternoon, his girlfriend called him and told him that she was pregnant.

Now he scratches his head, sighs, and smokes.

4. I just went to the drugstore to buy something, and there was a man in front of me who bought condoms.

The clerk asked him if he wanted a black paper bag?

He actually said: No, she is not that ugly?

Hahahaha, I laugh till now.

5. A few days ago, a friend’s girlfriend was pregnant and had no money. He asked me to borrow money. I told him: I dreamed of a child asking me to save him at night. I didn’t understand at the time. Now I understand.

I kept trying to persuade him not to hurt the child, but no, Fengzi got married, and nine months later he gave birth to a big, fat boy. The whole family thanked me gratefully. . .

TMCan I say that I just made it up because I didn’t have any money? . .

6. My best friend changed clothes in my room without closing the curtains. I reminded her, and she said: This is your room, and others will only think it is you!

7. My sister-in-law has fallen out of love and moved to our house for a few days from her boyfriend's house. My wife is always on guard against me, fearing that I might have any plans for my sister-in-law. . .

I went in after my sister-in-law went to the toilet, and my wife said I wanted to peek at her going to the toilet; I accidentally drank from my sister-in-law’s water cup, and my wife said I wanted to kiss her indirectly;

Go to the balcony My wife who was collecting clothes said that I peeked at my sister-in-law’s underwear that was exposed. . . I have to say that women’s sixth sense is really accurate!. . .

8. Me: ?Beauty, my phone is out of battery, can I borrow yours?

Beauty: ? Such an old trick, do you want to send yourself a message? ?

Me:

Beauty: ? Then get my number?

Me:

Beauty: ? Then chase me?

Me:

Beauty: ? Finally want to sleep with me?

Me: ? This is really not possible!?

Beauty: ? Then why should I lend it to you!?

9. Yesterday, when I went for a late-night snack after singing a karaoke song, a beautiful girl asked me, "Do you know which line in Two Butterflies is the most classic?

I said I don’t know, she said: Go through the jungle to see the stream?....

10. I dreamed that I turned into a cucumber, and a beautiful woman said to me very coquettishly. :? Do you want to enter my body?

I said yes excitedly, but she ate me.

11. Female: What are you doing with me?

Male: Be my girlfriend! Be my girlfriend and I will give you a Porsche.

?

Female: ?If you think that I agreed to be your girlfriend for money, don’t you think it’s very sad? How about this, let’s get married!?

12. Brothers are raped His girlfriend dumped him and said he was a good person.

Seeing that he was unhappy, I invited him to eat cross-bridge rice noodles and enlightened him: "That woman probably just uses you as a spare tire. Don't be sad. It's not worth it for this kind of woman." ?

The brother said angrily? Fuck, I’m not sad, I’m not just a spare tire for her!?

Pfft. . . Gomi noodles spurted out from my nostrils~

13. I had nothing to do today and watched a chess endgame. My cheap girlfriend came over and after watching it for ten seconds, I concluded that the black one must win!?

I was puzzled because I had never seen her play chess before, so I asked her what she had in mind. She chuckled and said, "There are five black ones and only four red ones?"

14. After get off work at night, it was drizzling. I didn’t bring an umbrella, so I was walking alone on the dark street, with a tall figure following me casually behind me. . .

Feeling very nervous, I subconsciously pulled at my collar, thinking to myself: I hope the robbers won’t dislike me again this time. . .

15. Girl, we didn’t know each other in the huge crowd, but it was fate that we shared a table at KFC today, but when I bent down to peek at your underwear, you secretly ate both of me. Root fries, is that too rude?! ;