Horror humorous jokes

1. The uncle is famous for his boldness in the village. One night when he passed by the cemetery, he saw a woman from the same village and said hello. Just when we arrived at the entrance of the village, the old man who picked up manure got up and asked his uncle why he came back carrying a coffin so early in the morning. The uncle said that yesterday he was carrying a certain woman from the same village. The old man became pale and said, "It's impossible, that girl has been dead for two years!"

2. When he was a guest at her house, it started raining heavily, and both of them got wet. When he got home, he said he wanted to take a shower, but found that there was no shower gel, so he asked her for one. She handed over a bottle and said: Our whole family uses this, it’s very useful. He smiled, took the bottle, and suddenly turned pale. , because he smelled the smell of formalin... A Little Quotation Network

3. There was a girl who always dreamed of a man with a mole on his chin, and she said every time: Come and find her. Well, they finally agreed to meet at a certain park at 12 o'clock on a certain day. When the time came, the girl felt a little hot and went to buy water across the street. Suddenly she was hit by a car. Passers-by were about to lift the girl into the car that caused the accident and take her to the hospital. But he found that it was a hearse, and lying on it was a man with a mole on his chin, and the corners of his mouth were raised. .

4. The old couple sat blankly in front of the TV, staring at the screen: the news has arrived, the news is over; the advertisement has arrived, the advertisement has ended; the weather forecast has arrived, the weather forecast has ended; the advertisement has arrived, The commercial ended... until late at night, the picture turned into snowflakes, and the old couple still sat in front of the TV, staring at the screen. After a long time, the old man spoke expressionlessly: "Why didn't the news show...that we were killed?"

5. He sneaked into his girlfriend's house on Valentine's Day to surprise her. After turning off the lights He smeared tomato juice on his face and put a white sheet over his face, trying to scare his girlfriend. He ran to the kitchen to see what he looked like after makeup. The look of teeth and mouth torn in the kitchen mirror was so terrifying that he even scared himself. . He thought his girlfriend couldn't bear it, so he quickly took off his makeup. When his girlfriend came back, he told her about it. She was horrified and said, "There is no mirror in the kitchen at all.

6. There was an avalanche and she was trapped under the snow. She called to her husband in the darkness. Her husband's voice came not far away: "Don't be afraid, baby, I'm here! If you can move, dig over to me. The snow here is thin." She agreed and dug hard in the direction of the voice. Past! Her husband’s voice kept encouraging her not far away. Two hours later, the rescuers pulled her out of the snowdrift, but what she saw was her husband’s body, which had been dead for a long time!

7. She was watching a horror movie when there were three knocks on the wall next door, which startled her. He was her neighbor, and he liked to scare her. He once tried to pretend to be a ghost on the phone, and she got a response by knocking on the wall in anger. , she felt that he was childish and ignored him. Half an hour later, the police came and went next door, and he died in the hands of the robbers. She finally understood the meaning of the knocking on the wall that night. , and suddenly there were three knocks on the wall next door.

8. He bought a mahogany bed last month. Strangely, as soon as 12 o'clock came, he felt that there was someone else next to him. Sprinkled in the room. At 12 o'clock, he saw female footprints on the ground until they disappeared from the bed! He was so frightened that he rushed to the furniture store and saw several new mahogany coffins with mud next to them. I was so frightened that I turned around and wanted to run away, but suddenly a gloomy female voice came to my ears: "Come back quickly, sleep alone, it's so cold!"

9. During class, none of the rebellious students were absent from class today. It seemed that the usual scoldings were effective. Suddenly the phone rang, "Turn off your phone during class. Don't you understand this rule?" All the students looked at me blankly. I woke up and realized that it was my work cell phone and the call was actually from the principal. He answered the phone with his back turned: "Hello?" "That class of students of yours skipped class and chartered a car to go play, and there was a car accident, and no one survived..." He hung up the phone tremblingly, and suddenly he felt the students behind him slowly surrounding him!

10. There is a taxi driver working in a taxi company. Late one night, he was driving through a very desolate place, surrounded by darkness; suddenly he saw a building in the desolate land in front of him, with dim lights on.

He was wondering when such a building had been built here when he saw a young lady on the roadside waving her hand to take his car home. After the young lady got in the car, he closed the car door and started driving. After a while, He thought it was strange why the lady didn't say anything. When he looked back in the mirror, there was no lady, only a doll sitting there. He was scared to death, grabbed the doll and threw it out the window. After returning home, he Been seriously ill for three months.

11. On a dark night, a man was driving at night and passed by a cemetery. The breeze blew by, and the surrounding sounds were rustling, which made people's hair stand on end and their scalp tingled. At this moment, he suddenly noticed a red fire in the distance that appeared and faded. The first thing he thought of was "will-o'-the-wisp". So he gingerly picked up a stone and threw it toward the light. I saw the flames flying slowly to the back of another grave. He became even more frightened, so he picked up another stone and threw it towards the fire, only to see the light fly towards another grave. At this point, he was close to collapse. So, he picked up another stone and threw it towards the light. At this time, I heard a voice coming from behind the grave: "Damn it, who is it? It's not fun to poop even if you poop. You threw me three times with a bag of cigarettes."

12. Home Everyone who knows him knows Ming's romantic style. Because of his love for the new and dislike of the old, his first girlfriend even committed suicide for him. From then on, he was even more out of control. Indulging in bars and clubs and being unable to extricate yourself. In fact, only he himself knew that he only discovered that the person he truly loved was his girlfriend Su Su after her death. After losing her, he felt that love didn't matter to him anymore. But he never told anyone about his feelings. Everyone thought he was a romantic and happy man without conscience. In fact, after waking up in a strange woman's bed every day, he would hide in the bathroom and cry loudly to let his self-control. Overwhelmed with responsibility and regret.

Tonight he still went to the bar he frequented most. The bartender was already very familiar with him and greeted him as soon as he arrived.

......

13. Xiaohong and Xiaolan are inseparable good friends. Xiaohong is a timid girl, but Xiaolan is fearless. Girls who are not afraid.

One night, Xiaohong’s parents were on a business trip. Xiaohong was at home alone. This was the first time she spent the night at home by herself since moving to a new home. It was raining heavily outside. It was so scary——" , the more Xiao Hong thought about it, the more scared she became. “No, I have to call Xiao Lan to come and accompany me! "So she picked up the phone and dialed Xiaolan's home number, "Xiaolan, this is Xiaohong, can you come to my house to spend the night with me tonight? My parents are on a business trip and are not at home. I'm so scared to be alone. ah! "As I spoke, I almost cried. Xiao Lan hesitated for a moment, and then said, "Okay, no problem. Just wait for me. I'll be there in a minute!" "Xiaohong immediately felt much more relaxed after putting down the phone. She thought that Xiaolan would come to accompany her in a while, and she felt really happy. Then she found all the delicious snacks at home and sat on the sofa to watch TV. Waiting for Xiaolan.

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14. Kangli was in excitement all day long. His aunt who was far away in Korea returned to visit relatives and brought him some food. The latest color screen mobile phone. The exquisite and compact body is already admirable. The most exciting thing is that the ring tone of this phone is seven ***, compared with the common sixteen *** and four. Ten *** equal scale *** mobile phone, the ringtones of this phone are more pure and clear, with deep and shocking accents and sharp and exciting high notes. Just like the sound of nature, people who heard it were full of praise, and Kang Li was so happy that he couldn't hear it.

The only drawback is that there are too few ring sounds. And this kind of rare ringtone is nowhere to be found on the Internet. Kang Li was sitting on the subway home and couldn't help but turn on his phone to listen. The roaring noise of the train still couldn't cover up the beauty of the ringtone. They all stopped talking and turned their heads to follow the source of the ringtone, looking at Kangli with admiration.

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15. If I were still alive, I would be almost seventy years old. I can imagine that my hair would be all white, or all fall out. Bent over, hunched over, with the whole hall of descendants. However, I don’t like that. I hate aging. I hate aging very much. It can even be said that I am full of fear of aging. Therefore, I still feel that I am lucky. At least I feel that I am still twenty years old, even though I only have A handful of dead bones.

The flowers in the valley bloomed and withered nearly fifty times, so I learned to use this to identify the year. By this calculation, this year should be 2000. In addition, snow can also help me tell the time. In winter, the snow on the mountains is very heavy, covering up all the dead grass, including me of course. I hide under the white snow. Occasionally when the sun comes out, the snow line drops. I can still reveal half of my skull, and the white bones blend into the color of the snow, just like I was fighting in a white windbreaker when I was alive.

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