The most shocking joke

You are welcome to make jokes often. You are welcome to post good jokes and visit the boutique area often. Brand-new materialist philosophy is a philosophy whose mission is to pursue truth and promote human civilization. Brand-new materialist philosophy is willing to work together for human civilization.

1. Someone's QQ personality signature: I despise two kinds of people most: one is those who love to discriminate against others, the other is my enemy, and the third is those who can't count.

2. Do you want to get rich? Do you want to get lucky? Do you want to become famous overnight? Do you want to stay young forever? Do you want people all over the world to be crazy about you? -Stop dreaming, wash your feet and sleep!

3. Traffic accident. Many people were watching, but the reporter couldn't get in. He had a brainwave and shouted: I am the son of the injured, please make way! The onlookers quickly got out of the way. When the reporter saw it, it was a donkey that was crushed to death.

4. One day, Bian accidentally fell into a ditch. Just as three children passed by, Bian said to them, "If you save me, I will give each of you a wish."

One child says he wants a bicycle. The second child says he wants a baseball glove. The third child thinks for a long time and says he wants a wheelchair.

It's strange to be flat. Why do you need a wheelchair? He asked the third child, "Why do you want a wheelchair?" The third child said, "My father will break my leg if he knows that I saved you."

5. In English class, the teacher said, "Your English is so poor that I can't understand it at all."

student: "of course you don't understand. I speak English dialect."

6. Our class had a mutual evaluation of moral education. After that, a big brother glanced at the list and cursed: "Who wrote a C for my civilized manners, damn it!" , all remained.

7. Little Carp asked his mother: What did Dad do? Mother Fish angrily: Hum! I went to court, and the chef who got a thousand dollars asked your father to take a sauna. Fortunately, your father had good eyes and found it was oil.

8. The monkey and the goat performed a tightrope together. As soon as the monkey jumped on the goat's back, he shouted, Brother Yang, don't tremble, I'm dizzy! "I don't want to tremble, tremble, who's going to connect the wire and electricity?"

9. The dog is biting a bare bone, and the cat laughs at it: the living standard is so high, and there are still people who can't afford to eat meat! The dog replied: You know what, no matter how good life is, you should take calcium supplements!

1. The dog is talking to the cat with a sad face: archaeologists have found a lot of bones in the master's garden! Cat: That's a new discovery! Why are you so sad? Dog crying: that's my private money!

11. Teacher: "How to tell the difference between an octopus's hands and feet?" Student: "Give it a fart to smell, it's the hands that will cover your nose, and the others are your feet."

12. On the west side of the city, Zhuge Liang played a song, which reverberated around the beam, and the 15, Wei Jun outside the city was fascinated. Zhuge Liang: "Thank you, everyone, please pay one or two tickets." In a moment, 15, people escaped ...

13. It is very polite to keep a parrot in a restaurant. When a guest takes his left foot, it will say: Welcome! Take a right foot and it says: Thank you for coming! One day, a drinker had a whim and jumped into the restaurant with his feet together. The parrot shouted, Hey, you scared me!

14. Are you working again? I have told you more than once not to work so hard and pay attention to your health. But you always say meaningfully, "If you don't roll more dung balls while the weather is warm, what will I eat in winter?"! ！”

15. The seriously ill husband is lying in bed, while the wife is writing a letter. She turned to her husband and asked, "George, how do you spell burial?"

16. I heard that you accidentally fell into the garbage pit in the morning and couldn't climb up. Just then, an old lady who picked up junk reached out and pulled you up and said, "City people are really wasteful, even if they are ugly, they can't throw them away!"

17. Now that you have grown up, you should know something: the sky is used for windy and rainy days; Land is used to grow flowers and grass; I am used to prove how great human beings are; You are used to stew vermicelli.

18. Mouse: I'm in love with bats now, and the children will live in the air from now on, not afraid of your cats. The cat sneered, pointed to the owl in the tree and said, See, she is pregnant with my child!

19. After reading the Three Kingdoms, the tiger went to catch wild boar. When he saw that there were no pigs in the pigsty, he touched his beard and said, Empty city plan! I turned around and saw a dead pig on the animal trap. I was frightened: risks! Suddenly see you again, exultation: Oh, and honey trap!

2. God arranges for pigs to cultivate land, but pigs are too tired; God arranged for the pig to water the flowers, and the pig was not free; God arranged for the pig to watch the door, so the pig could not rest; God was furious and asked the pig, "What do you want?" The pig said, "Eat, drink, gamble, and do anything." God was even angrier, saying, "Shit, it's your turn to have such a good thing!"