Who can tell me more than three long and funny jokes?

/kloc-One day after the Tang Priest learned the scriptures 0/00 years ago, Tang Priest went to Tathagata's home as a guest. Tathagata, in order to test his cultivation level in the past 100 years, the conversation during the dinner is as follows:

As we all know, your success in that year was inseparable from your three capable disciples, Wukong, Bajie and Friar Sand. So which apprentice do you like best? The answer given by Tang Priest was somewhat unexpected, and that was: Bajie.

"The biggest advantage of Bajie is cuteness." The Tang Priest laughed and said, "Laughter is indispensable to him. Many people mistakenly think that he is lazy, but in fact he is not lazy. Every time he cleans the stable or packs, he is meticulous and can't find anything wrong. But he is very stingy and always wants to compare secretly. He can't lose a little more than others. And he likes to sleep late, so everyone thinks he is lazy. "

"As a leader, you must know people and make good use of people. The team should be streamlined and the personal ability of subordinates should be strong. " Tang Yan said. "Then eight quit personal ability is the worst of your three disciples, and irresponsible and other shortcomings that are not conducive to work. Why don't you change to a smarter candidate? " Tathagata puzzled asked. "Indeed, eight quit in the team is really one of the worst personal qualities. However, not a team composed of the best people can maximize the overall effectiveness of the team. A strong and complete team, members must have different characteristics and division of labor. If you look closely, you will find that it is often Bajie who tipped them off. And only Bajie has this feature. I remember once there was a general who wanted to set off the danger with soldiers who were afraid of death. Others don't understand. He said that if brave soldiers stood guard silently, they would die when they met the enemy, and timid soldiers ran back to the camp to report.

This is a good example of personnel collocation. "Tang's monk said in high spirits.

"Moreover, eight quit this person is very thick-skinned, not afraid of accusations. If something is not done well, everyone can put the blame on him. This saves time in dealing with problems internally. Because of his existence, the rest of the staff will naturally have a confidence in themselves, because his ability is definitely stronger than Bajie. "

"Personally," Tang Priest said cheerfully, lighting a cigarette, "I like him because he prefers flattery. A leader will inevitably have a good impression on someone who always praises him, even a sense of dependence. You see, almost every leader will be surrounded by people like Bajie. Because you can't ask the leader to be in the supreme position, but also lower your status and self-esteem, listen to the criticism of subordinates and accept the contradictions of subordinates. You have to have someone who can talk, or you will be angry long ago. "

Tang Priest's words made Tathagata laugh.

Tathagata asked: What do you think of this disciple Wukong? He saved you many times along the way!

Yes, the last time I went to the Western Heaven to learn Buddhist scriptures, there was another leading figure, and he was the Monkey King, the Great Sage of Monkey. However, the relationship between him and me is very delicate because of the hoop problem, just like the influence of Taiwan Province Province on Sino-US relations. "In fact, our relationship is ultimately the enemy." Tang Yan said slowly.

"Every time I encounter a crisis, he can come out to save me. I am very touched many times. But as long as it is calm, I will resume my hostile attitude towards him. " "Because I am a jealous person," said the Tang Priest. Every man who wants to make achievements is jealous. "

The Tathagata stood up and made a cup of tea for Tang Priest, who took a sip and continued: Journey to the West is not infernal affairs, Tang Priest said. I must be the first hero. No one else can compete with me. Because I am the leader of the whole organization and the only executor of this westward journey. They are all my assistants. How can the contribution of the assistant be greater than that of the executor? But Wukong didn't notice his identity and always acted without authorization. At the critical moment, the hero took the lead. I know his popularity and popularity are higher than mine, which is actually an abnormal phenomenon. After all, I got it back. "

"So what conflicts do you have in personality and emotion?" Tathagata asked.

"First of all, let me talk about our similarities. First, we are persistent people. Second, we are all abstainers.

We can inspire each other on these two points. However, the Monkey King is actually an ignorant rural native monkey. He has a poor cultural quality and a stubborn temper because he has not received a good family education. As a leader, too stubborn personality will definitely conflict with the leader. Two tigers are not allowed in one mountain. Who should we listen to when we disagree on one thing? Listen to the leader, of course. Because the leader is the commander and is responsible for the success or failure of the overall situation. No matter whether he misdirects or uses people improperly, he will take full responsibility as long as the final result is failure. For example, the coach of China football team lost the game, and the strange player is the performance of a low-quality commander, because he selected and trained players. Frankly speaking, I am a perfect conductor, and the successful result of learning from the scriptures at last speaks for itself. And if the commander gives an order and his men don't listen, then in the end, his men are responsible.

As a real subordinate, even if the leader asks him to jump off a cliff, he must carry it out. As long as he carries it out thoroughly, he has no responsibility. But Wukong didn't understand this common sense, so I said he was a country monkey. To tell the truth, the way he does things is really annoying. Many times I wanted him to pack up and go home. "

Tang Priest's confident and deep words made Tathagata smile with relief. "The most violent conflict between you is the white one?" Tathagata continued.

Tang priest coughed a few times, "alas. That's my most humiliating thing. " The Tang Priest vomited a smoke turn. "That I lost to him directly. I'm still bitter. People have feelings, although hostility is a bit serious, but after all, we are still comrades, comrades in arms, or superiors and subordinates. You must have feelings when you get along for a long time. I let him go that time because he really made me angry. Watching him kneel to me again and again to admit his mistake, I can't help but be soft-hearted. But I told myself that this was the best time to get rid of him. If he leaves this time, he will always be a country monkey. And I will enjoy the aura of returning from the classics alone. So I gritted my teeth and drove him away. Later I found that I couldn't live without him. See which king doesn't wait for stability before removing his eyesore. So I want to invite him back, and it is not too late to expose some of his ugly acts to the Tathagata after the success of the Buddhist scriptures. How humiliated I was when I invited him back. Fortunately, everyone is one of their own, and the family's ugliness cannot be publicized. "

"What do you think of that spell?" Tathagata asked. "This problem is the core issue in our mentoring relationship. I always show him my ability at the right time. In fact, I am very satisfied with his painful appearance, but I still pretend to be very heartbroken. And-because of the existence of the iron ring, I think he must have regarded me as an enemy. When he learns to learn from the scriptures, he will definitely get back at me. Unfortunately, he didn't seize the opportunity, because his strategy was far inferior to mine. Instead, I recommend him to you as a Buddha. When you become a Buddha, you can't resist injustice. I know his character very well, and he can't help getting angry. So he is often taught a lesson by you. You know. "

Finally, the Tang Priest said this: "Heroes have always been used. He is a hero and I am a winner. "