Where can I find jokes suitable for girls?

One day, the devil took the princess away and she kept screaming. The devil said, "You can scream at your throat ... no one will come to save you ..."

Princess: "Broken throat ... broken throat ..." No one: "Princess ... I'm coming to save you ..."

Devil: "Speak of the devil and he will come ..." Cao Cao: "Devil ... why do you want me ..."

Demon: "Wow ... I saw a ghost" Ghost: "*! It was discovered .. "*:" Ghost, can you see me ... "

Devil: "Oh, my God!" " God: "Who told me that? Who: Nobody called you. ...

Nobody said, "Where am I? Play dumb! " Garlic: "Who is pretending to be me? 」

Who: "It's me again? Are you looking for trouble? 」

Trouble: "which one is looking for me?" Which one: "Looking for you? I didn't ... hey, there are so many people here. "

Many people: "I just arrived … who are you?" ? Which one: "I'm not who."

Who: "He's not me." Princess: "Is everyone here to save me? 」

Everyone: "I'm not here to save you, I'm here to watch the fun." Fun: "What do I have to see? 」

God: "It's none of my business. Let's go first. "

Devil: "You answer a question before you go. Why do so many people save the princess? " ? I am a demon.

How did Wang play? "Then he said," What should I do if you don't do it? 」

Princess: "If no one plays the devil, I can go." No one: "If I play the devil, how can I let you go ..."

How come: "I won't let the princess go, I want to watch the excitement." Busy: "What are you looking at me for? 」

What: "You want to fuck me? Rogue! " How dare you: "Where am I? 」

Me: "What does it have to do with me?" Demon: *! I'm going crazy ... "

*: "Call me! ...」

Madman: "What do you want me to do? You want me to say, I don't know anything! 」

I know nothing: "I don't know!" " I don't know: "I'm here! Is someone calling me? 」

Someone said, "I didn't call you!" " I didn't: "Who called him? 」

Who: "wronged ... I didn't ..." I didn't: "I didn't wronged you ..."

You: "I dare you."

I dare you: "Who says I dare not! ? Who: Please ... I didn't say anything.

I have nothing: "What do you want me to say? 」

I am nothing: "... you ... aren't you my long-lost brother?" ”」

My long-lost brother: "Kao ... my name is very long ... I will be called ..."

Who: "... I'm leaving this land of trouble" land of trouble: "so this is my place ..." I'm not doing anything. No: "Don't make any noise. We are talking ... "

Don't argue with Allah: "I'm not talking …" I'm not: "I'm not talking! "I don't want anything:"-_-\ \ "... Let's go ... Let's talk outside ..."

Go: "I'm sorry ... (wriggle)"

I have nothing: "It's none of your business ... Go away ..." (Two brothers go out angrily)

It's none of your business: "Woo ... why did you kick me out ..." Why: "I didn't kick you out ... listen ... don't cry" I'm not: "Oh ... What's it to me?" What can I do for you? Did anyone call me? 」

Someone: "Who wants to call you ..." Who: "I really have to go ... T.T" Go:" I'm really embarrassed ... * v.v *" (\ \ "Who \ \" collapsed).

None of your business: "... aren't you my cousin?" ""It's none of my business: "... cousins of the same age ... long time no see ..."

A long time: "I'm not here ..." The devil: "Are you finished? Endless: "He didn't have me. "

You: "I don't have him." I just said, "Who said that? 」

Who: "What do you want me to do?" : "Do you want to fuck me? You: "I won't fuck him. "

I just said, "Who said I wouldn't?" Who: "Wrong! I didn't say ... "

He said, "What should I do? 」

? "You two are shameless! 」

You two: "I want it! I want it! 」

Face: "Who wants me? 」

Who: "I don't want it."

Devil: "Hurry up, or I'll kick people out."

Man: "Kick me out? Looking for k "

K: "Who wants to see me? 」

Who: "aaaaaaa! Don't mention my name, mention me again! 」

He said, "Don't trust me."

Me: "Who wants me? 」

Who: "I finally caught one. Kill it. "

One: "Don't arrest me."

Me: "I've had enough, too. Whoever mentions my name again will never let you go! 」

Who said, "Look at my eighteen dragon palms! 」

Me: "Look at my nine yin bones and claws! 」

Eighteen palms of dragon descending: "What am I to see? 」

Jiuyin Bones Claw: "What am I to see? 」

What's there to see: "Brother, I finally found you! 」

What's there to see? "Brother, let's talk outside."

Devil: "Shit ... this is an engagement meeting ..."

From then on, the devil really got schizophrenia ...

2.

A fish swam in the river and drowned.

A penguin, seeing the cold joke on it, died of cold ~

A camel, after reading the above two cold jokes, laughed and died of laughter and thirst.

3. After the mobile phone falls into the toilet, ..............

Bush: We will send all kinds of troops to carry out comprehensive salvage work. I know this is a protracted war.

But we will finish the task.

Bin Laden: I deny that I have ever attacked the toilet with my mobile phone.

Cui Yongyuan: Honestly, who is right? Today, our program specially invited the one who fell close.

The mobile phone in the toilet lets him talk about his personal feelings.

Ju Ping: Children, please change your mobile phones.

People's Daily Online: At 20: 34 Beijing time, an unknown mobile phone fell near the toilet. At present, the cause of the accident has not been investigated.

The fishermen who heard the news were working nervously and orderly. Please pay attention to the follow-up reports on my website for details.

4.

The matchstick suddenly felt itchy, so I reached out to scratch it and burned myself to death.

There is a hide-and-seek club whose leader has not been found yet.

Xiao said to Xiao B: dig the plug ... it's raining outside! ! Have you seen it?

Xiao B is very excited: Yes, I see you. What about you?

5.

There is an old lady in a mental hospital.

Wearing black clothes and holding a black umbrella every day, squatting at the gate of a mental hospital.

The doctor thought: to cure her, we must start from understanding her.

So doctors also wear black clothes and carry black umbrellas. He squatted there with her. vMdv

The two spent a month in silence. ..

The old lady finally said to the doctor, excuse me, are you a mushroom, too?

6.

Q: A rabbit races with a fast tortoise. Guess who won?

A: Rabbit ~ ~

Q: Wrong ~! It's a turtle. As mentioned earlier, it's a fast turtle. Run fast ~ ~

Q: The rabbit doesn't want to compete with a turtle wearing sunglasses. Who will win this time?

A: Mm-hmm. Tuziba

Q: Wrong ~ ~! The tortoise took off her sunglasses, too! It's the fastest turtle again.

7.

Xiao Ming returned to the classroom after going to the toilet and said to the teacher:

There are many ants in the toilet.

The teacher suddenly thought of the English word ant for ants, so he tested Xiaoming: What did the ants say?

Xiao a face of vacant ... Said:

Ant, he said nothing.

8.

Stones fight with rice cakes, and when they get angry, they kick them into the sea. ...

Tell a story. Once upon a time, there was a couple who secretly decided to spend their lives together, but the boy needed military service, so they made a vow with the girl, gave her a diamond ring and agreed to meet her three years later today. At that time, the ring will be used as a wedding ring.

Three years later, the girl has been waiting for the boy, but she can't. She was so sad that she threw the diamond ring into the sea in despair and ran away from home. In fact, boys have been waiting for girls, but girls remember the date wrong, so it has become an eternal regret. The boy was heartbroken ... a few years later. Boys go fishing. Guess what he caught?

........

......

....

..

A piece of rice cake ~ ~

9.

Some idiot took down the toilet on the plane and threw it out. Why did he do it?

Because he is an idiot.

10.

One day, three trash cans were walking in the street. ..........

They walked side by side in the order of large, medium and small. .........

Walking, the small trash can said to the trash can in the middle, "Brother, why don't we walk faster?"

The trash can said, "This is about to ask Big Brother!" " "

So, the trash can said to the big trash can, "Brother, why don't we walk faster?"

The big trash can said impatiently, "I see!" " "

After a few more steps, the big trash can suddenly stopped. It said to small and medium-sized trash cans: "We are trash cans. How can we walk? "

1 1. It is said that the origin of the cold joke is such a story: one day the little penguin asked his grandmother, "Grandma, am I a penguin?" "Yes, of course you are a penguin." The little penguin asks his father again, "Dad, Dad, am I a penguin?" "Yes, you are a penguin. What's wrong? " "But, but why do I feel so cold?"

A little nonsense, a little boring, to put it mildly, a little postmodernism. Modern people are tired of telling original jokes and come up with these cold things.

Xiao Bai looks like his brother. Do you know why? Because: it's really like Dabai.

12, a polar bear stays alone on the ice in a daze. When he was really bored, he began to pluck his own hair. One ... two ... three ... The last one left, and he suddenly shouted ......................................................................................................! ………………

13, there is a man who looks like an onion and cries when he walks.

On a hot summer day, two bananas were walking on the road.

The banana walking in front suddenly felt so hot. He said it was too hot. I want to take off my clothes.

As a result, he skinned it.

As a result, the banana in the back fell down.

15, stretch four fingers, what is it? Four, bend four fingers,

What is this? Wonderful ~! (bend four)

16. Once upon a time, a marshmallow went to play with a ball for a long time. He said, "I'm so tired, I feel weak all over."

17. I found today that just drag oicq to the top of the screen, it will disappear automatically, and once the mouse moves over, it will appear again. How cool! ! !

You don't have to press minimize anymore. That's cool!

Try it if you don't believe me.

The following are excerpts of some responses:

Reply (83): I found that soda can be opened with a bottle opener.

Finally, I don't have to break the bottle and filter out the glass to drink ~

It's so cool and short ~ ~ I don't believe you try it ~

Reply (85): I found that the pimple on my forehead broke when I pinched it. If I don't squeeze it, it won't break, and then I can wipe it with something.

If you drop it, you don't have to rub your forehead against the wall. It's amazing ~ ~ ~ try it if you don't believe me.

Reply (122): Today, I found that as long as you double-click the dial-up connection, it will automatically connect. Five seconds later, I inserted my right index finger into my nose and entered the matrix. How cool! ! !

Never use that boring probe behind your head again. That's cool!

Try it if you don't believe me.

Reply (17 1): Ah.

I just found out that qq can open two ~ ~ ~

One disappears on the left, the other disappears on the right, and the mouse has to point to them left and right before it comes out. How exciting!

It must be fun to use qq like this in the future.

Reply (2 16): I also found a big secret. I'll tell you one thing: there will be more than a dozen children if there are no accidents.

You can all grow up after the year. Just try it.

Reply (229): Today, I found that pressing the power button for 5 seconds can turn off the computer! How cool! ! ! !

Never use the computer shutdown system again. It's so cool!

Try it if you don't believe me.

Reply (265): I am the landlord of Tencent. Thank you very much for discovering this skill. On behalf of the company, I thank you for your reply (270): I always thought qq was used to decorate the screen, but in fact, those little people were chatting with me. Oh, my God, I just found it. This is a big secret. I don't believe you.

Reply (286): Today, I found that as long as I put my finger into my nose and dig hard, I can pull out a nosebleed. How cool! ! !

You don't have to punch if you want to have a nosebleed in the future. That's cool!

Try it if you don't believe me.

Reply (298): I found today that as long as the car is on fire. Then you can drive away by yourself as soon as you step on the gas pedal, which is very fast. How cool! ! !

I don't have to push her anymore. That's cool!

Try it if you don't believe me.

Reply (3 18): Today, I found that when eating, as long as my upper and lower teeth keep biting, my stomach will be broken and I can still swallow it. How cool! ! !

You don't have to break it with a blender before eating. That's cool!

Try it if you don't believe me.

Reply (27 1): It's amazing to find that the mouse cursor can be moved anywhere on the screen today! ! ! !

If you don't believe me, you can try! !

Reply (295): Today, I also discovered a big secret.

After reading several replies, I smiled on the spot, and my hand actually got up and pulled again.

It turns out that you can get up and laugh after laughing.

No more lying on the ground laughing. That's so cool. one day ..

18. A male deer ran faster and faster ... finally ... he became a ~ "high-speed male deer" ~ .....

19. One day, halfway through a candy aisle, my legs were weak! It turned into fudge .....

Once upon a time, a medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak met in the street. Why don't they say hello? They don't know each other very well. ...

2 1. The science teacher asked: Why is the body cold after death? No one answered. The teacher asked again: Does nobody know?

At this time, a classmate stood up and said, that's because you are calm and naturally cool.

22. There is a lovely pony tied to a lovely pine tree, and the pony becomes a marathon. ...

23. There is a chronic disease patient who has lost 5 million. He came to the exchange happily and spent the rest of his life counting money. On his deathbed, he said, what a pity! I am a slow learner, otherwise I could count it again. ......

A man sent a parcel bomb to the White House. Due to the inefficiency of the postal system, the parcel was returned two years later because the address was unknown. ...

You don't trust me.

The taxi took me to a building. "Sorry," I said to the driver, "don't turn off the meter. I'll come back when I go to the company, and then we'll drive on. " The driver frowned discontentedly. "Maybe, isn't it better to pay the bill first?" He asked, "No, no, I will continue to ride in your car," I said, "Look at you, don't you trust me? Do you think I will slip away? "

"I didn't think of anything," said the driver. "There are all kinds of passengers. Some people can slip away, some people can't ... "

"Ah, that is to say, you still think I might slip away? That's good ... I'll leave you my hat. "

"Where did you say you were!" The driver said angrily, "Why do I need your hat?" I trust you ... Please leave your briefcase before you go. ""ah! What? "I am furious." Yes, I will leave my briefcase. Unless you allow me to write down your license plate number. ""What are you doing? "The driver frowned." Don't trust me? Do you think I'll drive away? "

"I didn't think of anything," I said "There are all kinds of drivers. Some people like hats, others like briefcases. "

"Oh, what are you talking about?" The driver said, "That's good! Write down my car number: mt-40-20. But first you have to show me what's in the briefcase. " "What is this?" "lest you can't tell in the future." "Look," I said grumpily, "well, there are files, books and electric razors in it." "Is the razor intact or broken?" "How can it be bad? It is still valid. " "What do you mean' now' is still valid? I'm not going to test here. "

"Who knows you?" I sneer at 1, "you haven't shaved. My face is a little swollen, my eyes are pale, and there is a tumor on my left cheek ... ""Do you remember what I look like? " The driver suddenly said, "That's good! I won't forget you! Garlic nose, round eyes, asymmetrical ears ... There is a dental implant on the left ... ""Well, since things have come to this, "I also said fiercely," why don't we be formal! Here are my certificates: ID card, pass and marriage certificate. Take it! You know, you are dealing with a decent person. Give me yours, too! " "here!" He said, "This is the driver's license, the trade union card ..." "Of course, there is no household registration card." I pointed out.

"No." He replied. "Well, it's nothing. If necessary, the police will find you. "

"If necessary, you will be summoned ..." "If there is an accident, you have violated Article 144 of the Criminal Law!"

"You have violated the second paragraph of Article 146," he replied. We stared at each other fiercely. "Listen to me," I suddenly changed my tone. "Aren't you ashamed?" "What about you?" "I'm ashamed of both of us!" I said, "Me too!" He lowered his eyes when he spoke. "Take back your certificate …" "Take back your …" "Please take your briefcase …" "Thank you," I said. "I will forget your car number: MT-40-20." "Let's forget it." He said. We patted each other on the shoulder affectionately. "How could I think the worst of you?" I feel strange. "Your face is so flattering." The eyes are gray and there is a mole on the cheek. ""You are handsome, too, "he said." You have big eyes and clean ears. Protect your teeth ... ""I'll be right back. "I said." Go, "he said," I'll be bored without you ... "We smiled at each other and then I got off. Near the entrance, I found my pass was gone. "damn it! I thought, "That is to say, he still detained my pass just in case." ... well, nothing ... He couldn't get away ... I also adopted a foolproof strategy, and I punctured his rear tire ... "

There is a child who is very savage. He goes out to play, and other children don't play with him because he is not savage enough. ....

27 Xiaoming's diary is always peeked ~

He was so angry that he learned a set of poison spells and wrote them in his diary. If anyone reads his diary again, his whole family will die. ...

His mother peeked. ...

One day, a blind man and a mute were walking in the street. Suddenly, the blind man looked at the dumb.

Blind man: You don't look stupid. ...

Dumb: How do you know? ....

The earthworm family is very boring this day.

The little earthworm cut himself in two and played badminton.

Mother earthworm cut herself into four pieces and went to play mahjong.

Father earthworm thought about it and cut himself into pieces.

Mother earthworm cried and said, "You will die if you cut so hard!" " "

Father earthworm said weakly, "I suddenly want to play football." . . . . . "

Once upon a time, there was a flower named XX. He planted hard and finally blossomed.

Then. . . . . . .

He is dead.