Reflections after reading "Tsai Kangyong's Way of Speaking" (Part 1)

It took almost a semester to finish reading the book "Tsai Kangyong's Way of Speaking" one after another. I gained a lot and gained insights, but I found it quite difficult to use it. Because after reading this book, my biggest feeling is that everything still has to be experienced and understood by myself.

Everyone is different, and so is every speaking situation. To take a step back, even if everything is similar and the words spoken are similar, the effect will always be different. Speaking is very simple, but it is also a very complicated thing. Just like education, it seems like it’s just about educating people, but there are too many uncertainties in it.

Cai Kangyong said: Through studying and speaking, you will understand your relationship with others more fundamentally, what you are thinking, what others are thinking, and, most importantly, who you are. What kind of person.

Teacher Cai Kangyong mentioned 40 points in the article. Each point is not long, but each point is worthy of careful consideration and taste. Therefore, reading through it once should not be enough. If you want to grasp the essence, you should "diagnose" it by prescribing the right medicine when you encounter some kind of communication problem. In this way, we can truly apply what we have learned and gain true knowledge through practice! In the end, it was slowly absorbed into its own characteristics.

1. What kind of words you say is what kind of person you are.

2. Don’t cause trouble for others, because others do not exist to serve you.

3. Silence is normal, we can learn to enjoy silence.

4. Give unnecessary victory to the other party. People who know how to admit defeat know how to speak well.

5. Keep the other person in your eyes and heart, and make the other person feel "valued".

6. When you encounter a topic that you don’t want to take on at all, don’t resist in a hurry. Simply connect the topic that the other person is passionate about to a very life-oriented direction.

7. If the topic is stuck, change the topic and don’t get stuck on it. If you make the other person laugh happily three times within two hours of getting together, the other person will probably not remember that you mentioned a few boring topics.

8. The more specific the question, the easier it will be for the person to answer it. When asking questions, it’s best to have a way out. For example, "What kind of boys do you like?" is not as good as "Do you like men like Leehom Wang?" Even if the other person answers "No feelings," you should have something relevant to say. When asking questions, you can first ask two or three specific questions, such as non-answers or multiple-choice questions, to find out the scope of the other party's interest in talking, and then use thesis questions to continue.

9. When chatting, everyone wants to talk about themselves. Therefore, if you want to play the role of a "best" friend, the principle is simple: try not to let yourself say the word "I".

10. The problem is very acute and you can go back two or three steps. Questions such as "Are you taking drugs?" are too similar to questions asked by a judge or police officer. You can go back and ask: "Have you been in pain after the divorce?" "Are you unhappy, so you want to escape the pain?" Then ask "So you are taking drugs?" The other party will not be so unbearable.

11. Moderate provocation can make the conversation lively.

12. Landmines that should be avoided if you don’t want to have a deep conversation: If the other party has difficulties, it is inconvenient to talk to someone you don’t know well. The other party is likely to have a strong stance, and it is easy to get into arguments during the conversation.

13. It is difficult to remember the numbers that are reported abruptly, and some of them are quite embarrassing. So it can be distracted by other things. For example: "How much money can you make in a year?" Answer "If you go to Dubai to stay in the most expensive Burj Al Arab hotel, it will probably only be enough to stay for a week..."

14. Conversation is very free. important. Let the listener digest it.

15. Do you want to know what happened next? ——Speaking in suspense.

16. Hiding the highlight of the story too late can easily make the story useless. For example, in newspapers or online news, the title is usually the breaking point of the entire news. Their technique for creating titles is to make readers curious: "How could this happen? What's going on?"

17. Humor is like walking, and telling jokes is like somersaults.

A sense of humor means that your speech is always funny and you rarely tell "off-the-shelf" jokes.

18. Don’t worry at all, the problem is not deep. As long as your response is an encouragement, no matter how high-status or profound the other person is, they will be very encouraged and continue to talk.

19. Bring an exclamation point and you will be impressed. But if you play well, you will be outstanding; if you play poorly, you will be embarrassed.

20. Conversation is not a competition with prize money, so don’t rush to answer. Don't pretend to understand. Please cooperate with others to finish what they say.

There is still half of it, let’s talk about it tomorrow!