Humorous jokes

Complete works of 50-word humorous jokes

A lively joke masks a lively story. A lively and interesting joke can often make people forget their troubles and do the next thing happily. Whether at home or outside, mastering some lively and interesting jokes is very helpful to improve your charm. There are not many interesting and classic jokes. Now let me share them with you and let you feel these classic and humorous jokes.

Humorous joke 1 1, driver: nothing can be seen in the fog. When crossing the intersection, the red light is far away, and it is not found until you walk to the middle of the road.

Traffic police: I can't even see the red light, and nine times out of ten, the camera can't shoot it.

2. Seeing that the Monkey King looks like a monkey, Bodhi gave him a surname "Sun".

As for the name, the founder looked up at the sky, frowned and said, "Just call it Fog Empty."

The furthest distance in the world is not the distance between life and death, but I am holding your hand in the street of Beijing, but I can't see you.

4. Go to the park for a date. I waited for a long time, but I didn't see my girlfriend. When I called, she said that she was also sitting in that chair. I really touched a beautiful woman in a fur coat beside me. After kissing for a while, I found it was a husky.

A friend went to buy a train ticket and bought it for a long time before coming back.

I asked him, "Are there many people waiting in line to buy tickets?"

He said: "In fact, there are not many people waiting in line."

Then I asked him, "Then why did you come back so long?"

He said, "Because there are too many people who don't line up"!

Humorous joke 2 1, there are so many people on the bus during the rush hour at night.

Bald and domineering department office door up. Someone shouted: "The bag was caught!"

The driver didn't look back: "Didn't people get caught?" Then keep driving.

At the next stop, the driver opened the door and said, "Whoever takes the bag, pull it up."

Ignored, the driver was furious: "Didn't you say double package?" Who the hell is playing me? "

Someone replied weakly, "The bag came up when the person who turned over the bag didn't come up."

2. My friend bought a car after taking the driver's license test. In order to prevent the car from being rear-ended, he posted a note in the trunk of the car, which said, "I am shy, please don't kiss me."

But as soon as he got on the road, he was kissed by other cars. In a rage, he asked someone else for a repair fee of 1000 yuan.

The driver was surprised and said, "It costs 1000 yuan to wipe off this paint. Are you too bold? "

He pointed to the note on the trunk and said, "Are you still too expensive? This is the first kiss, which is cheap enough for you. "

3. When the weather gets cold, people tend to be lazy.

When a colleague was lazy in bed, he vaguely heard a little girl's voice, "Come on, come on ..."

My colleague said smoothly, "Here's a dollar. Let's go. "

Then, he was awakened by his wife's kick. "Let you get out of bed, which is so much nonsense."

In the afternoon, the police station sent a thief, accompanied by the owner. The shopkeeper is a thin girl.

Only when the police questioned him did they know that the thief was caught by the owner himself. Asked what he stole, the shopkeeper took out a fake Apple smartphone, which was still a bit shabby. It seems that even a new mobile phone is only worth a few hundred dollars.

The thief looked at the shopkeeper helplessly, panting with fatigue.

The policeman asked majestically, "What else did you steal from others? Tell me again how it was caught. "

The thief said, "I stole this mobile phone and thought it was an apple because she kept chasing it." After chasing a few streets, I heard her running and asked me to leave her my memory card. I opened the memory card for her while running, and then I was caught by the nearby patrol ... "

Angry and funny, the policeman turned to the owner and asked, "What's important in your memory card?"

The hostess said, "More than a thousand novels ..."

Humorous joke 3 1. A tall boy and a girl meet for the first time. The girl was overjoyed to see the boy tall and asked the boy, "How tall are you?" The boy smiled.

The girl blushed when she knew that she had asked the wrong question. I quickly changed my mind. "I mean, how long have you been?"

The boy fainted ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

2. On Christmas Eve, a couple 10 was still hanging out, and the girl said, "Let's not go back, let's have a party!"

The boy said, "some other time, I'm so dirty!" ! ! "

A young man and a young woman looked at the sky silently in a bright moonlight.

So the girl first broke the sink and said, "The moon is really round today, isn't it?"

The boy said, "I can't understand it myself!" " "

After a while, the girl said, "There are so many stars tonight!"

The boy replied, "If there are many, count them!" "

After a long time, the girl said, "Our love is really deep!" " "

The boy replied, "Do you want to drown me?"

4. Once upon a time, there was a mother who asked the matchmaker to find a date for her daughter, but I heard that the boy's was a little small. She went to ask the matchmaker if he was a little young. The matchmaker said he had seen him when he was a child, but now who knows?

It happened that the boy came to her house again that day, so she entrusted her daughter with a few words.

Let the girls and boys into the house. After a while, the boy left, and the mother asked her daughter, is the boy young? The daughter said, "Can it be big or small?"

Humor joke 4 Crazy behavior

I used to do crazy things because of love.

On the subway 1 line, I saw a girl with a handsome ponytail and thin ankles. It was love at first sight, and I followed her for seven subway stops. I came out of the princess's grave and rode all the way to Gong Wei Village. In an abandoned community, I was just about to rush over to express my love. She suddenly turned around and was frightened. She took out 700 yuan and said it was all her. Don't hurt her.

I thought 700 yuan was a lot, so I took the money and left.

Humor joke 5: Change the place

In the cold winter.

On the bus, a beautiful woman with less clothes sat by the window. Although the window was closed,

But there is still a strong wind blowing inside. The handsome guy sitting next to him said, "Beauty, let's change places."

The beauty quickly got up and said, "Thank you, this position is very cold."

The handsome guy pushed over and said, "Hey! The powder on your face blows into my eyes, and I can't open my eyes! "

Humor joke 6 Normal sleep

The professor is a kind and humorous old man, and there is a tall and strong PE student in his class. Every time the professor's voice rings in class, the PE students start to sleep until they wake up on time after class. One day, the sports student was late, and the professor kindly said to him, Jack, please don't be late in the future, it will affect your normal sleep.

What are these children's shoes?

In Chinese class, after the teacher finished the article "Bian Que meets Cai Huangong".

Ask the students, "Why does Bian Que want to see Cai Huangong again and again? And Cai Huangong always refuses to see a doctor? "

Student: "The reason why Bian Que wants to see Cai Huangong again and again is because he wants to get a kickback on medicine;"

Cai Huangong always refused to see a doctor because there was no public medical system at that time. "

Ask questions to the book.

The teacher said, "Students, learn to ask questions from books. When reading, you should think, ask questions and remember. "

Soon, the teacher found two students whispering in class.

The teacher woke them up and asked, "What are you doing?"

The two students said in unison, "I'm asking questions from the book."

Causes of sweating in human body

In science class, the teacher asked, "What causes people to sweat?"

Student: "Your question, teacher."

There is a woman worth seeing.

There are few girls in our school. Recently, many newcomers have joined our club, including many girls.

Come back and say to your roommate, "Come to our club when you are free."

The roommate said, "What's the matter? There are beautiful women? "

I said, "There are no beautiful women, but there are women."

The roommate said, "Yes, there is a woman worth seeing."

Continue to secretly love

Men secretly love women, men are timid, and they drink too much to express their love.

Confession, female shock, promise in surprise, male ecstasy.

Dai Ri's man was drunk, and he didn't remember yesterday at all, and he continued to secretly love his daughter.

You think too much.

I had a roommate who was a branch representative in college. What teaches us is a young female teacher.

In other words, one day my buddy was walking on the road with a cigarette in his mouth when he suddenly saw the teacher. He stepped forward to say hello, but the teacher took two steps back and said, "I'm pregnant! The female teacher is afraid of smoke.

My buddy didn't understand the meaning, and suddenly he petrified and the smoke fell out. He said trembling, "It's not mine!" .

Children's shoes, the future development of the country depends on you.

Just now, a schoolmate sent me a message saying that I couldn't buy a ticket back to Hangzhou.

I comforted him out of common sense.

I didn't know that he actually told me: Senior, I signed up for a two-day tour of Xitang, Hangzhou, so that I could go home directly.

Tall! Really high! !

If you ask me how much my sadness has increased.

Today is the last mock exam for senior three.

The first Chinese class. There is a saying in ancient poetry called "How much sorrow can there be?" Let's write the next sentence.

My first reaction at that time was "going upstairs like a group of eunuchs".

As a result, I really can't remember what the original match is. Sin ~

No

Teacher Wang, the headmaster asked the head teacher, I heard that a student in your class came to school yesterday and didn't wash his face. You blew him home. How effective is this method?

This method seems to be unworkable. The head teacher said that more than half of the students in the class didn't wash their faces today.

deceiver

In the senior three English review class, the teacher sent another set of questions, which were completed in 80 minutes. But I heard someone shouting fake, fake, and then I looked at the test paper. There were several big words in it. I see.

Pinyin is really good, so I knelt down decisively.

When I was in college, online shopping was only popular in the dormitory.

The third son bought something for the first time and asked, "The seller asked for express delivery. What is st? "

I said, "Shentong."

"What about SF?"

"SF."

"Are they all abbreviations?"

"Probably."

"Well, choose ems, that's what I heard."

"Have you ever used it?"

"No, Mount Emei is definitely more authoritative."

Top students and poor students

The teacher was giving a lecture and saw two students sleeping with their books on the pillows. One of them is an excellent student, and the other is a poor student. The teacher pulled the poor student up and scolded him: "You lazy guy, you sleep as soon as you read. You see people are reading books when they sleep. "

Because I don't have another hand.

The teacher asked a child, "Why do you always come to school with two dirty hands?"

The child replied, "teacher, because I don't have other hands."

Humor joke 7: I want to roast chicken legs.

I asked my sixth-grade daughter what her plans were, and she said that her goal was to be admitted to No.1 Middle School, a key middle school. At that time, my little nephew, who just turned two and a half, was there, so I asked, "Cheng Cheng, what are you going to take when you grow up?"

"I want to roast chicken legs." He answered without hesitation.

Babe, your imagination is too rich.

My son has twins in kindergarten.

When I saw my children off this morning, the kindergarten teacher told me that my son has been bullying new classmates recently and likes to pat twins on the head.

Asked why, the son replied weakly: Did they watch it together? I have been away for three days, why can't the swelling go away?

Buffalo likes fish.

What are the grandsons, grandfathers and buffaloes like?

Grandpa: Buffalo looks like an ordinary cow, except that it likes to live in water.

Grandson: Oh, I see. It must like fish.

I am four years old.

Aunt asked Chaochao: Did you take a nap today?

Chaochao said: I am four years old today.

My aunt said, I didn't ask how old you are, I asked if you had a nap.

Chao Chao said: I told you I was four years old. Why did I say I was five? Aunt, how old are you?

My aunt said: I am 32 years old.

Chaochao quickly asked his mother: Mom, Mom, what is 32 plus 1?

33。 Mom said.

Aunt, then you are 33 years old.

Aunt:? ~~~~~~~~

Wake me up.

Son: Didn't you say you never wake me up at night?

Mother: Yes!

Son: When was I born?

Mother: 3 pm!

Son: So you didn't wake me up?

Pretend to be awake

My cousin (four years old) came to Xin Wei's house to play, which was very annoying. Now she finally put her to sleep.

But when Xin Wei went to the toilet, when he came back, the little guy continued to make trouble.

Xin Wei was very angry. He shouted at her, "Are you finished? Do you sleep or not? "

The little guy was probably scared and immediately cried and said, "I'm asleep, pretending to be awake!" " "

satisfy

Hey, what's up? Frederick, father asked, is your female teacher satisfied with you?

Ah, yes, dad, very satisfied.

How do you know she told you herself?

Of course, dad. The day before yesterday, she said to me, "If all the students are like you, I will leave school at once!" " "This shows that I have all learned.

I really want to drink

The father took his youngest son camping in the wild to let him experience a simple life.

When the father reached into the mountain stream and lifted the water, the child was dumbfounded and shouted, "Dad, you don't want to drink water, do you?"

"Of course!" Father said, take it in your hand! Drink water gurgling.

"Oh, Dad!" The child said, "I'm not talking about water, but tadpoles in the water."

An upright man is open and poised, little people are dirty.

My brother is lying on the beach enjoying sunbathing, while my brother is playing with mud all over his face.

My brother sneered, "This is called' an upright man, a dirty little man'."

Ann a Portugal.

My son's deciduous teeth have fallen out.

Son: Mom, my tooth fell out, and all the children laughed at me for having no teeth. Can you help me install a Portuguese? It will look good, and my mouth will smell of grapes every day!

Another road

Mom: What's the number of this question?

Son: 5.

Mom: It's clever to take it out so soon. Here's five cents for popsicles.

Son: Mom, write one more question. 100!

How did the ancients make a fire?

Teacher: How did ancient people make a fire?

Najia: Did they hit each other with stones to produce Mars?

Teacher: What did they use to light the fire?

Najia: Old newspapers.

After stealing my aunt's kiss

Mother asked for leave to go home and take her three-year-old daughter shopping.

Before going out, the mother said to her daughter, Say goodbye to the nanny.

Daughter says goodbye, when mother says, kiss aunt.

The daughter shook her head in fear and refused to kiss her aunt.

Mother said angrily: Why not kiss?

The daughter still said loudly in a scared tone: Dad was beaten badly after stealing his aunt this morning!

Bao Xiao's wish

On his birthday, Bao Xiao made a wish on the cake: Let me have a twin brother.

Lingling asked Bao Xiao after hearing this: Why do you have a twin brother?

Bao Xiao said: If I have a twin brother, I will play at home and he will go to school. Well done!

Don't raise me to death

My mother bought a little turtle for her daughter at the end of last year. She died during the Spring Festival and never told her, for fear that she would be sad. Just now, she picked up some small stones and told her mother that she would take them home for the little turtle to eat. Mom said the little turtle was missing. Why? Mom said, "Sorry, mom raised the little turtle to death." After a tearful silence, she said piteously to her mother, "Mom, be careful, don't raise me to death!" "

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